Fire Twister 2015

Remember when tornado movies were all the rage? Yeah, neither do I. But for some reason, regular tornados weren't cutting it anymore. That's why they needed to utilize some elemental nonsense, hence... Fire Twister!

Featuring the greatest actor in the world, Casper Van Dien, Fire Twister is a movie about a somehow manmade fire tornado that a fire fighter (Casper) and a group of something-or-others must put a stop to. But wait, there's more! There are also mercenaries in this movie trying to put an end to the heroes, only after framing them for the weird unnatural disaster. Some corporate conspiracy bullshit, but whatever. Somehow, it ends up being pretty entertaining.

I wont say this movie is good. No no no, it's pretty fucking stupid, but quite enjoyable. There's a scene where they have to help a woman get her baby out of a tree. Casper starts climbing, reassuring her everything is okay, then begins tugging on the stroller until it falls down and all he's left with is... some baby doll? The mother gets relieved, "Oh, that's just my kid's doll," like everything is okay. We never find out where the baby actually went, but fuck it. We need to get back to stopping that tornado, whilst running from mercenaries!

When people get sucked into the fire twister, it's pretty hilarious. Apparently, the only way to stop a tornado in these movies is to blow something up in the center of it. That's what they do in the Sharknado movies, so it must be science. Sheer science!

Eventually, they fill a fire truck up with gasoline so they can make it into a literal fire truck, because the fire tornado is attracted to heat. Kinda like how those Sharknados are only attracted to Ian Zerring, but we'll forgive this bogus movie logic, because it's funny. I give this movie some rating out of a number.

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