A fucking brutal nightmare

No, that's not the name of a movie I saw, I just had a really brutal nightmare.

My nightmare was set in my apartment, in my bathroom, until right at the end.

Basically, I was in the shower, shampooing, and suddenly I just knew (like you just KNOW things in dreams) that an ex-girlfriend had just let herself in. That wouldn't have been so bad, but in my dream this ex-girlfriend had become a vampire. She could get into my apartment because I had invited her in lots of times.

Soooo this presented problems for me.

Suddenly, very suddenly, she stared pounding on my flimsy bathroom door, and then started stabbing a hole through it with some kind of heavy duty huge btcher knife or machete.

I stumbled out of the shower as fast as I could, naked, of course, with tons of shampoo foam from my hair getting in my eyes and all over the tile floor, together with lots of water from the shower, which was still running full blast. I did not have my glasses on, of course. So, not only was I basically blind from not having my glasses on, but I could barely open my eyes anyway because the shampoo foam kept getting in my eyes, and it REALLY stung. Also, the tile floor was basically a completely frictionless surface, because there was like half an inch of hot shower water on it, which was full of very sudsy slippery foam from the shampoo.

In the real world, if vampires really existed, she would have got me. I wouldn't have had a prayer.

But in the dream, somehow I slipped and slid toward the door, got my back up against the front of my toilet, and pressed my feet against the bottom of the door to keep it shut. My vampire ex-girlfriend was still stabbing a hole in the middle of the door, but she couldn't get it open.

I started trying to talk her out of killing me, or turning me into a vampire, but she didn't want to hear it. She just kept stabbing through the door. I kept trying, but it wasn't working.

My back was killing me, because I had it pressed really hard against the front of the toilet. But, all I could do was press it against the toilet even harder, so my feet could keep as much pressure as possible against the door.

This mostly happened in the space of just three of four seconds, with the problem of being on a wet, frictionless surface with no weapons while totally naked was a massive part of the ordeal. I guess it took a little longer than that when I was trying to talk her out of killing or envampening me, but everything else happened very quickly.

Then I saw that she had made the hole in the door large enough to look through. She did that, she looked through it, and she had spooky light vampire eyes like in lots of movies.

Then she stepped aside and let some other girl look through the hole in the door, and it was some totally new girl that I didn't even know was with her.

That was the last straw. I knew I didn't have a prayer, and that I would probably be either dead or vamped out in the next few seconds.

Time for drastic measures.

So I jumped to my feet, pushed off against the wall, and skedaddled across the floor back into the shower. I pounded on the wall on the far side of the shower as hard as I possibly could, and managed not only to pound a hole through the wall, but to avoid any electrical wires that may have been in there. I clambered through the hole out into the public hallway on the other side, that all the apartments on my floor share.

Luckily, in my dream there was a window at the end of the hallway, and it was pouring (poring??) sunlight into the hallway. Soooo...

I was safe.

In real life of course, I never could have pounded a hole through the wall. Maybe when I was 18 or 19, I guess. There was a year or two around that age when I was trying to be like Herschel Walker, and I did so many push-ups over a period of many months that I became capable of walking all the way around our house on my hands. That included going uphill!!!! Try doing that sometime, it was really hard. Anyway, at that time in my life maybe I could have just beaten my way through a wall, but not anymore. Except in dreams, apparently.

Anyway. Yah. Had to share. Somehow, I bet that was inspired by The Substance, just because it was in a bathroom, and being naked on the floor was a big part of it.

That could actually make a decent scene in a horror movie I imagine.

OK! Had to share. I now return you to your regular lives. Kirk out.