Would any of you like to try my homemade wine?

I made it out of my pee.
It is cardamom and pear mead. The flavor has been enriched by local honey produced by bees who pollinate a pasture of crimson clover. Its floral notes of lavendar and lily are tempered by a leathery base with an aroma of walnut. My partner and I aged it for a year and a half and feel ready to share it. We haven't filtered its dregs (rather, we've stirred them daily), nor did we strain its ingredients. We have, however, scraped the layer of mold from atop it.

Again, I ask you, would you like to try my homemade wine?
It is a rich yet timidly colored mead that initially mimics the characteristics of burgundy but with the inevitable sweetness of jam and air. Its fruity intensity has no bearing on the dryness of its afrocentricity. I pooped in it.

Would you care to share a sample?
You would be surprised by how its full body extends so well to its exotic spiciness. The cardamom lends notes of clove, fennel, sugarcane, mascara, sumac and tradition while the pear lightens the whole affair in an almost whimisical aftertaste that hits you before you even put it in your mouth.

There's one thing we can all agree on and it's this: Would you like to try this homemade wine?