Shot-On-Shiteo: The 90's



Recently, I was rearranging my DVD/Blu-ray shelves, and decided that I had so many shot-on-video Horror movies, that maybe two shelves are in order. Classic 80's SOV and post-80's SOV. And after admiring both shelves, I was surprised to notice how many of these I own that are from the 90's. Believe it or not, there was once a market for these types of movies, which peaked around '83 to '88. For several reasons, the popularity these things once had, no longer existed once the 90's rolled around. Whatever money there was to be made, had already been made. But not everyone gave up on their dreams. The Todd Sheets' and Tim Ritters of the world. Guys like Andreas Schnaas, who kept up the tradition, long after it was out of style and not so worth the trouble, making movies just to make movies. Today, we're going to talk about the most unusual and unknown breed of B-movie, and all it's demented splendor. I've picked three films which I feel best represent this decade. Three films, each representing three elements which gives 90's SOVs the infamous reputation they've earned. The surreal, the ambitious, and the obscure.

The Surreal: The first film I'd like to talk about is actually the third part in a trilogy. "The Gore Trilogy", they call it. Or they would if they existed. Shot in Memphis, Tennessee, Gore Whore came to be in 1994, and was directed by Hugh Gallagher, who was responsible for 1990's Gorgasm and 1993's Gorotica. All three being some pretty cool little flicks, mixing gore and sex, with a dash of Crime Thriller. But Gore Whore seems to be the most memorable of the three. Partly because of the sweet title, I'd imagine. And well, I think anyone who has had the pleasure, would agree that this is a damned weird one.

A surprisingly solid story for something so bottom-of-the-barrel. Gore Whore also has something that no other 90's SOV has. A genuine poor man's Keanu Reeves. Brady Debussey plays Chase Barr, a small-time private investigator, hired by a Scientist to track down his lab assistant, who took off with a certain formula, along with it's documentation. It's revealed that this substance is used to restore life. A substance Dr. Whitman used on his lab assistant after he picked up her body from the morgue. A dead prostitute with no family or friends, hence nobody to pay for a funeral. Dawn Day was her name. Dawn lived a miserable life, and was willing to be this guy's sex slave for only so long, before taking off and living her death the only way a pissed off, undead hooker should: By biting off dicks and drinking blood. The blood being the other thing that keeps her going.

Chase has his work cut out for him with this bitch. Dawn keeps him busy and out of her hair by reanimating random corpses to put in his way, while she takes adavntage of unsuspecting "customers" expecting to get blown. Dawn needs the blood, but takes very much pleasure in destroying the same type of person who once slowly destroyed her. I've got to say that as unappealing as this actress was, she really was the perfect actress for this role. This chick, Audrey Street, who was never seen again after this movie, has a very brooding, grumpy-looking face. Saying she looks like Mr. Bean might be an exaggeration, but she could totally be his niece. So, yeah. This is exactly what an undead $10 whore should look like. The caved in chest, however. Who the fuck knows? I do know that I enjoyed this one. For all of it's lighting and sound issues, and considering how long it took me to get a VHS copy of this, Gore Whore actually turned out to not be a dissappointment, as it's just too unusual and dream-like to not enjoy. The last, and in my opinion, best chapter in what was once the most obscure trilogy in cinema history. But no longer, with the recent release of all three on DVD and Blu-ray. I can't really say I'm a fan of Keanus of any class, or titties that point inward, but I am a fan of this movie. Gore Whore does it for me. 4/10

The Ambitious: Oh, this one's my favorite! At some point, 80's SOV legends, Jon McBride and the Polonia twins, joined forces. Now, I haven't seen much from the Polonias, pre-Feeders. Splatter Farm would be about it. Possibly the most low-budget-looking movie I've ever seen, but not without it's charm and entertainment value. Jon McBride, however. He was only responsible for two movies before hooking up with the little gippers. Cannibal Campout and Woodchipper Massacre. Two of the best all around SOVs from any era. And in 1996, these three legends put their heads together in Mansfield, Pennsylvania, to give us what is no doubt the most ambitious shot-on-video Alien epic of the mid-90's. This is Feeders.

Derek and Bennett, played by McBride and a Polonia twin, are on a cross country road trip to the beach. Derek and Bennett kill some time, sight seeing, and later, Bennett gets them hooked up with a couple females, which appears to horrify Derek, as he recollects last time this happened. Something about one of them having a dick, or something. I don't know. It seems like he's making excuses. Bennett seens to agree, and half jokingly makes mention of Derek's virginity. Funny. I would have had the Polonia pegged as the virgin of the two, but maybe that's just me. As Derek and Bennett take time out from their road trip, they're distracted and Bennett accidentally hits a guy with the car. A guy who, just minutes earlier, got attacked by what very well may be the dumbest looking Alien in movie history. Derek and Bennett take the injured stranger to the hospital where he is pronounced dead. Although, you can clearly see him breathing as this happens. One minute, their biggest issue is a temporarily derailed road trip, and the next, something much more serious. Aliens are here, and they're going to kill and eat us all!

I detect a tone possibly intented to lure in some X-Files fans. I'm guessing this tactic probably didn't work. But I, personally, appreciate Feeders for what it is. Old fashion, micro-budget Sci-fi with nothing but talent and heart behind it. One thing I like about these Polonia films, as well as McBride's stuff, is that they all seem like a swell bunch of guys, who just love making movies, and actually seem to know what they're doing, despite the already mentioned flaws. Anyone who has a soft spot for this one, you may also fancy 1998's Feeders 2. Especially if you love Christmas movies. This mind fuck of a sequel doesn't have anything at all to do with the original, and even has the same actors playing different roles. However, this sequel includes certain scenes which imply that there is a connection, while never following up. Very peculiar. But never mind that one right now. Despite it's reputation, and lack of audience, I feel that Feeders is something special, and by far the best thing I've seen from the Polonias. Maybe that's not saying much, and maybe Feeders isn't much, when it's all said and done, but nobody can say this isn't one hell of an ambitious project. 6/10

The Obscure: Last, and certainly the least in every way, here's one very few of us have come across, or even heard of. Back in the early 2000's, when my movie renting days were winding down, I was recommended a movie by a friend who claimed they had come across some kickass Horror movie. So, I took a trip to that particular video stores and rented a movie called Animals. A movie with a cover which I would later discover to be unrelated in any way. Nothing new, there, but then, I watched the movie, which turned out to be a problem. Partly because this is long before I had warmed up to the SOV. And also, it turned out to be a massive pile of shit. I was not ammused, and called my friend out on their bad taste next time I saw them. And you know what my friend said? "Naw, dude. All I said was that it had a cool cover". The hell you did! Friends don't let friends watch Animals!

I wouldn't call this a full-blown Last House On The Left ripoff, but it feels like one, at times. We begin with a news bulletin, informing us of the prison break of a bloodthirsty gang of psychopaths, who are on their way down to Kissimmee, Florida, where an unsuspecting family is currently headed for a vacation in the woods. Hey, get this shit! While Gore Whore may have it's very own poor man's Keanu, Animals has something even better. Which is all it really has, to be honest. Animals stars the one and only, Linnea Quigley. But how? How is SHE in THIS? I'm going to assume the director is her cousin, or something. Nobody's career goes that far downhill. Anyway, back to the story. Here we have Dana, her new husband and their teenage (?) daughters. One of which seems to be portrayed as smokin' hot, but has a face that only a step-mother could love. The daughters bicker, the uncle shows up to be lame for a while, and Linnea gets it good from the husband, later on. So, the gang known as "the Animals" crash the party. One of them looks like a giant Terry Funk. He rapes Linnea, possibly in the ass, going by the volume of her screams. The rest of the gang consists of the leader, M.F. his son, "Boy", whom he definitely rapes in the ass, as well as his girlfriend, D.D. who enjoys blowing Jumbo-Funk every chance she gets. These people have nothing to lose, and have no intention of letting anyone live. It's up to the bickering daughters to save what's left of this day, and their lives.

So, it's not quite the worst of it's kind, and I can't say I hate it quite as much as I did when I first rented it so many years ago, but after finally tracking down a copy on Amazon, and giving it a second look, it's no wonder why it quickly fell into the black hole of obscurity that it did. The hefty price tag I've seen on this thing, however, is a bit of a head scratcher. But I guess that's how we know it's really, really obscure. And then, there's Linnea Quigley, speaking of head scratchers. I do hope a DVD of this sees the light of day, at some point, if only for some potential audio commentary, which would have to offer an explanation as to how such a high profile B-movie actress ended up in this Z-grade pile of nothing. Linnea's presence was certainly the highlight of it all, but aside from her, this movie isn't a complete waste of time. At least not for seasoned bad movie lovers and collectors of lost, forgotten, and unheard of films. And ultimately, that is what Animals has going for it. Maybe it's not exactly a hidden gem, but it's a hidden something. That's for sure. 3/10

What is it about these movies? Even the good ones from the 80's, I mean. The sound and picture is guaranteed to always be shit. And the ones that are technically superior, are usually the boring ones, for some reason. For anyone who had parents who always had to break out the video camera for special occasions, it may be hard to take these seriously as legit movies. Even the 80's ones. But if one can get past certain little things, then, one might be able to appreciate the magic of it all. A magic that captured a reality it was never meant to capture. So, that's it for now. But I think I made my point. Although. There are plenty others deserving, and maybe even more deserving, than these three. But I think these unusual entries I've described sums up the decade quite nicely. And despite some things I've said, I would recommend all of them for one reason or another. I have a bit of a fascination for the video-shot Horrors of all decades, even the 2000's, to an extent. But remember. The only type of movie worse than an SOV is a 90's SOV. And the only type of movie more rare than rare, is 90's SOV rare. And if nothing else, those facts will always be historically significant to cinema. This is the true bottom of the barrel, I speak of. But to some of us, this is the top of the mountain.