Pet Sematary 2019? They can keep it

30 years after the original, the powers that be decided it was time to redo another movie that didn't need to be redone. Stephen King is all the rage these days, so why not? The movie is making money, but that doesn't mean anything. Today's audiences will eat up anything, because they don't know what quality is.

So what did the director do to make this movie his own? Nothing, really. There are a few "twists", if you can call them that, considering they gave all this shit away in the trailer, but people love knowing exactly what's going to happen in the movie, so they don't have to be surprised about anything.

The movie is mostly the same thing we saw in 1989, only they cut out a few subplots, added more jump scares, and changed up the ending in a way that'll leave you rolling your eyes and wondering where it all went wrong.

So what's worthwhile about this movie? Well, I happen to think that Jason Clarke as Louis Creed is a very fitting choice. Dude didn't have much to work with though, because the story feels a bit more shallow, just like the graves they're digging.

John Lithgow is a great actor, but he ain't no Fred Gwynne. Something about that dude was just awesome, yah? I loved the way he talked, and he seemed like a genuine character, whereas Lithgow again doesn't have much to work with.

The actress playing Rachel Creed does nothing for me. The whole Zelda plot somehow wasn't even creepy this time around, and that's what freaked out a lot of people who saw the 89 film.

Then, we have Victor Pascow. This time, he looks like one of those malnourished starving countries in Africa. However, they cut his screentime down and only put him in glimpses, so he isn't nearly as cheesy as he was in the original. Now, I love the original, but Pascow the jogger was a huge element of that story that I would cut right out, because like I said, he's cheesy as fuck. Not in this movie, but then again, he also seems a lot more pointless in this movie.

When someone is buried in the pet sematary, they come back without a soul. This movie must have been buried before, because it used to be good, but it came back, and it has no soul. It's a dreary mess that misses the point, and even the child death doesn't have any impact. Not quite emotional at all, whereas the original still feels kind of like a punch in the gut.

The original movie features the Ramones song of the same name used in the end credits. This time, we get a cover of that by some girl who isn't putting forth ANY effort in the damn song. She sounds like she's moaning and tired as she simply speaks the words to the song, and her version can go fuck itself.





Pet Sematary (1989) > Pet Sematary 2 (1992) > a real pet cemetery > Pet Sematary (2019)