Halloween Resurrection

I used to think this movie was bad, but it's worse than bad. It's one of the dumbest money grabs I've ever had the misfortune of seeing.

We'll start with the god-awful retcon... In H20, Laurie gives Michael a slew of stabbings to the chest before he falls off the second-story balcony. While she's headed down the stairs to give him the final blow, a paramedic finds him and examines him before Michael awakens and rises to his feet to crush the guy's throat. Michael proceeds to undress himself, then undress the paramedic, then redress himself in the paramedic's clothes, then redress the paramedic in his clothes, position him exactly as he fell, stab the knife into his chest, and casually walk away ALL BEFORE Laurie can make it down a single goddamn set of stairs.

Then we have that shitty asylum scene where all the guards are either incredibly scarce or incredibly inept, and somehow, Laurie has the gall to escape and set a trap within 5 seconds of getting to the rooftop and...

Ugh... Why am I bothering explaining this to any of you? We all know it's the dumbest shit in the entire franchise. Even worse than H6's convoluted cult garbage, and worse than Rob Zombie's shit-stains on the series.

Rick Rosenthal directed this entry, and John Carpenter admitted that H2's production was subpar on Rick's account and required his intervention to make it the honorable entry it is. So they brought back that guy to make this stupid fucking movie as if he was a respected series veteran.

"How can we make this movie any worse?" the producers asked. Well, cast Busta Rhymes and cater to a juvenile MTV crowd and use a shitty angry-looking mask instead of an emotionless mask, and let them all dig their own graves with their own stupidity.

I don't understand how our victims felt so trapped in the Myers' house. It's a small fucking house! There's no excuse for it. Oh no, he's coming after you! But don't dare drop off the second story and run for help, because that's not in the script! The script calls for us to ignore common sense and act like a bunch of cunts.

This movie made me embarrassed to be not only a franchise fan, but a horror fan in general. It's a disgrace, and it wasn't the only turd in 2002. This movie fucking SUCKS.

#Review