Do you think I'm fat?

Do you guys think I'm fat? Here's a picture of me. Do I look fat in this picture? Or is it just the picture? Or is it me? Am I a big fat fatty? Am I lousy? Do I have a purpose in life? Do I disgust you?

Okay, so here's a picture of me. I'm gross, I know it. But, am I liveable? Like, should I keep living? Or am I just a big fat disgusting turd-tard? Am I extra ordinary in my shitty ways? Like, I want to be a half-turtle/half-man. Is that awful? Am I fat? Do you think I'm fat?

I sometimes play jar of water by blowing over it and making tones. I pretend that I'm playing a piccolo for an orchestra and that I'm playing the most essential notes. Does this make me fat?

I sometimes wait for my spouse to leave for work an hour earlier than me so I can have time to jack off. Then I jack off to the fantasy that I'm jacking off on her ass. I can't even have fantasies that I'm having sex with any of my lovers any more. I just fantasize that I can jack off to the thought of them and not feel guilty about it. Like, yesterday, I cuddle up to her and she was all indignant: "Do you have a BONER?"

Which, if I did, I'd be like, "Yeah!"

But it was my belt buckle, so I said, "This is Trash Epics, a great site. You're being documented."

One thing she and I agree on is how badass Patti Smith is. And we both love Mercury Rev.