#TheBarbarians (1987)

Deodato directs this Conan-esque tale of two brothers sold into slavery, growing up into total beefcakes before escaping to go on some epic quest for revenge against their captors. Villains include Richard Lynch, Michael Berryman, and George Eastman. If that's not enough for you, I don't know what is!

The 80s had its fair share of sword and sorcery knockoffs. IMDb lists this as "sword and sandal" and I was like, WTF is that?! But by definition, I think sword and sorcery is more accurate, but whatever. Them Italians liked to jump on the bandwagon. I know Fulci did his own fantasy adventure "Conquest" that was also pretty decent and violent. This one is kind of light-hearted and more fun.

Trump is a plonker. His knowledge of history is as good as my knowledge of trash movies. He just claimed America wins all it's wars: "we" won World War I, "we" won World War II and "we won everything"! I guess the President of the United States has never heard of Afghanistan, Vietnam or Korea. What a complete and utter plonker.

Happy #FridayThe13th!

I did a double feature of F13 part 3 and Elm Street part 3. I think F13-3 is the best of the series. Jason is at his best and bulkiest. Something about his stature, humongous neck, and movement really works for me, and he does two things that people often forget he's capable of doing: running and raping. The whole end chase scene is long and great, and the barn is such a great setting that they had to copy it for part 5.

One thing that makes no sense is that he was hacked with a machete through the shoulder in part 2, and they even show it in the recap (thus it's not exactly retconned), but he's basically back to full health a day later. Oh well. Chris is also my favorite final girl, even though her acting is pretty atrocious at times, but she is fine.

The director of part 6 apparently pitched a Cheech and Chong Meet Jason idea, likely inspired by the Chong rip-off in this movie. Just imagine the different trajectory this series would have taken if that happened. We'd probably get some really stupid entries like Jason in Space or something. Thank God that never happened.

I have some random updates to announce.

https://junkepics.com/app/
I've restored the apps, which you can access in the top-left dropdown menu. This is mostly useless coding projects, but there are some decent things in there, notably:


Camera
https://junkepics.com/app/camera/
https://junkepics.com/app/gallery/

This works similar to how it did before. You can take snapshots and save them directly to your user drive. The images will be saved to a "snap/" directory and filed by date, so it'll be something like "snap/2026/3/4/". Furthermore, you can view all public snapshots in the Gallery app. And for added laughs, certain mobile devices now support barcode scanning. If you get "Unauthorized access" notes, let me know and I'll authorize you.


T-800 HUD
https://junkepics.com/app/t800/

I've updated this slightly. Anybody who knows me knows that I've always been a big Terminator nut.


Soundboard
https://junkepics.com/app/soundboard/

Don't forget to play these burps, farts, and screams in random places at inappropriate times. Leslie Nielsen had a fart machine on him at all times and he wasn't afraid to use it.


Pong
https://junkepics.com/game/single/pong/

Not in the apps section, but the single player games section because there are high scores involved.



I'm always looking for something to do. If you have anything you want me to add, let me know.

Trash Challenge X: The Good, The Bad and the Shpadoinkle



It's about that time! And yes, for the tenth time! First, instead of subjecting you to another unnecessarily long introduction where I sneak in snide remarks, let's all just take a minute and reminisce about all the great moments and the fun we've had doing these things...

Ok, enough living in the past. Now, let's do #10.

Welcome to the 2026 Trash Challenge!

As always, it'll be one point for every trashy quality below. It doesn't have to be a significant amount of anything. As long as it's there.

Nudity

Gore

Rape

Hardcore (Porn

Incest

Drug Use

Cannibalism

Intentionally Bad Qualities

Video Nasties - Any movie to ever appear on this list.

SOV* - Anything shot-on-video from the 80's and 90's, or beyond, if you know of anything.

Beastiality

Necrophilia

Racism - One point for racist characters, or any type of blatant racism expressed.

Retards - Any characters who appears to be mentally handicapped is good for a point.

Garbage Point - One point earned if you genuinely hate the movie and have a difficult time making it through.

Pleasure Point - One point earned for each orgasm you provide for yourself whilst viewing a trash epic.

FTV (First Time Viewing)

And then, there's the Trifectas. Made famous by the legendary Turkey Challenge, For this one, we not only do directors, but also exploitation sub genres.

Sexploitation, Blaxploitation, Drugsploitation, Hixploitation, Hippiesploitation, Nazisploitation, Bikersploitation, Canuxploitation, Ozploitation, Nunsploitation, Vansploitation, Bruceploitation, Fowlsploitation, Rape/Revenge, Lezbo-Vamp, Women In Prison, Jungle Cannibal Epics, Mondo/Shockumentaries, Nudie Cuties/Nudist Camp, Giallos, J-Sploitation/Pink, Hong Kong CAT:III, Throwbacks

3 in a row from any of the above exploitations will count as a trifecta. A movie can only count towards one trifecta.

Single Trifecta - 5 points

Double Trifecta - 7 points

Triple Trifecta - 9 points

Etc.

Films must run no less than 40 minutes to count.

This challenge will be for the month of March.

Good fucking luck!



I https://trashepics.com/post/9/105/
II https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=c07c56c7
III https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=618560b5
IV https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=520af4ea
V https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=0d4711ef
VI https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=cffcc859
VII https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=47c7e95b
VIII https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=8dac3b4f
IX https://junkepics.com/post/?uid=755f40c6

More evidence of Trump's cognitive decline:

https://youtube.com/shorts/uSWPofrWPU0?si=i5dSx7fZRKcWrnts

That's right folks, the walking dead except they're not walking because they don't have any... legs!

Come on Box, even you have to concede this one.

Keir Starmer is also an asshole, entirely on his own accord.
Now let's all watch as markus makes this about Trump.

John Thune is a stupid fucking asshole. That is all.

I hate when I look someone up and find out they died and no one said anything about it.

Demond Wilson from Sanford and Son passed away earlier this year. #RIP

Iran has been freed from the tyranny of the Khamenei. That dictator has been eliminated. Trump has liberated another country. 90 million Iranians are celebrating while liberals (and surely Markus) are angry about this.