Birdemic: A Fowlsploitation Abomination
Bad Horror movies have always been an enigma. They're unlike bad movies from any other genre. Mainly due to the unexpected followings some of them acquire. A lot of the pre-70's stuff is bad simply because they're boring and slow. Most of us can agree on this. Later on, in the 70's through the 80's, we're showered with lovable, so bad it's good schlock such as Blood Freak and Basket Case. The golden age. Somehow, over the years, true, unintentional schlock was lost. Movie fans changed, Filmmaking changed. Real, old school Schlock would be mainly something only the bottom of the barrel would eventually offer in the era of Sub Rosa Studios. B-movies didn't exactly die. They merely went dormant for a while. By the late 90's and onward, most so bad, it's good Horror flicks worth mentioning were usually bad on purpose. Some may think genuine schlock is indeed dead. And it's easy to think that. But today, we're going to explore a film that very well may disprove that theory. A film overlooked by many. A (possible) joke appreciated by few. Was it intentional, or did it just end up like that? I honestly cannot say. This is Birdemic. A true enigma.
In our modern times, most Horror movies THIS bad are indeed that way for a laugh. It's just obvious. Sometimes, they try to be clever about it, but it's just not the same. Birdemic is really the only one I've seen in a long time that's made me wonder. This movie doesn't at all come off like it's trying to be the next Troll 2. Which is exactly what helps make it comparable to such a film. Writer/director, James Nguyen's vision seems more along the lines of a lesson in green living than intentional schlock. The agenda is loud and clear. Pollution is ruining our planet. But more importantly, it's pissing off all the birds.
What mainly makes this film so bad is the acting which is complimented by the innocent, unassuming nature of the characters. It's all kind of Leave It To Beaver. With the combination of the wooden acting and flavorless, straight-laced characters, Something seems very fucked about all of this from the get go. As this basic storyline unfolds, we witness a blossoming romance between an ambitious software salesman and a lingerie model. Rod and Nathalie are nice, normal, young adults, living in Hollywood. They have bright futures. They enjoy going out on dates together. They have good heads on their shoulders. They're also very polite. And that is about all we learn about these characters and Birdemic after sitting through the first half. I hope you enjoy the horrid acting and pathetic excuse for character development, because they use it to put off the arrival of the CGI-birds for a good 45 minutes with no hint of what's to come. Finally, while on a weekend getaway, all heck breaks loose as a bunch of angry, mutated CGI-birds decide everyone needs to die. And when I say CGI-birds, I mean really, really bad ones. CGI anything was never something I had an appreciation for until I saw this film. I now believe that CGI violence/creatures in horror is only a good thing if it looks ridiculous. Birdemic made me a believer.
Rod and Nathlie, along with some freshly orphaned children, make their way out of the madness, using their wit and sweet guns which seem to never need reloading. Along the way, they run into new friends who give them not so cleverly placed lessons in living green for a healthier tomorrow, as well as keeping the birds happy and the gas prices down. Yeah. I'm pretty sure that guy just implied that these disgruntled birds have somehow made gas prices soar to $100 a gallon. Okay. I'm officially lost...
I really didn't expect to like this movie in the least. And never had plans to watch it until a fan convinced me to give it a shot. And I'm glad I did. At times, it almost comes off like a subtle parody of those abysmal SYFY movies. Well, that and a lousy homage to Hitchcock's The Birds. New schlock, whether it's intentional or not, usually lacks the charm of the old ones. But there is plenty of that old charm intact, which makes it all quite lovable. As dumb as it may be. I would go so far as to say that Birdemic is one of the all-time great bad Horror movies. Or atleast should be known as such. Just random little mysteries make this a head scratching good time. Like why do the Eagles, Vultures and Seagulls all make the same sound? Why did they cast an 80 year old to play the role of Nathalie's mother? Is James Nguyen fucking with our heads, or was he genuinely trying to make a nice movie about nice people, while pleading with us to treat our planet better? At times, it seems as though this was one big joke, and a very well planned one if it was. Other times, I'm not so sure. I couldn't help but listen to Nguyen's audio commentary on the dvd for some clues as to whether this is all for realz or not, and I'm happy to announce that he sounded positively oblivious to the fact that he made a bad movie. I'm not saying I believe him. Just saying. I guess it doesn't matter in the end, because whether he knows it or not, James Nguyen is keepin' it real! 7/10
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