Road House (2024)

This turned out to be a pretty solid flick. Gyllenhaal is the suave drifter taking on a bouncer gig at the Florida "Road House", and Conor McGregor plays the cocky belligerent asshole out to terrorize the place on his boss's behalf. Seriously, what a real prick that guy, and probably not too far from how he is in real life, always strutting around smiling and beating up everyone in sight.

Same old story you've seen before, but good performances and good fight scenes. No roundhouse kicks, though, as far as I'm aware.

#Review

The Girl Next Door (2007)

This is not about the movie by the same name starring Elisha Cuthbert and Emile Hirsch. It has the same name, but it sounds more like Martyrs to me.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Girl_Next_Door_(2007_film)

I just casually started watching this, last night. I didn't really understand what it would be about, it just caught my eye when I was scrolling thru the free movies.

I only watched about fifteen minutes. You have to be in the mood for a movie like this, I guess. Or at least, you have to be prepared. I was just starting to get into it, thinking "OK, this seems a little like Stand By Me or maybe It. I can get into that." But I started to notice little signs that it could get much darker.... luckily I paused it, and checked out its Wikipedia page, and read a few reviews on our old pal IMDB.

YIKES. Not for me. Apparently it's even based on a true story. I'm glad I turned it off. They take time to make you like and respect a couple of the characters, but then later in the film they just torture the bejesus out of those characters. Apparently Jack Ketchum had some kind of input into writing up the story, so it would definitely have to be pretty brutal.

So. Yah. It's possible I'll be in the mood for this at some point, but I'm glad I turned it off. If you look at Stephen King's comments on it in the Wikipedia article, you'll see that he said this: "The first authentically shocking American film I've seen since Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer over 20 years ago. If you are easily disturbed, you should not watch this movie. If, on the other hand, you are prepared for a long look into hell, suburban style, The Girl Next Door will not disappoint. This is the dark-side-of-the-moon version of Stand by Me."

Once again: Yikes.

Dumbass Hero in The Beyond

This video nasty may be a renowned for its graphic old school gore and ballsy bleak ending, but our hero is a pretty stupid guy. Give him a gun and he'll shoot the zombie in the chest. Again in the chest. In the head. Bingo! Then he moves on to the next zombie and repeats the process. Two in the body, one the head. I'm pretty sure there was a third time or... beyond.

I know why they did it, though. They wanted to showcase the effects, but the guy is stupid. He deserves to go to hell.

What's the most drunk you've ever been?

I haven't touched alcohol in nearly 3 years. Not because I had a problem or anything. I just stopped liking it for a while. Something that has happened several times over the years, although never quite this long. As long as I have other things to get fucked up on, I feel like I could easily go another 3 years. I'm just not an alcohol kind of a guy. However, I was for a while there.

Back in 2003, I made a conscious decision to become a drinker. I mean a big drinker! My friends and I were coming off several long back-to-back acid/shroom/ecstasy binges, mainly because it all dried up. I can't describe how dull and dpressing life seems after something like that happens and then just abruptly ends. As I came to this decision, I started slow by having one beer every night with my pot. My friends and I started drinking beer whenever hanging out, eventually dropping that for Vodka. We experimented with all sorts of hard drink during Spring and Summer of '03, until one of us had the bright idea to buy some 151 proof Everclear. By this time, everyone's tolerances was actually capable of handing it. But goddamn, what a hangover!!

I must have had a half dozen shots of that shit. We started drinking Everclear together at least 3 or 4 nights a week. We also decided non-alcoholic beverages were no longer a suitable chaser. So, whenever we had 151, we chased it with something usually closer to 80 prooof, which is the standard hard alcohol level. I got to the point where I could take a good 12 shots of Everclear, along with whatever else, get sick, throw it up and then continue drinking. It's interesting how getting sick off alcohol isn't so bad if you're used to it. But then, you can only go on like that for so long.

One Sunday afternoon, my friend Chris came over, and, as usual, we aimed to do some serious drinking. We went and bought some Everclear and some 100 proof peppermind Schnapps for a chaser. We sat on my parents back porch on this cool, November afternoon and took shot after shot, awaiting our mutual friend, Jeremy, to show up and drink with us. This started around 4 or 4:30, and by 6 or so, I was pretty much done. I say this because, in one flash of a second, it went from being around 6 (I think) to nearly 2 am. I woke up in my bed, naked, confused and feeling sicker than a motherfuck, not knowing much but knowing something ain't right.

I guess I continued drinking longer than I remembered. Jeremy did finally come over, and as I was told later on in the week, I did a helluva lot of throwing up in the yard before passing out, waking up and throwing up more. I didn't just pass out, I was blacked out for all of it. Something that had never happened to me before this night ... So, back to 2 AM: After getting out of bed to throw up some more, I don't think I even went back to bed that night, as I stayed up, trying to figure out what exactly happened, while watching Return of The Living Dead which, luckily, was playing on tv. As I said, I was filled in later on but bits and pieces did resurface throughout the week

So, what I was told and what I sorta remember is that, not long after Jeremy came over, my vomiting started. After a while, I went and did some more throwing up in the bathroom until I decided to go to bed, completely unaware that I still had 2 guests over. I guess I was. I'm not really sure what I knew or didn't know. But, as I always do before bedtime, I got good and naked. Not sure if I tore my room apart before or after that, but that happened too.

I'm not sure how long I laid there. Could have been 30 minutes, could have been 5, but I guess I heard my friends outside having a good time. Well, never to be a stick in the mud, I got up to go back outside to join my pals. Yes, naked, and no, neither of my parents were home. I still have a very fuzzy memory of this, but as I opened the door to the garage, which is where the party was now being held, I remember hearing the words "WHAT THE FUCK!!!" come from Chris' mouth, as he laid eyes on my naked dick. Even blacked out, I had the common sense to turn around and go back to my room, or probably the bathroom to throw up again before passing out in there for a while.

I didn't feel right all week as I was a little shaken up by some bad alcohol poisoning and coming to the conclusion that I seriously needed to chill out. So, I made the decision to dry out for a while. Sucked cuz Thanksgiving was just a few days away, and some drinkin' would have hit the spot, but I know this was bad and needed to be taken seriously. I was back to drinking in a couple weeks but took it down a notch after that. Since then, I've had a couple drinking phases but have come to realize once and for all that I just don't like alcohol enough to be an alcoholic. If it didn't happen in '03, it just plain can't. However, if I had kept on doing what I was doing during tat year, I'd be dead, now.

So, what's your story?

Southland Tales (2006)

What the fuck was that? I guess the director got really full of himself after a few people thought Donnie Darko was "hip" and "cerebral", so what does he do? He turns his artsy-fartsy high-concept sci-fi shtick to 11 with this bizarre soap opera. And guess what? I don't get it.

Lots of people in this movie though. How did he convince everybody to join this POS?

Honestly, it's not unwatchable. It's even slightly amusing at times, but it's still too complicated and weird me to consider it a good movie.

#Review

I've updated the karma system...

...so that every time @Tromafreak reacts to me, I get a boner.

Ice Cream Man is a trash epic

This movie has been mentioned lately, so I figured I'd bite the bullet. It looked dumb as shit, which I'm usually into, but perhaps it looked dumb in the wrong way? Then again, perhaps I was being dumb as shit, because this movie is basically perfect trash.

Clint Howard overracts his way into our hearts as a deranged ice cream vendor who is released from a mental hospital after watching an ice cream man gunned down in a drive-by shooting. Now, this hospital's idea of therapy is to inject an entire pint of green liquid directing into the skull to make sure that there are no bad days. Only happy days. This must have been a reference to Clint's brother who was in that show, and this line is repeated throughout.

So how does a movie like this play out? Well, we follow a group of kids who like ice cream. They get it quite a few times throughout the movie, even though this vendor is awkward as fuck and really sloppy with the way he handles his food. This dude uses his bare fingers to serve dripping melting mush to people and they all love it. He even puts eyeballs into one guy's cone and the dude doesn't even notice, even after chewing on the strangely mushy item for several seconds. Also, this guy is supposed to be a detective, but he can't detect worth a shit.

This movie has a surprisingly great cast with Olivia Hussey as his former nurse who really likes old Clint, regardless of how much of a sloppy creep he is. David Naughton plays one of the kid's fathers, as does David Warner. There are also two detectives searching for the missing children, and while they investigate throughout the entire film, they ultimately accomplish nothing. One of them is even played by Jan Michael Vincent, who seems to not give a shit about anything that's happening in this entire movie.

The vibes are great, and there are some surprisingly good severed heads throughout. The effects are a lot of fun, and there's a general sense of stupidity through the whole thing that makes it quite entertaining.

The asshole older brother has a girlfriend whose nips steal the show, and one of the junior protagonists Heather grew up to be a total babe. How does a movie as stupid as this turn out to be so great? Well, it's all about the ingredients. Put in a little milk, cream, eyeballs, ground up dog, inept detectives, a mental institution, good actors, bad actors, and some stupid dialogue and what do you get? A trash epic.

#Review

Clint Howard trivia

I just wanted to mention that I noticed, in Leprechaun 2, that Clint H has a little speaking part near the beginning. He plays a tourist who the character Cody tries to shame into paying to take his "Dark Side" ghost tour of Hollywood. When he (Clint H) seem disinclined to do the tour, Cody tells him something like "Oh, so you're scared, no no no that's cool, no sweat. Why don't you go have an ice cream down the street!" Get it? ICE CREAM! Clint Howard! I checked, and Leprechaun 2 was filmed four or five months before Ice Cream Man was filmed. I don't know for sure, but I bet Clint H had some idea that he would be in Ice Cream Man, and he got the Leprechaun 2 director or crew to stick in a little mention of ice cream just as a sort of plug for his upcoming movie. Had to share.

How many could you take down

https://www.newsweek.com/surprising-americans-beat-wild-animals-fight-experts-1691793

I would say up to and including the chimp (their strength is overrated) and the kangaroo and wolf.

but not the cobra, croc, gorilla, elephant, lion, bear

Who are these 28% that would lose against a rat, sure I've seen (and eaten) some big ones, but fuck mate.
Who are the idiots that think they can beat an adult elephant.
I assume that would win against any other animal (maybe struggle against a rhino)

Upcoming Feature: Posting Quotas

And it'll apply only for Vinnie. Yay or nay?