Among Friends 2012

Since I've been on a Danielle Harris kick, I can't ignore her first/only solo directorial effort. It was around this time that her career was hitting a horror resurgence, so she jumped in with both feet.

The premise has a group of friends heading to an 80s murder mystery party. Whenever there's one of those in a horror movie, you know it always ends up as more than just that. Our guests are quickly drugged so they can't use their legs, sat around a table, and forced into playing a sadistic game of questions and consequences. It's reminiscent to Would You Rather from the same year, though not so much about rich pricks getting their rocks off. This is more about revenge, even if the perpetrator of such acts is being a bit dramatic with her motives.

It's not a terrible movie. It has a good cast, a few laughs, and some gross out scenes, which is pretty much all you can hope for with a movie like this. There's one scene where a guest on mushrooms (coupled with the paralysis drug) starts hallucinating something heavy and then we get something mildly amusing. Not only does Michael Biehn appear in a flashback playing this game and complaining a lot, but Danielle herself appears, dressed in her H4 Jamie Lloyd costume, just for the lulz. I imagine she found herself that costume and decided to throw it in the movie for laughs, and it worked for me.

This movie seems like it's going somewhere, leading to a possible ending of intrigue where maybe they all deserve the punishment, but then it just kind of ends on a really inconclusive note. Okay then. Could have used more Michael Biehn and Danielle Harris. And more Kane Hodder.

#Review

The Boogeyman 2023

I'll spare you all of a meaningful review, because this movie doesn't deserve your time. This PG-13 turkey sucks a dick.

It's kind of like that movie Lights Out, since it has to do with monsters coming out in darkness. That movie also sucked, and so did Pitch Black, so fuck off with the darkness monsters already.

#Review

Danielle Harris

I forgot how I used to obsess over her when I was a kid. I saw Halloween 4 when I was about 10, so she was always alluring to me. She had captured my feelings in an interview where she said how a lot of her fans are right around her own age bracket because most of them were kids when they had seen her Halloween movies. She also mentioned that many of these fans have also told her that she was their first crush. It's like she's reading my mind.

I'm more inclined to believe that Danielle isn't human, but something more magical, like an elf. She is short, she looks exotic, and she has a magnetism. The ability to shine even in bad movies, which she has plenty of. Here's a few I watched on Tubi:



Cyrus: Mind of a Serial Killer (2010) - Think Henry, but more DTV. Lance Henriksen is the guy spilling the beans on a serial killer scoop to reporter Danielle. She's not in much since her role is to hear the story, though she does join into the big story at the end... in a minimal capacity. Okay then...

Hatchet II (2010) - Adam Green had to give her something respectable. Her lines are a bit redundant, "my family is dead!" but she looks damn good in this movie. The first movie's girl was okay, and I'm not sure why she didn't want to come back, but Danielle is always the best choice.

Hatchet III (2013) - I was starting to think that she could make for Crowley's perfect nemesis, should this franchise keep going. She looks damn good in this movie too, like in her jail cell outfit. They hose her down to get the blood off, and you can see that huge tattoo on her side. Not a fan of that tat. Covers/ruins too much of her skin. And then at the end, they have her go down in a blaze of glory... I could have sworn she was cut-and-dry dead at the end, but that final gasp in the end credits has me wondering if she could come back in part 5...

Camp Dread (2014) - You know you're in trouble when you're in a movie with Eric Roberts! This is a camp reality/slasher thing that I've already forgotten most of. She's barely in it. She comes in looking like she'll serve a good purpose, but then they write her out quick.

Redwood Massacre: Annihilation (2020) - Finally, a better effort. This movie looks a bit better made for a DTV type, and Danielle looks like she had a little more fun with this one. Some government slasher experiment in a military compound out in the redwoods, and Dani plays a tough type. It's funny seeing her little self overpowering a big guy. I'm not convinced! She can take me down anytime though. It's actually a decent effort, but the ending sucks.



Danielle Harris is too good for this world. The little girl who played Jamie Lloyd is going to be 50 in a few years. Time frightens me. I think she's aging great though. She was able to play a teenager at 30 in RZ's Halloween movies. I think about how I'm the same age as she was when I met her at my first con 11 years ago. Her life was already filled with loads of acting credits. I'm as old as she was then and I still haven't done shit. She's an inspiration, being in all kinds of random-ass horror flicks all the time. Her life must be awesome.

Creepshow TV show, segment called 20 minutes with cassandra

I have watched this twice now, yesterday and today. I thought it was quite good. I can't say much about it without giving spoilers... I can just say that it's about a very frazzled-looking young woman who shows up at a somewhat older (30s or early 40s) woman's home, raving that she is being chased by some kind of monster. I want to talk about this, but I shouldn't... I guess I'll just black out everything I say, and if you're sure you'll never watch it you can read it anyway. Or better yet, watch the show.

I was just very impressed by the segment, they did a hell of a job. I hope it gets some kind of acclaim. At first the dynamic between the two women feels a little like Hellraiser 3, where the kinda wild but desperate and borderline homeless young club girl ends up being friends and roomies with the slightly older, more established female reporter. But in this case, the young girl knows that she is being followed by a monster, and that it will attack and kill anyone that they might try to call in for help. Proof of this concept is provided in the next few minutes, as a UPS guy and a pizza delivery guy are both brutally killed by something very big, and very fast. Soon, we even get to see the monster, and it is pretty scary looking. It made me think of a much bigger, hairier version of wolfed-out Evil Ed from the 1985 Fright Night, or maybe one of the werewolves from The Howling.So, things get off to a scary start. But gradually, you start to notice that the young woman (who looks a bit like one of the punk chicks from Dolls) is strangely chatty, and keeps making conversation about practically anything other than what she clearly should be talking about: the huge monster that is prowling around outside, killing delivery people and apparently getting ready to kill them too.As it goes along, the tone of the segment gradually changes. The older woman is approached for a sort of parley, like in John Wick 3, by the monster. The monster is actuallly quite articulate, and even nice, in a gruff way. He doesn't seem to like his job very much.I don't know how much I should say. It's just really funny to watch the monster and Lorna (the older woman) talking, and even sitting next to each other on the couch, sharing a bottle of wine. They kind of get to know each other, and they find that they share a dislike for the younger woman (Cassandra). Cassandra has her reasons for what she does, and we end up having some sympathy for her. Nowhere near as much as we have for Lorna though. Or as much as we have for the monster! We are increasingly sympathetic to the monster, if not exactly "on his side," as the episode goes along.Another thing is that they seem to make a few Stephen King references. I'm not sure if they are just for fun, or if they mean something. A local coffee place that they refer to a few times is called Stillson's, like Greg Stillson in The Dead Zone. Lorna's last name is Snell, which MIGHT be some kind of reference to Sue Snell from Carrie. Also, I saw somewhere online that the street address of Lorna's house is apparently a reference to a place in Stephen King's It, somewhere of significance to Pennywise.The two things that stand out for me, and that I'm pretty sure I'll be thinking about for awhile, are Cassandra's reasons for allowing the monster to be in her life, and what the ratio is of her conscious to unconscious complicity to what the monster does might be. That's one thing. The other thing is just the way Lorna and the monster talk to each other. It is so funny to see, and to hear.
Anyway, I just wanted to write my thoughts out before I forget them. I hope you find this episode and watch it. The main actresses are Samantha Sloyan and Ruth Codd, maybe that will help you track it down.

Jason Goes To Hell: The Final Friday (1993)



The 90's was an awkward time for Horror. The first few years, especially. Attempts at originality had about the same effect on the audience as uncalled for sequels to 80's franchises that had already ran their course. For one reason or another, the Horror genre had once again fallen dormant. But there was one Horror masterpiece that would come out of the 90's which would transcend the decade, as well as breath new life into the genre. Jason Goes To Hell is not that movie!

While technically, this film is Friday The 13th part IX, offically, the series was over due to copyright issues. This as the beginning of a new series. Even in the 90's, Jason must live on. Original creator Sean Cunningham returns to give us F-13 fans something a little different. And why not? It's a new decade. The way of the 80's slasher is old and tired. Everyone knew that in 1993. So, something different is definitely in order. But this? Come on! Really?

Last time we saw our hero, Jason Voorhees was in Manhattan, practically killing anyone he could get his hands on. Does anyone know how long ago that was? Or what he's been up to since? And most importantly, why he's still alive? No? Well, so far, it feels like a genuine Friday tThe 13th movie. And besides, these minor details don't matter much since Jason just got blown up by the F.B.I. And we're not even 10 minutes in! No. This is no typical F-13. This time, they're thinking outside the box. And maybe that would be a good thing if they hadn't just blown up the only reason anyone wanted to see this abomination in the first place.

So, yeah. Jason's dead for realz, this time. As his remains get examined in the morgue, something strange is happening to the examining doctor. Something evil, which can be seen in his face. What we are now seeing is one more example of the fact that our hero, Jason Voorhees can never be stopped. Even after death, even after getting blown to pieces, he still keeps coming back. But without a body of his own, he has willed his own soul into the body of this doctor. You can tell because he just took a big bite out of Jason's heart, which made sparkly stuff (Jason's soul) invade his body. So, Jason's back. Just in another form. Clever, right?

Something we never knew about Jason. When necessary, he can simply make his soul jump from body to body. So, he never really dies. 9 movies and somehow, this is just now becoming clear? Well, whatever. There is a catch. Even if nobody kills him again, he only has a limited amount of time in each body. So, he's gonna do his killing and spare a few here and there so, he can transfer his sparkly soul into new bodies. Eventually, the origin of Jason's alleged immortality is explained, which leads to more plot holes than ever.

These movies actually made some sense before now. But no longer. Jason has a sister, a niece and a great niece, and for him to finally be ressurrected as a guy wearing a hockey mask, he must make one of their bodies his own. Hopefully, someone can get a hold of the Voorhees dagger. Because apparently, stabbing him with that is the one and only thing that will send Jason to Hell and keep him there. But of course it has to be someone who is related to him. Something tells me all those F-13 fans who wanted something different are feeling pretty silly right about now.

But not quite as silly as the person who's idea it was to add this new take on Jason. Not a bad idea. Just not for an already established series such as this. It just doesn't make sense on a completely different level than anything from past entries. And not to mention this weird new take only allowed about 10 minutes of screen time for Kane Hodder. That's what really killed this one. in my opinion. Maybe such major changes would have been a little easier digested had they been allowed to call it "Friday The 13th Part IX: Jason Goe To Hell". It really is a shame they couldn't have. Would it have really mattered in the end? Doubtful. This one just wasn't meant to be. Jason Goes To Hell may have meant to breath new life into this series. But ultimately, it sent Friday The 13th straight to hell. 4/10



#Review

Night of Something Strange 2016

How about a zombie flick, but instead of biting you, they want to have sex with you?

A redneck rapes a corpse in the morgue and gets an STD from her. He gains a compulsion to stick is dick in anyone, spreading the sex-crazed zombie syndrome. Throw in a group of teens en route to spring break, but of course they have to stop at that motel in the middle of nowhere first...

The trash level is through the roof. I also saw Nicola Fiore from Blood Fart Lake in this. You've got to love a woman like her, so willing to star in b-horror movies about dick, butt, and vagina jokes.

If you're in the mood for something Troma-esque, this one is for you. It has zombie queefs and gallons of acid cum.

#Review

Out For Blood (2004)

I have not seen this in a long time, but Jodi Lyn O'Keefe is in it. If she floats your boat, maybe give this movie a shot? I just saw her scenes in Halloween H20.... I remember thinking that Out For Blood really wasn't that bad, for a straight-to-video (hmmm, in 2004.... possibly straight-to-DVD, at that time?) movie. It only got a 4.1 average rating on IMDB, but maybe people had inflated expectations of it because it has Lance Henriksen in it.

I am probably damning it with faint praise here, but I just remember thinking that it was perfectly decent, for what it was. Basically, if you ever found Jodi Lyn O'Keefe to be cute, or if you liked Kevin Dilllon as the hero in The Blob, or if you are ever on a Lance Henriksen binge, or are trying to be a Lance "completist" and just see as many of his films as you can find.... these are all perfectly decent reasons to check this out. It also has Vanessa Angel, who was no slouch as a babe. Sooooo... yah. Check it out.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0375562/

Pet Sematary: Bloodlines 2023

I had heard this was in the works. Then one day... it was already on streaming. This is a prequel, but what is canon and what isn't? I think it wants to be related to the original 1989 film, because that 2019 remake wasn't nearly as effective, coming across as abundantly pointless. But the timeline doesn't quite add up, so it ends up as its own thing really.

So our "prequel" is set in 1969, following young Jud Crandall, played by 27-year-old Jackson White. Are we to believe that in 20 years, this Jud becomes the 63-year-old Fred Gwynne version of the character? If he ages 35 years in 20 years, the stress of this movie's events must have been really tough on him, as I assume he didn't do much between movies and probably never went back to the burial ground until he met the Creeds. Yet the story we're told here isn't the same as the post-WW2 story we're told in the original movie. So you might as well not bother comparing them for inconsistencies, because it's all inconsistent so far. They traded in the original backstory for the 60s backdrop, striving for that Stephen King feel, even going as far as to include Henry Thomas (Desperation, Gerald's Game, Doctor Sleep). But does it actually hit its mark?

We also have David Duchovny in this movie. He's awesome in general, so with him and an otherwise decent cast, a lot of blood and gore, and a well-made and an overall good looking movie... we're somehow given a movie that just isn't very engaging. I never really cared about most of what was going on in this retread of an old story, and it lacks the dread and creepiness of that first movie. I'm not asking for more Zelda (God knows they couldn't top the original on that one, so why bother?), but subtlety can go a long way. Movies these days like to show too much too soon, assuming that us horror and gore-hounds can't appreciate a more classy story, if they knew how to craft one.

In the end, this is simply another piece of streaming content. Not worthy of a theatrical run, but then again, what is these days? As the first movie had Jud's backstory as prequel material, this movie has yet another earlier incident as further prequel material, because franchises and brand names are all that it's about these days. I'd rank the original 2 movies as the reigning champions, and this is maybe better or at least tied with the remake, which isn't saying much. As for this "franchise", sometimes dead is better.

#Review

Orphan: First Kill 2022

13 years after the first movie comes this prequel, starring a 25-year-old as a "10-year-old"? Yeah, the concept is already ridiculous, but that's the thing with prequels these days... they completely disregard appropriately aged characters because the fans are willing to overlook these things in exchange for another bout with a popular character. It's like in Dexter when the flashbacks gave Michael C. Hall longer hair and expected us to believe he was a teenager. Or in the Saw movies when they expect us to believe John Kramer is young because they give him a baseball cap.

Our actress already looks considerably older than she did in her first movie, and they use camera tricks and doubles to portray her shorter height. It is a little distracting, and this movie seems like it would be a total dud, but wouldn't you know it... there's a twist in there somewhere, and then the movie starts to weave a rather interesting story after all. Something of a cat and mouse game, and our titular character is depicted almost as a protagonist, due to the crummy hand life dealt to her. So yeah, this movie turns things around halfway and somehow ends up decent. How about that?

#Review

Urban Legend 1998

Yeah, it's that time of the year when I ramble on just about any horror movie I watch. Today, we'll be revisiting this late 90s college slasher, which actually has some merit to it.

Don't get me wrong, it's far from perfect, but it's far from shit. I can take or leave the twist/reveal, because this movie was written around the urban legends and the kills they could get out of it. So if you get a few cool kills and a cool cast, who cares about the killer's motive?

Brad Dourif plays a stuttering gas station attendant in the beginning. One can only draw parallels to his character from Cuckoo's Nest on that aspect. Too bad he's not in much, but at the same time, I wouldn't want to hear him stuttering for too much longer. That shit gets annoying.

Robert Englund is the red herring college professor, and I think it's safe to say that nobody would expect him to actually be the killer, because he was already Freddy, so that would be too obvious. Right? He's not in much of it either, but so far, we have Chucky and Freddy, so that's cool.

One thing I've always found particularly noteworthy was Danielle Harris. Granted, her role isn't that big, but this is her fist horror film since Halloween 5, playing an irritable goth bitch roommate. And the first time we see her, she's getting fucked. They want you to hate this character, but I could never hate Danielle. There's also a funny bit in there showing how dated this movie is, featuring her getting mad that she has to disconnect from her dial-up because the main girl needs to make a phone call. Ah, the early days of the internet, caller ID, and mobile phones, and all the tropes that come with them... that's how you know this is a 90s movie, when they need to stop off at a gas station to use the phone, which will never even work during the thunderstorm...

I think I've seen at least one of the sequels, but I don't remember a damn thing about it. They left it open to be a franchise, but it never quite took off the way they wanted. Those sequels turned DTV quick and lacked the star-power of the first movie.

It's not a great movie, but those late 90s slashers did have some charm to them. Or maybe that's just the nostalgia speaking.

Some random IMDb trivia:

Danielle Harris (Tosh) and Tara Reid (Sasha) had been roommates in real life before they shot the film.

Danielle Harris (Tosh) was a smoker at the time and thrilled to be allowed to smoke while working. She quickly realized that shooting scenes while smoking meant that she was going to have to smoke cigarettes for hours all day while they shot. She eventually got sick of it and quit smoking.

Jared Leto has disowned the film and hates it, refusing to talk about it in interviews.

#Review