DC Stuff

What are your thoughts on DC movies and shows? Marvel is imploding upon itself, so I'm trying to get more acquainted with the company that makes content for adults. I don't care for most properties outside of the Batman/Gotham variety, but I do believe DC has something decent every now and then that isn't just Batman. DC is also brave enough to do standalone movies outside of the convoluted and cluttered continuities of the "cinemative universe" trend.


I got HBO Max to catch up on some comic junk, and Harley Quinn season 3 is out now. It's a fun show with a lot of dirty gags, and Christopher Meloni as Jim Gordon is the best. Also, Harley and Poison Ivy are in a relationship. She's sooo over Joker.

I also watched Peacemaker, which is a spin-off of THE Suicide Squad, which is a sequel to Suicide Squad, which is a spin-off from the Justice League movies, but apparently, none of that matters. DC plays fast and loose with the continuity, because fuck it. Most of their stuff sucks anyway, but that attitude right there has been the reason the whole thing has been getting better. But Peacemaker as a show was okay at best. John Cena did keep it afloat though.

I wanted to watch Swamp Thing, which is supposed to be James Wan's body horror contribution to the DCEU, but HBO took it off. Bastards! Swamp Thing has always been a favorite of mine, due to the 1982 & 1989 movies and a slew of action figures.

And last of all... the DC animated movies are better than the live-action movies. "Flashpoint Paradox" and "Doomsday" are pretty awesome.



And if you hate DC, then you should watch The Boys, which makes the Justice League knockoffs into evil attention whores, which makes things infinitely more interesting. It's one of the few current shows get excited for.

The Incredible Melting Man (1977)

Just how incredible is this man, you ask? Monstrously incredible.

The premise is that of a classic monster movie. Some group tries to stop a bad accident from getting worse, and our hero/villain/victim is the gimmick. A man melts. The concept of the film is terrifying. The execution is not. It's cheesy and poorly shot at times, but it is gory. It has to be, right?

The dude is fucked either way, and we take a trip through his decomposition and it is pretty gnarly. Throw in a slasher/monster angle for good measure. He needs to feed on people to slow his decay rate. None of the characters matter, and for a movie that wants to showcase its gore effects, it skips out on a lot of opportunities for it.

It's all about the special effects on the main guy though. His character is just as shallow as everyone else, but it's better that way. The audience can be left to ponder their own wonders of this melting man's melting biology, and maybe even try to put themselves in his shoes. The melting man's shoes.

He wears a hospital type of outfit, so you'll only ever see his melting head, hands, and feet. All he does is stumble around the land and kill people every so often, until a confrontation with his past ends it for everyone. Not that it matters, because every character in this movie is bland. You'll have zero attachment to any of them as you root for the Melting Man to kill people and, well... melt some more.

It's a bleak ending, but damnit, I loved it. And I loved that bit where the guy has to clean up the muck. His fate is inevitable. Melted things can't unmelt. I'm surprised it took me so long to see this. This movie is trash, and that's exactly where they put him.

#Review

The Horde (2016 or 2017?)

I just wanted to mention this one, in case anybody's interested. It's not exactly a gem, but it has its attractions, and it certainly qualifies as a trash epic.

I'm talking about the movie by this name starring Bill Moseley, Paul Logan, Sydney Sweeney, Vernon Wells, Nestor Serrano, Don "The Dragon" Wilson, etc. Not the French movie also called The Horde, from 2009. Here, this is the one I'm talking about:
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3924782/

Anyway, to just get a very quick sense of roughly what to expect, I would agree with the IMDB reviewer who described it as essentially a hybrid of Commando (1985) and Wrong Turn (2003). In fact, I bet they got Vernon Wells to be in it because they were basically trying to copy Commando... That is the most important expectation to have, to just expect a combination of Commando and Wrong Turn. It also has important elements from Rambo movies, The Hills Have Eyes, and from a few random old Jean-Claude Van Damme movies. It would have made a pretty fun USA Up All Night movie.

It's a story about a cute young female college professor, who takes some typical horny kids from her nature photography class out in the woods. They are supposed to be on a little camping trip, taking pictures of nature (which apparently includes somebody's escaped pet guinea pig... soooo that was pretty funny to see). She (the college professor) looks sort of like a cross between Vanessa Curry and a youngish Katie Holmes. But, her much-much-much-much-much older (it's a bit gross) boyfriend, played by Paul Logan, is the real star of the show. He is supposed to be some kind of ex-Special Forces or Navy SEALs dude, who has retired but gets sucked back into a life of action, mayhem, and carnage, by the events of the film.

The villains of the film are a bunch of... I don't know, maybe 15 or 20 mutants, led by Costas Mandylor, who live in the woods and kill people. One of the mutants appears to have that disease that makes you look like an Ent, the disease that that Indonesian guy, Dede Koswara, had. That disease is called epidermodysplasia verruciformis, and I thought it was pretty creative to have a character with that disease.... anyway, that was just one of the mutants, there are a whole bunch of them and they appear to have lots of different things wrong with them. Actually a few of them are just assholes who want to kill people, they aren't really mutated in any obvious physical way. If they ever explained why all the mutants and assholes found each other and decided to form a colony in the woods, I missed it.

Several of the mutants and assholes can talk, (although not all of them can), and they basically say typical evil character sorts of things.

You can guess every single thing that happens in this movie, and you would be exactly, exactly, exactly right. No surpises in this movie.

It's not a masterpiece of a film, but it can be kind of fun if you aren't expecting too much from it. Paul Logan wrote it, and I can just feel that he was trying to emulate some of the great action movies and B movies of the 80s and early 90s, and give them a bit of a horror twist. I think he did a perfectly decent job of doing that. He is in amazing shape, and he just generally beats the living daylights out of every mutant he meets. I would have seriously loved it if this was on TV when I was a kid. Seeing it as an adult, I can pretty much respect it, and say that they did what they wanted to do with it.

Bill Moseley plays the local small business owner who is in league with the mutants, and helps get them victims, and covers up for them... there are characters like him in Children of the Corn, Wrong Turn, Cabin in the Woods, etc etc etc.

It also has Matthew Willig, as a sort of an inbred backwoods Richard Marcinko type of dude, which of course is a pretty scary thing to think about.

So anyway, yeah... if you're up for watching a throwback movie to 80s or early 90s action insanity, with a semi-horror vibe, you could do worse than this. They didn't have the budget for real effects, and that's part of its charm... it really does feel like something from 30-ish years ago.

Had to share! It's on Tubi right now.

The Thing (2011)

Anybody have any strong feelings about this one? The 1982 movie will never be surpassed, of course, but in some ways the 2011 prequel takes respectable risks, I think.

I have seen most of it before, just channel surfing, but I watched the whole thing this weekend. I tried to pay attention, and not just zone out like I often/usually do.

One interesting element of the prequel: I am not absolutely certain of this, but I had the strong impression that at least some of the Thing-ified humans believed that they were still regular humans, right up until the end. If you look carefully at their facial expressions as their bodies are Thing-ing out, they appear to be as horrified and suprised as any normal human would be, if that suddenly happened to them.

My personal theory to explain that, is that maybe the Thing-ified humans had two separate consciousnesses in the same body, a Thing consciousness and a "human" consciousness. My interpretation is that maybe when the Thing makes a perfect duplication of whichever human it is duplicating, maybe the duplication just generates its own consciousness on its own, in its brain, without even knowing what it really is. If every single cell was perfectly imitated, maybe the imitation would end up with identical memories and personality to the original human. It wouldn't necessarily know what had happened to it. Of course, somewhere in the body there would be a second intelligence, which can control what the body does, and even the form of the body. Maybe that second intelligence would choose to lie dormant for long periods of time, just so the imitation human intelligence would fit in more perfectly with its old friends, and with the patterns of life that it was expected by other humans to follow.

In the original story, Who Goes There?, by John W. Campbell Jr., a character named Kinner actually asks that question, of whether he would even know if he had been Thing-ified. In the story, McReady immediately shuts down that line of thinking, he just says "you'd know," and that's the end of that conversation. But, maybe they decided to toy with the idea a little in the 2011 The Thing, and just... just sort of suggest, at least, that the humans who had been Thing-ified didn't even realize it. It makes for a more horrifying movie, if you think about it.

Anyway, I enjoyed that, about the 2011 The Thing. I also liked the little homages and nods to the 1982 movie, like the dog gnawing at the wire mesh of his caged off area. Also, the alien spaceship looked pretty cool, so, that's a plus.

Well, I mostly just wanted to share my theory about possible multiple consciousnesses inhabiting Thing-ified human bodies. If anybody has any thoughts on that, or on anything else about the movie, pls share!

Would You Rather (not the movie)

Would you rather be locked in a room for an hour with a wild grizzly bear or locked in a room for an hour with one million black widow spiders?

TV Challenge 2022

So the rules are simple as fuck. Watch as much TV as you possibly can throughout the entirety of July and get 1 point for every minute you watch of the stuff.

Can be TV shows or documentaries but we already have a doc challenge so try to stick to TV shows, eh.

Some bonus point possibilities:

If you watch an entire season of a show, in which each episode lasts over 40 minutes, you can claim 50 bonus points per episode. So if you watch a season of a show that has 10 episodes, all lasting around the hour mark, you can give yourself a whopping 500 extra points.

For shorter episodes, i.e. sitcoms or anything lasting 39 minutes or under, you will get 25 bonus points per episode. So, 250 points for a 10 episode season.

Any questions, please shout. In the shout box.

Starts this Friday 1st July at 00:00 and ends on 31st July at 23:59 hours.

Grab a spot below!

Warehouse 13

Did anybody here watch this show regularly? I remember it, and I know I saw at least a few episodes. I don't think I was really paying attention though. I probably just had it on as a distraction, while I was making sandwiches, or something along those lines.

Anyway, in the US, the SyFy channel appears to be showing some kind of Warehouse 13 marathon this weekend.

So anyway, Joanne Kelly is amazing!! I'm probably just noticing this because she's such a babe, but, she seriously kicks ass. Literally! She beats the living crap out of characters who give her character shit. I wasn't expecting it, so the first time it caught me off guard. And now I see that, at least in the first few episodes, it appears to be a consistent theme, that she is a street fighter to be reckoned with. I can't decide if it's supposed to be funny or awesome... possibly both. I'm just gonna stick with awqesome. It's amazing to watch.

Another strong point of this show: it seems to be loosely based on the old Canadian show Friday the Thirteenth, that they used to show in the US on the USA network, I think. That makes a lot of sense, ha ha. Anyway, it shares with that show the idea of a couple of people who have to go semi-undercover on missions to retrieve items with some kind of super-powers, usually supernatural powers, although I think there is more of a science fiction element to Warehouse 13.... Also, both shows have a non-romantic couple, a male and a female agent working together, who have chemistry but not a relationship, at least in the first season. I think the old show Friday the Thirteenth introduced a third agent at some point, and things might have gotten romantic between the woman and one of them... I'd have to double check on that. Anyway, whatever, the value of not having things get romantic is that it keep things light in that way, and fun, and... I don't know, it makes me think of Beverly Hills Cop, with the relationship between Axel Foley and Jenny "Hairdo" Summers. They never got romantic,and watching them was like watching your male and female friends from your childhood neighborhood group of friends hanging out, and goofing around. It just makes the whole show more fun somehow.

Anyway, great show, I recommend the living daylights out of it, and it's on SyFy right now, as I'm typing this.

future TV shows mentioned in the Running Man (1987)

Yikes. This blogger makes the point that several of them are basically already here. https://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/the-running-man-tv-how-dystopian-ics-programming-compares-to-whats-on-now/

Private Resort

Fresh off of the first Nightmare movie, Johnny Depp found himself next in the midst of a buddy sex comedy at private resort, ripe for all sorts of unjustified shennanigans. I find it amusing that there is no prologue as to why they are at the resort, nor is there an epilogue of what happens when they leave. The story exists solely in the Private Resort.



Ben (Rob Morrow) and Jack (Johnny Depp) play our swindlers^protagonists. All they want to do is get laid, and they're not above lying about their identities and drugging girls to get it. Through misunderstandings and contrived circumstances, Ben and Jack find themselves in various predicaments that have them narrowly missing out on sexual escapades as they flee from murderous guests and inept management.

Seriously, all the manager wants to do is keep his resort respectable, but as soon as these two show up, sexual hijinks galore. The "villains" are repeatedly humiliated by our duo's tenure as the "heroes" of this eccentric 80s rom-com. He's a square for trying to do his job, and the other guy is the asshole for wanting revenge against the guys who shaved his head and tried to bang his wife? Our villains are entirely sympathetic. Or rather, they would be, if this was a real-world situation. But no, this is a private resort, baby. Anything goes apparently.

This movie glorifies bikinis, and that's always a wonderful thing. But this movie also delivers the boobies. Hell, the first of many subplots has Johnny Depp trying to bone Leslie Easterbrook (fresh off of Police Academy), and she's always been known for hers.

Jack and Ben run amok of the place. Making enemies at every corner, they never seem to get laid, and they have a blast (not) doing it. If you've seen an 80s movie before, you can figure out how this one ends, but it's all about the ride^girls.

Objectifying women is bad.^{This movie had some hot sluts in it.}


Want to see her take off her clothes?
What? "Not really?"
Yeah... I know what you mean. She looks weird.
She's a weirdo character, but come on.

https://junkepics.com/post/dump-file.php?file=file/1/image/private_resort_unclothed.jpg

#Review

Pizza

I eat a lot of pizza. Sometimes, I think the pizza is eating me. After work, I always check for pizza on clearance. I recently discovered Detroit style pizza and it's fucking good eh. And breakfast pizza is my SHIT. But I'll eat any pizza, so the more toppings, the better. Supreme is good because it tricks the pizza into being a bit more healthy since it has veggies.

Are you a ninja turtle like I am? What's your favorite pizza type/place?