Jack Frost (1997)

This is a movie that, much like Ice Cream Man 1995, is one that I thought would have been terrible and had avoided for most of my life. It turned out I was wrong. Again.

The premise is dumb as hell, but the execution is lot of fun. Our serial killer embodied in a snowman has snow-related powers and kills people in ways that start off seeming like accidental deaths, but he quickly progresses to some of those creative slasher kills we were all waiting for.

For the most part, you don't see much of him because it would be too ridiculous. He remains statuesque for ambiguity/budgetary reasons, and when he does move, you realize why they tried to hide him so much. Also, the poster art features a random evil snowman. Jack Frost never looks anything like that, which is probably for the best.

However, the movie has a small town element to it to keep us distracted from the absurdity. Regular citizens with real problems and real kicks, though we primarily follow the sheriff as he tries to keep his family and his town safe from the evil killer snowman. Somehow, it's quite entertaining.

Random IMDb Trivia:

Shannon Elizabeth's first acting role in a movie and her first nude scene. She filmed this before she got the breast implants she reveals in American Pie (1999).

One actor who read for the role of Jack Frost pulled a knife at his audition.

This film was initially going to be directed by Renny Harlin, with a $30 million budget.


And to paraphrase one trivia, there was an improv rape scene. Yes, that is correct. This movie features a rapist snowman.

#Review

Turkey Challenge 2020 - Rules / Progress Thread

1) Use IMDb Ratings, Scoring Chart:

1.0-1.9 = 5 points
2.0-2.9 = 4 points
3.0-3.9 = 3 points
4.0-4.4 = 2 points
4.5-4.9 = 1 point


2) First Time View = 1 additional point

3) Can be any genre

4) Trifecta Rule: Directors and Series
(e.g. watch 3 movies by David DeCoteau to get a 5 point Director Trifecta bonus; or watch 3 Puppet Master movies to get a 5 point Series Trifecta bonus)

5) A movie can only count towards one trifecta and all movies in the trifecta must be 4.9 or under.

6) Trifecta points accumulate
(e.g. watch 6 movies by David DeCoteau to get 7 point Double Trifecta bonus)

Single Trifecta - 5 points

Double Trifecta - 7 points

Triple Trifecta - 9 points

Etc.


7) Movies with 5.0 ratings or better don't count for any points or trifectas.

8) Movies must be at least 45 minutes long for full credit.

9) Substract 2 points for watching with the Rifftrax/MST3K commentary on. That's like putting ketchup on your turkey. C'mon!

10) Date Range:
Start - 12:01 AM on November 1.
End - You must start you last movie prior to November 30 11:59 PM.

NOTE: The Turkey Challenge has been long-hosted by creator Zombie CPA. For personal reasons, he is unable to host this year. Let's wish him well and honor him by watching a whole lot of trash.

Now, get gobblin'!

Victoria Jackson's movie rating system

Victoria Jackson is trending on Twitter tonight. Not because ofanything she did, it's just because someone who is in the news today looks like her. But anyway, it reminded me of an old Weekend Update where she revealed her brilliant method of rating movies. The way to think about this is to think about how enjoyable a movie actually is, to watch. Gandhi, Gone With the Wind, etc are fine to watch now and then, but probably not every single day. A three star movie, on the other hand, is just about perfect to watch at any time: not a masterpiece, but solidly entertaining. A two star movie is probably just pathetic dreck. A ONE star movie is "so bad it's good," sooo, better than two stars. OK, I just completely wrecked it, but anyway, here's Victoria Jackson.

Years w/ Multiple Movies w/ a Common Theme

I was just thinking about this recently. Sometimes there is a year in which several very similar movies (or at least fairly similar movies) come out. There could be more than one reason why this happens, of course. Maybe a screenwriter is describing his idea for a movie to his girlfriend at a Hollywood restaurant, and is overheard by someone working for a rival studio. Or, maybe there was a big story in the news the year before, which started a sort of craze to make movies related to whatever the news story was. Or... there could be all kinds of reasons. I started a little list of years that have some kind of theme featured in at least two movies. If anybody can think of any other years with something similar going on, please post them here in the comments.

1979 -- Figures from British Literature of the 1890s Come to Modern America: Love at First Bite, and Time After Time
1981 -- Lycanthropy as a Lifestyle: American Werewolf in London, The Howling, and (sort of) Wolfen
1984 -- If You Die in Your Dreams, You Die in Real Life: Dreamscape and NoES
1987 -- Cool, Badass Modern Vampires with Attitude: Near Dark and The Lost Boys
1998 -- An Asteroid Threatens the Earth: Deep Impact and Armageddon

What are some other good ones? I know you guys can come up with some. It is debatable whether we should count SyFy movie trends... there was probably a year or two with multiple Sharknado movies, or years with multiple types of mutant giant spiders.... anyway, anyone have any other years with themes?

The Amityville Series Review

One of the first movies to ever scare the shit out of me as a kid was The Amityville Horror 1979. It's tame enough to play on TV, but still suggestive enough to get under your skin a bit. It's got a great cast, a great score, and a great late 70s vibe.

Everything about it works for me, and in my mind, I knew the sequels would never compare, so avoided them. Maybe this movie was a bit sacred to me because of nostalgia, but as a horror fan, I'm ashamed of myself for waiting this long. Whether they're good or bad, there's no reason to wait this long for it, even if I've only ever heard terrible things about the sequels...

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Amityville II: The Possession (1982)

Directed by Damiano Damiani (a name I've always thought sounded rather satanic, which is a good promo for this movie), part two is the prequel to the Lutz story about the DeFeo family, renamed the Montelli's, even though the DeFeo family was clearly specified in the first movie. Why is this? Well, this movie doesn't want to suggest that the DeFeo incident happened the way this movie goes down, because this movie has an interesting incest plot, an asshole father played by the great Burt Young, and an exorcism plot.

While it didn't work for me out of the box, I've grown to like the movie. Tommy Lee Wallace did the screenplay, and he's underrated. Another reason this works is that in retrospect, it's the last movie to feature a great score. The others are dull in comparison.

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Amityville 3D (1983)

The first thing I noticed going into this movie was the lack of that score. That tells you immediately that the series is unstable and ready to veer into any tangent or niche it can find. After all, the true story elements are finite, so anything else is milking it, and they'll milk it hard.

Here, we introduce the element of researching psychic phenomena and the skepticism that goes with it. Our protagonist man in a suit buys this house for dirt cheap, and you can only wonder why. He lets his daughter move in (Lori Loughlin from Full House / Big House) and he has issues with the ex-wife on how to raise her. Ordinary family drama. However, there's a big fuckin' hole in the basement that leads to hell and exudes bad vibes, but who cares.

The Amityville curse is a bit of a cheat. It follows you well out of the bounds of the house's perimeter and makes up its own rules on how to fuck you over, and it's pretty sadistic. This movie isn't an exception ala the parking garage scene.

The overall story isn't as creepy as it ought to be, but there is a good scene toward the end involving the daughter on the lake. Then, we get to the climax, featuring more investigation by the psychic phenomena team lead by Robert Joy.

Fun Fact^Fiction - When burnt-face Robert Joy's character gets pulled into the pit, he doesn't go to hell. He goes to Land of the Dead.

MGM planned this as their end, for reasons we'll get to shortly. It's 3D, which means that it can't get any "cooler" than this one, what with it's sparse 3D effects... but what good is 3D without a big explosion at the end? That's why this was thought to be conclusive. There isn't a house to haunt after this one, right?

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Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes (1989)

Shortly before the third movie, a bunch of priests ransacked the house for a yard sale of haunted furnishings, and that's where our movie starts. This is TV movie, so maybe our quality will drop a notch, but it has a few good things going for it. We're still in the 80s, the daughter is cute, the son's hair makes me laugh, and the movie is still pretty cruel.

So the priests are actually trying to exorcise the house in the beginning, then a yard sale ensues, a lady gets a hideous lamp as a joke gift for his sister, and the evil manifests into a new home in California. Go haunt them for a change.

One scene that's laughbly awful is when the son nearly chainsaws his grandma to death. I'm surprised she didn't have a heart attack fending him off. But that's not the only spinning blade action you'll see around here. Garbage disposal, anyone?

The climax is also pretty laughable, especially when things fall off cliffs and it's insinuated that random cats are possessed by evil spirits, but whatever. It's actually pretty watchable.

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The Amityville Curse (1990)

As soon as we get to the 90s, Canada takes over production of this bizarre spin-off and drops the ball big time. This isn't the Amityville house. This is an Amityville house. It has something to do with a priest murdered in the town of Amityville and his haunted confession booth is a gateway to evil activities for some reason. I found it hard to pay attention to this one. Trying something new (in a part 5 no less) doesn't always work. From here on out, we're DTV until this original series dies.

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Amityville 1992: It's About Time (!?!?)

Fuck that last movie. It's back to the last idea we had, which was haunted artifacts. This time, we have a haunted clock that finds its way to a family in California. Just like part 4. With this movie, we have some time fuckery that can be pretty entertaining at times. It is a clock, so time will be damned. There were a few Pet Sematary 2 vibes in there as well, which was also 1992. Weird. The resolution here is more or less the same as Wishmaster, only before Wishmaster.

This movie has none of the qualities of the first three movies, but somehow manages to be one of the more entertaining of the DTV entries in the series.

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Amityville: A New Generation (1993)

Okay, now what? How about a haunted mirror? This entry takes us into the art/photography world of New York where our protagonist's evil mirror is driving him crazy...er?

We have more star power in this sequel with David Naughton, Richard Roundtree, Terry O'Quinn, Robert Rusler, and Lin Shaye, but something isn't right here. When asked what scares him, our cliche 90s hero responds, "Republicans". At this point, I'm getting a bit too aware of how far we're straying from the actual haunted house movie we actually like, and that scares me. Where am I?!

Retcon Alert: We're informed of yet another vile incident at the Amityville House from before the DeFeo murders: We have a Thanksgiving feast gone wrong as a man blows his family away during dinner in 1966. But they'll only ever talk about the 1974 incident, just because.

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Amityville Dollhouse (1996)

Guess what? We're back in California again. Our newlywed families unite in a Santa Clarita ranch after dad finished building his new house. However, there's a shack on the grounds that they finally bust into and there's a replica of the old Amityville house in there... How queer...

None of our characters know that history though, but a few of them come close. The two sides can't seem to get along because the sexy new mother of the household has an irritable nerd for a son, but at least there's a cool son in the home. In fact, he's so cool and buff that the mom is haunted with sexual fantasies about him. Yikes! It makes for an interesting watch though, that's for sure.

Naturally, things get weird, and despite being so distanced from where we started, this one surprisingly watchable. Production values are good, we have a few zombie ghost scenes, and even some cenobite knockoffs. Hellraiser was another one of those franchises that shat out sequels just as frequently as this one, and there's always portals to hell in these movies.

Usually, things hit rock bottom before they need a reboot, but I actually kinda liked this one. However, reboot away...

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The Amityville Horror (2005)

I'm not going to spend much time on this one. I was somewhat excited for it considering I really liked Michael Bay's previous horror production The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. This was before I knew just how shitty Michael Bay was, though. This movie leaves nothing to the imagination and it fucking sucks.

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Amityville: Awakening (2017)

While it had a troubled production, it turned out rather well I think. Its planned 2014 release was a 40th anniversary deal, setting the film outside of the original films, which is to say in the world were Ronnie DeFeo actually existed. Our world.

It's been a while since I saw it, but this movie had the freedom to include "the" house again, and what they gave us was pretty close. If we're going back to the basics, it's all about recreating the crime, just as it has been in the first movie, and the end result was decent.



After all these years, I finally binged these turkeys: 4, 5, 6, 7, and 8. I was expecting garbage, but I forgot how much I've trained myself to like garbage over the years that I finally fucking realized that I might like these movies, and I do. They're better than the Children of the Corn sequels for damn sure.

Vague Timeline: https://junkepics.com/calendar/timeline/?category=amityville

And... Sorority House Massacre II

Znep wasn't kidding. This movie has a lot of boobs and it's 10 times better than the first... on account of the boobs. Jim Wynorski seemed to be pretty fond of them, and what a gratuitous thing that can be. Also fun fact, this movie was produced in a week, and ol' Jim never saw the first movie.

With that said, this movie has nothing to do with the last movie. They threw all that psychic-drama and backstory away to put five busty college girls into a separate sorority house with its own massacre history... a history of a parallel Slumber Party Massacre.

The story is relayed to them by the greasy neighbor Orville Ketchum, played by the dude in Freddy's Dead who wanted some sugar from his daughter. The scene he describes uses footage from Slumber Party Massacre, jumping into a few kill scenes after deeming those characters members of the killer's family. It's weird for a flashback to tell me a different story than what I'm used to.

So anyway... that creep finishes his story and leaves the babes in peace so they can party, only after having spooked them, of course. Naturally, they turn to the ouija board, but forget about that for now. What happens at this point is that these wonderful women strip down to their undies and explore the house whilst bouncing around with their nipples poking through.



Part of me wants to leave this review at that, but I suppose I should go on to talk about the actual slasher elements. Our killer is already poised to be dead and buried by the time this movie starts, so someone is here to pick off the girls one by one, but who? The kills are vague for ambiguity, though our killer uses a hook like the fisherman or candyman (but before both) and in the end... the balance of shitty b-horror tropes, charm, and titties is ample.

I'd probably rank this one a touch higher than the first one, but they're both good for separate reasons. This sequel is more cheesy whereas the first is more serious. And on a final note... Orville Ketchum is a great character. I got a lot of laughs out of him. Laughs that kept coming back.

#Review

December's Challenge

Hey guys. So for December I had the 80s challenge in the slot. However, I am going to be super busy, and cannot host it. So does anyone want to host that challenge, or Do they have their own they want to try out? If so go for it! And I hope everyone has a good day!

Sorority House Massacre 1986

This one doesn't get talked about much, but for a 4.5 slasher in the ideal decade for it, the movie ain't bad at all.

The film draws heavily from Halloween. The Los Angeles filming locations had me verifying that this wasn't the same suburban neighborhood, but it must be close. It also features a character named "Laura" who has some psychotic family issues, our killer is an escaped nutjob Myers clone without a mask, and he's after a group of young kids who can't seem to yell loud enough for their neighbors to give a damn. Plus there's even a character named Linda, as well as a few shots that parallel Halloween.

Let's not stop there though. Whenever you rip-off Michael Myers, you usually rip-off a bit of Terminator too, and this gave those vibes as well. Besides the fact that both of these antagonists steal a station wagon in their first film, our guy in this one does that too, and he even parks on a toy truck for good measure. He doesn't stop there though, as he also goes into a hunting store, takes a knife, and kills the owner with it.

Those vibes came to mind quite immediately during my viewing, but this movie has something that those movies don't: psychics! Throughout the story, you'll see a few tidbits about psychic links and other phenomena that are utilized mostly to make the flashbacks more contemporary.

When you mix two of the greatest movies ever made, you'll usually get a decent romp out of it, and this is no exception. Besides a somewhat cheap camera, there's a decent effort put into this movie (same can be said about another turkey I watched last night, Killer Workout, which has some great fight choreography).

For a short movie at 74 minutes, this movie doesn't waste time and skimp out. There are plenty of chase scenes and good kills. I'd recommend it for 80s slasher completionists.

#Review

Messrs. (misters, whatever) Hammond, Happer, and Hadden

I just noticed this recently. Mr. Hammond from Jurassic Park, Mr. Happer from Local Hero (1983), and Mr. Hadden from Contact (1997), are probably all thinly disguised fictional versions of Howard Hughes. Just think about it: they all have the H names, of course, but also they are all staggeringly rich, eccentric entrepreneurs and visionaries, who can function almost as gods in the movies they are characters in. Mr. Happer from Local Hero might have inherited his wealth, I forget... he's certainly staggeringly rich, though, and has godlike powers over the characters in the movie.

Mr. Hammond actually could have been a direct reference to John Hays Hammond Jr., who was a real inventor who built Hammond Castle in Massachusetts. Michael Crichton, the author of Jurassic Park, went to college in Massachusetts. Maybe he visited the castle at some point, and was inspired by Hammond.

Well, maybe I'm wrong, but, whatever. Had to share.

Turkeys on Youtube

Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny (1972) - 1.3



The Pickle Goes in the Middle (1973) - 4.2



Las Vegas Serial Killer (1986) - 2.6



The Black 6 (1973) - 3.9



Rot (1999) - 3.6



It's Alive! (1969) - 2.7



In the Year 2889 (1969) - 2.9



Toxic Zombies (1980) - 4.0



Fatal Possession (1995) - 3.2



High Kicks (1993) - 3.8



Alien Beasts (1991) - 3.8



Escape From Galaxy 3 (1981) - 3.1



Planet Of Dinosaurs (1977) - 4.0



Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women (1968) - 3.0



The Worm Eaters (1977) - 3.3



Savage Water (1979) - 3.4



Honeymoon Horror (1982) - 3.8



Mardi Gras Massacre (1978) - 3.7



Feeders (1996) - 2.4



Feeders 2 (1998) - 2.3



The Abomination (1986) - 4.4



The Nostral Picker (1993) - 3.4