Like many fans from my generation, Pro Wrestling is now something that we used to watch. Something that used to be good. Something that just isn't what it once was, but also something that still deserves the respect it always did. And while I still keep up with it, Wrestling is something I personally no longer have the patience for. Especially WWE, which is now the last remaining major Wrestling promotion in the United States. There are many reasons for this decline. Not all of them relevant to this review, but one problem, the most obvious one, is that almost all of our old favorites are retired, or in some cases, dead. The legends and icons, I mean. No more Hogan and Savage, no more Bret Hart and Shawn Michaels, no more Austin and Rock. The glory days are over, and they're not coming back. All those guys, and countless others, came and went over the years. Meanwhile, the one constant lived on and on, many years after everyone else rode off into the sunset. Today, I need to talk about The Undertaker, who is my all-time favorite. And last week, at the age of 52, he finally called it quits, which means the last remaining piece of the glory days is gone. Today, we're going to start from the beginning, and take a tour of the Undertaker's legendary career, and find out what made it so special.
Mark Calaway began his Wrestling career in 1984, losing his first match to Bruiser Brody in World Class Championship Wrestling. He originally wrestled under the name "Texas Red". After reaching reasonable success in several smaller promotions, Calaway landed a job in Ted Turner's WCW. There, he would become Mean Mark Callous. A name given to him by Terry Funk. After gaining respectable but short lived success as part of The Skyscrapers tag team, Calaway looked to take his talents elsewhere. And like many WCW wrestlers, elsewhere usually meant the WWF. Luckily, Mark Calaway managed to land a job with what is still known as the biggest Wrestling promotion in the world.
The WWF offered a lot of stupid gimmicks at the time, but Calaway got lucky, as Vince McMahon himself had a great idea for him. Well, it was more good than great, but putting it on the right guy would eventually make it great. A gimmick originally known as "Kane The Undertaker", would quickly be shortened. The Undertaker was originally a Western Mortician, dressed in a trench coat with a grey-striped tie and grey gloves. This character was impervious to pain, made obvious by Calaway's lack of selling attacks, which I can only assume was partly due to Calaway not being great at selling to begin with. On November 22, 1990, The WWF's newest heel made his debut at Survivor Series, teaming with Ted Dibiase, Greg Valentine and The Honky Tonk Man, to defeat Dusty Rhodes, Koko B. Ware and The Hart Foundation. And while he did get counted out during this elimination match, he already made his impression. He already struck fear into the hearts of children sitting ringside. Despite not participating in the match for all that long, Calaway got himself over quick. And in doing so, got The Undertaker over like a motherfucker. But the greatest minds in wrestling could have never predicted how unbelievably over this gimmick would eventually be.
What The Undertaker is actually supposed to be has altered over the years. Originally, he was a reanimated corpse, controlled only by his manager, Paul Bearer. A manager known as Percy Pringle in other promotions, but was given the cheesy gimmick to go along with Undertaker's. 1991 turned out to be a great first year for The Undertaker, as he was built up as an unstoppable monster, crushing "Superfly" Jimmy Snuka in his first of many Wrestlemania victories. He would move on to feud with The Ultimate Warrior, which would give him all the more credibility, considering Warrior was still red hot at the time. By Survivor Series 1991, one year after his debut, The Undertaker was put in a title match against WWF champion, Hulk Hogan. And shockingly, Hogan put Taker over pretty good, dropping the title to him and everything. Not cleanly, of course, but this is the point where it became obvious that things were starting to change in the World Wrestling Federation. But only a little, as less than a week later, Hogan would win his title back for a fourth time.
By 1992, fans were starting to get into this Undertaker thing. The boos and gasps slowly turned to cheers. So, whatever plans McMahon had for Calaway were quickly scrapped and replaced with something a little different. Originally, Taker was set to face Sid Justice at Wrestlemania VIII, but when Hogan-Flair was cancelled, Hogan was put with Sid, Savage with Flair, and Taker with Jake The Snake, one of the most hated heels in the company. Which I'm sure was a learning experience for the young Calaway, as Jake was one of the more seasoned veterans in the company. And for the second Wrestlemania in a row, The Undertaker would emerge victorious.
In '92 and '93, the WWF lost nearly every big name star they had, as well as countless mid-carders. Partly due to a steroid scandal, and partly due to bad luck. As Hogan Savage and Warrior would be replaced by Bret Hart Shawn Michaels and Diesel, that fourth main eventer was still "The Dead Man". Times were tough, people weren't buying tickets guys weren't getting over like they used to, but Taker was already a legend. And even if the WWF was in shambles, it would become clear that at least one thing wasn't going to change. By early 1994, The Undertaker was in need of his first break, as nagging injuries were getting the best of him. So, at the Royal Rumble, he was set to face WWF champion Yokozuna in the first ever casket match, where he would get destroyed by the champion and several other heels. stuffed into a casket and sent on his way, this would be the first of many times where The Undertaker would be "gone forever". However, he would return by summerSlam, and put up against a guy who had been pretending to be him. An impostor now known as The Underfaker. Taker would make an example of him pretty quick, in what turned out to be a disappointing match and an embarrassment for the company, which has had very little mention since.
After a rather unmemorable 1995 (for everyone), 1996 looked to be a step in the right direction. Former top babyface, Diesel, had recently lost his title to Bret Hart, which soon put Taker in line for his first shot in years. His title shot at the '96 Royal Rumble was ruined by the jealous Diesel, as it became more clear in the weeks to come that this year's Wrestlemania would feature Taker vs. his new enemy. Since Diesel was on his way out, he did the honors and provided Taker with his fifth Wrestlemania victory. The next night, The Undertaker would make a new friend. Infamous hardcore wrestler, Cactus Jack, is now in the WWF, using the gimmick, "Mankind". A lunatic obsessed with inflicting pain on himself and others. Mankind appears out of the blue and destroys Taker, setting a feud into motion that would change the course of Undertaker's career. Eventually, Taker's longtime friend and manager, Paul Bearer, turned on him and joined Mankind, adding new life to a feud we all thought was winding down. This feud would last more than two years and probably took years off both men's lives.
At Wrestlemania XIII, The Undertaker finally got that much deserved second WWF title win, beating Psycho Sid (formerly Sid Justice). It's been said that when Taker gave Sid that last chokeslam, Sid shit himself, which I'd imagine made for one unpleasant Tombtone. This would be Taker's longest reign, going all the way to SummerSlam, where he dropped the title to Bret Hart. Months later, after his feud with Shawn Michaels wrapped up, Taker was put in another feud, which would lead up to a match at Wrestlemania XIV. Paul Bearer introduced The Undertaker's long lost little brother, Kane, who you can already guess has a grudge against Taker. Kane was supposedly set on fire and scarred as a child, and supposedly, it was big brother's fault. Not the most well thought out storyline ever, but it actually led to a hell of a match with many, many rematches over the coming years. Unlike The Underfaker, The Kane project was a success.
As the tone of WWF programming was becoming more adult oriented, so did some of the wrestler's gimmicks. And Taker was no exception, as he would make a habit of reinventing himself, keeping his gimmick fresh. By Fall of '98, the still feuding Taker and Kane did a bit of a double turn. As fans start to cheer Kane more, Taker actually seems like he's going heel, again. And he does. Not only that, but he alters his current "gothic" gimmick into something more resembling Satanic. By early '99, The Undertaker's behavior and appearance became full blown evil, while he and Paul Bearer started their own cult-like faction called The Ministry Of Darkness. Taker did some questionable things during this time, because making an impact seemed to be on everyone's minds in what is now known as The WWF's "Attitude Era". There were crucifixions, hangings, attempted sacrifices. Undertaker even got a third reign with the WWF title, defeating top babyface, Stone Cold Steve Austin. A reign that was far too short, much like this version of the gimmick. In Fall of '99, after a tag team title reign with The Big Show, The Undertaker would be ready for another break, due to a groin injury.
Originally thought to be ready to return in late '99, Taker injured himself yet again. This time, a pectoral muscle. So, that means he'll be out of action twice as long as expected. Even missing Wrestlemania. By May, he was finally ready to return. But with a new millennium, apparently comes a new gimmick entirely. At Judgement Day 2000, The American Badass debuted. Riding a Harley to the ring, with Kid Rock's American Badass playing. He was still The Undertaker, but he was basically playing himself, now. Just an ass kickin' Texas redneck. As much as I missed the the old gimmick, it was actually a breath of fresh air at the time. Although, it's been said Vince McMahon hated this gimmick from the beginning. At Wrestlemania X7 in April '01, Taker and Triple-H, who, at the time, was the top heel, went at it, which was by far Undertaker's greatest Wrestlemania performance to date. Not much to speak of for Taker in '01. Him and Kane mostly feuded with Triple-H and the newly heel-turned turned Austin, but eventually set their sites on several WCW invaders, none of which amounting to much.
Later that year, Taker turned heel, once again, cutting off his hair, developing a mean streak a mile long, picking fights with returning hasbeens, Hulk Hogan and Ric Flair. Eventually winning the Undisputed WWF title from Hogan, only to lose it to The Rock a couple months later in a fantastic Triple-Threat match, which also featured Kurt Angle. Unfortunately, "Big Evil's" current heel turn would end after this, which would actually be his last, as he would spend the rest of his career a babyface. After coming up short in a feud with newcomer, Brock Lesnar, Taker would spend the next year working with mid-carders, to help create new stars. By Fall of '03, Taker found himself in a feud with none other than Vince McMahon, culminating in a Buried Alive match at Survivor Series. A match he would lose, thanks to the now unmasked and pissed off Kane. That's right. Kane is back for more!
Symbolically speaking, American badass Taker getting buried alive was supposed to put the gimmick to rest, and make way for the return of the original and more popular Dead Man persona. Kane's interference was to set up yet another match between the two. This time, at Wrestlemania XX, in March of 2004. Personally, I couldn't wait to see this happen. The match wasn't great, but seeing the REAL Undertaker back was one of the best moments of the night, as well as the whole year. But from this point on, The Undertaker became a bit of a one dimensional special attraction. Never really doing anything out of the ordinary. Mostly appearing at Pay-Per-Views, spouting the same generic catch phrases, but still putting on amazing matches. In fact, as the 2000's would go on, The Undertaker would improve his in-ring skills significantly. And as far as his new repetitive, one dimensional ways go, that's just mostly an example of how the now WWE has changed the way they present their wrestlers. Which brings us back to why so many of us no longer watch this shit.By now, it's a well-documented fact that Mark "The Undertaker" Calaway is the most respected veteran on the entire roster. In fact, bwhind the scenes, he has been the locker room leader for some time. Authority given to him by McMahon, himself. If someone has a problem, they go to Taker. And Taker handles it. Unofficially, The Undertaker is second in command.
By Wrestlemania XXI, The Undertaker's streak is now a thing, beating Randy Orton at the event, becoming 13-0 at Wrestlemania. Even then, the most prestigious accomplishment in Wrestling. It's been said that The Undertaker's streak was Vince McMahon's way of saying thank you for all the years of loyalty. When everyone left for WCW, and the place was crumbling, Taker remained loyal to the company that gave him his legendary gimmick. From this point onward, the streak became the big attraction at Wrestlemania, often forcing the big title match to take a backseat. Aside from that, the streak could possibly be used one day to launch the career of a future star, if done the right way, of course.2005 was mostly about Taker vs. Orton, with Orton constantly trying to avenge his Wrestlemania loss, as well as take out another legend, which was his thing at the time. Wrestlemania XXII saw Taker gain his 14th win by beating Mark Henry in A Casket Match. 2006 saw the debut of a giant by the name of The Great Khali, who made his debut on WWE television by destroying Taker like no one had before, setting up a match where he won easily. A match which had to be short due to Khali not really knowing any moves, and not really being able to move, for that matter. The whole idea of this feaud was pretty good, but Khali just couldn't cut it. Yet another failed attempt at getting a giant over at Taker's expense.
By 2007, fans were ready to see the title back on The Dead Man, as he wins the Royal Rumble for the first time, earning a title shot at Wrestlemania XXIII against #2 babyface, Dave Batista. A feud that didn't amount to much more than a couple stare downs, since both men were babyfaces, and the current writers sucked shit. They had the match, Taker won, and that was pretty much it. A perfect example of how dull and predictable WWE has gotten over the years. It would not be a long reign for Taker as he would be screwed royally by new top heel, Edge, setting up a big match once Taker returns from his most recent injury, as well as one of the most heated feuds he ever had.
This feud would linger throughout the entire year, leading to a Wrestlemania XXIV main event between Taker and World Champion, Edge, where The Undertaker would win his sixth world title by making Edge tap out to his new move, "Hell's Gate". A submission hold some MMA fans may recognize. As The Undertaker would age, and his healthy would deteriorate, he seemed to get better and better, at times. Compensating for things he can no longer do, with cool, new moves, always keeping the gimmick and the matches fresh.
After sending Edge to Hell at summerSlam, Taker would spend most the the remaining year in a feud with The Big Show. After coming up short in the Elimination Chamber in February '09, Taker got into another babyface Vs. babyface feud, this time with Shawn Michaels, who was the only guy in the company who has been around longer, and the only big name Taker has never beaten. And at Wrestlemania XXV, the two legends put on what is now known as the greatest Wrestlemania match of all time. And by the end, the streak had reached 17-0. The Undertaker has officially beaten everyone. Later on, The Undertaker wins his 7th and final world title, defeating C.M. Punk. A reign he got screwed out of the next February by Shawn Michaels, who had begged and pleaded for another shot at the streak. A shot he then got. But this time, with his career on the line. Another phenomenal match, and another notch in Taker's belt. Shawn Michaels is done!
After one last feud with Kane, later that year, The Undertaker was pretty much done as an active performer. However, he did come back to face Triple-H at Wrestlemania yet again, nearly getting his streak ended. But he got the win. it's been said Taker was supposed to face Sting in what would have been quite the dream match, but negotiations to bring Sting into the company fell through. We wouldn't see Taker in the ring again until one year later, at Wrestlemania XXVIII, where he gives the streak hog, Triple-H, one more shot. This time, in a Hell In A Cell match. A match I assume designed to mask Taker's shortcomings he had gained with age. The match mainly consisted of Taker and Trips taking turns hitting each other with a chair. Not much of a match, and the Cell ended up serving no purpose. This match proved one thing. The Undertaker's age is finally starting to show.
And one year later, Taker would return to gain his 21st and final Wrestlemania win by defeating C.M. Punk. And one year after that is when it all came crashing down. Wrestlemania XXX saw the end of The Undertaker's legendary streak, at the hands of former UFC/WWE champion, Brock Lesnar. It was a bad match, as Taker gained a concussion early on, and Lesnar did not need this win to establish himself, obviously, but it did make for one hell of a moment that left the audience speechless and horrified. To this day, fans are divided as to whether or not this was a good idea.Many thought that would be the end, and maybe it should have been, but The Undertaker would not die, as he went on to gain two more Wrestlemania victories in 2015 and 16 over Bray Wyatt and Shane McMahon, as well as a couple more matches with Lesnar, where Taker actually showed some heelish tendancies. In late 2016, rumors yet again surface concerning Taker's future. It's being said that he wants one more run and one more Wrestlemania match. It's common knowledge this old school badass would have no problem putting someone over in his last match, regardless of how the fans may feel about it. As Wresltemania XXXIII nears, it becomes clear who Taker is going against, as well as the fact that this will be it for him. WWE's current attempt at a new top babyface, Roman Reigns, is facing The Undertaker in his last match, which I can only guess is a last ditch effort to finally get him over. That's right. An already failed babyface who constantly gets booed mercilessly due to his lack of talent and charisma, is supposed to finally gain respect by taking out the most beloved icon in Wrestling history, practically replacing him. Or at least that's the way it looks to be playing out. For the love of God! Just say it ain't so! Anybody but Reigns.
It is most definitely so. As of eight days ago, Wrestlemania XXXIII is in the record books, and Roman Reigns beat Taker cleanly. No heel turn, not even a damn storyline, really. Just a botch-filled match where massive amounts of potential heat is flushed down the toilet due to lazy writing and that stubborn old bastard, Vince McMahon, and his refusal to just turn this guy heel so matches like this can be fun again instead of just sad. I suppose the option for a heel turn is still there, but it's not looking good. In my opinion, this is the biggest missed opportunity since the 2001 Invasion angle.
I hate that The Undertaker didn't get to pass the torch to someone who deserved it, and to someone who isn't a John Cena 2.0. if you will. But that's not his problem. He went out the way all legends should. By putting over the younger talent so that the company can move forward. A professional till the very end, who still makes me proud to be a fan of this unusual sport. And his post-match send off was pretty great. So, at least there's that. I'll say one thing about Vince McMahon. Not all of his ideas are great. But when he has a great idea, he has a damn great idea. Besides Wrestlemania, The Undertaker gimmick is very much McMahon's ultimate claim to fame. And he gets all the credit in the world for coming up with it. But realistically, this is a gimmick that might have worked ok for a year or 2 on anyone else, but let's not forget, Mark Calaway is the one who made it kick ass for nearly 27 years. Protecting his character like an old school veteran from the very beginning, letting it evolve and mature. Always giving back to his fans, his peers, as well as the company who made him a star. The Undertaker's last match was more than the end of a career. it was a final glimpse of a generation. Because they just don't make them like this anymore.
Life After Death: Updated 4/16/18
Well, then. Don't we feel silly, now? A wrestler implies retirement, and just like that, he's never going to wrestle again. No question about it. Never mind the countless promises from countless legends over the years that they would never get back in the ring, only to go for another decade or two. We should know how it goes by now. But Taker had us with that whole thing where he left his hat and jacket in the ring, last year. And maybe retirement was the plan at one point, but it seems as though plans have changed. One year ago, I posted this now obsolete tribute to my favorite wrestler because, like many of us, I was convinced his legendary career had finally come to an end. Well, last week, The Undertaker faced John Cena at Wrestlemania 34. Actually, let me rephrase that. A very fit-looking Undertaker destroyed John Cena at Wrestlemania 34. And that, my friends, is worth addressing.
I guess it all began last year when rumors started to surface about a Cena-Taker match, which I didn't put much thought into, because rumors like that are going to happen, regardless. However, it seemed as though these rumors just wouldn't go away. A lot of people seemed to not want this to happen, mainly because The Undertaker wasn't looking great, last year. He seemed to be in pain, not in the best shape, and incapable of putting on the type of match we've all come to expect out of him. Not to say Roman Reigns didn't have a hand in making the match suck, though. Ultimately, I think most of us would prefer the dead man not tarnish his legacy and let us remember him the way he was before he really started aging. But if he's feeling better, looking better, can still go, and isn't going to fucking lose again, then, sure. Why not?
On the 25th anniversary of Monday Night Raw, The Undertaker made his first WWE appearance since his match with Roman, cutting an extremely vague promo which still has us scratching our heads. A promo which seems to hold zero relevance to anything that has happened since. However, not long after this, WWE started building Wrestlemania matches. One of which being John Cena Vs. The Undertaker. The build for this match is really unlike anything we've seen because it's a match that was actually never made official until the second it happened. For weeks, John Cena goes to the ring, talks about the importance of Wrestlemania moments, and how he never got a chance to have a match with Taker. Week after week, Cena pleads with The Undertaker to come back, but nothing. Eventually, the pleads turns to taunts and insults, but still nothing. Nothing but internet rumors, mostly regarding which version of The Undertaker we would be seeing.The Monday before Wrestlemania, John Cena pleaded his case one last time, which was met with silence. So, Cena gives up and it seemed as though the match just wasn't going to happen. Us fans aren't stupid, though. WWE isn't going to so much as hint around about a match unless it's a done deal. This was clearly all about the suspense. In an age where this company screws up just about everything, they actually pulled this angle off fairly well.
A discouraged, matchless Cena claims he's still going to Wrestlemania, but only as a fan. and when the big day comes, we see him sitting in the crowd, but we know it's only a matter of time before he'll be in that ring. After the always expected tease, the lights finally went out and The Dead Man finally came back, seemingly scaring the shit out of Cena enough to choke and get his ass handed to him in under 3 minutes, while getting a face full of dick in the process. Sadly, this quick victory says a lot about Taker's current ability. I, personally, do not feel ripped off because it was such a feel good moment and a far happier ending than last year. And hey! Maybe the fans will let Roman off the hook now that he's no longer the asshole who retired their favorite wrestler. Or not...Well, it would have been a happy ending, but it has now been confirmed that on April 27th, 2018, The Undertaker will be facing Rusev in a casket Match at a WWE event in Saudi Arabia. Ok, then. Fair enough. I guess he's sticking around. Maybe a Wrestlemania 35 match will be in the cards. While I do hope he's not just used to get other guys over, I also hope he doesn't continue having short squash matches at the expense of younger talent. It would go against everything the man has stood for and would do his legacy no favors. With that said, I suppose the future now looks more exciting than it did a year ago, as the history of The Undertaker is once again the present.
Often referred to as "a nightmare caught on film". I don't know about all of that, but it's certainly different. Using dark, grotesque imagery, Begotten tells the hilarious story of a family who are in a bit of a pickle. Cindy and Bob Russell have to leave town one night after they get a call, informing them that Cindy's father has suffered a heart attack. Bob and Cindy have three children, but feel it's best not to drag them along. After coming up short on every idea for an indefinite babysitter, Bob mentions that his brother, Buck, is always available. Cindy looks down her nose at the low-class Buck and does not want his unemployed fat ass in her house, but unfortunately, there is no choice. So, Bob makes the call and as luck would have it, the good-natured Buck agrees to crawl out of bed, drive across town and help out. While relieved, Cindy is still noticeably displeased that her worthless piece of shit brother-in-law is going to dirty her beautiful home, which should indicate as to how much she loves her father.
Buck was about to go to work for his girlfriend the next morning but has decided that his estranged family needs him more. Convenient, because Buck was not looking forward to that bullshit. All he has to do is look after a couple of kids, now. Or maybe three of them, he suspects. The two younger ones turn out to be rather pleasant, but then, there's Tia, the bitchy 15 year old who hates everyone and everything. The minute Tia lays eyes on her uncle, he is immediately added to the top of the list. Buck tries to remain jolly to maybe break the ice, but he's dead to Tia right off the bat. Why, you ask? Because fuck him! That's why!
The thing is, Pooter has been very depressed as of late. He has recently come to the realization that he will never live his dream as a comedian. A long time ago, Pooter settled for this clown costume which he has come to loathe more than life itself, just so he could feel like he's at least partially in comedy. Pooter finds it humiliating and now only sees it as a reminder that he's a failure. He doesn't usually drink so much that he's still drunk the next day but last evening happened to be the anniversary of his parent's suicide, so, Pooter is understandably a little down in the mouth. All he has left of them is his sister, whom he would die for.
Bernice is what some might call retarded. It is what it is. Pooter never developed proper social skills, and clearly, Bernice didn't either, so, neither of them know anybody besides each other now that their parents are dead. To put it as tastefully as possible, let's just say the loneliness eventually pushed the siblings into each other's arms, as they have not only fallen in love, but they regularly have intense, unprotected sex with each other. Only when the loneliness is too much to bear, you understand. Pooter doesn't feel great about it, and has contemplated ending things many times, but it's all reached a whole new level of complicated as of late. Bernice is pregnant with a potential freak baby which she wants to keep. It doesn't even seem like she completely grasps what has happened, but Pooter feels like an abortion is the right thing to do, even though it would go against everything he stands for.
In other news, Buck Russell eats so much cheese, he's starting to feel like a big mouse. This may be old news, and a little late in the game to make any diference because Tia continues to alienate her uncle when all he wants to do is be friends, and maybe even get to know her. Tia really knows how to push Buck's buttons, though, and he knows how to retaliate by being even more of a thoughtless oaf. Things get out of hand after Buck more or less threatens to murder Bug, which infuriates Tia, who fires the next shot by getting Buck in trouble with his girlfriend. This is exacerbated further when Melanoma-head is caught red-handed, dirty dancing with Aunt Jackie. There's no time to mourn the loss of his girlfriend, however, because Tia ran away and if Buck doesn't find her, her parents are going to be super pissed at him. As Buck's carefree life starts to crumble, he naturally steps up and does the responsible thing, eventually proving to everyone, including Tia, that he isn't a total piece of shit.
