Silent Night, Deadly Night + Shitty Sequels

I'm watching the 5th and final entry in the original "Silent Night, Deadly Night" series, and man... this series is all a stinker. Obviously, the 1984 original film is a goddamn classic, and legitimately one of the 80s best slasher flicks, and now one of my favorite Christmas films period. The first is tied with Black Christmas '74 for being the coolest Christmas horror films ever. But the damn sequels... Why?!

The first sequel is mostly flashbacks, and I don't know why ANY movie producer would think this is a good idea. This is a series that could have been amazing if they handled it right, but I guess there have to be a few duds to give us contrast, right? Other than "Garbage Day", there's really nothing of value to say about part 2. Or part 3, 4, or 5, but I'll try.

3 has Bill Moseley. And two cast members from Twin Peaks. However, they don't really do anything worthwhile. Moseley is wasted in a Franken-role, and that fucking dude could have made for ONE HELL OF A SANTA CLAUS. Why did this movie waste a talent like him? Why GOD, why?!

4 has Clint Howard, being a stupid bastard like he always plays, and people also may or may not get turned into bugs and roaches. Not sure. It's hard to pay attention to either of these movies, even though this one is Brian Yuzna. Reggie Bannister cameos, but the movie still isn't good. I might be biased, because these are shitty Lionsgate fullscreen VHS prints, but I still don't think the movies are any good.

Watching 5 right now, directed by Martin Kitrosser. MK co-wrote Friday the 13th parts 3 and 5, which are among the best of the series, yet he goes on to direct this movie? Toys that seem to attack people... until they inadvertantly get themselves killed. Some kid is traumatized after his dad dies by a toy, and it's kinda meh. Brian Yuzna produces, but it doesn't show much. It's just kinda meh.



What is it with shitty sequels to awesome movies?

For Silent Night Deadly Night, ALL the sequels are lame.

That also seems to be the case for The Howling sequels. I guess 4 was okay for the melting scene, and 5 was an alright mansion whodunnit, but the series is generally pretty low-recieved, from what I gather.

None of the Wrong Turn sequels are any good, really. Part 2 is okay, 3 is terrible, 4 is crap, 5 is alright because of Doug Bradley alone, and 6 is crap. Crap crap crap.

Children of the Corn? All garbage.

I'm pretty sure Leprechaun wasn't any good, but we've had half a dozen of those movies anyway.

Beside part 2 and the latest film, Amityville has had a lot of shitty sequels.





What sequels do you think are really stupid?

Unfinished Business: The History Of Martyrs



Torture Porn is a weird term to label a movie with. I'm not sure where the "porn" part comes in, unless you're a sadist, or something. It's really just a term that describes a post-2000 Horror film which includes excessive violence and gore, with an emphasis put on the pain and suffering. Unlike some newer Horror fans, such qualities aren't necessary for a film to win me over. There is enough real life pain and suffering out there without a need for the fake stuff clogging up the Horror genre. I can definitely take it, and I do find it mildly interesting at times, but for the most part, I see the torture stuff as merely cutting corners. However, there is one film that was immediately labeled "Torture Porn" upon its release in 2008, and if said quality was all it had to offer, then, you probably wouldn't be reading this, now. The movie I want to discuss today is Martyrs. A powerful, French film which has been on my list of top 10 favorite Horror films since my first viewing. It's so much more than torture. Martyrs is a horrifying and heartbreaking look into what physical torture can do to someone's life, as well as their soul. But that's just the beginning.

Forget porn. Martyrs is a torture epic. An epic that, at times, isn't easy to watch. This film is about a girl named Lucie and her friend, Anna. Both have issues, but Lucie's are the kind from which one never recovers. When Lucie was a child, she was kidnapped and tortured by unknown assailants whom she narrowly escaped, but not without scars. Physical and mental. In fact, a different person escaped that day. Whatever type of woman Lucie was to grow up to be was already dead. In her place would be a withdrawn basket case, incapable of accepting love or kindness, and literally plagued by demons who are slowly gnawing away at what's left of her soul.

While Lucie did escape her captors, they were never brought to justice. Now in her 20's, Lucie is still far from ok with this. In fact, she is so not ok with this lack of justice, that she is about to take matters into her own hands. As we now oversee a seemingly normal family eating breakfast, a knock is heard at the door. As the father answers, he is suddenly blown away by a young woman with a shot gun. Lucie barges in and goes on to destroy this family in cold hearted fashion. Yeah, the little girl gets it, too. Shot right in the back. While harsh, Lucie was simply THAT pissed at the parents. After years of searching, Lucie had finally found her tormentors, and had finally given herself a little bit of peace ... or has she? Lucie's scars are so deep, there is no level of retribution that can turn back time, at this point. What's done is done.

And then, there's Anna. Lucie's only friend, who is loyal, maybe to a fault. Make that definitely. Either way, Anna loves Lucie with all her heart, and will do anything to help make things easier. Lucie knows this and gives Anna a call from the now dead family's house, asking for assistance in disposing of some bodies. As always, Anna is on her way. While we wait with Lucie, we witness yet another side-effect of her scars: Delusions. Delusions which seem as real to Lucie as they do us. At some point, the poor girl dreamed up a friend which is far more damaged than herself. A friend who sometimes attacks her, making even more scars. Of course, it's merely Lucie attacking herself. However this "friend" of her's is based on a real person whom she refused to help escape as she was almost out the door all those years ago. That's where a lot of the mental scars come from: Guilt over what probably became of that other girl who only wanted to live, and maybe could have even had a somewhat normal life, had Lucie only taken the time to set her free before limping to freedom. Nothing can change what happened that day. Even after doing what was asked of her by killing this family, it's still not good enough. What's done is done.

As always, Anna tries her best to help Lucie, but she is only getting more and more out of hand. Unfortunately, ending this family somehow only made things worse. That night, Lucie ended her own life. And in an instant, all the years that Anna dedicated to her dear friend had become a waste. Anna is now alone in the world, and she is about to make the biggest mistake of her life.

Anna just hangs around the dead family's house with seemingly no plan. Long enough to notice a secret passage way in some cabinets, leading to an underground torture room. In this room, Anna discovers the final victim of this evil couple who destroyed her friend's life. And Anna being Anna, she helps this poor girl who is easily ten times more fucked up than Lucie was. Once a girl, now a grotesque freak, incapable of even communicating. All this person wants to do is destroy herself. Anna should have left, but she stuck around. Maybe she felt like she had failed Lucie, and saw this creature as her retribution.

It is unclear what Anna's plan was, but she makes an attempt at cleaning up the freak, and later, tries in vain to get her to calm down, although, she's about to calm down permanently, as a bullet randomly flies in, putting this tortured soul down, where she belongs, to be honest. Anna now has some visitors who have a lot of questions for her. As Anna fills them in, it soon becomes clear. These people are the employers of the original captors. And as they force Anna down to the torture room, she is clued in as to what all this business is about. There is a bigger picture that even the sickest of minds wouldn't have considered, and Anna is about to become the center of it all, as she is sucked into a hell far worse than the one Lucie experienced. Goddamn, it sure doesn't pay to help people, these days, does it?

Occasionally, I come across a movie that I find so interesting, and packs such a punch, that I decide right then and there that I will only revisit it once every two or three blue moons. Such strong feelings must be preserved, and with so many rewatches, that isn't always possible. I figure once a year is good for this one. And with my most recent viewing, the magic is still there. Martyrs is still every bit as powerful and devastating as it was during my first experience. From the moment Lucie blew away that family, I knew that all the hype was justifiable, and all the naysayers were full of shit. In my humble opinion, Martyrs is as good as 2000's Horror gets. At the very least, it's the cream of the modern French Horror crop. yeah, I said it! Sorry, High Tension fans. In closing, I'd like to make mention of one quality I believe more Horor films would be better off with: An ending which provides more questions than answers. People will forever wonder and debate about the true meaning of the last scene. I have my theory as you have your's if you've seen it, but I suppose there is no wrong answer. The truth lies in our imaginations. 10/10



#Review

CUNT

Vagina
Pussy
Flower
Snatch
Cooter
Coochie
Cooch
Gash
Beaver
Snapper
Muff
Minge
Poontang
Slit
Twat
Vajayjay
Flange
Penis Fly Trap
Juice Box
Banana Basket
Little Red Wagon
Pink Panther
Pink Taco
Panty Hamster
Axe Wound
Hot Pocket
Bearded Clam
Sausage Wallet
Beef Curtains
Furburger
Pink Puddin' Cave

Fans of thrash metal and 80's horror need to listen to this album.

1981, by F.K.Ü.

Every song besides the title track opener is about a horror film from the golden year of slashers, 1981.

1. 1981
2. Nightmares in a Damaged Brain
3. Hell Night
4. Corpse Mania
5. Friday the 13th Part 2
6. The Burning
7. The Funhouse
8. The House by the Cemetery
9. Burial Ground
10. The Prowler
11. The Beyond
12. Halloween II
13. Night School
14. Ms .45
15. The Evil Dead

This stuff is pure thrash. Nothing too original, mind you, but it's full of energy and lots of fun. It's like listening to a slasher movie. The only movie here I haven't seen is Corpse Mania. I've never even heard of it. I'll definitely have to check it out soon.

Turkey Challenge 2017 - Results Thread



Congrats on another spirited year of the Turkey Challenge. I would like to thank all who participated. Once again, Beatnik wins! He not only wins one, but every catagory. No one disappeared this year like Drive In Freak did a couple years ago. Beatnik watches enough Polinias to get a 6x Trifecta for Polonia.

Most Points:
1) psychotronicbeatnik - 527 points. 87 turkeys. 20 trifectas.
2) Messiah_Of_Doom - 350 points. 83 turkeys. 14 trifectas.
3) foz - 293 points. 62 turkeys. 11 trifectas.
4) Zombie CPA - 266 points. 55 turkeys. 7 trifectas.
5) Alchemie - 197 points. 48 turkeys. 9 trifectas.
6) BarkingBaphomet - 159 points. 40 turkeys. 4 trifectas.
7) rogerthemoviemaniac8 - 140 points. 49 turkeys. 0 trifectas.
8) Box_a_Hair - 130 points. 36 turkeys. 0 trifectas.
9) indiaistanbul - 129 points. 33 turkeys. 4 trifectas.
10) Johan_WoW - 92 points. 26 turkeys. 0 trifectas.
11) OnyxHades - 76 points. 15 turkeys. 2 trifectas.
12) zed - 57 points. 17 turkeys. 0 trifectas.
13) Gymnopedie - 10 points. 5 turkeys. 0 trifectas.
14) NoseOfNicko - 9 points. 4 turkeys. 0 trifectas.

Most Turkeys:
1) psychotronicbeatnik - 87 turkeys.
2) Messiah_Of_Doom - 83 turkeys.
3) foz - 62 turkeys.
4) Zombie CPA - 55 turkeys.
5) rogerthemoviemaniac8 - 49 turkeys.
6) Alchemie - 48 turkeys.
7) BarkingBaphomet - 40 turkeys.
8) Box_a_Hair - 36 turkeys.
9) indiaistanbul - 33 turkeys.
10) Johan_WoW - 26 turkeys.
11) zed - 17 turkeys.
12) OnyxHades - 15 turkeys.
13) Gymnopedie - 5 turkeys.
14) NoseOfNicko - 4 turkeys.

Most Trifectas:
1) psychotronicbeatnik - 20 trifectas.
2) Messiah_Of_Doom - 14 trifectas.
3) foz - 11 trifectas.
4) Alchemie - 9 trifectas.
5) Zombie CPA - 7 trifectas.
6) BarkingBaphomet - 4 trifectas.
6) indiaistanbul - 4 trifectas.
8) OnyxHades - 2 trifectas.

Most Efficent:
1) psychotronicbeatnik - 6.057 points per turkey.
2) OnyxHades - 5.067 points per turkey.
3) Zombie CPA - 4.836 points per turkey.
4) foz - 4.726 points per turkey.
5) Messiah_Of_Doom - 4.217 points per turkey.
6) Alchemie - 4.104 points per turkey.
7) BarkingBaphomet - 3.975 points per turkey.
8) indiaistanbul - 3.909 points per turkey.
9) Box_a_Hair - 3.611 points per turkey.
10) Johan_WoW - 3.538 points per turkey.
11) zed - 3.353 points per turkey.
12) rogerthemoviemaniac8 - 2.857 points per turkey.
13) NoseOfNicko - 2.25 points per turkey.
14) Gymnopedie - 2 points per turkey.

The Children of the Corn franchise

Rate 'em Here:
https://junkepics.com/film/?title=children+of+the+corn


Children of the Corn (1984) - Here's a short story by Stephen King that spawned an entire franchise, so it has to be good, right? Well, not entirely. It's average at best, but I've grown to like it.

Peter Horton and Linda Hamilton drive through the seemingly abandoned town of Gatlin, Nebraska, a recurring setting throughout the franchise, looking for anything. It's the old stranded/lost/need-directions scenario, but it's got a decent mood to it. However, we don't get any imagery as creepy as the poster art. Sickles in a cornfield at dusk? Nope. None of that, really...

So it's a movie about killer kids, huh? An obscure, religious cult of killer kids, set out to appease "He Who Walks Behind the Rows". Such a figure would of course be featured in sequels too, no doubt. It's kind of a demon of sorts, but it isn't depicted so clearly in the first movie. The kids all worship it, even though it demands that they die when they're old enough to be considered adults, hence why they're all children.

The cult leader Isaac is a real slimeball, and his right-hand man is Malakai (Courtney Gains), and they lead all these children to attack any adults in the city. The movie itself is at least entertaining, but not as creepy as it could be. Still, it's a well-paced story that exploits the eerie farmland setting of Nebraska.



Children of the Corn II: The Final Sacrifice (1992) - Final in no means, this sequel involves reporters trying to get the scoop on some big massacre in the city, in which only children seem to have gotten out of alive. Of course, we know they're all evil, but they gotta try to tell a story around it anyway.

Terence Knox stars as a reporter and father of a teenage boy who's about to get mixed up with the wrong crowd of angsty teens. Terence Knox is cool as hell, having played the lead Sgt. Zeke Anderson in "Tour of Duty" a few years before this, and he gives it a bit of credibility, but most of the story is rather so-so. Still probably one of the better sequels.



Children of the Corn III: Urban Harvest (1995) - Directed by James Hickox, brother of fellow horror director Anthony Hickox, this one showcases a largely 90s feel, and drastically changes the setting from farms to mid-city Chicago. Yeah, they still try to grow corn in the city, and that's what keeps it corn-based.

There are some interesting effects, and one hell of a massacre scene to showcase them all. In fact, there are a few good things about this entry, but the setting change is still pretty unfitting for such a city. At least it wasn't in space. This marks the end of the theatrical releases of any of these sequels. It's all DTV from here on.



Children of the Corn IV: The Gathering (1996) - The first DTV sequel is rather well made, featuring Naomi Watts before she was famous, playing a nurse in a hicktown, trying to find out why everyone is getting sick. Of course, we all know it has something to do with corn and cults of evil children.

Karen Black is also in this, but I wouldn't say it's a noteworthy role. It really is around this point that the movies begin to feel heavily direct-to-video, and the stories become less memorable, and they all kinda blur together.



Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror (1998) - It's the late-90s, and the horror genre has been revitalized to suit that witty teen audience. Here, we get a group of college students who are dumb enough to find themselves trapped in a rural town that's perfect for those killer kids to inhabit. The movie features Eve Mendes in one of her earliest roles, and Alex Arquette as one of the posse. Who cares about them though, when you've got bit parts by Kane Hodder, David Carradine, and Fred "The Hammer" Williamson as the sheriff of nowheres'ville!

The movie reeks of being a 90s DTV movie, but it's at least watchable. None of these sequels are too terrible yet, but they're certainly getting there.



Children of the Corn 666: Isaac's Return (1999) - Yeah, this one features Isaac again, played by John Franklin from the original. Hell, this must be the only sequel to have a returning character, even though his character DIES in the first one. How do they explain it in this one? Oh, he's just in a coma. Has been for years. 😐

Stacy Keach and Nancy Allen are also in this, but hell if I remember them. Like I said, these sequels run together after a certain point, and it's worse when you binge them all within days of each other. All that matters about this movie is that Isaac is back, 15 years after the original film, and quite frankly... he's okay. The ending was kind of a clusterfuck, so it's mostly a wasted opportunity, but it is what it is, and as bad as it is, it's still kinda watchable.



Children of the Corn VII: Revelation (2001) - So-so sequel about a woman trying to find her grandma or something. The story is pretty weak, and Michael Ironside is in there somewhere, but most of the movie is a blur to me, because the series is definitely in a decline at this point. It's hard to be quite as enthused when the entries get this generic.

---

This marks the end of the original series. It ends on a stinker, so what happens next? Syfy channel aims for a reboot, with Children of the Corn (2009)! As a low-rated entry, I watched it for the turkey challenge, and honestly... it wasn't terrible.

The movie does rely a lot on the first film. Hell, they even use the same goddamn theme song from the original, which is very strange thing for a remake to use elements from the original so directly. Coincidentally, I'd also seen a few Chris Seaver films this month that use the same music, so maybe it's just an easy theme to come by.

The story is set in 1975, rather than present day 1984 this time around, and it has a big Vietnam backdrop to it. The male lead is a Nam vet, and his wife is a gorgeous black bitch who nags him all the time. It's actually kind of amusing, but since they spend so much time on their crumbling relationship, they forgot to put the rest of the movie in there.

The movie cuts itself short, ignoring several key subplots of the original, like the children they try to save, and the entire plot about burning the cornfields. They cut it short, because the film has a rather bleak twist to it, which I wish I could be into, but it seems kind of half-assed. Maybe that's just because it's a Syfy movie. There are good things about it, but the film is definitely lacking.



Children of the Corn: Genesis (2011) - Remember when Hellraiser: Revelations came out? That damned sequel was rushed into production because of legalities to spit out a sequel before a deadline, and what resulted was a largely uninspired remake of the first film, with some lousy Pinhead substitute who couldn't cut it. Actually, I don't even think that's the worst of the Hellraiser sequels. That honor would probably go to "VII: Deader", but I digress.

When this happened to Hellraiser, it also happened to Children of the Corn. This entry features Billy Drago and Duane Whitaker in a mind-numbingly dull entry that I can't even describe. I only watched it last night, barely drunk and stoned, and I don't remember dick about it. Just a real dud of a movie, I guess. Sorry for the lack of a review, but it really was incredibly mundane.

---

So there you have it. A random rundown of all these damn Children of the Corn sequels. None of them are very good, but they keep making them! We have another one in the works, Children of the Corn: Runaway, which like the next upcoming Hellraiser sequel, is also being made in a quick scheme to rush out a sequel as to retain the rights on the franchise. So that's more shit to look forward to!

I remember being a kid in the video stores and seeing the cover art for part 1, Urban Harvest, and The Gathering a lot, and they all seemed like they'd be much cooler movies. Overall, I still kinda like the franchise, but that goes more for the early entries. For the most part, like with most horror franchises, they just get worse as they go on, and yet, I'm sure I'll watch Runaway when it comes along. 🙄

Killer Santa Claus movies

What a genre, huh? It can be Santa, or some guy who dresses as Santa and goes on a killing spree.

Obviously, we've got Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984), in which nice guy Billy's parents were murdered by a guy dressed as Santas, so he's pushed to his limit and goes on a killing spree. A great 80s exploitation flick that was notorious among angry parents. Then, we had a sequel that mostly rehashed the same footage, and did no justice to the killer santa genre. Bill Moseley plays the killer santa in SNDN3, so I need to see that one.

There was a loose "remake" called Silent Night, but that movie sucked ASS. What a piece of shit...


I also saw Christmas Evil last night, and some dude puts on the suit and goes on a killing spree. However, this time, it's a lot more awkward. For example, he tries to go down the chimney and gets stuck, so he panics until he can pull himself out. He's kind of a putz, but somehow, he flies away in the night sky at the end. What a dumb ending.

Tales from the Crypt had not one, but TWO great killer Santas. The 1972 film featured a segment with a woman fighting off an intruder after having to cover up her own crime, and then they had an episode about the same story, where Larry Drake plays the killer santa, and he was great. You know what's also great? I met Robert Brian Wilson (Billy) from Silent Night Deadly Night, and I met Larry Drake.

American Horror Story season 2 had a killer Santa, played by Ian McShane.

I'm sure this has to be a big genre. I'm not sure if Krampus counts, because he's NOT Santa, but he's kinda close?

Thoughts/Recs?

Recs for the Toy/Christmas Challenge

Let's get some recs going for this.


Two Front Teeth (2008)


Elves (1989)


Night Terrors (2014)

Santa's Slay (2005)


Feeders 2 (1998)

August Underground Pennance (2007)

Cannibal The Musical (1993)


Santa Claus: Serial Rapist (2016)

Treevenge (2008)


Sick Girl (2007)

A Stoinkmare Before Christmas (2014)


To all A Goodnight (1980)


Dismembering Christmas (2015)

Santa Claus Conquers The Martians (1964)

How do you watch your Movies and TV?

I've got a 40 inch tv that's about 10 years old at this point. The color isn't as sharp as it used to be, and I haven't had the surround sound or dvd/blu player hooked up in ages. That means okay picture quality and mediocre sound.

I really fell off it for a while there, but I'll be getting an upgrade soon, to a 50 inch 4k smart tv with a 3D sound bar. I'm pretty excited about that.

My damn computer is about a decade old, too. I Haven't even tried using this thing for games in a long time, because it can't handle it. It hums something fierce, even for some javascript sometimes.

I don't have as much need for a desktop pc as I used to, because technology is getting so much better, and smaller. All I use my desktop for is typing things. When people are on mobile devices, they don't "type". They "text", and since nobody has keyboards anymore, that's what led to the demise of the common message board. No well thought out posts. No actual writing. I don't know about youz guyz, but I like to get drunk and ramble, and that's easier on a desktop. Because of the keyboard.

It bugs me that I spent so many years building up a dvd collection, just to have it become obsolete with blu-rays, and now 4k blu-rays. I don't watch physical media at all anymore, and I stream it all on kodi/netflix and youtube.

How do you watch stuff?

The Wailing (2016), Dumplings (2004), Train to Busan (2016)

Revisited Korean horror epic The Wailing (2016) the other night. Directed by Hong-jin Na, of The Chaser (2008) which I enjoyed and The Yellow Sea (2010), which I've not yet seen but probably should before too long. The Wailing begins as something of an infected horror. A small rural village is plagued with inexplicable rashes followed by violent mania, perhaps related to a mysterious Japanese gentleman who has taken up residence in a nearby forest. But the plot thickens instead of devolving into the usual carnage and sieges. Investigating police officer Jong-goo and his colleagues blunder about, and by the by his daughter Hyo-jin becomes afflicted, even seeming possessed. A shaman is summoned for help, but things are not to go simply or smoothly...

This is one of those horrors in which the supernatural is bound inextricably to ordinary human failing. Certainly the evil here is formidable, enigmatic, implacable, but the villagers wracked with gossip, superstition and xenophobia, cut off from civilisation, and police force hot headed but short on bravery, integrity or wisdom, are still more than helpful. And its also one of those horrors, fewer in number, in which that bond is worked through at leisure and without compromise. A good near two and a half hours long, and it makes use of it. This sort of thing can get to be a drag, gloomy, inevitable, not actually much fun, but the ever shifting plotting and multiplying mysteries of The Wailing give it considerable intrigue. It also has regular injections of creeps and tension, it may be thoughtful and measured of pace but it's no sedate to no key ambiguous arthouse picture. The thoughtful side, the scares and the pace all work together, always compelling, never allowing relaxation. Pacy action is just too much like easygoing fun for really effective horror in my book, at least not until a climax and then only for a little time. Here there is a definite quickening and climax, but as mentioned, no compromise. This is one that can be watched a few times to really get the measure of.

Everything is assembled with skill and played on point, the actors move with grim force through confusion and anger and fear and desperation, and tragic little flickers of understanding. The film looks great, it has its own lost little semi fantastical world even in what seems to be modern times. Early on and even throughout there are images of calm, stillness, natural beauty. Not just empty prettiness though, but a sense of a world where these things can happen, a world that abides but offers no respite.

This definitely won't be for everyone, and for my own tastes I perhaps could have gone for just a little more grue or freakishness on screen. But these are minor quibbles, this is one of the best horrors of recent years. Strongly recommended.