Reviews with Ballz: Electra Glide in Blue

John Wintergreen (Robert Blake; In Cold Blood, Lost Highway) is a short, by-the-book motorcycle cop patrolling Arizona's highways, with hopes of soon moving up from being a highway patrolman and becoming a homicide detective. He eventually gets a chance to prove himself too when he discovers a body in a house in the desert and ends up helping with the investigation, quickly finding himself involved in something much more complicated than a simple murder and finding out just how difficult investigating a homicide can be.

Released in 1973 and directed by James William Guercio, Electra Glide in Blue isn't considered an exploitation movie, but it has a lot of characteristics that you might associate with the exploitation genre, including drugs, hippies, and a motorcycle gang. Those characteristics combined with the desert, murder mystery theme make for an interesting movie, to say the least.


So sit back and (hopefully) enjoy another... Reviews with Ballz!

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This movie starts out with a mysterious little scene involving a person cooking a couple pork chops while putting their dentures in a glass and loading a shotgun. They then seemingly kill themselves with the shotgun and we see someone else tending to the pork chops. This is the body John Wintergreen later discovers and of course, it turns out to be a lot more than a simple suicide, a fact that Wintergreen believes from the start despite the doubts others have.

Of course, Wintergreen's investigation into the murder doesn't go smoothly at all, encountering plenty of obstacles which slow his progress, a lot of which deals with bullshit from other cops. Wintergreen is closest to another cop named Zipper, but even when around this supposed friend, you can tell that Wintergreen doesn't exactly agree with everything Zipper does as a police officer.

Now you might be wondering why I mentioned that Wintergreen is short. Well, in real life, Robert Blake is only 5' 4" and this movie exploits that fact through both its dialogue and camerawork . Wintergreen's nickname however is Big John and considering the fact that the first time we see him in the movie, he's with a woman who implies he's been giving a good dicking to, apparently not everything about him is short.


Electra Glide in Blue has a few small faults, but the previously mentioned exploitation characteristics combined with a decent script, acting, and music make for a good crime-drama that I do recommend checking out, especially if you're a fan of cop or motorcycle movies.

My Rating: 4/5

Want more of Ballz? Check out the Ball Zone https://trashepics.com/zone/ball/ , where you can find my Twitter feed and some other junk.

#ElectraGlideInBlue #JamesWilliamGuercio #Review #ReviewsWithBallz #RobertBlake

Adam Sandler Is A Cunt!



I've heard he's a nice enough guy, which isn't that unbelievable, I guess. And it's really nothing personal, but the longer Adam Sandler's film career goes on, the more I'm annoyed by this guy. And I know I'm not the only one. But why? Where did it all go wrong? It's not our fault. I used to like him like many others from my generation. I mean, he started out terrible with retarded shit like Billy Madison, but after a few more roles, it seemed as though Sandler was coming into his own.

The Wedding Singer was a good movie. I enjoyed The Water Boy at the time, as well. You couldn't pay me to sit through it nowadays, but it was definitely a solid comedy with some decent actors. In the late 90's, Adam Sandler was the man, as far as comedy actors go. But with success comes money. And with money comes the need for more and more money. And like pretty much all his contemporaries, money seems to have been his one and only motivation when choosing roles, throwing all pride and artistic integrity out the window. At some point, Adam Sandler got lazy. And whatever creativity there was, eventually turned to goofy, family friendly repetitivenes. Today, I want to talk about a movie from 2000 called Little Nicky. Perhaps this is where it all went wrong for Mr. Sandler. Then again, perhaps not. Maybe it was that sickeningly sweet natured Mr. Deeds from a couple years later. But I have grown to hate Little Nicky even more for some reason. Let's find out why, shall we?

Sure, I liked it when it came out, being the 20 year old, pot headed Ozzy fan that I was. I liked Adam Sandler back then, and wasn't at all hard to please when it came to comedy. So, it doesn't come as a surprise to me at all that I liked this. A faggy title, for sure. I always knew that. But hey! Ozzy's going to be in it! Can't miss this. I love that guy! And despite the disappointing 10 second appearance from my Heavy Metal idol, I still ended up liking the movie. But almost 17 years later, and not so much anymore. Tastes change, people grow, sense of humor matures. At 20, I totally approved of this. However, now, I would go so far as to say that Little Nicky is Pedo-Hitler, AIDS, and Hillary Clinton rolled into one. Yeah, I know what you're thinking. That sure is a lot of maturing. And you're right. it certainly is!

So, for what it's worth, we got ourselves one hell of an all-star cast, here (Haha! get it?). Nobody except Sandler and pals really matter, of course. But this lighthearted P.O.S. flaunts cameos by Quentin Tarantino, Rodney Dangerfield, Reese Witherspoon, Carl Weathers, Henry Winkler, Clint Howard, John Witherspoon, Dana Carvey, Jon Lovitz, Kevin Nealon, Michael McKean, and of course, the legendary Rob Schneider. No shit!



Little Nicky also stars Harvey Keitel, Patricia Arquette, Debo Zeus, and that David Bowie guy, who was probably the highlight of it all. The last two mentioned play Sandler's brothers. The three of them are the sons of Satan, "Satan" seems to be more of a title than an entity. Currently, Harvey Keitel's character gets to be Satan. Before that, Lucifer (Rodney Dangerfield) had the honor. I take it he was the first. After rumors of Satan retiring and passing the torch are shot down, Satan's bad seeds, Cassius and Adrian, flee Hell and make plans on corrupting and eventually taking over Earth. This drastic shift in good and evil weakens Satan, making him slowly decay. It's up to his more sweet natured son, Nicky, to get up there and save the day, since he's the only one who might be capable of ending their rampage. Except Nicky is a dim witted pussy and a pushover. so, things are not looking good for Satan, or humanity for that matter.

And naturally, Nicky is transported to New York Shitty because this is an Adam Sandler movie. And that's just how it goes. Nicky takes this magic flask with him, which is meant to trap his brothers. He gets killed regularly, only to get sent back home to try again. Nicky knows nothing of this world or it's many dangers. He's befriended by some Bullldog who has been instructed to watch his back. His voice is stupid, and they keep showing him at strip clubs and fucking other dogs. Unfunny things like this have Adam Sandler's fingerprints all over them. I'm sure he thought that was a real knee slapper. Well, it wasn't, so you can just fuck right off with that!


Nicky moves in with a closet homo played by Allen Covert, who isn't completely unfunny. Nicky also meets a nice girl, played by the usually gorgeous Patricia Arquette, who is not quite so gorgeous in this movie. Probably the bangs. A blossoming romance that hits a temporary roadblock when Nicky gets cock blocked by Adrian. Things look up when Nicky also gets some back up in the form of a couple of Metalheads who are naturally obsessed with Satan, because of course they are. The Metalheads are played by those two friends of Sandler's who aren't Allen Covert. Yeah. Those guys. With the help of his new idiot friends and that ridiculous bastard dog, Nicky finally starts figuring out how to tap into his very much dornamt evil side, so, he can save the world and his father from total destruction.

In my humble opinion, this here is one of the more annoying movies from this era of "outrageous" cluster fuck Comedies which all seem to fancy themselves far funnier than they are. (I'm looking at you, Half Baked and Next Friday!) An era in comedy which time has not been all that kind to. Or maybe some of us just outgrow them quicker than others. It's hard to tell, sometimes. Maybe some of us also simply tire of the same old predictable mainstream chucklefests from guys like Adam Sandler and Eddie Murphy, who always seem to take that PC, family friendly route. But I'm sure these guys would have you believe that their decisions to only do family friendly movies is some sort of moral thing. I think we all know it's just about adding more zeros to their paychecks. It's called playing it safe. Shame on you fags for contributing to the downfall of American comedy!
There's one thing about this movie that occured to me during my most recent viewing. Something that could be taken two different ways. That's the fact that Satan and his family are pretty much portrayed as decent people who happen to have a couple bad apples. Now, This family being all nice could be taken as a controversial move, capable of offending the religious fanatics of the world. That sounds fun, but I think we already know these predictable Happy Madison movies well enough by now to know that much thought would never be put into one. In reality, nobody is all that bad in Adam Sandler-Land. Even the cause of all evil and suffering in the world is actually a swell guy. A twat, I say. That's what Adam Sandler has done to himself almost every step of the way since this movie. Sure, he's still a huge star. And, sure, he's now worth $300 Million due to all this cookie cutter nonsense he keeps polluting theaters with. Meanwhile, hundreds of superior efforts will forever go unnoticed. But nothing can change the fact that every time he shows his face in one of these movies, he confirms my original point all over again. Yeah, I said it. Adam Sandler is a cunt! 2/10

Saluting one of the best trash actors

There is an actor who has graced our screens since the 1950s, an actor who's graced our screens both silver and small in over 100 appearances, whose unique appearance and acting style have given us memorable and screen stealing characters. Ever the chameleon, he's played parts of many different ethnic and cultural backgrounds, and in each one he's remained doggedly himself. Although he's played heroes on occasion, his manic demeanour, and rugged looks have often seen him typecast in villainous roles. His devotion to acting (and possibly $$$) have seen him pop up in a surprising number of terrible films, many of which he makes bearable, with his odd inflections of words, and hamtastic acting.

Of course we all know who I'm talking about. It's obviously...



Wait! Hold up, not so fast!

It's not that dude. Though he is undoubtedly awesome and all, but he's not the one I'm talking about. No, I'm talking about this guy.



Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Henry Silva.

Now, I'm not going to give you a rundown of his life or filmography — that's all readily available for the interested over at Wikipedia https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Silva and IMDb https://www.imdb.com/name/nm0798328/reference , but in my opinion this actor is a true treasure of trash cinema.

A member of the Actor's Studio since 1955, there is no doubting the man can act, and act damn well. His roles in films such as The Manchurian Candidate and Johnny Cool attest to that. However, he was rarely the leading man, and all too often typecast as villainous heavies.

At some point around the mid-1960s, Henry Silva seems to have made a decision to accept any acting gig, no matter how bad, provided it paid, and proceeded to move to Italy, where he spent the next decade propping up a number of Euro-cop thrillers, mob films, and spaghetti westerns with his steely gaze, before returning Stateside to set about compiling a trash resume almost beyond compare..

Oh, and here he is helping sell Midas mufflers with Lee Van Cleef, showing all of his usual restraint...



Silva has starred (or appeared) in a number of terribly terrible movies, and a number of awesomely terrible movies. He wasn't too fussed, apparently. And in each one, his memorable performances exude a sort of boyish glee and charm. He's like the cat that got the cream. A grown man being paid to play soldier, deliver excruciatingly awful lines, and blow shit up.

Can't say I blame the guy. If someone paid me to sit in a tank and pretend to blow up Barry Bostwick wearing a gold leotard on a flying motorbike, I'd sure as shit take the money!



A quick glance at IMDb shows us that, in the trashy '˜80s, he took part in some memorably trashy epics.

Alligator (1980)
Megaforce (1982)
Escape 2000 (1983)
Cannonball Run II (1984)
Above the Law (1988)
Cyborg II (1989)



In later years, Silva has moved more into voice-work as Ban in various animated Batman shows (his deep timbred tones much better suited to the character than Tom Hardy's bizarre gurglings...), and cameos. One of my favourites comes as mob boss (what else?) Ray Vargo in Jim Jarmusch's excellent Ghost Dog: Way of the Samurai (1999). As usual, its brief screen time, but memorable nonetheless.



At 85, he may be slowing down, but his contribution to good, bad, and good/bad movies is undeniable and unforgettable.

Henry Silva, I salute you!



#JonoSalutes #TrashLegends

Favorite Shark movies?

Jaws
Deep Blue Sea
Jaws 2
Jaws 3D
Jaws: The Revenge
The Last Shark
Cruel Jaws

What else?

Westerns

What are your thoughts on the western genre?

Some examples:
https://junkepics.com/film/?limit=25&tags=western&sort=value

I think it's a pretty good genre, though I haven't seen much from it. Mostly just the Clint Eastwood ones and a few others. Surprisingly, I've never seen a John Wayne movie either. I've noticed that horror fans tend to appreciate westerns quite a bit too.

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My personal favorites are:

Bone Tomahawk (2015)
Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
Back to the Future Part III (1990)
The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly (1966)
The Hateful Eight (2015)
High Plains Drifter (1973)
Unforgiven (1992)

I'm back

Did I miss anything big?

Toy Story 3 (2010)



Before I get stuck into this thoroughly in-depth and informative review, I first need to tell a story from my past. We'll get to Toy Story 3 eventually. Don't you worry your pretty little head. But I have a grander point to make here and that requires some background. Setting the fuckin' scene, so to fuckin' speak. What's a romantic walk on the beach without the sumptuous orange sunset as a backdrop? Nothing more than sand between the toes and the looming spectre of melanoma. That's what. Hell, a review without intimate personal information is like flowers without chocolates. Dinner without a movie. 2 in the pink without 1 in the stink. A marriage proposal without the obligatory kneeling subservience. So bear with me. Pretend I'm on my knees, my face at your crotch level, about to place the diamond ring on your finger. If we were together in person, then you bet your ass I'd fellate/cunniling you into a screaming mess right now. Alas, I'm just words on a screen, so oral sex is out of the question. Sadly. Instead I'll regale you all with an illustrative anecdote that I hope you enjoy. What you are about to read is 100% true. Here goes...

The year was 1996. I was 17 years young. Not yet the depraved porno freak I am today, but what I lacked in knowledge, I made up for in eagerness. My cock could've split diamonds. My testicular enthusiasm was so furious that perchance a fair lass t'would merely glance my way, effluvient oceans of teenseed would gusheth forth from mine member like a tsunami of milky lust, enough to satiate the most zealous of bukkake fiends. My belly button took money shots like a champ and never once asked me if I still respected it. Great days...

I lived in a crappy house with my brother and a good friend of mine named Mark. We used to get porn vids on bootleg VHS from a mate of my bro's, a real weird dude who got a kick out of showing people shitflicks. These videos would have been copied over so many times that the title on the tape would never be what you were actually watching. The label could've said 'I Love It In My Ass 8', but you may have been watching 'I Love It In My Ass 9'. The '90s were a crazy decade.

This one time, we're watching some hot peen-in-poon action and probably huffing down a grocery bag worth of bonghits, when it randomly cuts to some German dude pissing on a chick. It wasn't the first golden shower I'd ever seen, and it would be far from the last. But this, ladies and gentlemen, was the single most important golden shower of my entire fucking life.

What sets this particular golden shower apart from the rest was not any especially depraved quality. It was just all splashed on her tits with nothing in the way of bathing motions or taste testing. Nope, what this sucker had was duration. It just kept going and going. No camera cuts. Simply a continuous pour. Oh sure, it would slow down to a trickle sometimes, but only to then come back strong and forceful. We were so impressed that we timed the piss. It lasted for 2 minutes. on the dot. TWO. FUCKING. MINUTES. If you're not overwhelmed with awe right now, then you and 17 year old me could never get along. And frankly, you can go fuck yourself.

This 2 minute Everest of urinary fortitude became not just a sight to be witnessed, but a goal to be achieved. A mountain to climb. We would learn to moderate our piss squirts to achieve the maximum time span. You couldn't just let it all go at once, you had to train your urethral muscles to ease it out at a steady pace. Pretty soon, we'd started taking a stopwatch to the toilet to time our pisses. Kinda like the training sequences in a Rocky movie, only with less weights being lifted and more torrents of urine pouring from dickholes. It was not uncommon to hear one of us exit the bathroom and proudly bellow throughout the house something like, "46 seconds! Not too bad!" None of us ever broke the minute mark, but we tried. We tried...

What does this have to do with Toy Story 3?? Taking a lengthy piss is all about pacing yourself. And Toy Story 3 has great pacing.

In a sense, life itself is much like a golden shower. You have to pace yourself. Restrain yourself. Keep living at a steady stream. Don't get overly excited and force things too much or it'll be over too quick and then you're just stagnant yellow toilet water. But at the same time, you can't hold everything in. You gotta relieve yourself when you need to. Maybe you're the type to just explode like a tidal wave, giving it all to the wind, spraying the world with your golden glory. But I think it's best to always save a little reserve to keep on keeping on.

But you're not just giving this golden shower, you're also receiving it. So make the most of it. Let it wash over you. Taste it as often as you can. Don't be afraid to get your face in there and fully immerse yourself in the fountain. Yeah, it might sting your eyes, but that's all part of the fun. Remember, this cradle-to-grave scenario is a one-time thing. This is the only stream of piss you're ever gonna get. So please, don't let it shoot over your shoulder and don't let it just trickle down into a puddle at your feet. Get stinky, motherfuckers. Your existence is happening. Now. Don't let it piss away.

Oh and, like, watch Toy Story 3. Coz, ya know, that's the movie I just reviewed...

I'm due for a re-watch of Transsiberian (2008)

Gottfrid called it "Brad Anderson's best".

You're going to be disappointed if you're expecting to see tons of suspense, twists, or gore.
Strictly a character study, and barely works as one being such a slow-burn, but there's a certain poetry to it. 6/10

Deadpool 2



This is a beautiful, cinematic trailer that shows you NOTHING about the story. This is a trailer done right.

Another No Imdb boards rant.

I love Trash Epics and everyone on here and the people involved. The IMDB boards however was such a good time waster, I work 9 hour days with headphones on, in front of a computer and it was cool to take a 5 minute break to see who was bitching about what, on the Horror boards or other movies. They amount of people posting kept a small social pulse in my life, if I was included in the conversation or not. It is weird that I keep going to the old IMDB boards out of habit.

As far as I know this is the only place that has an "quicker" response time than most boards on the internet, regarding horror/sarcasm. I mean there are probably good MD websites to talk about spores and shit but the lack of the IMDB boards has added a shade of lonlieness in my life.

Obviously, as soon as I exit work, life is normal again. I don't know if anyone is feeling similar.

#pretzelsandhummus