I feel like hating on a movie, today. Let's try this one. But first, I'd like to point out that I do not hate Kevin Smith movies. I used to love them, and still think some of them are pretty good. I actually used to like Chasing Amy a lot, as I used to like a lot of comedies from the latter part of the 90's and the early 2000's. Movies like Scary Movie and Half Baked. I'm not ashamed to admit I found them hilarious. Because we were all young once, right? And we've all liked stupid shit at one point in our lives, only to mature enough to one day ask ourselves the question, "What was I thinking?"
I don't know. I just thought it was funny, I guess. And perhaps clever, like pretty much anything Kevin Smith came out with around this time. And his approach to comedy was clever. Nobody was coming out with anything quite like Clerks at the time. His next movie, Mallrats, was dumbed down quite a bit, but still fresh, in a way. Plus, I have a hard time hating anything which includes Michael Rooker. Although, I feel the exact opposite about Ben Affleck, who plays an asshole in one of his earliest roles. The thing about Ben Affleck is that he should always play an asshole, just because he seems like one, plus, he's not that great of an actor. After playing some asshole in Mallrats, Affleck would graduate to playing the lead role in Smith's next film, Chasing Amy. That may have been the fat man's first mistake, as this decision automatically makes the movie more unlikable than it needs to be. Especially since Ben Affleck's character is portrayed as a nice, normal, level headed guy. Or at least that was the intent. But there is far more wrong with this movie than Ben Affleck.
In 1997, movies and other forms of pop culture were only on the verge of getting gay friendly. Kevin Smith, who has a gay brother, decided to make a movie, which shows the lifestyle in a positive light, although, that's not exactly what his movie would be about. Mostly, Kevin Smith wanted to make something a little more personal than what he had been doing. It would still be a comedy, but this third film in what is now known as the New Jersey Trilogy, was also heavy on the drama, which is certainly not a bad thing. Unless we're talking about faggy, junior high drama which makes no sense.
Like Smith's last two films, Chasing Amy revolves around two, lifelong, male friends. One, Holden. Played by Ben Affleck. The other one, Banky. Played by Jason "My name Is Earl" Lee. Holden and Banky are roommates, and also run a comic book together. And a very successful one called Bluntman And Chronic. Characters based on Jay And Silent Bob. Much like their friendship, their work together is like a well-oiled machine. And like Smith's last two films, there is an overly serious one and a wise ass. Holden, of course is the serious one. Serious, but not really a a dick at first. He's too uptight to find humor in Banky's sarcasm, but he's nice enough to tolerate it. Soon, Holden meets a woman named Alyssa, whom he falls hard for in a matter of minutes. I think, even for someone in their mid-20's, this is a little ridiculous, but okay. So, now, for some reason, Holden is becoming a bit of a dick to Banky. No reason it sight. He just is. It is soon discovered that Alyssa is a lesbian. Holden is devastated that this woman he's now met twice will never be his sweetheart. However, Banky thinks it's hilarious.
Holden stops pouting as Alyssa talks him into being her friend. Banky does not approve. And as Holden continues to be a dick to him seemingly because of Alyssa's presence in his life, he also gets even more testy as Banky starts casually using words like "faggot" and "dyke", seemingly due to his disdain for Alyssa. As Holden becomes her bitch boy more and more, he can no longer stand keeping his little crush to himself. One night, he spills it all, telling her he loves her, while acknowledging that she only likes pussy, so, he doesn't really stand a chance. As she explodes and tears into him as if he seriously wronged her, she then runs off, only to run right back into his arms, seconds later. Then, Holden fucks her.
As Banky catches them in bed the next morning, he is unusually shaken up by this, bordering on devastation. Banky of course hates her more than ever, now, and is convinced the supposedly sheltered Holden is going to get his little heart broken. And for some reason, he believes all this is going to ruin their friendship. Even the least ridiculous character in this movie is still pretty goddamn ridiculous.
Later on, Banky runs into an old acquaintance from high school, and just happens to mention the fact that his best friend is sticking it to a lesbian named Alyssa, and the guy tells him this story about how him and another guy tag teamed her years ago. And naturally, Banky is thrilled to be able to tell Holden this news. Holden does not consider this good news, however. As he tries to not believe it, he is clearly sickened by the thought that his hip, lezbo girlfriend might really just be some cum dumpster who swings both ways. As it eats at him more and more, Holden tries to hint around about this so he can feel better, and gets screamed at for it, as it all turns out to be true. Holden is not okay with this. And Alyssa is not okay with him not being okay with this, which makes her cry. And with advice completely misunderstood from Jay And Silent Bob, Holden soon makes what is arguably the dumbest move in the whole movie.So, yeah. All that seemed perfectly reasonable when I saw this for the first time as a teenager. My most recent viewing, not so much. I'm not the most mature guy in the world, myself, but now watching this movie as someone who is older than the cast, as opposed to younger, the whole thing is just plain cringeworthy. And I seriously question the maturity of a 20-something Kevin Smith, if that's really how this alleged grown man viewed love and sex.
Chasing Amy wasn't all bad. There was plenty of funny one-liners, almost all from Jason Lee, who was portrayed as a big joke. Labeled as "homophobic" because he throws around words like "fag". And a childish attachment to his friend, which is more than hinted around that he's actually gay for him, just for shits and giggles, I guess. Banky is made to be a moron, while their mutual friend, A gay guy, who is portrayed to have more wisdom in his limp wrist than Holden and Banky combined. This movie is very typical of the times. Such early pro-gay movies and attempts at political correctness just weren't as clever as they once seemed. Movies like this do not age well. Especially when they're as annoying. Juvenile bullshit aside, I personally found most of the characters annoying. And by "most", I mean everyone but Jason Lee. Joey Lauren Addams is like a scrawny, poor woman's Jennifer Tilly without the hotness. And Ben Affleck is simply Ben Affleck, who is about as likable as Nicholas Cage after raping his own mama. I'll never know what Kevin Smith saw in that guy to cast him in so many of his movies, but he was wrong.Technically, this was Smith's best film to date. And if you don't pay close attention, the whole thing might not seem quite so childish and unpleasant. I'm not sure what we were supposed to take from Chasing Amy. Homos and lezbos are more sophisticated and experienced? People who say "fag" always turn out to be fags? Or maybe it's just a love story about a doomed relationship, taken from a real life experience by the director. I guess it doesn't matter in the end, because either way, it's fucking stupid! 3/10
#Review
I'm just going to say it. Jess Franco really fucked up! A statement that could easily cover 2/3 of his 40 plus year career. A filmmaker responsible for some truly unique and beautiful gems here and there, but considering the man seemingly made around 12,000 movies, you just know there's going to be a lot of turkeys in there. But occasionally, the man struck gold. This is not one of those occasions. Seriously. Franco really fucked up, here! But with that said, this isn't the typical Franco badness. Franco badness normally includes lots and lots of boredom. Not so much with White Cannibal Queen was actually hilarious. Jess Franco managed to create a successful Cannibal parody right in the middle of the cannibal boom. Probably not the intention, but there's really no other way to look at it if you want to enjoy it.
I'm pretty sure they snuck in a couple white people to play cannibal savages. They have tans, but fuck a goddamn duck! This was only 1980. You'd think a shortcoming so avoidable wouldn't show up in one of these until around 1988. But again. Non-Italian. Alright, then. On with the story. Here, we got a family out near the Brazilian Jungle in an isolated hospital. The action wastes no time in getting started, as the wife is eaten, the husband's arm gets severed, and their daughter, kidnapped. All by a tribe of some very queer looking cannibals who look more like witch doctors, actually. And they seem cleaner and slightly more civilized than the one's we're used to. Some of them even speak English. Yes, English. Ten years later, we catch up with a bearded, one-armed Jeremy Taylor, who has been scarred by memories and tormented by nightmares, but is determined to go back to where it all started, to finally bring his daughter home. Only Lina Romay believes his story and is willing to help. As the two tag along on a Safari, we discover Jeremy's daughter has been made into the cannibal's own Queen. Brainwashed and everything. This complicates things. But not half as much as the inevitable bloodbath we have before us.
Strangely, this story has far more depth than most of these films. The shortcomings are plentiful, but if you're looking for something so terrible, it's incredible, and not the impalings and castrations many of us are so fond of, then, you very well might find some appreciation for this otherwise dreadful attempt at cashing in on the Cannibal craze. And that's where this all begins and ends. In some Franco films, the heart, the soul, the very essence of the man can be found. Films like A Virgin Among The Living Dead and Vampyros Lesbos. These films ARE Jess Franco. However, he was also very much a director-for-hire, at times. That's where half assed garbage like White Cannibal Queen comes in. Franco had no business making one of these, and he probably knew it. But money is money. Looking for more reasons to like such a film? Well, there's always the eternally 10/10 Lina Romay, adding that much needed hotness and class.