Anybody watching Raw?

Daniel Bryan is retiring tonight apparently, which is a kick in the nuts for WWE as he's been one of the only good things about the company in recent years. Anyway, it might also be a big swerve.

Landmine Goes Click (2015)

I just watched this last night. And wow it was so good. I couldn't believe I hadn't heard anything about it. But maybe that was a good thing because I went in not knowing what I was getting in to. I was going to post a trailer, but I watched it and I think it gives too much away. I'm just going to say watch this movie. And it's one of the best rape/revenge films I have seen in a while. 9/10.

The best movies you've never seen.

You can now filter movies by whether you've seen them or not. This is nothing new, since IMDB can already do it, but that's exactly why I felt the need to add the feature.

Check out the best movies you've never seen with this link (which will only work if you're logged in, obviously):

https://junkepics.com/film/?category=1&voted=1&sort=value

And this is all based on user ratings, so you gotta rate shit if you want it to be accurate!

Me personally... I haven't seen 331 movies on this site. I need to get crackin'!

Australia?! CrOiky!

Today is Australia Day https://trashepics.com/wiki/Australia_Day . If you don't know what that is, you're in good company, cuz nobody on earth knows much about Australia. I google maps'ed it once and I saw a lot of desert. Mad Max ain't kidding. Also, there are apparently areas where spiders are the rulers and we humans don't dare enter.



Then you have the crocodile hunter, the crocodile dundee, shrimps on barbies, crocodiles, hunters, dundees, and spiders. I heard it was a prison for the Brits. I also heard they have dragons and magic and stuff up there. It's gotta be a pretty balsy place if it's just an island of a country declaring itself as an entire continent. Look at the size of those balls on that Australia, mate! Dingo Dingo

Mean Johnny Barrows (1972)

An ex-star running back returns from Vietnam.

He was kicked out of the service for a scuffle which wasn't his fault, and is on the streets looking for work.
Wandering into a kitchen looking for a bite, he unexpectedly runs into a former (college) rival, owner of a 5-star restaurant.
The old acquaintance offers him work as an assassin, but Johnny turns him down.
After his "friend's" father is killed by rival dealers, he reconsiders his answer, due to a semi-romantic subplot.
The racial hints are hilarious, including a scene involving a perfectly-timed stroll by cops just as Barrows is having a conflict in a gas station.
Equally as comedic is all the kung-fu action in store. I think this one deserves a silver star, per se. 7/10

Silent Night, Garbage Night



Maybe it's just me, but I see nothing wrong with making a movie with a below average run time. It can even make the experience much more bearable. Not every movie needs to be 90 plus minutes. If you've seen the half assed first sequel to legendary 80's Slasher, Slient Night Deadly Night, then, you know what I'm getting at, here. Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 absolutely did not need to happen. Even if good ideas were had, it was fine the way they left things. But even with a lack of good ideas, or ideas in general, Silent Night Deadly Night Part 2 happened. And despite its flaws and stupidity, nobody can take that away from it.

This one Elephant in the room of an issue that comes to mind first is the fact that the first 40 or so minutes mostly consists of flashback after flashback from the first movie. Not actual flashes, mind you. But full scenes givng us a detailed account of what happened in the first movie. This is Filler City, friends. Pretty shameless. But thanks for the reminder, anyway, I guess. But hey. Atleast it was a good movie they're showing us. It just wasn't this one.

The little brother of the killer from the first movie is all grown up and already in an insane asylum. He's not like Billy. Ricky's kind of a dick, on top of being a killer. Even though he was an infant way back when their parents got murdered, Ricky claims to remember the entire thing. His mother getting raped and everything, I guess. So, he eventually headed down the same road as Billy, with his own killing spree. Personally, I think he's just a dick. But Ricky is having a session forced upon him by a court-appointed therapist. Relunctant and hostile, Ricky finally caves in and tells his story. But not after telling Billy's story in great detail. So, Billy's story made Ricky fucked up. He eventually got adopted out of the orphanage by a normal couple, who did a decent job of raising him. But somewhere, things went wrong. The demons of a past that really shouldn't affect him, are affecting him, anyway. And one day, Ricky snapped, and did a little killing of his own. And if he gets his way, he'll do a little more before his story is over.

Unnecessary, but damned entertaining, if you ask me, the muscle bound Eric Freeman is pretty ridiculous as Ricky. He has a weird face, and is just too over the top to not find at least a little entertaining. Once we get past the endless flashbacks, and the story actually begins, it's not so bad, seeing how the makers of this movie pulled this flimsy story out of their asses in order to milk a few bucks out of the original. It wouldn't have hurt to put a little more thought into it. But compared to what was to come the following years, I think they may have done okay, here. The next installment makes an even more half assed attempt at connecting it to the original. And then, 4 and 5... Well, never mind 4 and 5. And really, never mind any of them except the first. But bad movie lovers may get a kick out of this attempt at a sequel, as it's got plenty of amusing moments. I just love it when Ricky yells "GARBAGE DAY!!" at that guy before shooting him. That made it all worth it! 5/10



#Review

Bill Zebub: Full Of The Dickens



I've wanted to write something om a Bill Zebub film for a while, but very few words came to me. In fact, I couldn't even decide on which one to write about. Do I write about the one where Christianity is shat upon? Or what about the one where the guy gets a bunch of ants stuck in his dick? But then, there's the racist one. Actually, most of his movies are pretty racist. I honestly can't decide. And even if I could, I doubt I could come up with enough words to express exactly how werid, bad and fucked up they really are. So, I think I might do a mini review for all three of them. And maybe another one, depending on how this goes. A Bill Zebub film is quite the enigma, and takes much thinking to come up with words which truly do them justice. So, bare with me.

I'll start with Rap Sucks. The first hour is mainly Bill, a smartass Metal head who's not quite as smart as he thinks, as well as some chicks, getting ready to play Dungeons And Dragons, which never gets started due to some very blunt race debates where N words, among other words, are thrown around to a comical extent by some British lady. Bill occasionally throws in his 2 cents, mostly correcting everyone's grammar, and getting on his girlfriend's nerves, who slaps the shit out of him several times. We go back and forth between this bullshit and footage of Metal shows, eventually trailing off into another hour about Bill's relationship with some European chick. Not sure what happened to the other one, but this second half is completely random to the point that it almost seems like Bill put two movies together. The funny thing is that the Rap genre isn't mentioned all that much and has very little to do with the movie. Although, it is touched on how the popularity of Hip Hop has ruined music and made it far less cool to be a Metalhead. I suspect Rap Sucks is just Bill's way of letting the world know how much he hates black people. A hatred overshadowed only by his hatred for the man they call Jesus Christ. 7/10

I'd like to see Bill Zebub get famous one day, on the off chance that he might get invited on the Bill Maher show on HBO. Now, put those two together and that's the makin's for some of the all-time funniest anti-religous rants. If you've seen Religulous, you know what I'm talking about. Bill is a proud athiest and clearly thinks people who aren't are idiots. Which is obvious if you've seen several other films of his. In Jesus, The Total Douchebag, however, Bill Zebub plays Jesus, himself. And isn't all that great at it. This film is mostly made up of conversations between "Jesus" and several "New Testement characters" out in the woods, which are all meant to poke fun and poke holes in Christian beliefs, and of course to be as offensive as possible. The film begins with "God" and Mary getting it on as God lowers his giant God-cock to the Earth. Afterwards, God (played by some old guy) confesses to Mary that he's been killing all her unborn Jesus' so he could keep fucking her over and over. After God leaves, "some black guy" breaks in and tricks Mary into thinking he's God and ends up impregnating her with black Jesus, who serves as Real Jesus' competition later in life. Yeah. Wow! Not one of Zebub's best, but one of the weirdest. Hilarious if you hate Jesus. 4/10

And then, there's the one about the Ants getting stuck in the guy's dick. Antfarm Dickhole. More of the same from Bill and his big mouth, non-comformist opinions, and stupid puns which never fail to get a laugh (from me). But this movie is about his pal, a grown man, who gets picked on by bullies, and has trouble standing up for himself, somehow ends up with a bunch of ants in his dick who crawl out and kill anyone who threatens their new home. "Ant-drew" doesn't have to stand up for himself any more since he's got thousands of fake looking little friends to do it for him, now. His girlfriend is also eaten alive, which he is comically unphased by. This story is mainly about what happens to a pussy when their new found self esteem goes to their head. Plus, More Zebub horseshit with pseudo-intellectual conversations out in the woods with naked chicks, to a Metal soundtrack. Unfortunately, the title is the best thing about this movie. If you don't hate Bill Zebub's work/hobbie already, then, you might not hate this one either. It's pretty funny, at times, and is a hell of a lot better than some other stuff he's come out with. 5/10

And then there's The Worst Horror Movie Ever Made Yes, that's the title. Possibly but hopefully not the film Zebub will be remembered for, as it's quite the mess. On purpose, yes. But a mess is a mess. Bill went to great lengths to break every taboo imaginable, over use every Horror cliché he could think of, and shock, disgust and/or entertain the everloving hell out of anyone he can. This movie isn't even trash. if you can overlook how hard this movie tries, you'll be sucked in to a wild, insane story that seems to go on for days. Bill is a metal-loving, overly opinionated atheist and sexist who has little patience for his gold-digging Dutch girlfriend, Jeanne. Although, he appreciates the fact that she only wears lingerie. After a game of strip-poker involving the mismatched couple and a bunch of random people, they're interrupted by a random axe massacre, Bill and Jeanne flee and are plunged into a world of non-stop B-movie chaos. We the viewer are subjected to crude, immature, sometimes confusing humor, ludicrous dialogue, ridiculous situations, horrid CGI, all kinds of blasphemy, and terrible acting, which is of course on purpose. The most obvious case of someone trying too hard to make a bad, offensive movie that I've ever seen. I suppose that's a part of its ironic charm. But I should point out that this is in no way the worst Horror movie ever made. Not even close. 5/10

Bill Zebub stars in most of his movies, possibly playing himself. The neurotic, opinionated douchebag who spends most of his screen time making sarcastic and controversial comments about society, race and religion. Besides the one's mentioned, Zebub is also responsible for such films as Assmonster: The Making Of A Horror Movie, Zombie Christ, Jesus: Daughter Of God, Rape Is A Circle, Forgive Me For Raping You, and Jesus Christ: Serial Rapist. Not to mention several Metal documentaries which I've been meaning to check out.

There aren't very many micro-budget flmmakers left who stands out and has such a distinct style as the neurotic Metalhead. As unlikeable as they can be, Zebub's films have a certain charm. That is, if you dig Black Metal, chicks in lingerie with big tits, and hate society. If that be the case, then you might have come across something really entertaining, here. But it might help if you like bad movies, because bad is definitely what these movies are. Zebub's unorganized approach and serious lack of editing is his trademark, and only seems to work due to the brashness and assholishness of it all.

At times, it's hard to tell whether Bill's films are intentionally bad or if he simply doesn't give a fuck. That may actually depend on which movie you're watching. Bill's approach to bad movie making doesn't look to be changing anytime soon, and knowing him, he's probably content with the small audience he has. I don't see this guy changing a damn thing for anyone. And that's something one must respect about a filmmaker. Especially this day in time. They're not all great. And even the ones that are, aren't THAT great. But one thing is for sure. It takes balls to be the scary looking bastard who makes these movies.

Demented Death Farm Massacre/ Honey Britches



For those who haven't seen this it's definitely worth the watch.
Extremely B rated but I literally laughed my ass off thru the whole movie.
I'am not going to do a review on it for two reasons, one I fucking can't write reviews for shit and the second reason is that Troma hit his review on it perfect on IMBd and on this site.
Anyways it's hilarious and has some decent kill scenes.
Classic kill scene here.

Has anyone seen 'Super'?

Damn, I love this movie. It's a hilarious take on superheroes in which a down and out loser (Rainn Wilson) decides to become a superhero: the Crimson Bolt!

However, this movie is grounded in reality, so he has no powers. In fact, he really sucks at being a hero! He just sits behind dumpsters waiting for crime to happen, and if he's lucky, he'll catch someone selling pot, or some other trivial crime, and gets carried away with the punishment. For example, someone cut in line, and he beat their face in with a wrench!

The movie is damn funny, and wouldn't ya know it, extremely violent. Directed by Troma protege James Gunn who wrote the screenplay for Tromeo and Juliet and is now directing Hollywood superhero movies like Guardians of the Galaxy, this movie was over-shadowed by the vastly inferior piece of shit known as 'Kick-Ass'. God, that movie is fucking garbage...

The cast is amazing too. Rainn Wilson is our incompetent hero, Ellen Page is his overzealous child-like sidekick 'Bolty' (who gets into it so much, she rapes the Crimson Bolt), and Liv Tyler as the damsel in distress that the bolt must save from the our antagonist Kevin Bacon and his lackeys (including Michael Rooker), who has her hooked on heroin so he can pimp her out. Don't forget the bit parts by Gregg Henry, Nathan Fillion of Firefly fame, and Lloyd Kaufman.

It really is a fantastic movie that will have you laughing in shock at how gory and obscene it gets, but it's got a lot of heart and isn't some overblown Hollywood piece of crap. Highly recommended, even if you hate superhero movies.

Musicals: Do you like them or hate them?

I know musicals tend to be loved or hated by most, and while I'm not a huge fan, some of my favorite movies just happen to be musicals.

A small list of musicals in our database: https://junkepics.com/film/?tags=musical&limit=20&sort=value


My Top 5 Musicals

The Rocky Horror Picture Show - The most cult film of all time, featuring transvestites, aliens, sex, mad scientists, and meatloaf getting hacked up with a pick axe. I love this movie.

The Wizard of Oz - In general, this film is just a classic, and important part of cinematic history. I don't even remember most of the songs, to be honest.

Hedwig and the Angry Inch - A total trash epic about a transsexual rock star from Germany with a botched sex-change operation. I'm not gay (pretty close though), but I think the main actor makes for an awesome woman.

The Nightmare Before Christmas - A totally unique stop-motion holiday mash-up. The stuff fairy tales are made of.

The Blues Brothers - I'll admit... I don't give two shits for the music. I just think it's a hilarious movie.

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Anybody have anything they'd like to say about musicals?