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The tit patrol, that's who! * 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Vampires with a "Y"

image

I'd just like to start off by saying that this movie gets me super hard, and always has. Especially when I saw it for the first time as a teenager. That was a fun one. While this erotic Horror film has always had quite the effect on my throbbing, hard cock, that isn't even close to being the only thing which attracts me to this wonderful movie. Besides being nice and bloody, Vampyres has this strong, dreamlike atmosphere and gothic tone which I've never seen before or since in anything else. Even as a masturbating teen, I knew I was watching something really unique. Shot on a breathtaking location, and starring two insanely hot ladies. This is just a beautiful film in every way It also gives me a bit of a nostalgia hardon, so to speak, simply because it is the first Spanish Lezbo-Vamp flick I ever saw. So, there's a little sentimental attachment on my end. And after seing countless others from the sub genre since then, this one still remains my all-time favorite, for all the reasons I mentioned. But for the hardons, especially.

image Filmed in England, and directed by Spanish filmmaker, José Ramón Larraz. Vampyres begins with two beautiful women getting ready to get it on in an old rundown mansion, until an unseen assailant creeps in and blows them both to hell for an unknown reason. It is not clear as to how this made them come back as vampires, later on. Or maybe they were already and were unphased by the bullets. I don't know. They looked pretty dead to me. Perhaps this scene was supposed to be after the story in which we're about to see. We don't know. But we then begin sometime before or after these events. Longtime Companions, and lovers, Fran and Mirian roam the English countryside, hitching rides from men who might be in the mood for a little action, only to lure them back to their lair for a little softcore fucking, with the occasional threesome. And of course, the inevitable blood drinking for dessert. Anyone who falls for this trick is a gonner.

image Fran, the hot brunette, takes a shining to her most recent find, as well as his cock. But mostly his blood. Instead of killing him right away like she usually does, she decides to play with him for a while and savor the experience, despite the pretty blonde, Miriam, advising her against it. Fran keeps him alive far longer than she should, draining him slowly. She leaves him weak enough so that he can't leave the bedroom during the day when she sleeps. And at night, she returns for more blood and cock, with a little lesbian action here and there with Miriam's assistance. Fran and Miriam have guests over often whom they drink wine and get it on with, Always resulting in said guests getting drained of all blood and cast aside for the next unfortunates to come along so the vampyres can maintain their unholy existence. All the while, keeping that same poor, dying guy around for those rainy nights. If Fran doesn't listen to Miriam soon, they both may live to regret it.

Not much of a story with this one at all, which isn't so bad. One thing I like about this movie, however, is that we're also given not one bit of backstory on what's going on here, who these chicks are, how long they've been here, and why and when they died. Quite a few occurences and phrases uttered don't exactly add up. The possibly unintentional mystery of it all only adds to the charm. Vampyres (AKA Daughters Of Dracula) is amazing on so many levels. Our two leading ladies are portrayed by Marianne Morris and Playboy Playmate, Anulka Dziubinska. Constantly oozing hotness and playing their contrasting roles perfectly. I've seen two different versions of this film. The first was on VHS, and included a more subtle, creepy score, perfect for this film, along with the grainy, slightly blurry film quality. It makes it all come off that much more like a dream. However, the Blue Underground dvd/blu-ray version has more of a menacing score with a very cleaned up print, which is also a beautiful version of the movie. I'd recommend either one to anyone who digs lesbian vampires, blood, atmosphere, and of course, hardon-inducing tits and ass. You can't go wrong with Vampires with a "Y". 8/10

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#Review
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one of those plonkers 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
David Bowie

RIP?! Terrible news to wake up to, right? Now, I may not have been familiar with ALL of his discography, but goddamn it, I had most of it! His music got a little weird at times, but he also released some classic tunes. He had loads of charisma, and was a damn decent actor too.

What are your favorite Bowie tunes?

image - Afraid
- Ashes to Ashes
- Blue Jean
- Cat People
- Fashion
- Heroes
- Modern Love
- Moonage Daydream
- Oh! You Pretty Things
- Panic in Detroit
- Queen Bitch
- Suffragette City
- Rebel Rebel
- Velvet Goldmine

and my favorite: Slow Burn
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one of those plonkers * 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
A movie about two shitty Easter bunnies

Hank and Mike are Easter bunnies. They smoke, drink, and watch porn. Suffice to say, they're crude, but they get paid to do a job. A bunny's job. They sneak into people's houses every Easter to hide eggs. Yet they're on the payroll for the whole year, when this holiday happens only once a year. What gives?

The Easter business is then pressured into downsizing by another company: Sponsored Suicide. That's right. A company that pays you kill yourself in public while advertising stuff. Since Hank and Mike suck at their job (i.e. forgetting to do a house on their route), they get "fucked in the ass" as they so elegantly put it. Being Easter bunnies is all these two know. Now how are they supposed to make a living?

image As Easter bunnies, these two never take off their costumes. They'll even shower in them. I'm not sure if they're supposed to represent actual bunny rabbits simply played by humans, or if they're just extremely dedicated. Yet, no one seems to question this at all. They accept it as if it's completely normal. lol.

As the film goes on, they prove their incompetence time and time again by failing at even the simplest jobs: school janitor, lunch lady, delivery man, you name it. How's an Easter bunny supposed to get by?

The movie sounds dumb as fuck, and it ends up being pretty funny. There were a few moments that made me laugh out loud due to the sheer stupidity of it. And the ending... πŸ˜„

If you play with fire, you get cut!
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one of those plonkers 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
We're Hot as Love

"Sitting Here at Midnight" - Reggie Bannister and Bill Thornbury

My favorite scene from Phantasm, featuring our protagonists in a rare upbeat moment before their lives all turn to shit:

youtube
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Trash Promoter 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Letterboxd

Anyone use this site? I have decided to track all horror & exploitation i watch this year on it so if you use it give me a follow! - https://letterboxd.com/klownz/list/horror-exploitation-films-watched-in-2016/ & if you don't use it sign the fuck up & track what you are watching! One good thing about the site i notice is that it has some films on it that don't have IMDB pages so its pretty cool in that respect..... Bloodbath at Pinky High Part 1 & 2 for example :)

image
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one of those plonkers 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Star Wars

So I finally got around to watching the original Star Wars trilogy so I could be caught up for the new one. Honestly, I thought it was okay. Had I grew up watching the series, I'm sure I'd have a bigger hardon for it, but as it stands... simply okay.

I can understand why these movies were a big deal, because they explored different planets, had a ton of aliens, weird technology, robots, and a lot of ambitious shit going on. I'm still quite curious about how they were originally, before they added all the CGI and SFX, but whatev. Some of the stop-motion looking stuff was pretty cool, and I guess the CGI was passable for '97 standards.

Fun Fact: My step-mom's sister is married to Peter Mayhew, who plays Chewbacca. That's why I feel compelled to try to have a stronger interest in the series, yet I can only consider my interest casual at best.
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Trash Person * 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Funny horror movie reviewer

This guy cracks me up. Watch this review. He keeps getting funnier as he goes along.
youtube
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error 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Tales From the Crypt

https://www.rollingstone.com/tv/news/m-night-shyamalan-to-revive-tales-from-the-crypt-20160107

In case you haven't heard, it's coming back with M. Night Shyamalan as showrunner...

Thoughts?
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one of those plonkers 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Not Safe for Work: A new site feature

Due to Tromafreak posting some nasty-ass vaginas, I've decided to make Trash Epics a little safer. Don't get worried now, folks... it'll still be obscene, but in a slightly more controllable way. Moderators can (and are strongly encouraged to) declare posts and comments as NSFW: "Not Safe for Work". There's a little toggle on posts and comments that will hide all images in said post/comment that are deemed NSFW.

"What kind of bullshit is this?" you're probably wondering. Well, by default, all guests/visitors will have safe-mode ON, which will hide dirty images. This can easily be turned on and off by clicking the avatar (or trash-can for non-logged visitors) in the top-left corner. Logged in users will, by default, have safe-mode turned OFF.

As mentioned above, I strongly encourage all moderators to set posts/comments as NSFW if they are indeed not safe for work. Those nasty-ass images that Tromafreak loves so much will get this site blacklisted by search engines, and Trash Epics will never thrive if these things disgusting images are visible to random-ass guests, kna'am sayin'?
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Trash Person 🌐 ⚠️ NSFW
Linnea Quigley + Rhonda Shear, in 1991

Ohhhhh this is a classic. The great Rhonda Shear talks to Linnea, on USA UP All Night, for about two and a half minutes, starting at 11:33 in this clip. youtube
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