For a good time...

Just click on this:


For a REALLY good time, (if you are not too concerned about having more fun than humans should be allowed), you should watch that video, then position your clicker so the cursor is right at 9 seconds, in the timer bar at the bottom of the clip. Then, just keep watching from 9 to 15 seconds, and every time it gets to 15 seconds in the video just click your mouse so it goes back to 9 seconds. Do this over and over and over and over and over and over, until you start giggling maniacally and drooling.

Chemical Peel (2014)

I didn't like Chemistry in school. I know lots of kids found it interesting, but something about it bothered me. I guess because I was such a history nerd, chemical warefare was always at the back on my mind. The effects of napalm, agent orange, chlorine gases etc etc. That's some scary shit. Chemicals mixed with the wrong ones could be so disastrous for humanity, it scared the hell out of me. And it still does. If I ever have to do some hardcore cleaning, you bet your arses I read the backs of the detergents. You don't want that stuff burning your hands and knees while scrubbing. You don't know what effects that sh!t will have on you if you use them wrong.



So, when I visited a video rental shop today, a movie titled "Chemical Peel" stuck out instantly. I figured it'll be a fun watch so I grabbed it without even looking at the back. Yes I totally judged this book, or in this case movie, by its cover and I have no shame. None I tell you! And considering I rated this movie a 7, it didn't do too badly either.

Chemical Peel is about a group of girls who go away for a Bachelorette party in a nice little secluded cabin. At the same time, a train carrying some dodgy substances crashes and the said substances mix, creating a reaction that affects the whole valley these girls are staying in. From then on, things get a little, uncomfortable. And by uncomfortable I mean bloody gross. But first, let me tell you the cons of the movie.

Con number one, the characters are pretty lame. It's hard to relate to many people here, there aren't too many characters you can take seriously. As a horror movie, they've taken stereotypes, the "okay, we need a laid back girl, a bitchy girl, a quiet nerdy girl, a badarse girl ...etc etc". I reckon if they had made the girls a bit more relatable, when the bad things start happening, we'd be a bit more emotional. That said, there is at least one or two I kinda liked, so there is something going, but don't expect any unique characters with great acting, so it's pretty basic here.



Not to mention, a lot of the characters are pretty annoying, and kinda stupid too. I actually can't understand why anyone is even friends with the bachelorette who's the quintessential cunt of the movie. Seriously, she's taking the piss out of everyone, why are you guys even friends?!!!



They also took some time with the build up. Because the characters weren't that interesting, I didn't care much about their backstory's so they could have trimmed some stuff out. A lot of their build up was kinda lost on me.

But, I will give the movie makers this, the build up, though long, does pay off. This movie was gross. Really gross. So gross and disgusting, I actually didn't like it. Not because the movie was bad, but because it kinda sickened me. We all know what happens to people when invisible gases get into your lungs and start burning you from the inside. Think about that sentence, that's goddamn terrifying. I'm not even talking about the movie here, that stuff happens! And it's a perfect scenario to make a horror movie because a concept like that allows for plenty of gore. Not blood, but pure disgusting gore! And on top of that, there's always the prospect that this could actually happen. Forget about even chemical warefare, think about negligence within chemical companies. Hell think about chemical waste! It's not like you can just throw out these chemicals when you're done with them, how the hell do you get rid of them!



Fans of Cabin Fever (another movie that gave me the heebie jeebies) will no doubt see some similarities with this one, minus the humour of cause. I can see many people seeing this as a pretty average movie but it kinda got under my skin. In fact the thought of chemicals burning under my skin makes me feel a bit queasy. And I like to pride myself on being able to handle extreme and gory stuff, so when I start squirming in my seat you better be squirming with me. Cos there's apparently only two things that get under my skin. Chemical burnings, and maggots. I fucking hate maggots!

So, thought I'd give this flick a holla. It's not great by any means, the characters do kinda suck and it's not anything new, but it's gross and freaky and it's bound to make you cringe, so if that sounds like a keeper then go for gold.

7/10



Here's a trailer for those interested.



Thanks for reading guys. Feel free to add your thoughts and opinions here.

To the Mods/Admins

Out of curiousity. Has Dorian or Boki tried making an account here? I know that you guys would be able to monitor who everyone is much better than the mighty IMDB does.

Real cool, this background picture...

...with all these insects moving and all.

You can never get rid of the babadook...

I've been thinking of this movie a lot lately. The film deals with a mother losing her mind over the constant chaos that her son regularly instills upon her, and I can't help but feel a strong parallel to my own undesired reality. I live with my mother, who's taken custody of her severely autistic grandson, because his own mother couldn't bear it any longer. They like to focus on his autism as the reason for his manic behavior, but I've always felt his strong mental retardation was the greater issue. He's a handful to live with, and while I hate my sister for all the other horrible things she's done in her life, particularly to my own mother, I wont hold it against her that she couldn't deal with this child anymore. He's enough to drive anyone mad, and yet my mother has taken on the burden herself, due to some twisted sense of loyalty to her family that I can't understand. I wish I was more patient, but it's hard to be patient when you haven't had a good night's sleep in weeks.

Essie Davis gave a great performance. She loves her son, but can't deny that he drives her fucking nuts. Sometimes, he's fine. Sometimes, he's nerve-racking. Other times, he's sometime worse. Often, he becomes unbearable. Then he makes us both unhinged.

Our protagonist isn't a bad person, but she's pushed to her limits without any way out. Medications never sedate the madness. It always shines through, and it's surprisingly contagious. If only there was one night where we could be undisturbed, and sleep it all away without the worry of having to deal with the menace that haunts us nightly, but we could only be so lucky. It bleeds into the morning, disrupting our days, and is in constant need of endless supervision. It needs to be maintained, but it's hard enough maintaining ourselves, let alone someone like this. It's always the same thing. A recurring nightmare that holds us all back, and it's ours. Utterly ours, and there's no outside assistance, and there's no escape from it.

Every night, it's the same thing with my nephew. Despite being sedated, he never sleeps. I know this because I never sleep. In a lucid dream, I hear the incomprehensible voices coming from a child who can't express himself through words. Only screams. I check the time, and it frightens me. It's 3:15, exactly. The nightmare is here, and it's here to stay. If it's in a word, or it's in a look, you can't get rid of the babadook.

#DontLetItIn

RIP Wes Craven

Well this sucks. I'm bummed out about this one. I know he was 76 but he always seemed so healthy. I had no idea he even had cancer.

But what a career he had. I enjoyed most of his movies, even My Soul To Take and Shocker. What are your faves?

I am a Grand Piano!

A total King Farouk! The one and only Sanjak of Novi Bazaar, and if you don't like that, you can go fuck a duck!

#LeoDechamp

Purchase a little bit ago.

https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000TSMO70?psc=1&redirect=true&ref_=oh_aui_detailpage_o00_s00

just picked this set up, guys. Deadly Friend was on my mind tonight. With Wes dying, my mind went back to my childhood immediately. Lots of TBS watching this movie, when I didn't watch it when it was on HBO.

Bruce Campbell's Horror Film Festival Viewings

https://allowmetorambleon.files.wordpress.com/2015/08/bruce_campbell_horror_fest.jpg?w=300&h=125

This past weekend I was fortunate enough to attend Bruce Campbell's Horror Film Festival as part of the Chicago Wizard/Comic Con and see some horror flicks. Here are my brief thoughts on the films I saw:

The Green Inferno (2013)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2403021/

Got to see a special advanced screening, which also included an introduction by writer/director Eli Roth and star Lorenza Izzo! Much influenced by the Italian cannibal films, it also has the perfect dose of dark humor that Roth is known for. You find yourself horrified and humored as the film is spot on with its critique of social justice warriors. Overall, it's a lot of fun and right up there with Cabin Fever as Roth's best work.

Turbo Kid (2015)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3672742/

The ultimate 80's throwback flick! It's essentially a super gory post-apocalyptic film with romance that feels genuine and not hokey or forced. Also, Michael Ironside makes for one hell of a great antagonist!

Body (2015)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3732950/

It's a well-paced and well-acted film that starts off light hearted, but shifts gears about halfway through and becomes dark. There's never a dull moment and it doesn't fall into the trap of becoming predictable like a lot of modern day thrillers do. The three main actresses, Helen Rogers, Alexandra Turshen, and Lauren Molina are all great and have perfect chemistry and Larry Fessenden is solid too. It also happens to be set on Christmas, which will make it a required Christmas horror viewing here in the future.

Bubba Ho-Tep (2002)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0281686/

It's been out for a while and isn't a new release, but it was shown at the festival and remains an awesome flick. It's a smart horror comedy that addresses the issue of growing old and wanting to end on a high note as opposed to dying in an undignified manner. Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis are both phenomenal as Elvis and JFK respectively, who team up to take down the ancient mummy that is terrorizing their nursing home and give the little time they both have left some meaning. Bruce Campbell did a brief Q&A after the film and the universe proceeded to implode, at least for me.

Bunny the Killer Thing (2015)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3375286/

A half man, half rabbit creature goes around killing people in Finland with his penis. yeah, that's pretty much the entire film right there. A real trash epic!

Some Kind of Hate (2015)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3698558/

It's an okay slasher film with a strong premise that could've been so much better. It's a little too dark for its own good, although there are some cool kills and gore effects. It also suffers from being the sort of horror film you'd only watch on Netflix by accidently stumbling upon it.

Synapse (2015)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2747766/

Essentially, it's a low budget mash up of Looper and Total Recall (the original, not the remake!). For what it is, the film's entertaining and well made. Some of the cast & crew did a Q&A after the screening and it was both informative and inspiring to hear all the hell they had to put up with to make the film with practically no funds and limited time.

Sun Choke (2015)

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt3395582/

It's easily the most artsy film that was screened, and the film unfortunately suffers because of it. It's a lot similar to May, featuring a psychologically damaged female protagonist, which is cool, but because of the way they approach it, you only get a vague sense of story and narrative coherence and don't find yourself sympathizing with her much at all. Had the film not taken that approach, it would've been so much better. On the plus side, it's a well shot and edited film and features yet another great performance from Barbara Crampton.

#BruceCampbell #FilmFestival #Horror

Fuck a Duck

Who will do this gross deed? None other than...