Gamers

I don't know if there are anybody that plays video games on here but I thought I would share this anyways.



I never have laughed so hard.

Don't Go Into The House (1980)

So this is my first attempt at trying to write a review I hope i don't fuck it up and my you tube video can actually be viewed.

Don't go into the house is about a young man played by Dan Grimaldi as Donny Kohler who has abused as a child by his mother in some of the most sickest ways like burning his arms on the stove.
So has he starts growing up he starts having views as he was a child and we'll basically starts hating women which leads him to start killing them in some of the sickest ways.
He builds him what I would say a Huge fucked up oven.
His weapon of choice is a Flamethrower as you will see in this video.



Pretty messed up the way he kills them huh.
He kills three women that way and then puts them in a room all together and basically has a relationship with them all til there corspe come back and kill his sick ass.

There are parts in this movie where sometime I couldn't stop laughing so hard, like when we meets this women at a disco and her hair catches on fire and everybody is just dancing away staring at her like what the hell are we suppose to do about it, I tried to find a good you tube video of the disco part but the one I found wasn't worth a shit and half of it was missing so I didn't post it.

Anyways I know it not the best Video Nasty film but it's difently not the worse one to watch.
I actually really liked this movie a lot.

So I was wondering what your thoughts of the movie was.

Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead (2006)



I like Troma movies. As a teenager, I loved them. A few of them, I still do, I guess. But over the years, the Troma Team got a little old, and I eventually discovered a whole world of B-Horror outside Kaufman and Herz. And honestly, those guys rarely get a hold of anything worth a damn anymore. And that's been true since the early 2000's, with no sign of a change. Sad but true. But there's still plenty of legendary Troma productions/aquisitions that are still worth many a rewatch. The Combat Shocks, the Redneck Zombies, The Blood Sucking Freaks. Movies like that is what keeps their reputation in tact. But then, there's the films of Lloyd Kaufman. Let's talk about Lloyd Kaufman for a minute.

Most Troma movies are bad on some level. But only when watching a Lloyd Kaufman film to do I get the feeling this movie was intended for idiots. If a Jerry Lewis character from one of his shit movies from the 60's started directing his own movies, and randomly threw in vulgar humor for shock value, along with an unnecessary amount of childish bullshit, then, it might turn out something like a Lloyd Kaufman film. When he started out making movies under the Troma banner, they were all co-directed with his friend (?), the ever elusive Michael Herz. The Hebrew duo would start out making what they now refer to as "the sexy comedies". From the late 70's until the early 80's, the first real Troma movies were bestowed upon us. Squeeze Play, Waitress!, Stuck On You!, and The First Turn On. The last one mentioned is now mostly known for the film that a young Madonna auditioned for and got turned away, along with the success her participation would have brought them in the years to come. I've never seen that movie. In fact, the only Sexy Comedy I have seen is Stuck On You! And it very well may be the last. These are some awful, unfunny movies that appear to be made by retarded virgins. The change in style that was coming was a much needed one.

In 1984, The Toxic Avenger was released. A film that didn't do great at first, but brought Troma massive success. Perhaps not "Madonna success", but Toxie put those guys on the map, and regardless of how far they decline, they're still there unlike so many other independent film companies that have since fallen. After several sequels, and a cartoon called The Toxic Crusaders, the success had been fully milked, and Kaufman/Herz (and eventually just Kaufman) would go on to direct a decade of hits or misses such as Class Of Nuke 'Em High, Troma's War, and SGT. Kabukiman NYPD. All tame compared to Toxie. All obviously attempts at maintaining a semi-mainstream appeal that was already long gone. It wasn't until 1996's Tromeo And Juliet that Lloyd and Troma got their groove back and finally started putting back in the offensive, vulgar humor that got them their original fame. Lloyd's next two movies, Terror Firmer (1999), and Citizen Toxie (2000) would be proof that this formula was a success, because Lloyd ran with what he was doing and turned the volume WAY up on the shock value and intentionally bad qualities. And the same direction would be taken several years later with Poultrygeist: Night Of The Chicken Dead. Let's talk about that for a minute.

Poultrygeist could easily be seen as the ultimate Kaufman directed Troma film. And I'm sure it is by many. All the satire, gore, boobies and silliness is present and shoved right down your throat. This film is one long running joke about how shitty the fast food industry is, and corporate greed in general. It's also a musical. Our main character is Arbie. A dim-witted little pussy with a face perfect for a Troma movie. He's mad at his girlfriend Wendy for going all "liberal dyke" on him, and leaving him for a scary muff diver after promising him she'd never leave him ever. So, I guess that'd make her his ex-girlfriend. Anyway, Arbie breaks into song like a dumb ass, and then decided to get a job at the new chicken restaurant where Wendy and other liberals are outside protesting. Revenge, I guess. Personally, I would have at least tried to find someone else in order to make her jealous, but whatever works.

American Chicken Bunker hires the very much uneducated Arbie within seconds, as he gets introduced to his co-workers. A horny gay Mexican, Paco Bell, bitchy terorrist chick, Hummus, and an animal fucker by the name of Carl Jr. And let the obnoxious stereotypes run wild! Along with a song every 5 minutes, and semi-ammusing cameos by Ron Jeremy, Joe Fleishaker and the penis-monster. As we witness several run ins between Arbie and Wendy, who are still into each other, at least sexually. We also discover That American Chicken Bunker was built on top of the cursed Tromahawk Indian burial ground. That and the shitty toxic chicken everyone's been eating leads to everyone turning into chicken zombies, as an above average gorefest ensues.

This one just goes too far for me. Too much silly, too many attempts at humor, too many attempts at offensive. Just too many attempts, period. The first word that comes to mind when I think of Poultrygeist is "desperate". It's a movie that seems like it was made by a desperate man. I've heard Troma wasn't doing great financially at the time, and this was their big chance to turn things around. And I guess it worked, which is great, but I just wasn't feeling this one. Of course, there was some crazy shit now and then that forced a laugh out of me, like the very end for example, but I just found Poultrygeist to be a bit too constant. There's an old saying, "less is more". Well, a little less here and there might have made a huge difference, in my humble opinion.

But to be fair, there are plenty of things I didn't hate. The first thing to come to mind was the songs. Yes. The songs. I hate musicals with a passion. Cannibal The Musical has always been the only one I don't hate. I didn't hate Poultrygeist. And while I believe it would have been better without the songs, they were some damn funny songs that weren't like fingernails on a chalkboard at all. They were actually kind of catchy, too. Plus, they were all bunched together, and once they ended, the story finally started moving along. The eager looking little gipper who played Arbie and the weird chick with the amazing voice who played Wendy were superb, as well as alot of the other actors. They all did a great job with the material they were given. To get a good idea of what a hellish ordeal Kaufman put these people through, check out the behind the scenes documentary, Poultry In Motion: Truth Is Stranger Than Chicken. Looking past how annoying and obnoxious this movie can be, I suppose it's good enough. A step down from the last 3 Kaufman trash epics, but it ain't no lame ass Kabukiman. That's for sure. 4/10



#Review #Troma

An Open Letter to Klownz

Klownz is a right daft cunt, there's just no denying his cuntishness. Every pore of his skin exudes cunt juice. Honestly, given a competition between who is more of an actual cunt between a girl's vagina and Klownz it would be Klownz. That's how much of a massive total fucking cunt he is.

But I will say this for the cunt, he did - for a while - have the best horror forum going and I can honestly say that I had the most fun on there than any other site. The cunt seems to be getting a bit of a bashing or cunt punting on here, (and yes, I've read through the Manshun topic). Here's 10 reasons why Klownz isn't such a complete bastard and 10 reasons why I am a complete bastard:

1. The Mansion had K-Sound - he was fucking great and we shared loads of choons between us until Moon banned him.

2. Irish Gent - Another top lad, knew him from UHM and fucking love that guy.

3. Shaza - bit of a fucking weeeeeeeeeeeeeetch but a lovely one!

4. Dybuk - Lovely girl, if a bit of a twat at times.

5. Switchy - Yeah I know he reported me and never stuck up for me but he was still a good lad.

6. Woodenheart aka Woodsy - I feel fucking terrible for ever directing her to the Manshun as she was treated like fucking shit on there.

7. Splat - Ditto

8. ForeverDsy and I became friends on there, and fuck me if that girl can't take a dirty joke!! 😄

9. Ninjas-r-cool - first time I ever met Ninjy babes was on there and that cunt still fucking cracks me up!

10. Just the fucking wanton attitude that it once had, before Moon went all menstrual and Carpenter became a mod.

Night Terrors(2013)



This an anthology which I thought since it said "Return of VHS Horror" would be an SOV. But it's not an SOV instead it is filmed to look like an old VHS tape with some tracking here and there. I could be wrong, but it doesn't look like an SOV. But back to the movie itself. It has three parts plus a wrap around story. The movie starts with a teenage girl babysitting her little brother. Her brother wakes up and wants to hear a story before he goes back to bed. The older sister tells him three messed up stories that would give any little kid nightmares.

The first story is called Massacre on 34th Street. It's basically a killer santa chopping up a bunch of young adults. It's pretty standard and the acting isn't that great. The effects are kind of meh, but if you get through this one it will bring you to the next story.

This story I think is called Baby Killer. It's about a scientist that goes to an extreme to try and save his dying daughter who has leukemia. He starts off killing a janitor at the place he used to work at and then he decides he needs someone younger. Then he kidnaps and kills a little boy, but he needs younger than that. He needs a fetus which leads him to his pregnant neighbor. This one is pretty brutal. The effects are still not great, but it is good.

The third and last story is fun. Abstinence. It's basically a new take on the zombie genre where there is a STD that is going around a college campus turning everyone into a zombie. It's a fun buddy comedy horror story.

This is overall a pretty good anthology. It's very low budget made for about $5,000. But it kept me entertained through most of it. 7/10

Renzo Does Things

Things. That's exactly what this movie is. A jumbled mess of obtuse things that don't fit together, being forced to co-exist in 85 minutes of sheer avant-garde brilliance. Everything about this movie is a complete enigma. The premise, the purpose, and the pretense of this movie, because it makes NO sense, it serves NO moral, and the biggest mystery is to whether the creators of this film intended to create a mocking masterpiece, or if they just fell completely steam-roller flat.

The look of this film is reflective of the mindset of the film-makers involved: it's fuzzy, foolish, and downright foreign. Shot on 8mm, this Canadian epic is technically one of the worst films ever made. Everything about this movie is just wrong, from the framing, to the editing, to the sound mixing. Especially the sound mixing, because it's almost entirely dubbed, and everyone doing their lines seems completely out of their emotive mindset, it just ends up fascinating. The music is a mixture of mistaken synths melodies, airy repetition, and dastardly guitar riffs. The lighting is in eccentric Suspiria colors that vividly contrast our protagonist's blue sweater. The editing is jumpy, the shots linger far too long on people struggling to accomplish a relatively simple task such as putting on a shirt, or wiping off blood and goo with paper towels. It's only natural that the cast and crew had no idea how to film a regular movie, because they can barely dress themselves. Yet all this transcends typical technical inferiority and surmounts to something mesmerizing. A true testament to Canadian film-making.

The plot involves things, and characters who encounter things, and unenthused conflicts brought about by things. After things start appearing, it becomes a survival story in the vein of The Evil Dead, only less coherent, less logical, and with a lot more beer and filler. Nearly half of this movie contains scenes that further the plot in absolutely no way, and sometimes even twist the story into a complete knot. Describing the story of Things is one of the toughest challenges mankind has faced, because the premise has yet to be deciphered. So when one wants to know about Things, it all boils down to a mustached mullet man in a blue sweater fighting off giant rubbery ants after his spectacle-wearing brother's wife gives birth to said things after having been artificially-inseminated by a satanic scientist... or something.

Things is a strange case of the worst ingredients forming a completely happy accident. You have to be in a strange place to enjoy this movie, because it's so bad... it's beautiful. Some movies are described as nightmares on film, but most films are too coherent, or structurally sound, to encompass a true nightmare. A real nightmare makes no sense, and takes you from one place to another, so fluidly, that you don't even realize you're going there until you suddenly find yourself at that place. This is Things. A surreal mess of incompetent creatures and uncordial catastrophes, that you'll never truly understand, even after you have just experienced Things.

This review is from my imdb account: https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0183881/reviews-24

#Review

Orgasm Torture in Satan's Rape Clinic (2004)



"Satanists murder the owner of an experimental "rape clinic" and subject one of her patients to their own sexual perversions."


There are no words to describe how cool as fuck this films title is BUT there are also no words to describe how shit this film is!

I love horror & a big fan of horror so "shit" others wouldn't watch.

This film has no plot, has no credible film makers & is the first film ever that I genuinely give 1/10 & the 1 is for the great title... prostitutes get paid to fuck & porn stars get paid to suck

IMDb

I hope I don't get into trouble for posting this but on IMDb its not only the Horror Board with Lep, and all his other fucking aliases that his dumbass has reporting everybody's posts they put up.

I've posted 5 posts there on the horror board and that fucker has reported every single on but Snowtown/The Snowntown Murders and The Incredible Melting Man he has reported.

But for shits n giggles I posted the Sudical Munchkin video on the The Wizard of Oz board and I even said on my post that I know it's fake as shit but its a cool little myth about how some people believed that it actually happened.
And no joke by the time I logged off it was already reported by someone.

I've only been on IMDb for a year but has it always been that way with people reporting posts.

Men Behind the Sun

Yeah so this is like preaching to the choir as most of youse kunts seem to get off on all like autopsy footage and that so if it helps, Men Behind the Sun deploys actual real life, well, er, I mean real dead, cadavers, which I'm sure you sick cunts'll agree is all all like happy happy fun time goodness. YAY!

This Chinky flick - wrongly labelled a mondo or horror film in some quarters - is a dramatic reconstruction of events surrounding 731 Squadron, a group of slitty eyed scientists experimenting with biological warfare during World War 2. Pull up a fucking futon here as I describe the cunt: Chinky and western citizens are imprisoned in camps and subject to all manner of truly appalling experimentation. Get this, right, this one slag, after her baby is snatched from her arms and buried in the snow, is left outdoors surrounded by a rampart of ice-blocks. Tied to a wooden frame, cold water is constantly poured over her outstretched arms. When her limbs are deemed suitably encrusted, the ice is smashed off and she is led back into the compound. The experiment controller instructs her to plunge her arms into a tank of heated water, then tugs at her skin which sloughs - yeah, I said sloughs - from her bones like cow's arse gloves haha! The silly Chinky tart screams hysterically at the skeletal limbs before her!! Good fucking stuff!

Man or Men Behind the Sun is full of such delights, in one memorable scene some cunt gets placed in a decompression chamber, he remains there for a bit until collapsing to the floor, his body sweating and swelling until finally the poor sod prolapses violently, discharging about three metres of gut from his anus which once expelled resembles a massive chain of Cumberland sausage meat. It's a fucking laugh riot.

Men Behind the Sun is not a low budget exploitation film. It's a propoganda film highlighting the Chinks suffering at the hands of the Japs. It's brutal, jarring, and downright evil in its intent. And if you enjoy watching drunken caretakers tossing (real) dead bodies into furnaces, cat snuff, nine-year old boy evisceration/autopsy footage and evil Jap cunts being evil Jap cunts then look no further dickheads as this is the film for you. Good times.

Red to Kill (1994)

What do you get when you have a exploitation rape revenge flick made by the wonderful filmmakers in Hong Kong. You get a class A Cat III flick. Being that this movie is Chinese and not Japanese, we get uncensorsed nudity too. Not sure how much of the nudity you'd actually WANT to see in this movie, but for all intents and purposes, this is a fantastic sleazy affair.

Meet our rapist, Mr Chan.



Played wonderfully by Ben Ng, you will never see a rapist as energetic and crazy as this guy. If you have to pick a reason to watch this movie, watch it for him. This guy makes Le Tenia cower in fear. He basically looks like a Chinese version of the Hulk. The thing that sets him off as a buldging, shaking, adrenline pumped sex addict, is the colour red. Apparently he was traumatised as a kid when he saw his mother murdered in a bloody fashion. Now the colour red turns him into a raping and killing fiend. You wanna know the most fucked up part fo this plot. Guess where our rapist/murderer works?
A home for mentally handicapped children. I wonder how long an american remake will come along?;)

Notice how I used red to highlight that above point? Smooth huh;)

Anyway, meet our main protagonist Ming Ming. An innocent child orphaned and placed in this home. Little Ming Ming is the sweetest character, you really want her to be okay. And watching over her is her social worker, Mrs Lok. But how long before someone wears red and sets our hulking rapist off into a trance?

Okay this movie is all sorts of fucked up. It's a exploitation rape revenge centered around disabled kids for goodness sake. And there is a copy containing the most dodgy subs ever heard of in the history of filmmaking, apparently. Not the copy I have, but I have heard many tales of the "Sex Lupine".

Despite its subject matter and brutality, it's actually a really well made film. Very artistic and emotional in scenes. Lovers of cinema should find some appreciation for it at least, but of course those who love exploitaion will adore it too. The final confrontation involving Mr Chan is a sight to behold. Gorehounds rejoice!

It's hard recommending a movie like this, but I'm going to do it anyway. Watch this movie. And if you get a hold of the dodgy subs version, you'll be pissing yourself laughing all the way.



And yay, wouldn't ya believe it, it's on youtube! Not sure if this copy is the dodgy subs one or not, but check it our regardless. The dodgy subs copy is bound to get some extra laughs thrown in.



https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0111037/reference

#Cat3 #Chinese #DodgySubs #Extreme #Rape