Children of the Dark (2008)

As horror fans, we are used to seeing graphic and bloody depictions. That stuff is just common place in this day and age. But even the most jaded horror fan will still squirm uncomfortably whenever children are depicted as being abused, both physically and sexually. That kinda stuff is just too taboo, especially if the scenes happen to be graphic. Children of the Dark isn't a horror movie, but is just about as horrifying as anything you could see.



A Japanese journalist investigates illegal organ trafficking in Thailand, and finds himself in a world that's connected with pedophiles and the mafia. Those who know me know I'm no stranger to anything disturbing or fucked up. But even movies like A Serbian Film haven't desensitised me to child abuse. And the child abuse scenes in this movie are brutal. If a movie like Mysterious Skin was too much for you, stay away from this one. I put this on par with the movie Silenced (2011). Though the abuse scenes are not frequent, when they do happen, it's enough to make your skin crawl. Even some scenes where no abuse is occurring is exceptionally daring and provoking. Seeing children riddled with AIDS and thrown out in the rubbish is about as grim and depressing as it comes. This is not a feel good movie. This is bleak, dark and important film making.



Despite the very disturbing subject matter, this movie is pretty well made. The acting, the cinematography, the atmosphere and the script was all top notch. It's not perfect, I'll make that clear. It goes for over two hours, which was overly long imo. The editing and flow of the movie could have also used a bit more work, and the ending, while incredibly shocking, felt like it came out of nowhere. But the story is strong, and brings up several different ethical concepts. How ethical is it for a journalist to stand by and allow a victim to suffer, all for the glory of the story? Does the cycle of abuse generate any sympathy for a perpetrator who used to be a victim? Would you allow an innocent child to die to save your own? I can see many people debating this movie after they see it. And it's movies that do that, that cause such an impact on the viewer, that succeed where many other movies are often forgotten. I can guarantee that anyone who watches this movie will not forget it soon after. And that is a victory for the filmmakers. Even if it did get pulled from the Bangkok International Film Festival, it still makes its statements loud and clearly.

https://cfile6.uf.tistory.com/R750x0/150F804F51277452199D6B

Anyone who has a penchant for fucked up cinema, will no doubt find this movie something to their interests. But don't expect to enjoy this movie. It's not one that can be easily enjoyed. Instead it shows you the darker side of humanity in an unflinching portrayal. If you want to be disturbed, you've come to the right place.



7/10


For those who enjoyed this, also check out Silenced (2011).

Thankyou for reading.

https://cfile9.uf.tistory.com/image/166A57034BE7D15F103BE9

#ChildDeath #ChildMolester #ChildRape #Extreme #Journalism #OrganTrafficking

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band


I have seen the light. An atheist no more, I can say to you, hand on heart, that there is a God. And, what's more I can prove it.

If you're anything like me•, you've probably been wondering what would happen if Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees battled the combined evil forces of Donald Pleasence, Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, and, er... Frankie Howerd,


with a glorious medley of Beatles covers.

You haven't?

Well, I have for years. But how, in God's sweet everlasting everything, would I answer this particular conundrum?

Thankfully, less than a year after I was born (how serendipitous — it's almost as if a certain Big Man in the Sky knew I'd want to know in the future...), Hollywood power trio of Michael Schultz, Henry Edwards and Robert Stigwood ("Who?!" I hear you cry) were on hand to answer this question of the ages. In 1978 they directed, wrote and produced Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band!



Now before I go any further in this review, I would just like to reiterate the concept of this film. Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees battle the combined evil forces of Donald Pleasence, Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, and Frankie Howerd with a medley of Beatles covers.

Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees battle the combined evil forces of Donald Pleasence, Alice Cooper, Aerosmith, and Frankie Howerd with a medley of Beatles covers.

Peter! Frampton! And! The! Bee! Gees! Battle! The! Combined! Evil! Forces! Of! Donald! Pleasance!, Alice! Cooper!, Aerosmith!, And! Frankie! Howerd! With! A! Medley! Of! Beatles! Covers!

Has there ever been a more awesome premise for a film in the history of... well the history of blummin' everything???!!!

Why is this film not the ultimate box office master piece, the zenith of artistic endeavour, and still raking in unheard of profits in soundtrack sales, reissues, and remakes?

Well, because it's bloody terrible, that's why!

But, it's terrible to such an incredible degree, that it somehow transcends its innate badness and transforms into a kind of all consuming, anti-naff singularity that sucks all certainty out of mortal minds, and leaves the viewer in inner turmoil, staring, in some kind of twisted hybrid of awe and disgust, positive and negative, yin and yang, at the sparkling teeth and bright colours displayed on the screen (this would make the scariest ever 3D movie, by the way, on account of all the teeth on display) until the grand finale. This simply cannot be the work of mortal men!

So, what is it that makes it so bad?


You mean besides that?

Firstly, it consists of a veritable A-Z of singers who should never have acted in movies, and actors who have no place singing in one. In fact the singers '˜acting' is so bad that all of the spoken dialogue (not just the singers') has been either been overdubbed by George Burns' narrator (Mr Kite...), or cast aside to the editing room floor. There's no denying the talent on display, but sadly that talent is completely misdirected.

Secondly, as a musical, it's about as catchy as the Higgs-Boson - these people have made Beatles songs sound bad!

Thirdly, as a comedy, it's slightly less funny than the Battle of The Somme...

---

The plot, thin as it is, concerns Frampton's Billy Shears and the Gibb bros' Hendersons as the '˜new' Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, who live in twee Heartland USA, wearing their colourful dungarees and pastel shirts, gaily singing and swinging in a white-picket fence world. Soon, their popularity is so great, they are whisked away to the bright lights and hedonistic world of drink and drugs and groupies, as they sign for the villainous D.B. Hoffler (Pleasence), tempted by humorously oversized banknotes and Lucy (Dianne Steinberg) and the Diamonds (Stargard).

Meanwhile, with the Peppers trapped L.A.-L.A. Land, Mean Mr Mustard (Howerd) takes over Heartland by stealing the original Pepper's magical instruments — the only thing that keeps Heartland pure. But Mustard is merely a pawn, carrying out the machinations of the mysterious FVB (later unveiled as Aerosmith as the Future Villain Band), who want to brainwash the kids to get their money. They are helped by the sinister, brainwashing guru, Father Sun (Cooper looking every inch like Frank Zappa),


and the maniacal Dr Maxwell Edison (a scenery chewing Steve Martin cameo).

Can the wholesome Strawberry Fields (Sandy Farina) release the boys from temptation and save Heartland from corrup...

Ah, fuck it. It's completely anti-climactic, anyway. Here's Aerosmith singing ComeTogether, instead.



Let's face it, the plot is irrelevant to this turkey. What's important is the badness, the contrived crowbarring of Beatles' songs into a shitty narrative in a really ham-fisted way. There's greatness and badness in unequal measure, and in a truly surreal scene (which is saying something in the face of all this nuttiness!), Earth Wind & Fire pop up out of nowhere as themselves singing Got To Get You Into My Life!



There's awful comedy, and, more importantly, much funnier unintentional comedy. Best example of the latter being the sombre singing of Golden Slumbers at Strawberry Fields funeral that transitions into Carry That Weight as the pop pallbearers lift the coffin. How did no one realise the connotations of that song choice?

There's the jolly When I'm Sixty Four, turned into a pre-rape gloat from Mean Mr Mustard, there's Steve Martin's insane rendition of Maxwell's Silver Hammer.

There's Robin Gibb's gurning face, and there's Barry Gibb KO-ing Alice Cooper with one punch.

All of this and so much more, including what can only be described as an incredibly fruity rendition of Get Back by gold-clad occasional Fifth Beatle, Billy Preston, appearing as a reincarnated Dr Pep... I mean Sgt Pepper as deus ex machina.





Fruity

Then there's the grand finale. And what a finale it is!

Out of nowhere pop a studio full of '˜70s celebrities to sing Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise). And who are they? Well the full list looks something like this:

Peter Allen, Curtis Mayfield, Keith Allison, Cousin Bruce Morrow (Cousin Brucie), George Benson, Peter Noone, Elvin Bishop, Alan O'Day, Stephen Bishop, Lee Oskar, Jack Bruce, The Paley Brothers, Keith Carradine, Robert Palmer, Carol Channing, Wilson Pickett, "Charlotte, Sharon, and Ula", Anita Pointer, Jim Dandy, Bonnie Raitt, Sarah Dash, Helen Reddy, Rick Derringer,Minnie Riperton, Barbara Dickson, Chita Rivera, Donovan, Johnny Rivers, Randy Edelman, Monte Rock III, Yvonne Elliman, Danielle Rowe, Jose Feliciano, Sha-Na-Na, Leif Garrett, Del Shannon, Geraldine Granger, Joe Simon, Adrian Gurvitz, Seals & Crofts, Billy Harper, Connie Stevens, Eddie Harris, Al Stewart, Heart, John Stewart, Nona Hendryx, Tina Turner, Barry Humphries, Frankie Valli, Etta James, Gwen Verdon, Dr. John, Diane Vincent, Bruce Johnston, Grover Washington, Jr., Joe Lala, Hank Williams Jr., D.C. LaRue, Johnny Winter, Jo Leb,Wolfman Jack, Marcy Levy, Bobby Womack, Mark Lindsay, Alan White, Nils Lofgren, Lenny White, Jackie Lomax, Margaret Whiting, John Mayall, and Gary Wright.

---

So what, you say, has all this nonsense this to do with Jono finding God?

As I said before, nothing so cosmically awesome, yet terrible, could have been born of human hands, or even evolution. Only intelligent design could be responsible for this masterpiece of abomination. Everything about this film is at the same time terrible, and a thing of beauty. It truly is the epitome of the concept of '˜so bad it's good' cinema. It couldn't have happened by accident.

Yes, Sgt Pepper's is my proof that there is a God, and he is surely the very Devil himself - he must be, they do say he gets the best tunes, after all!

So, if your faith has ever been wavering, even in the slightest, here is the answer. Watch the fucking film, already!




•in need of some psychological help

#God #Jono #TheBeatles

Captain America


Our hero...

Pop quiz no 1 — What do you know about Captain America?

Well, of course you know the basics.

In 1941, as US involvement in WWII seems inevitable, weakling Steve Rogers wants to enlist in the US Army to help fight the Nazis. His is quickly rejected, but his bravery and determination will not be undone, so he volunteers to take an experimental super soldier serum, which gives him increased strength, stamina, and resilience.

The rest, as they say, is history.

The blonde of hair, blue of eye (the very Jewish Kirby and Simon's obvious take that to the Aryan ideal), winged of helm, and square of jaw, America's bravest son kicked Adolf's ass, with his shining shield and fierce right hook.

Take that, Kraut!

Frozen in the Arctic wastes after a plane crash during the war, he was awoken in the swinging sixties, into a new era. An era of Gods, mutants, monsters, and hippies. He's Avenged, Defended, rebelled, re-joined, died and resurrected, and always stood up for the ideal of the American way...

Pop quiz no 2 — How much of this iconic origin is contained in Rod Holcomb's 1979 made for TV Captain America?

To be perfectly honest, sweet fuck all.

Oh, he is called Steve Rogers, and he does become Captain America, and he does have a shield, but apart from that...

Captain America Take 2:

Yay!

Ex-marine, Steve Rogers, is making the most of his peace time, by cruising down the West Coast in his blue dodge van, crashing with old buddies, and making what living he can as a piss-poor artist. Unbeknownst to this gentle giant, he is being watched by nefarious agents, and government scientist Simon Mills is desperate to contact him.

When an old friend of his late father's is murdered, Steve is reluctantly drawn into a web of conspiracy, involving his father's work — the ultimate steroid compound known as FLAG, and somehow a neutron bomb (I have to confess, I'm not completely sure how the bomb got in there, but it appeared to be important at the end...). A murder attempt and emergency surgery later (shades of the Six Million Dollar Man, here) see Steve pumped full of FLAG to save his life, and eventually with his taking up the mantle of Captain America and beating the bad guys.

Now for the important stuff. Is it a good movie?

No, not really. I mean, I loved it, but then, I'm strange that way.

The plot is thin, and glacial in pace (in fairness, this was an intended series pilot, riding the tails of The Incredible Hulk, rather than a stand-alone movie), there isn't an awful lot of Cap action, and he doesn't even get his proper costume until the very end.

But, on the plus side it has Reb Brown as the main man, and a wonderfully serious Len Birman as Rogers' mentor Simon Mills. It has an uplifting, funky '˜70s score,

More yay!

dumb mooks, a cheap plastic shield, and a motorbike that jumps. What more could you ask for?

Well, I could ask for Captain America, I suppose. So, how does this fare as a Captain America movie?

Sadly, not so well. For a start he only appears in costume for the last 20 minutes of a 97 minute runtime.

And, though Reb Brown certainly looks the part of a post-super-soldier-serum Cap, this Steve Rogers is a whiny bitch, who wants nothing more to bum around the Coast, not caring what day of the week it is, and painting his dismal paintings. He refuses to help until backed into a corner from which he cannot say '˜No.' He doesn't want to be involved, no matter what the stakes, and only the constant pushing from Mills to make him take a stand.

He moans about Mills saving his life, moans about doing any more service for his country, moans about his friend's murder (which is fair enough, I suppose...), and nearly murders a human bomb with carbon monoxide poisoning. Not very Cap-like behaviour at all, if you ask me.

As well as the character flaws, the iconic Captain America origin is gone, replaced by this tosh. All in all, a pretty pitiful attempt.

Let's see if they can do any better in Captain America II: Death Too Soon, starring Reb and Len, and a very surprising guest star...

#Comic #SuperHero

The enigma that is Lucifer Valentine

Back in 2006, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls finally hit the shelves as Lucifer Valentines debut was finally released. The cover art was childish, but freaky, like something an infant would draw to express that they were being abused. It's simplistic design, along with the fucked up title was enough to intrigue me. But I didn't watch it. I was too scared.

This in itself should cue you into the sort of bloke that Lucifer Valentine is. He's scary. Like really scary. As far as I can tell, his identity has been kept secret from the internet. No one knows what he looks like, and the few that have worked with him sure as hell aren't telling. So I'm going to go ahead and assume for argument sake, that Valentine looks like this.



In actuality, he probably looks like this.



But I'm gonna keep picturing the first picture till he shows his face....

Anyways, not only is his appearance a secret, so is his real name. Surely he doesn't expect us all to believe his parents just happened to call him Lucifer Valentine. Then again, if I ever turned to directing, I'd probably use an offensive pseudonym too, like Holly Cost, or Taylor Swift.

More interesting than this man's identify, is his upbringing. According to interviews, Valentine was raised by Satanists. Hmmm, perhaps Lucifer Valentine IS his real name. Then again he also apparently had a sister called Cinderella. Whom he had an incestuous relationship with???
At this point, I'm gonna stop, no need to keep repeating internet rumours and what not. I have no idea how much of this stuff is true or not. What I do know is, this man is slowly improving in becoming a bona fide hardcore underground director.



Slaughtered Vomit Dolls (2006)
The first of the trilogy. According to imdb, it's a "gruesome tapestry of psychological manifestations of a nineteen year old bulimic runaway stripper-turned prostitute as she descends into a hellish pit of satanic nightmares and hallucinations". Imdb makes it sound more interesting than it is. If I'm to be completely honest, I hated this movie. I wanted to like it, but nah, sorry Valentine, I hated it. I did appreciate what you were trying to do, but the hallucinations were too tiresome. The dialogue, the imagery, the nonlinear plot, the vomit, oh god the vomit! It was all too much for me. Definitely one of the grossest movies I had ever seen, but was such a chore to sit through. Slowing down the footage to the point that the dialogue is inaudible doesn't really serve much purpose. The movie did look quite satanic, so it gets points for that, but I lost interest 10 mins in. And unfortunately, the lead Ameara Lavey wasn't really holding my interest either. The good news though, is for a first project, there is always room for improvement. And not only does Valentine improve upon SVD, he's knocks it out of the park.



ReGOREgitated Sacrifice (2008)
Much like SVD, this movie is nonlinear. Again, Ameara Lavey stars in this beauty, but she is joined by the creepy Soska sisters. I couldn't really tell you what the movie is about, being non linear and all, its comes across as random footage. I read lately that it had connections to supposed suicide of Valentines sister, though I cannot confirm that myself. What I can tell you, is Valentine incorporated several different filming techniques that paid off a great deal in this one. You can see he's experimenting and trying to figure out his approach as a director. His use of score and editing had improved greatly from number one. He was able to actually build atmosphere and generate fear, something that was completely devoid of SVD. Use of the camera also was creepy. Everything in this movie was creepy. As gross and disgusting as it is, it cannot be denied, it's scary. I mean really scary. It feels like the devil himself directed this movie. Where the first one just looked like a really bad music video on acid. Well done to the Soska sisters as well, as their presence only made the movie that much more creepy.



Naturally, you can also expect lots of vomit and other disgusting things, one including a spider.....I don't like spiders.... Curse you Valentine. But don't look for spoilers here, cos I won't give them. What I can promise you, is lots of fucked up images. You'll get plenty of that and more here.



Slow Torture Puke Chamber (2010)
Starring Hope Likens, the spot light is taken off of Ameara Lavey. This is one of the better moves from Valentine. Likens actually does a very decent job at being sympathetic. And gross. How she managed to puke blood is beyond me, but naturally it freaked me out quite a bit. There is also quite a bit of shocking content (well duh it's a Lucifer valentine flick) accompanied with blasphemous imagery and s&m shit. I believe Valentine tried to up the stakes from RG, unfortunately, some of what is filmed is so shocking and over the top, it comes across as a little silly. The baby and blender part in particular. Again, the non linear thing. If I had any lick of smarts, I could probably figure out these movies, but I need to be spoon fed. Which is why I'm staying as far away from Lars Von Trier as humanly possible.
While a slight step down from RG, it's still a massive improvement from SVDs. Likens did an excellent job with her monologues, and Valentine even made tribute to The Exorcist. Or wanted to up the ante. Probably the latter. In his attempts to end the trilogy with a bang, he instead ended it with a kinda interesting finish, but nothing too unique or special.



A Perfect Child of Satan (2012)
Now this! This is good shit! I mean really good shit! This right here, is proof that Valentine can make a fantastic LINEAR plot movie. Albeit, it's only short, but it's a short flick that beats RG in terms of sheer fear. You can only find this on the Vomit Gore Trilogy boxset, but believe me, it's toally worth it. A short flick on the dangers of internet dating, told totally in first person and shaky cam, we see the first half through the eyes of a girl getting ready to meet her online boyfriend, and the second half we see through his eyes, how the evening plays out. I'm sure you can guess what happens.
For those of you who hate vomit, you're in luck, there's none here. This one doesn't attempt to gross you out, it just attempts to disturb you. And that's why I loved it. Using similar techniques from RG, Valentine uses music and anticipation to build up tension to an incredible climax. And Chelsea Chainsaw gives an incredibly real and emotional performance. I give total props to both of them. This gives me great belief that Valentine is totally capable of now making a full feature with a linear plot, that will scare Chuck Norris shitless.



Valentine also made a documentary on drug use called Black Metal Veins. I haven't seen this one as of yet, but will be shortly. In the meantime, I anxiously await to see more of what Valentine has to offer. It is awesome seeing his projects grow and improve over time. He is learning, and could possibly become the most fucked up film maker around, if he wants to. Only time will tell. Bravo Valentine. Bravo.

Thankyou.



#Extreme #LuciferValentine #Rape #VomitGore

Welcome to The Porno Zone

Pornography: From the Greek pornographus - writing about prostitutes



One of the earliest forms of pornography discovered by archaeologists is graffiti scrawled on the walls of ancient Rome. These scribbles were drawn by commoners, depicting senators and other powerful figures being boned by horses or dogs.

When The Marquis de Sade unleashed his most famous pornographic novel, Justine, onto the masses, it was described by Napoleon Bonaparte himself as "the most abominable book ever engendered by the most depraved imagination". His earlier masterwork, The 120 Days of Sodom, has since been labelled by a literary critic as an "unsurpassed novel of terror and signal act of terrorism" and as a "book of purest destruction".

When porno hit the silver screen, it attracted filmmakers with a firm interest in pushing the limits of social acceptability, like Gerard Damiano, Shaun Costello and Zebedy Colt.



So what's my point with these little bits of trivia?

Porn is now often considered as a work designed to cause sexual arousal, with little to no artistic merit (a view stemming from a US legal defition coined by prudes in the '50s, to classify anything they didn't like). But historically, it has consistently been used as a form of protest against prevailing moral standards toward sexuality. Pornography is the most directly political of all genres. It's been censored by government bodies. It's been attacked by the self-proclaimed cultural elite. It's been picketed against. People have been imprisoned for producing it.

Nowadays, the battle is won. Porno is fully mainstream and some porn stars like Sasha Grey and Ron Jeremy have achieved celebrity status outside of the porno world. The most decisive blow against the puritans and prudes is the enormous rise in homemade amateur porn; created by regular, everyday people and posted on the internet, not for money, but merely for the sexual thrill of having thousands of strangers watch them fuck.



Here is a zone charting the path that lead toward porno's acceptance. Feel free to post your own reviews or anything porno related. Myself, I'll be mainly sticking to movies that are subversive, strange or dangerous in some manner. The groundbreaking and/or controversial stuff. Those movies that have an especially anti-social message to impart. Or simply just drug-fucked weird shit that fucks its way through convention and spunks all over shattered artistic boundaries. The genre is as widespread as any other, and I believe many would be surprised how far it drifts away from basic jerk-off material.

All taboos will be covered. (Well, all except one. I can't stand kids in regular films, so I sure as hell ain't gonna watch the annoying little fuckers in porn.) Documentaries about porn and pornographic documentaries will also be included, at some point.



Ultimately, my goal is to challenge any preconceptions you may have about porn and show that it can be appreciated on an intellectual and philosophical level. Believe it or not, much can be learned about the human condition and the human psyche from watching how we fuck and how we film ourselves fucking. You can easily watch porn with your brain as well as your genitals.

So sit back, grab a box of Kleenex and prepare to enter a dimension beyond that which is known to the prudish. It is a dimension as vast as Ron Jeremy's belly and as timeless as Linda Lovelace's gag reflex. It is the middle ground between voyeurism and exhibitionism, between the trashy and the epic, and it lies between the pit of man's debauchery and the summit of his desires. It is an area which we call... The Porno Zone.




#Porn #Verbaldiarrhoea

AVGN: The Movie

I've been following James Rolfe's work for years now. To most people, he's The Angry Video Game Nerd, but to me, he's more than that. He's an inspiration. He reviews shitty old games for a living, but he also knows film, and has a true passion for what he does. He wouldn't have become such a legend if his heart wasn't in the right place.

Over the years, he's always teased us with a review for the alleged worst game of all time: Atari's E.T. However, he would take it up a notch and not do a mere review, but an entire movie based on the mystery of this turkey, taking the premise of his debut feature into the Atari landfill territory. This bases our film on actual facts, whereas several Atari games where in fact buried in a landfill in New Mexico. Read about it on Wikipedia if you don't believe me, because Wikipedia always tells the truth... right?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Atari_video_game_burial

---

This is the basis for our film's premise. The Nerd (as he is so named in the film) reviews bad video games for a living, and people love his obscene rants that pick apart all the flaws of said games. An evil video game company named Cockburn decides to cash-in on the statistics of how people play games that they hate, and decide to make a sequel to the worst game ever. They want to make "EeeTee 2", and market it as being even worse than the original, because bad is the new good.

With this, the Nerd is pressured into reviewing EeeTee (spelled differently due to copyright reasons, I'm guessing), though the mere thought makes him spout off more obscene remarks. And vomit. With much reluctance, The Nerd is swayed into the idea by his sidekick/protege, as well as a Cockburn employee posing as a female nerd, hoping to further Cockburn's "EeeTee 2" marketing campaign. The Nerd uses this as an opportunity to debunk the myth about the landfill, and spare all of his die-hard fans away from the horrid game that awaits them. However, the situation continues to complicate itself with the addition of military conspiracies, robots, aliens, and of course... video games.

Fans of James Rolfe's videos are guaranteed a good time with this movie. The jokes are funny, the film never takes itself too seriously, and all of the nerd's influences are represented, ranging from Atari, horror movies, bad movies, Troma, Godzilla movies, and even some slapstick. The special effects also stand out, as many of them are practical, utilizing a lot of miniatures. There is plenty of green screen and CGI, but what can you ask for in a movie about video games? Realism? I have no gripes with any of it.

The film likes to poke fun at its low-budget nature and exploit it for all its worth. "Even my dreams are low budget". But with low budget comes the passion that most Hollywood films will never achieve. Low budget forces you to get your vision out at all costs, and put your love, sweat, tears, and jizz into whatever you're doing. The Angry Video Game Nerd is a true trash epic, if there ever was one. The only flaw however... was a significant lack of Motherfucker Mike Matei.

#Review

Merry Little Christmas (2010)

For those of you who have 20 minutes to spend, why not spend them here, watching this short clip. With a title like 'Merry Little Christmas' it can't be that bad, right? Wrong. It's chock filled with brutal violence, rape and mutilations. Guaranteed to disturb you. Go on, watch it. But be warned, you'll be needing a shower afterwards....



Enjoy....

#DomesticAbuse #Extreme #Rape #Short

Welcome!

Here we can talk all things comics. I originally intended this zone just to be for comicbook movies, but why? There are so many trashy and epicy comics and graphic novels - and creators! - that it seemed far too narrow in scope to just make it be about the movies.

To start us off, though, here's a little introduction...

When I was younger, probably about seven or eight•, a chance encounter at the local newsagents led me to a near 30-year (off & on) love affair with comic books. It was on that fateful day (most likely a Saturday afternoon), that I bought (with my well earned 50p — for such I guess the thing cost) The Incredible Hulk 297.



Now, I knew all about the Hulk — as a boy that knowledge just seemed to be inherently in my psychological makeup (alongside the ability to make cool machine-gun noises, turn an innocent stick into any number of melee and projectile weapons, and the certainty that ninjas were in fact the best possible career option for a growing lad, and that Optimus Prime was the fucking man••!)


Goddammit Hot Rod, you Judd Nelson sounding asshole! Sorry guys, but some scars never heal...

But I was never a huge fan — being more of a Star Warser, Transformerser, G.I. Joer (though they were known as the multi-national Action Force in the UK), and He-Manner. Action Figures (they were not dolls, goddamit!) being more my bag than comics. Hmmm, I digress...

Anyway, I bought the aforementioned comic, and read it. And re-read it. Re-re-read it, re-re-re-read it, and then read it again. It blew my mind. As an aside, if you ever get the chance to read it, go ahead. It's a mind fuck par excellence when taken completely out of context of the longer story line, particularly when I had no knowledge of S.H.I.E.L.D. or Gabe Jones, or Dr Strange. It was set in what appeared to be a post-apocalyptic waste-land (where the not-so-jolly green giant was the cause of said end of times), and in a moment of post-rage fatigue, the Hulkster has what can only be described as a fucking disturbingly surreal dream sequence•••.



Where is this all going? I hear you ask. You are asking that, aren't you? Jono waits impatiently for nods and other signs of agreement.

Well, it'll be going to movies a little bit later, but I'm holding forth, right now.

To sum up the rest of the back-story. I was bitten, not by a radioactive spider, but by the comic-book bug. I was hooked, and through the rest of the '˜80s to the mid '˜90s I could be found, like as not, down the local comic book shop (of which there was precisely...one, in Newcastle••••). Sometime around 1996, probably, I got sick of the business — the new stories were mostly crap, the art was crap, there was more interest in the merchandising (Dolls? Who wanted dolls? Why would anyone collect dolls?), and collectible die-cut-holographic-luminous-gatefold-glow-in-the-dark-poly-bagged-collectors' edition first issues (printed in their millions so as to remain worthless). I still re-read the old classics that I'd acquired, but the new stuff — pah••••••!



Then, about ten years later, I downloaded a whole swag of comics that I used to own (only a select few made the migration with me), and it re-kindled some of the love. And some of the newer stories caught my attention, and I've retained more than a passing interest ever since. I love finding out what my old favourites are up to now — even when they've taken a ticket to Dorkville — and here Wikipedia and TVTropes are very much my friends, as I can pick and choose which stories I actually consider wasting my time on.

Anyway, on to the movies.


Cimenatic, ain't it!

Comics and sequential art are inherently visual media, and the comic book experience can often be very cinematic in scope, so it seems logical that so many characters would make that brave leap from the panel to the silver screen. That so many have tried, and been found wanting is, perhaps, more surprising. With a few notable exceptions, it has only been in the last decade or so that comic book adaptations have really gripped the imaginations of the wider public.

Why is that? Maybe it's the advances of technology that allow us to see more '˜believable' CGI characters — let's face it, a comicbook-like Hulk would be nigh impossible to achieve without it.



Or maybe it's the fact that the studios have hired the right (or at least better...) people for the job — A-list actors, A-list directors, and screenwriters who seem to have the ability to create sympathetic characters, and tell a compelling story.



Maybe it's because the '˜big two' have decided to take creative control of their properties — and are tying them together in the shared universes that we know and love. From this perspective, at least, deals involving Warner Bros and Disney don't look too shabby...

Of course, it's a combination of those factors (and many more besides), and of course, it's not as simple as saying back then they were rubbish, and now they're gold. There have been stinkers and gems across all the decades of comic book movies. Also, not all comic books and comic book movies are based on Marvel or DC characters, they're not all about superheroes, and they're not all American. But, I think it's fair to say that The Dark Knight Trilogy and the Avengers Phase I & II movies have moved comic book movies into a recognisable, and very popular••••••• genre of cinema right now.

So what's the purpose of this post? I hear you ask. No? Well, I'm a tell you anyway, biatches!

I am going to read comics and watch some comic book movies. Not all — there's far too many for li'l ol' me to watch, and far too many that I have no intention of seeing (Kick-Ass and Wanted I'm looking at you••••••••), and I shall share my thought with the Trash Epics group. Hopefully, you will share your thoughts on any that you've seen/read, and between us we'll examine the latest cinematic cause celebre. And maybe, just maybe, save the world from certain destruction (possibly involving big lasers) and the machinations of a diabolical super villain. Or, you know, watch a bunch of movies. Whatevs.

One of the things I'm keen to investigate in my musings is, not just to see if the films are good or enjoyable, but specifically to see if they are good adaptations of the source. Now that doesn't necessarily mean slavishly reproducing the printed page on screen, but do they feel true to the characters. If there's one thing that bugs me about criticism of comic book movies it's the cry of pedantic fans who can't bear the fact that Captain America's boots don't fold over at the top (though some pedantry is justified — Judge Dredd's helmet should not come off! How could anybody get that so wrong?)


Just try it again, perp!

I prefer to look on them as one of the many '˜alternate realities' that the books themselves love to show — an Elseworlds version, if you will.

Anyway, that's all for now. Hopefully you will be able to join me on this Journey•••••••••.

First up — Captain America (1979), starring Reb Brown (Saluting Trash Legend post for this man coming soon!), and nobody else, whatsoever.



Excelsior!

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*•my internet detective skills show me that it would have been about a month before my 7th birthday)
••man in this context meaning truck-robot with lasers
•••I've since tracked down the preceding and subsequent issues, and, tbh, it's a fun story, but it never lived up to the old 297 magic...
••••I should probably add, at this point, that comic books in the UK were very much considered for kids — a la Dandy or Beano — and anyone over the age of about seven who read them was clearly a freak of the highest order. Compare that to today, where you can't move without tripping over Superman, or the Avengers. And suddenly my Spiderman pyjamas aren't so tragic now, are they Colin Bagley•••••?
•••••This didn't happen...
••••••Of course, there was actually some really awesome stuff coming out those days — mostly from smaller presses and independents, but I didn't really get those back then. I'm much prefer this stuff to the heroes now, though.
•••••••$$$$$ kerching $$$$$
••••••••Nothing by Mark Millar. He is a cock of the highest order, and a terrible writer.
•••••••••Into Mystery!*


#Comic

What's the deal with all these Trash Zones?

We've all come to this site and gotten bored with it, because of how aimlessly vague it is. Well not anymore, because now, we have purpose. Now, we have Trash Zones https://trashepics.com/sub/.

A lot of users had been interested in having their own corner of this website to specialize in a unique theme. I finally got crackin' and worked those in here. I've given them database support, which means they can be easily edited to suit your needs. I try to automate everything worthwhile on this site. The less I have to do to maintain it, the better. I'm a lazy man, so anyone running a zone will help me keep this site active.

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Here's a bit of info on the recent influx of garbage zone-age:

The Ren Zone - Well, since I'm @Renzo, and I can't let everyone else have all the fun... I have a zone of my own. I'll just put boring news articles like this one in it. Posts are not exclusive to a single zone, and may appear in any number of zones. It all depends on the zone's criteria for what posts it should list. My zone just looks for posts tagged as #/httr/, so I just tag a post as #/httr/ and it will show up in my listing. Other than that, my zone is pretty useless.

The Halloween Zone - It used to be just about the film franchise, but god damnit... I like Halloween too much to limit it to a single mediocre horror series! Now, this zone will show ALL public posts that are posted under media titles that are tagged as #halloween. There are a lot of good Halloween titles out there, like Dark Night of the Scarecrow, Night of the Demons, Donnie Darko, House of 1000 Corpses, etc. It will also have a live countdown to next Halloween. I wish I could think of better gimmicks for it...

Obviously, @Tromafreak needed to run the Troma Zone. He's posting some good shit there, and it adding these shitty movies to our database of trashy movies, and it's wonderful. He reviews movies mostly. Since a bulk of Troma's movies are available for free on youtube, I advise he sets the featured youtube video to a different Troma movie every so often. This zone will show ALL public posts that are posted under media titles that are tagged as #troma.

Our slasher aficionado @slasherfan85 wanted a Slasher Zone, and I say hellz yeah. We all need a little more slashers in our diet, and as uninspired as it may be at times, it's still one of my favorite horror sub-genres. This zone will show ALL public posts that are posted under media titles tagged as #slasher.

When @AlcoholicNinja wanted to jump on the zone bandwagon, he got hard just thinking about the possibilities of what he could do with a Porno Zone. This is Trash Epics, right? This zone will show ALL public posts that are tagged as #porn. 😄

The Ball Zone is operated by @Ballz. Who would've figured? What many of you probably don't know (since he rarely graces us with his presence) is that he is putting all of his efforts into a novel he plans on selling. Since Ballz is my hangsta numba uno, I'm giving him a zone where he doesn't have to abide by any specific guidelines, but I figure it would be a good place for him to sell his novel. This zone will only show Ballz's public posts.

@Moffat wanted to talk about comics, so he has a zone... but he ain't doing anything with it yet. I don't know what posts to list, so right now, it just shows posts that posted under media titles tagged as #comic. At least I think he wanted the zone to be about comic movies...

And our sweet @Shaza wants to talk about foul, evil, dirty, dark, and depraved films in the Extreme Zone. Yeah, she looks nice, but she's into some sick shit. We need that on Trash Epics, because we need to cover all the basics of what good trash is all about. For now, this zone will show ALL public posts tagged as #extreme. Later on, when/if we get enough fitting titles in our media database, I may change it to show all posts that are posted under media tagged as #extreme. I don't know! @Shaza, you can add media titles to the database. Utilize this so you can update your featured media accordingly. The same goes for wiki pages.

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And that's it so far. It'll be easy as hell to add more zones, should anyone come up with a legit idea. Now with these zones, I'm hoping the moderators of them will have fun with it, and try to come up with regular content for these zones. Have a weekly poll. Have a weekly movie that you recommend that everyone on the site see. And put the trailer as your featured video. Post lists about this stuff. Post achievements that are relevant to your cause. They can be for winning some kind of contest or game you might hold on your zone. Get creative. Because I'm even allowing you to style these zones with pure css, and script in pure javascript. Of course, I know you guys don't know fuck all about that, but it gives me good practice should we decide to work in some gimmicks into your zone.

#comic #extreme #extreme #halloween #porn #slasher #troma

Millennium Bug (2011)



For some reason this movie reminded me of Hills Have Eyes meets Tremors. Basically it's about the Haskin family camping out New Years Eve 1999 escaping from all the Y2K hysteria in the isolated forests of Sierra Diablos Mountains. However during their getaway they are kidnapped by hillbillies. While the family struggles to fight the hillbilly family, some type of creature comes up from the ground and now them and their captors have something new to face. I always love these movies that start off as one type of subgenre(survival) and then changes to another(creature feature). This movie is well acted with a decent amount of gore plus a lot of fun. 8/10