Worst movie ever?

What is it?

I'd go with Zombie Lake. And I generally like Franco and Rollin. So, needless to say that one was not only awful, but a letdown too. The concept was actually decent, but was handled horribly.

The Abomination (1986)

I heard about this one from Troma. As with most rec's, they all come from our very own Professor Stokes of B-Movies. I was told very little, all I knew was it would be in a similar vein to the movie Things. Now I loved Things. It was one of the most unique and hypnotising movies I had seen in a long time. So I was eager to check this one out. Once I did, like Things, I found it very difficult to articulate must feelings. All I knew was I liked it.

Lets start with the plot. We follow our hero, Cody, a thin and scrawny looking dude with 80s hair and awesome sunnies. Cody is a bit concerned about his mum, who is obsessed with one of those TV evangelists. His mum reckons she has a tumour in her lungs cos the TV guy says so, but she is healed through the TV and a minute later coughs up the tumour and places it in the bin... as you do...

Well, this is no ordinary tumour, it's alive! We know this because it convulses and breathes in the bin. But no one seems to take notice of that, or its foul order. Not until it walks (yes, try to imagine a tumour walking, I know you can do it) into Cody's mouth while he's asleep. Now Cody is coughing up blood and has a new blood thirst, to kill for the abomination which is controlling him.

Makes perfect sense right? Well, not really, this movie is so strange and bizarre it made no sense at all. But then again, I don't think it matters. If there ever was a movie that just goes with the flow, it's this one. And if the plot has you scratching your head, wait till you see the acting, which is so bad, it's beautiful! I mean this is a shocker! I just love the lack of enthusiasm, I reckon the actors were bored saying their own lines. And I don't know why they felt the need to dub an already English movie, but that made it even more bizarre! And I mean they dubbed everything! People walking across a room sounded like someone was hitting a hallow drum. The sounds were magnified, or distorted, to create such a weird and strange vibe. It made the movie even more abnormal.

To add to this already bizarre little flick, we also have the score which is just so awesome and trippy! Very 80s and very repetitive, but catchy enough. It certainly adds to the movie and helps to make it memorable.

I really liked this movie even though technically I shouldn't. From a cinematic standpoint this movie is awful on almost every conceivable level, but you know I think that's the exact reason why this movie worked so well for me. Maybe it was the ultra low budget film making, or the very southern American accents which are just awesome in their own right, or the fact that this movie had toilet humour that would make Trey Parker proud. Or maybe it was the "abomination", which is essentially a massive tumour with a mouth and big teeth. That's a pretty cool monster, don't deny it!!! It also builds up to a delightfully gruesome ending which also makes no sense, but hey, it's funny and entertaining so that gets a plus from me.



Though this bad movie isn't perfect. I think the term 'filler' is appropriate when they use a montage of the whole movie in the first three minutes of the film. Also using the exact same scene twice is a bit dodgy. Was it really necessary to see the beginning scene a second time? Maybe... I don't know, maybe it's really important that we know the abomination makes all things desolate because that what's said over and over and over again. Recycled footage does add on the minutes, but it gets more than a little repetitive.

So final thoughts? For an extremely low budget splatter flick, I enjoyed this one immensely, though did get a bit tired seeing the same stuff over again. It's hard to recommend this movie, as I don't imagine many actually liking it, but if you're on this site, you're probably all nuts like me, and will find much pleasure in this mess of a film. You're bound to be as amazed and confused as I was.

Thankyou

Curtains (1983)

Curtains opens with Samantha Sherwood (Samantha Eggar) an actress practicing her role for Audra. Stryker (John Vernon) tells her Audra would never do that and then somehow convinces her to check into an insane asylum. He tells her it will help her become Audra. But what Samantha doesn't know Stryker plans on leaving her there and casting another actress as Audra. Stryker invites six actresses to come to his place for the weekend for a casting session to see if one of them can be Audra.

The first actress the viewer sees is Patti O'Connor a comedian she is telling jokes and then gives everyone the good news about her going to house to try to get the part. She says 6 actresses in one house competing for the part "Sounds like a lot of fun if you like bloodbaths" Next Brooke Parsons a well known actress angered that she has to audition for the part. Then next actress I had to look this next name up because her name is only used once during the movie, Amanda Teuther is in her apartment getting ready for her trip . Her name isn't mentioned too much because she is the first victim. She is killed in her apartment so she doesn't even make it to Stryker's place. The audience gets to see the killer here for the first time. Not only is the killer wearing a creepy hag mask, he/she places a doll down before he/she kills some of their victims.

(This is a picture of the killer right before he/she kills one their victims)

Next we see all the remaining 5 actresses (Brooke, Patti, Tara, Christie, and Laurian) making their way to Stryker's place. After everyone is there, Stryker comes out and says someone is missing which is Amanda. He goes around calling all the actresses by their last names and asking them questions. Then Samantha enters to Stryker's shock she escaped the insane asylum and come to claim the part of Audra.

Now all the actresses are competing for the role. Some are climbing into bed with Stryker to land the role, while someone is killing off the competition one by one. Curtains has some great acting by John Vernon and Samantha Eggar. And has a great story and setting. There isn't much character development, but in a slasher film you really don't need it.The most important thing Curtains has is some great kill and chase scenes, which is a must for a great slasher film. Plus it has a great little twist at the end (multiple killers) I highly recommend this movie and think it's a must watch for any slasher fan. And now thanks to Synapse, you can see everything clearly. I thought highly of Curtains before, but like it even better with this transfer. I am giving Curtains 8/10. And it is in my top 25 stand alone slashers of the 80s.

#Slasher

The Slasher Movie Book

I am getting ready to start writing my first review for the Slasher Zone. It will be up probably tomorrow. I decided to do a small review for The Slasher Movie Book. Written by J.A. Kerswell who also runs https://www.hysteria-lives.co.uk/ which is a a great site to check out slasher reviews. The book is filled with knowledge about slasher/gialli/krimi movies. It has hundreds of titles from well known (Halloween) to lesser known(Sweet Sixteen). It is a fun read for any slasher fan.

#Slasher

Meat Weed Madness (2006)

Sure. It's original alright. But what exactly is IT? Well, a lot of things, really. Wacky, vulgar, bizarre, confusing, trippy, peculiar, pointless, strangely upbeat, definitely hilarious at times, but mostly random. Very, very random. What kind of childhood must one endure to one day grow up and have ideas like these go through their head, and then actually manage to make a movie about it? What type of delusional fuck has the balls to explain this nonsense to the people he wants as his stars? And how'd he get so many semi-hot naked chicks to lend him their naked bodies and shitty acting? Alot of mystery surrounding this one. I've seen Meat Weed Madness a couple times over the years, and I can honestly say that I still don't know quite what to make of it. And I'm pretty sure that's a good thing.

Marijuana grown with human flesh.Yeah. That's what this movie is about. The Farmers of a magical Southern plantation called Meat Weed Manor grow the best weed on the planet using said method. How or why this works obviously isn't the issue here. That subject is just never really tackled. What is the Issue, you ask? Well, uh... nudity, I guess. Nudity and sleaziness. We'll just go with that. I'm sure there's something more to it, but whatevs. Anyway, four Southern Belles stumble upon the beautiful plantation, and are immediately welcomed by Lord Meat Weed, to stick around for a while, and to try out some product, which makes them go mad and make out with each other, which is by far the most normal thing to happen the entire duration of this movie.

So much happens that it's almost impossible to keep it all straight. What sticks out in my mind the most is the dumb, yet disturbingly surreal music. pointlessly dubbed voices, weird images, many, many random acts of vulgar sleaziness. Oh, And Bullpucky the Minotaur. We mustn't forget that thing. Watching that thing move about is one of the funniest things in the movie. Just don't be trying to take it all seriously. Just appreciate Meat Weed Madness for what it is. Whatever it is. Nothing against films which are shot on video. I'm definitely not one of those weirdos who can't take s.o.v's seriously. And it's not even the obvious micro-budget. I love low-budget movies. I just find all of this a bit hard to swallow.

Maybe there is some kind of message, hidden deep down beneath all the stupid, surreal shit. Maybe this film isn't just insanity disguised as a comedy about pot. Perhaps there's a little genius beneath all the bullshit. I can see how Lloyd Kaufman would watch this and think just that, and take a chance on it on the off chance that it might just be the next great Troma movie. Poor old bastard. I'm pretty sure my original assumption was correct, and Aiden Dillard is a retard with no future, and Troma fans will never give a fuck about Meat Weed Madness. Regardless, I'll say it's definitely worth at least one viewing if you happen to be fascinated by the unique and the weird, or even if you simply like weed movies. Although, that one's a maybe. ?/10



#Review

Have some FREE Amazon Gift Cards

I've spouted this off to you guys several times, but nobody listens. Seriously... why the fuck don't you guys want free money?! I've gotten hundreds of dollars off of Amazon over the past few years by doing this, and it's completely legal. I've just made the process take a less time out of your day.


Process

1.) Do you have a Facebook account? Don't lie to me! Everybody has a facebook account! And no, you don't need to share it with any of us. You just use it for this rewards program.

2.) Do you know what Bing is? It's basically microsoft's version of Google, only this search engine gives you Amazon gift cards (or whatever else you pick from its list of prizes, but the gift cards are the most versatile). Go to Bing, and link your facebook account to their Bing Rewards program.

Boom. You can get $5 gift cards sent to you every two weeks. Not automatically, because you have to do so many bing searches a day, but it's easy. Normally, searching random things consecutively until you get your max credits for the day could take you about 10 to 20 minutes. However, I built a button (which you'll find here https://trashepics.com/app/bing/ ) that automatically searches a random string of text FOR you. Just press that button 90 times, every day (it takes 2 minutes tops) and you'll be getting your gift cards without any effort. (And make sure you let the window load it's contents too! Don't just go pressing the button as fast as you can!)

Got a cell phone? Well then, you can get your gift cards in just 10 days! However, I don't have any way to speed that up, since you'll need to do those searches on the Bing app, but that only takes about 2 minutes to get in your additional credits anyway.

---

Why am I pushing Amazon gift cards so much? Well we all know this is a site for obscure cult movies, and while you can torrent and youtube a lot of movies these days, sometimes, it's just good to buy them off Amazon. Or rather, get them for free off of Amazon. Of course, you can buy ANYTHING off of Amazon, which is why I advise picking the gift cards over any of their other stupid prizes they offer.

I get anything I want off of Amazon for free. And I'm an idiot. If I can do it, so can you!

Killer Nerd (1991)

Poor Harold. A life long nerd. This guy has no social skills. He's an ugly motherfucker with greasy hair, stupid clothes, an, annoying voice. He's irritating, his peers make fun of him and his only friend is his mother, who he seems to not like all that much. Yeah, Harold Kunkle is a nerd if there ever was such a thing. A frinedless, comic book-collecting virgin for life. But he's still a person with feelings just like everybody else. And just like everybody else, Harold has his breaking point.

Poor awkward bastard wants to be cool so bad. But just doesn't get it. And nobody gets him. It seems as if it's simply not in him to be cool. Is there seriously no hope for Harold? Enter Slick Dick. Possibly Harold's one and only hope for social salvation. Infomercial douche bag, Slick Dick seems to know all the right things to say, and do, and how to dress, and most importantly, how to be confident. Or maybe it's just those Back To The Future Part II Solar Shades he was wearing. Either way, Harold the nerd needs all the advice he can get if he's serious about getting out of this rut and possibly getting his fuck on. Harold is desperate enough to try anything at this point. So he orders Slick Dick's motivational tape. Finally, the secrets of coolness will be revealed. And if Slick Dick turns out to be full of shit... well, then there's always that killing spree Harold has been considering.

Killer Nerd is a comically hopeless tale of one sad, lonely man-child's burning desire to rise above his own reject status, only to be sabotaged by those who hate him simply because he looks diffrent. And the mental breakdown he suffers because of it. Brought to you by our pals at Troma, Killer Nerd is some entertaining Z-grade Horror. Far more than it should be. Also a very satirical tone typical for the 90's. Not so much a good performance by Toby Radloff as much as it just being a case of him being a genuines nerd in real life. Atleast that's what I get from all this. Anyone looking for another performance from the now legendary Radloff, you may want to seek out Townies (1999). Now, that's a real trash epic! And we mustn't forget Bride Of Killer Nerd, which, like this one, is also not as bad as it sounds. And can be found on the same dvd. As you'd expect, this probably won't be getting a 2-disc Tromasterpiece edition dvd/blu-ray any time soon. Just another piece of shit which has its moments. Don't expect a hell of a lot, and you might have a few laughs. 4/10



#Review

Buttcrack (1999)

So, a movie about a killer ass, huh? Well, I'd be lying if I said that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a horror movie. But it's certainly up there... Or down there, I guess. Still pretty enjoyable.

Wade is a clueless lardass reject of a human being who spends most of his time playing Atari and being fat and nasty. Wade lives with his so-called friend and college roommate, Brian. Why these guys live out in the middle of nowhere is a mystery, but Brian's not all that happy with this living arrangement. Brian despises Wade for his rudeness, for his body odor, for the way he always barges in on him and his girlfriend when they're trying to be all romantic and shit. But mostly because this waste of space doesn't have the damn common courtesy to pull his pants up now and then.

While he is loud, homophobic and annoying as fuck, Wade is still a nice enough guy. Just a poor choice for a roommate for a guy who's lookin' for a little privacy so he can pop the question to his girl. I suppose Brian could have always taken her out on a date or something, but I'm guessing it was the principle of the whole thing. He SHOULD be allowed a little time away from Wade and Wade's ass in his own home. But it ain't gonna happen. Atleast not while Wade's still kickin'.

Finally, Brian convinces one of his friends to take Wade out for a matinee, just long enough for a quiet afternoon at home with his girlfriend so he can finally pop the question with no interruption. But not long after they leave, Wade gets the idea that Brian's pal is trying to fuck him, so, Wade demands he stop the car, and he just walks his fat ass home, destroying the mood, once again, and he even gets vomited on by Brian's weak-stomached girlfriend.

At this point, Brain's pretty steamed. Almost mad enough to throw a (plugged in) stereo in the bath tub when Wade finally decides to take a bath to get the vomit off. And by almost I mean Wade is now dead from electrocution. Serves his fat ass right for being such a thoughtless, cock blockin' oaf. What Brian doesn't know is that Wade's sister is into voodoo, and somehow she knows exactly what went down. Hell bent on revenge, sister Wade puts a curse on... her dead brother, I guess. Fat Wade is now resurrected as a zombie. Although, he thinks he's still alive, and really doesn't mean any harm. He just wants to come home and play Atari. But the mere sight of his crack melts faces.

An all around terrible yet entertaining performance from Caleb Kreischer as the fat piece of shit that is Wade. Personally, I would have liked this movie better if it remained a "roommate from Hell" comedy, and things had continued until Brian blew his brains out right before the credits, but that's just me. As bad as this movie is, it does have style, and a really enthusiastic feel, as well as a catchy little score to go with it. On top of that, it has the decency to not wear out its welcome, as it's only 68 minutes long. I recommend Buttcrack to anyone with a love/tolerance for low brow humor. If you like a Troma movie or 2, chances are good this one will make you laugh. And ultimately, that's all that matters in Tromaville. Yay for Buttcrack! 5/10



#Review

The Chainsaw Sally Show: Season One (2010)

Here's a very fitting addition to the Troma catalogue. The Chainsaw Sally Show: Season One acts as a sequel to the 2004 cult classic slasher, Chainsaw Sally. A 3 hour plus sequel broken up into 11 episodes, with an optional laugh track, among many other extras. any fans of the gory, tongue-in-cheek original, or April Monique Burril's tits, ass and charismatic personality, should find this first ever B-Horror sitcom to be highly entertaining.

By day, Sally Diamon is a quiet librarian. But a bloodthirsty vigilante by night. Not so much the type of vigilante that goes after other killers, like Dexter. More like anyone who so much as gets on her nerves. Like a healthy person who parks in a handicapped spot. Or a girl scout that dared to sell her the wrong flavor of cookies, who she kidnaps and keeps as a pet for her and her idiot brother's ammusment. But I suppose she is making the world a better place in her own fucked up, Horror lovin' way. Because most of her victims are atleast kinda sorts dickish.

Come to think of it, Sally's a crazy bitch who probably should be on death row. But who cares? because Sally happens to be really, really hot. See?



Despite being a bit obsessed with rules, Sally is actually quite likeable, and does a good job of looking after her her idiot brother, who also shares her love for cold-blooded murder, cannibalism, and fun games such as using corpses an Piñatas. But at times, it almost seems even Sally's bother might be in danger of getting it if he was to get too out of line. Which would be fine by me because that guy sucks. But is a huge improvement over the last guy who played her brother. But that's another story. The poont is, Sally is not to be fucked with.

Truth be told, I'm actually not a huge fan of the work of director, Jimmyo Burril. His amateurish shit really just seems like an excuse for the guy to show off his hot wife, which is fine by me. But just sayin' However, Chainsaw Sally, the character is a diffrent story. She really makes it her own, and makes her love of the Horror genre quite obvious. Plus, she's just genuinely likeable and funny, and makes her husbands's little projects worth watching. April Monique Burrill makes it all okay. Goddamn, she's so hot!

Uncle Lloyd knows what I'm talkin' about! He got this shit real quick and put it all on a 2-disc dvd, and loaded it up with tons of extras. Which is more than I can say for season 2, which I still haven't been able to locate. But most definitely will asap. And anyone who takes my advice and checks out season one, and likes it, keep an eye out for Chainsaw Sally: The Animaed Series, coming in 2015. Hopefully, this isn't a sign that the bloodthirsty goddess hasn't started showing her age. Aw, fuck it! She's still hotter than most every other scream queen out there. Check her out! 6/10



#Review

Sucker The Vampire (1998)

Here's one of the more underseen Troma movies out there. But also a fine example of a film which doesn't quite live up to its premise. And the premise being "Vampire catches AIDS". A hard premise to screw up. Not to say Sucker screws it up, exactly. But I expected something more than this when I first saw it in 1998. The idea of a vampire contracting the aids virus sounded a bit more taboo way back then, so, of course I had certain expactations for this film that weren't exactly met. But have recently given it a rewatch. And despite still being a tad underwhelming, it really is a fun little film.

Sucker: The Vampire focuses on the growing friendship of a vampire and his awkward henchman. A friendless loser, and raging Necrophiliac named Reed, who vaguely resembles a werewolf but isn't one. Just a tool, really. He seems to want to be Anthony's buddy pretty bad, but of course the brooding creature of the night isn't interested. He just needs him to dispose of the corpses of the hot young ladies that he sucks dry on a nightly basis. which is the perfect job for Reed, being that he gets to stick it to them good before sending them to their final resting place.

Once Anthony catches the aids and seeks advice from his dimwitted henchman, Reed is there for his master like a real friend should be. Although, he's a bit concerned thathe may also have aids, now, due to all the corpse fucking he does, which leads to an awkward little scene between the two where Anthony gets all huffy and self righteous when he learns of his henchman's fetish. But slowly, they form a warm friendship as Anthony lets his guard down along with his immune system. Bonding over aids, so to speak. And Reed proves to be a true friend to Anthony until the bitter end.

One of the many overlooked Troma movies to come out of the 90's, Sucker is a pretty cool Horror comedy. Although, it could have stood to be a little less silly and a little more surreal which is what I expected for some reason. The premise alone is funny enough without so many attempts at dumb shit. However, this movie's attempt at making AIDS funny without making fun of those who have AIDS is accomplished rather well. Sucker is nothing mindblowing, but for those Troma fans who think they've seen it all, here's a little gem you might have missed. 4/10




#Review