4th of July Horror?

The only horror film set on the holiday I know of off hand is Uncle Sam (1996), which I'm planning to watch later this week. Any of you trash epicers have any to recommend?

'Maximum Overdrive' is the greatest film ever.

I don't feel that a review is even really necessary here. Why review something that's perfect? After reading those two sentences, you should already be looking for a way to watch it if you've never seen it before. Or if you disagree with my opinion at all, because you clearly have poor tastes in movies.

Despite what I just said, let's go into just what makes 'Maximum Overdrive' such a great, perfect movie anyway. Directed by Stephen King during his cokehead days? Check. We all know drugs make better movies, after all. The entire soundtrack consists of music by AC/DC? Check. It's hard to go wrong with them. A Green Goblin truck is the main villain? Check. The Green Goblin is a good villain in the 'Spider-Man' series, but he's a better villain in a movie where any electronic device or diesel-powered vehicle might kill you.

'Chariot of Pumpkins' from 'Halloween III' used in 'Maximum Overdrive's' trailer, also featuring Stephen King who promises to 'scare the hell outta you'? Check. 'Halloween III's' extremely underrated thanks to all of the butt-hurt Michael Myers' fans who only wanted more of the same. More movies should utilize music from 'Halloween III' for their trailers. A wall full of porn mag pictures of chicks posing (most seem to be just spreading)? Check. Because... uh... #porn

Speaking of electronic devices and porn, am I the only one that's wondered if a vibrator managed to kill anyone in the movie's world?

Anyway, if you're deprived and have never seen 'Maximum Overdrive' before or somehow think it's anything other than a great, perfect movie, find a way to see it ASAP. Buy it, download it, go on YouTube and watch it. It's currently on there and in one part, so you don't have to stop and switch to a different link every 10 minutes. You have no excuse. Watch it. Now. Because I said so. And so does the Green Goblin truck.



#GreenGoblin #MaximumOverdrive #StephenKing #Vibrator #porn

Anthology Television




Anthology TV shows aren't anything new, they've been around for a while. They're great for the networks because of their non-serial format; they can air whatever episodes whenever they want really. They're also great for viewers because they don't require a lot of investment. A lot of time we might just stumble upon them channel surfing and decide: "Hey, I guess I'll watch this." We don't have to worry about what we missed previously or what will happen next, everything is contained to a 30 or 60 minute timeframe.

Back in the 1959 we got The Twilight Zone, an amazing anthology series that was really ahead of its time and groundbreaking. Every episode as you know had a different story, plot, cast of characters, and a well crafted twist at the end. It was all held together by host & narrator, Rod Serling. Although the series was mainly fantasty and sci-fi, it did have horror elements here and there. Serling's later series, Night Gallery was a lot more horror heavy and stuck to the anthology format. Alfred Hitchcock also had an anthology series that aired back in the 50's/60's, but sadly I'm unfamilar with it.

Then the 80's rolled around and we started seeing more anthology TV shows. The Hitchhiker is one of the more obscure ones that aired on HBO and later USA. I've only seen a few low quality episodes on youtube, but liked what I saw. If only they'd give the entire series a proper DVD release. They also did an updated version of The Twilight Zone, which I haven't seen, unfortunately. Couldn't have been any worse than the 2002 revival of the series. Tales from the Darkside, an anthology series created by the genius himself George A. Romero began airing in the mid 80's. It had some poor and forgettable episodes, but a good handful of great and unsetteling episodes as well. That intro intro and opening narration too...so creepy and set the mood perfectly. The best kind of show to watch at night IMO. The end of the decade saw the debut of Tales from the Crypt on HBO, and fuck was it an awesome anthology series! Sure it wanned in quality towards the end, especially that last season, but it had plenty of awesome episodes and showcased the talent of many great actors and directors. And who can forget the Cryptkeeper as our host!?

As far as the 90's go, there were some anthology shows here and there, some were kid friendly like Goosebumps. Anybody love those books as much as I did as kid? There was also a revival of The Outer Limits, which originally aired back in the 60's. I never watched more than a few episodes, so I don't have much to say about it.

In the 2000's, there was Masters of Horror as you know with well known and respected horror directors each directing an episode. Good concept for a series, although thoughts have been mixed on it. I've mostly enjoyed what I've seen and never quite finished season 2, unfortunately. Know they did a spinoff on network TV, but I never watched it.

This current decade is where things have really gotten interesting with the format. 2011 saw the debut of American Horror Story, a depraved and mostly brilliant series that took a diffrent approach to the format by having each season be a self contained mini-series (now they're all connected says Ryan Murphy, the fuck!?). True Detective, a stellar crime series that debuted last year on HBO is doing the same technique. Fargo, which had it's first season set in the same universe as the film is doing the same thing too. So far, season two is shaping up to be just as great as the first. Bruce Campbell as Ronald Reagan? Groovy! Muprhy is doing another anthology series with FX that debuts this fall as well, American Crime Story. I hope it turns out well.

What anthology shows are your favorites? Any shows I missed that you'd like to mention?

What a stupid fucking name

Halloween Returns. It invokes the thought of another bad sequel. Halloween Re...surrection? Yup. That's the one.

But hey, I can't complain. We get not one, but two Halloween movies next year. (Rob Zombie's 31 should be interesting.) I'm obsessed.

Pig Fuckers

I read recently where pig female vaginas are all swirly inside to accomodate the corkscrew shaped male pig boner. So if you fuck a pig, it would break your straight human dick in a bunch of different directions. The lesson is, try to keep your cool and don't fuck pigs.

AND, of all of the people who have fucked pigs in their lives... I just want to know, who among them has gone on to do something great? Who is the best human pig fucker? I'm sure someone has fucked a pig then has had a life that has transcended that gross deed. I'm sure it was, like, Shakespeare, or someone aweseome like that.

A Week Without a Woman

All of my adult life, I have lived with a woman as a life-partner, lover, spouse, what-have-you. That's right, all of the weird shit you've seen me post through the years, there's been a woman next to me.

This week my chick-person-who-I-own is away to participate in a wedding ceremony for one of her friends. I stayed home to work. I hadn't anticipated a lax schedule, so now I'm just sitting around, jackin' it.

On one hand, I feel like a teenager whose parents have left me alone for the first time. On the other hand, I don't want to invite any one over, have a party, get fucked up, advance my social life and I don't feel like there's anything sneaky I want to try to pull off that I don't already do regularly.

Day 1:
Got a call saying someone called off from work and was I busy? Could I make it? I said "Gotta take my woman, who I own, to the airport." It was a lie; she was going there herself, I just wanted to be home to hug her good-bye up to the last second.

Jacked off 3 times.

Watched a ton of movies that would be either too bloody, sexist or just plain bad for her to enjoy with me (Maniac, New York Ripper, I Don't Want to Be Born, The Farmer's Daughters, etc...)

Cooked a 10-lb. pork shoulder which will be my food for the entire week. I didn't season it so it could remain versatile for multiple uses. (I ate my supper, pork with rice and sriracha, with a giant spatula)

Got a 12 pack of Squirt soda, a giant bag of jelly beans, a handle of bottom-shelf vodka, a bag of BBQ potato chips, a bag of jalepeno chips, a 10-pack of Reeces Peanut Butter cups and a bunch of ice cream.

Day 2:
Woke up at 9:36, texted the missus, asked her to call me when she woke up. Sleeping alone sucks. She called me, felt better, but not good.

Plugged an old hard drive into my TV, saw some old files I don't remember. What is this? Turns out, it was random tranny porn. Jacked off to that.

Looked up "How to send tasteful dickpics." Hey, are you guys aware of this tumblr? -- https://critiquemydickpic.tumblr.com . It's pretty useful. I posed around the room, trying out some shots. But I don't have a camera and my phone is a geezer. So I just--

Wow, I just realized that when you're typing and a spider walks into your text on TrashEpics here, it falls dead. Cool.

Anyway, so I just aimed my laptop all over the place with my wang out. My first dickpics ever, probably won't send 'em. Just was fantasizing, "Maybe she'll miss me?"

Did Laundry. Texted Her about which dryer in the basement (there are 3 in my complex) actually works 'cause I always forget. She said the middle one. I asked what she was doing. "At the Hotel pool." I asked for a swimsuit selfie, got one. Hoped she would ask for a dickpic, instead she said she ordered an over-priced pina colada. I responded with a dumb pun including the phrase "penis cocklotta" and hoped she got drunk enough to ask for a dickpic. What am I thinking though? She never wants to look at my lousy dangus in real life-- why would she want to see it all pixelated and unfocused? Maybe that would make it better, though? Anyway, I told her I was going to clean the house.

Shat constantly, a liberated freedom crap with the door open. It lasted at least an hour was segmented into multiple bathroom visits, and required grunts, groans, moans and loving sighs. There were too many segments of poop to name, they came out like 101 dalmations. And after it was done, I just sat there, as if it was still happening.

Took a shower. Listened to DJ Quik , really, really loud. (Please click that DJ Quik name if you really wanna get the feeling)...
The house is a mess and I'm not going to clean it.

Being without your loved one sucks. It's not meant for the sensitive modern man such as myself. Who am I to blame for mistakes now, but myself?

Zombeavers theme music is amazing

I give the movie a 3/5.
I give this video a 5/5.

Dark Angel: The Ascent (1994)

Hey guys. Good to be back. I had a shit load of computer issues of late and spent most of forum time working on my blog. But I'm back up and running :)

Anyway I watched Dark Angel: The Ascent again tonight and it still holds up as a low budget gem from Full Moon. The gore is cheap and charming and the lead actress is stunning. Has anybody else seen it?

Stryer's War (1985)



I finally picked this up. Going to watch it tonight. I've wanted to see it for so long but it was always so damn expensive to import. But I finally bit the bullet and paid haha

Big Time in Hollywood, FL



A new TV show debuted on Comedy Central back in March called Big Time in Hollywood, FL, and it's really awesome. The first season concluded this week and I'd like to talk about it because I think it's the kind of show that people on this site would enjoy.

Basically, the show's about two brothers, Ben and Jack Dolfe, who are two amatuer filmmakers with no jobs who make no budget films with the help of their slow witted friend, Del. They're ambitious, yet delusional and still live with their parents, despite being grown adults. In the pilot episode, they're forced by their parents to move out and find jobs. Instead of doing that, they come up with a scheme to extort $20,000 from their parents to help fund their future projects. Things go seemingly well and they even hire an actor, Jimmy Staats (played by Ben Stiller) to portray a drug dealer to "kidnap" their friend, Del and force their parents into paying the ransom money he demands. Shit hits the fan when they don't anticipate their parents calling the cops, which results in Staats being brutally shot to death, setting into motion one hell of a crazy string of events!



The show is similar to Breaking Bad in the sense that almost every episode builds up to some crazy or violent shit. It also has a lot of swearing for a basic cable show (which is bleeped out, unfortunately) and really pushes the envelope as far as blood & gore go. Some of the people who pop up include: Michael Madsen as Harvey Scoles, a private investigator, Keith David as Malloy, a federal agent, Jane Kaczmarek as Dr. Moore, a psychiatrist, and even Cuba Gooding Jr. and Jason Alexander as themselves! I've never been the biggest fan of Cuba, but he's hilarious and phenomenal on this show.



Overall, it's a great, dark sitcom that's worth a watch. Towards the end of the season they make a buddy cop movie with a fucking chimp! Best NOT movie ever!

Here's a link to the trailer for the series because I can't seem to embed it in this post for some reason: