Birdemic



This is one of the best horror films I've ever seen. It closely parallels The Birds (1963), but adds its own unique thrills. I do not suggest sitting in a small chair because you need a fairly large edge to be on the edge of for this one. There is not a minute your eyes will not be glued to the screen. The acting is unparalleled for a movie of this budget and the directing choices remind me dearly of early Woody Allen works. I can't go with out mentioning the sounds of the movie. James Nguyen captures the essence of silence and shows a mastery of his unique scene to scene sound transitions. All in all, Birdemic is by far the best movie of 2010 and is definitely worth a couple watches.

•Disclaimer
Review only valid if viewer is intoxicated to the point of it most likely being a health hazard.

Richard Griffin's Flicks and Sarah Nicklin's Tits

Part 1

Way back in 2007, Robert Rodriguez and Quentin Tarantino's plan to create a double feature emulating trashy '70s B-movies was quite a novelty. Since then, the idea has become as far from a novelty as you can get. In the wake of Grindhouse, a fucking motherfuckton of exploitation homages have been jizzed on to the eyeballs of horror-loving audiences. Throwbacks are now about as original as found-footage flicks. Most of them are pre-packaged cult films, frustratingly filled with faux-seriousness and knowing winks-at-the-audience. Still, I quite like them because, unlike found-footage, they're actually entertaining. I'm the kinda guy who thinks tits, gore and rape are a lot more fun than night-vision handicam shots of doors moving slightly. Crazy, I know.

So next up on the chopping block is Richard Griffin's The Disco Exorcist, a movie I'd been absolutely dying to check out for ages, ever since I first laid eyes on the cool DVD cover earlier that afternoon. We're talking 3, maybe even 4 hours of anticipation. Did it live up to all the incredible things I hadn't heard about it? Let's find out!



Imagine if Saturday Night Fever was a splatter flick. Sounds cool, right? That's pretty much what you've got with The Disco Exorcist. Our hero is a fella named Rex Romanski. This is him -



Damn, those are some suave motherfuckin' threads. Naturally, looking that cool, Rex is a total pussy magnet who spends his nights loving and leaving all the ladies down at the local disco. The mayhem starts when he poons a voodoo priestess, only to then promptly ditch her for his favourite porn star Amoreena Jones. The spurned witch bitch unleashes demonic forces en masse onto the couple and everyone around them.

As throwbacks go, this one is pretty freakin' great. It avoids any faux-serious pratfalls by being a straight-up horror-comedy; not especially funny, but still a shitload of fun. The look of the film is a balance between authentic and exagerrated, filled with gaudy colours and general '70s stylings. Best of all, Richard Griffin does the one thing that Grindhouse totally failed at - he fills his movie with lots and lots of tits.

Right from the off, there's tits before the opening credits -



There's tits during the opening credits -



The evil chick is kind enough to give us a gander at her tits -



There's even some male tits for all the women and pillow-biters out there -



Basically the only chick who doesn't show tits is the headliner, Sarah Nicklin. Instead we get shots like this -



Or this -



Most annoying, I'm sure you'll agree, and doubly so because she plays a fucking porn star. Admittedly, my short-term memory ain't the best nowadays and it's been around 17 minutes since I watched any porn, but I seem to recall that the actresses involved in such productions usually get their tits out.

I couldn't help but wonder: Who's to blame for this tit-covering travesty? Does Sarah Nicklin simply not want to bare her tits for the world to see? Or was it a deliberate directorial decision, echoing low-budget productions of the past where tits would appear in abundance, but the main starlet would remain clothed?

There's only one surefire way to fucking solve this cunt of a conundrum. I need to watch another Richard Griffin flick...


Part 2: The Retitsening

This is a sequel review to the review you just finished reading. Kinda like what Aliens is to Alien - faster-paced and more action-packed. It blows the first review out of the goddamn airlock. State of the badass art. And you, you little shithead, you're staying here. You always were an asshole, Gorman.

But mostly it's just pictures of tits. Mostly.



So there's Sarah Nicklin on the poster, looking all hot in a nun's getup. Surely she exposes her tits in this one, right? I'm not expecting her to be topless for the whole movie or anything. I'd be happy with just a 10-20 second shot of her with tits thrust straight at the camera, maybe with her sensually caressing them and uttering a line or two of dialogue about how she loves it when drunken, 30-something Aussie guys shower them with warm semen. I don't think that's asking for too much.

So, Nun of That is about a supertroupe of highly trained, vigilante nuns who kick ass for the Lord and gun down drug dealers and murderers. Blah blah, blah, plot stuff, etc. Let's cut to the tits.

Whilst it has nowhere near the level of tits as The Disco Exorcist, there's still a few nice pairs on display. Sarah Nicklin's is not among them. I don't understand it. Does she hate me? Here she is in a shower scene, not showing her tits -



Debbie Rochon has a small role in the film, but she also doesn't show her tits. She just wears a nun's habit, which is fairly hot, but not as hot as her tits. Here's her tits as seen in a different movie -



What the hell, I love the Rochons, so let's have another look at them -



Linnea Quigley and Brinke Stevens aren't in this movie at all. Ya' think that's gonna stop me from showing a piccie of those 2 sultry vixens and their awesome tits? Not a chance. Here you go -



You know who else has really great tits? This chick from the 2007 movie Brain Dead -



I haven't seen that one, but shit on my chest and call me Stinktits if that isn't one of the greatest racks you've ever seen.

Okay, where was I? No idea. Guess I should wrap this up.

In summary, The Disco Exorcist is the bomb; a near-perfect mixture of cheese and sleaze that's guaranteed to satisfy unless you're one of those fuckwits who cares about fancy production values. Check it out. I hate to be too forceful with my recommendations, but if you don't watch this then I'll skullfuck your mother, film it and put the tape on youtube, understand? No pressure. Nun of That is not as essential, but it's a fun enough time if you've got a spare 90 minutes to kill.

As for Sarah Nicklin? She's my latest mission. The world needs to know that it is not acceptable for a woman to star in an exploitation movie without flashing her tits. I'll scour every inch of this globe, leaving no stone unturned, until I find a picture of her tits. She makes the slightest nip-slip, then I'll be there to capture it on camera. I don't care if she's standing topless next to the prophet Mohammed, I'll take that photo and publish it here. I'll gladly risk jihad in the name of trash. If anyone reading this knows Sarah Nicklin's tits, then you tell 'em I'm coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear? HELL'S COMING WITH ME!!!

This is AlcoholicNinja reporting for Trash Epics. Until next time... You stay trashy, folks.

Epic Post Award

Add a post that's flat-out awesome.

Found (2012)

I recently heard about this movie a few days ago. Slasherfan85 kindly mentioned this movie to have one messed up ending. Which was a sure fire signal to me that I might be interested in checking it out. And if that didn't sell me, than the fact that it's banned in my home country sure did. When will film classification boards learn, banning something isn't going to prevent people from seeing it, it's only going to entice them to see it more.

So what can I tell you about Found?
It's a low budget indi about a little boy called Marty who finds out that his brother is a serial killer, who likes to keep heads of black people in his closet. Naturally, things progressively get more intense for poor Marty until a disturbing climax. That's all I'm going to say, like with most movies, the least you know about a movie, the better.

Perhaps I'll start with the flaws first. This movie is certainly not perfect, there are some very shoddy acting scenes. No Oscar nominations here I'm afraid, but the acting is good enough for you to become invested in them, so the actors get the job done.
There is also some dodgy pacing issues throughout it, the movie could maybe have been 10 mins shorter, but again, it's not a major complaint, for the most part I enjoyed this one. The story was good, the main kid was easy to empathise with, and the build up was nice. The filmmakers spent a great deal of time trying to make this one out to become as emotional as possible. Giving the acting, it was actually a really decent effort. And on top of that, it was also a pretty messed up flick, so it gets big points for that. Despite the fact that most of the violence happens off screen, it still comes across as a very graphic movie. I assume the reasoning for this might have been budget issues, but it also may have worked to the movie's advantage with the "less is more" route. And during the few scenes where there is some bloody mayhem, it makes it all the more shocking.

I don't really think this movie was justified in being banned in Australia. I'm calling shenanigans on that cos I've seen far more graphic stuff. Perhaps it was the ending that took things too far. In any case, I wanted to have this movie on dvd, and Australia won't let me. But as you can see, banning a movie isn't anywhere near as effective as it used to be. I love the internet.

For a flawed film, I do applaud the filmmakers for making an interesting and fvcked up flick. If you like to check out underrated indi gems, then you might be pleasantly surprised with this one. If you can forgive the acting and pacing issues, it's really quite a disturbing movie.

8/10

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt2149360/reference

Thankyou.



#BannedInOz #Extreme #Incest

Black Devil Doll From Hell (1984)

I tend to like bad movies. Often times, there is something highly amusing and quirky about them. I found Elves Delighftul, I found The Abomination hilarious, and I found Shatter Dead not as shithouse as I should have found it. All in all, I tend to enjoy bad movies.
Then I saw this piece of shit. Fuck me dead, I hate you Chester Novell Turner. I hate you so very, very much.

Okay, so you're probably thinking, it's not THAT bad surely? I must be giving it a bum rep. Well, see how long you can endure the opening credits alone. Go on, I dare you. See how long it takes you before you quit away from it. Watch all 6 bloody minutes of these opening credits if you can.



Did you make it to the very end without fast forwarding? Congratulations. Oh don't worry about that red stuff coming out of your ears, that's completely normal. If that didn't set the tone for this goddamn movie, I don't know what will. Trust me, it really doesn't get much better from then on out.

So the basic plot is a religious nut decides to buy a doll for whatever reason, I don't know, I was so distracted by the terrible music score in this POS that I wasn't really paying attention. The lady selling her the doll tries to warn her, but the movie itself doesn't want us to really know what she's saying, as the sounding fucks up and all we hear is a high pitch screetch. Was there even a sounding editor for this movie, seriously?!

Anyway, the doll turns out to be alive, and after seeing our religious nut in the shower, decides to tie her up and give her some woodern lovin' before ditching her, and leaving her quite enlightened with her new sexual experiences. In short, puppet sex.

I don't really know what to say about this movie, except it's just bad on every level. The acting sucks, the quality sucks, the score sucks, the main character sucks, the child pretending to be the doll sucks. Everything sucks, except the doll itself, who did get a few laughs outta me from his blatant rudeness. But even the puppet rape gets tired and boring after a while. And our main character goes from being a religious freak, to just a freak in general, look at this crazy bitch!



Usually I find something amusing with bad movies, and while our puppet rapist was pretty funny, the whole thing got so unbearable to the poin where I was literally waiting for it to end. This shot on video feature really shouldn't exist. It belongs in that special place in hell right next to Frozen Flesh and Prehistoric Bimbos in Armageddon City.

I don't know how Turner managed to fuck up a movie about a puppet rapist, but he did. Shame! Shame!!! You wooden headed bastard!!!!

Squirm (1976)

I hate worms. Slimy and gross little things, the way they move gives me the heebie jeebies. Fortunately in my experience, I haven't encountered too many of the little bastards, only the occasional one or two while gardening. One or two I can handle, but hundreds of thousands is another story entirely. If nothing else, Squirm is a very accurate title, cos I was sure squirming in my seat.



The plot is about a boy from New York, who travels down to a small town in Georgia to stay with a lady friend. This is right after a massive lightening storm causes the power lines to fall to the ground, sending electricity through the earth. And sending the worms insane. I guess you could say it's one of the more unusual creature features.

After I watched this flick, I jumped onto imdb to read up more about it. I was a little appalled by the imdb rating of a 4.3. Not only that, but apparently this movie was on Mystery Science Theater 3000. This comes across as a little insulting because Squirm is actually, for all intents and purposes, a really good film. Sure it's a B grade flick and maybe a little tongue and cheek, but I found myself 'squirming' far more than laughing. This movie genuinely unnerved me. There is a scene towards the beginning where the two main characters are eating lunch, and in the background, a worm is seen sliding down the wall. I had to do a double take and rewind to make sure I had seen what I thought I saw. It was a very good scene in establishing atmosphere. Of course probably the most memorable scene was the fishing scene. Considering how this was made in 1976, this type of stuff is impressive. There are no CGI bugs here, it's all legit. And slowly, this movie builds to a pretty terrifying finale.

I remember being shocked and grossed out when I saw Mermaid in a Manhole, and the many thousands of worms in that one. Squirm might just top it, there must be millions of them here. They are everywhere. I was originally watching this movie with the lights off, but had to turn them on when they started falling from the roofs in the dark. The lighting actually becomes quite poor towards the end, but that's not a bad thing. Seeing them wriggle and move in the shadows was even more creepier.

At the beginning it says this movie was based on true events. Not sure how true that could be, I certainly have not ever heard of aggressive worms that bite. But perhaps a town was once infested with them. I don't fancy returning to Georgia anytime soon.



This movie isn't perfect, but it certainly doesn't deserve a 4.3 rating. It might be a bit of a slow build up and it might be a tad unrealistic, but it's creepy as hell and quite unique in its atmosphere. A nice little 70s gem.

8/10

Watch it here.



https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0075261/reference

Thankyou

New Feature: Wiki

I got bored yesterday, so I decided to make a wiki for the site. Yes, our very own Trash Encyclopedia! Hopefully, we can all have some fun with this.

Users can now anonymously add and edit pages on the site's wiki. These pages can be about anything us trash addicts might find interesting, and should be presented in a well-structured and informative way.

As of now, these pages can be modified by any user, so be fair. At Trash Epics, we may be weird, but we're still fairly reasonable, and I trust you not to compromise the integrity of anyone else's works. Yes, we're going by the honor system. For now...

Hopefully... someone will actually make a page!

Quick! Pick Something!

Which of these does not belong?

Yes, this is a trick question.

The first user to tell me the secret code gets a prize.



The answer is within this post.

#Puzzle

New Videos?

I'm waiting for a day off to take my next step in making more videos. I'm just getting really antsy to do something beyond what I've been doing. It's been almost 2 years since I made my last video, Terrible Things!

If only I had some acid, I could get that artistic epiphany I've been waiting for that makes my ideas cum alive (the electricity that builds my redneck Frankenstein), but I'm just going to have to trust myself, and start production on my first film: an extremely short, rushed, and dastardly film about cowboys, salesmen, killer dicks, and necrophiliacs in the American south. The shooting script for Gutter Film https://trashepics.com/forum/560/ will commence writing this month, due for a release this October.

Now that I've said it, I can't take it back. I'm obligated!

The Mystery Between Water and Resurrection: Part 2

It's common knowledge that Halloween: Resurrection is worthless. The seventh installment of the Halloween franchise ended beautifully, coming full circle, and saying all there was to say about Halloween, and the character of Michael Myers. An unnecessary sequel was shat out, tainting the validity of a series that had just received proper closure, and demeaned its antagonist, it's protagonist, and the franchise as a whole. It could never be the same, and ultimately became the unwanted epilogue to a series which once had standards.


The Endless Stairway

In a terribly conceived twist to undo the "mistake" of killing off Michael Myers, a paramedic arrives excessively early, to seemingly repair the gate enough to enter the grounds, and checks the pulse of a man with a half dozen stab wounds. Oddly enough, Michael approves of his fashions, only after deciding the man should STFU forever by crushing the man's larynx, and strips this paramedic's attire, as well as his own, re-dresses both himself and the paremedic, and casually leaves Laurie alone for the rest of the night... all of which happens before Laurie can scale down a single flight of stairs.



Furthermore, the paramedics who arrive at the scene at a normal pace don't even unmask the man they so incompetently declare "dead", zip him up, and send on his way. Is this some unfriendly commentary about paramedics from Summer Glen, California? That they break into private schools, loiter in the hopes of catching a victim of foul play, and fail to resuscitate living patients? Ouch. Wouldn't wanna get hurt in Summer Glen, California. Then you'd be as good as dead.


Summer Glen, or Santa Mira?

The mass hysteria experienced acrossed the world known as "Halloween: Resurrection" has a premise that most people who acknowledge said hysteria seem to agree upon. These delusionists believe that they had actually witnessed Laurie Strode decapitate said soliciting paramedic, and that it had in turn caused her to bail out of both her life, and the franchise. Is she at fault? No, for if blatant evidence arguing a case can be rectonned in said "reality", then one's sanity and validity can also be retconned, and this isn't a world she wanted to live in anymore.

---

I remember reading the rumors before H8 came out, trying to explain that H20's killer was a copycat. Of course, that makes no sense, but just try to hearken back to the fact that Halloween 6 does exist. There's an entire disregarded continuity that could explain that a copycat killer is reasonable, given that Michael was afflicted with the curse of Thorn, and had an entire cult of psychos aiding his efforts for some convoluted reason or another.

H6 was essentially giving motivation for Michael Myers to pass on his curse, but he first needed to wipe out his bloodline. In comes the rage he felt in H5 when he realized that something was amiss, and killing his nephew/son wouldn't change anything. Perhaps he sensed that his bloodline continued despite his efforts, and his actions would be in vain regardless of his efforts? That his sister wasn't truly dead? Or perhaps you're not even acknowledging H4-H6 at all? In either scenario, a copycat killer would've been more logical than the explanation we got, despite how lazy and unmotivated the twist would inherently be.


October Fools Day the 31st, Part 7½: A New Beginning

After being defeated by Corey Feldman, Jason realized he needed to get his shit together and turn into a full-blown zombie in order to continue killing people. Similarly to the Gemini killer, it took him a while to get his chosen body working again, only it didn't take him 15 years, but merely just one movie, in which he only appears as a delusion. Friday the 13th Part 5 was in fact the filler sequel Jason used to hibernate with, calling up an inept copycat killer to do his bidding.

Who was the killer in F13 part 5? Well, Roy of course! The paramedic out to avenge the death of his fat, greasy retard of a son who was murdered by an irritable axe-wielding lumberjack, who ironically is one of the only people who doesn't die in the film, proving that Roy clearly didn't have a firm grasp on what he was doing, nor why he was doing it. So we'll assume as with most serial killers, he simply has a few screws loose, since his motive doesn't pertain to his victims, which makes him a pretty lousy killer, enough that he dies at the end of the film and remains overshadowed by Jason, the better killer.


Leroy did it!

With a similarly unrelated motive, Roy's cousin "Leroy" sets out to avenge his death, targeting further irrelevant victims... such as Laurie Strode and her entourage.

Preposterous. This is simply mashing two franchises together for argument's sake, isn't it? Absolutely, and sadly, the concept alone remains better than anything in H8. After all, Roy was a paramedic, so what's to say that with all these incompetent paramedics running around, cousin Leroy and his abundance of mental instability couldn't get a job as a Summer Glen paramedic? The openings in Crystal Lake must have been filled before ol' Leroy could get a chance to apply, so in his anger, he donned the mask of reputable and popular slasher (much like Roy did) and went from Haddonfield or wherever (basically, just a lot closer to Crystal Lake) all the way to California. After all, we already had Ben Tramer wear the same mask in H2, three different dopes wear the mask in H4, the obnoxious twat Spitz wear the mask in H5, and even fan-favorite Freddie Harris wear the mask in H8, so it must be a common mask, right? Little did Leroy know that he faced an uncommon adversary...


Marvin did it, too!

Yes, just like Roy coincidentally quarrelled with someone who had a run-in with a legit serial killer, so did Leroy, targeting Keri Tate, or Laurie Strode unbeknownst to him, who ultimately got the heads up on him. With such a terrible motive behind his method of operations, who does this leave in custody for Laurie's demise in the institution?

Well, if Roy targeted random people for the death of his boy, and Leroy targeted random people for the death of Roy-Roy, then it's only natural that a third cousin be revealed: Marvin. Being that his name doesn't rhyme with "oye", he expresses a natural ability of avoiding the prior tropes of his predecessors (namely dying), and somehow manages to successfully enact his revenge, where he then retreats to the evidence locker of Crystal Lake, 1987, stealing the deceased Joey's neglected candy bar from the evidence locker where it's left to rot for years to come, and savors his reward for a joke well played, albeit one without hook, punchline, and it's definitely not a sinker, because nobody could possibly piece this plot together without realizing the simple fact that the infestation of lifeless drones cannot continue if we don't send more paramedics.

#What