Where The Dead Go To Die

Let me start off with a brief synopsis of what this mindfuck is about. Not that it'll make any sense. A group of children living on the same block are haunted by a demonic dog named Labby, who takes them on wild rides through hellish dimensions and time periods. Each child's story is told through anthology segments, each one as fucked up as the other. In the first segment, the dog tells a little boy that a demon fetus is living inside his mother, and God has ordered them to kill it. This leads to the murder of the boys parents followed by bestiality in the name of the big man upstairs. The second segment is about a guy who can steal peoples memories when they're dying and insert them into his own mind, which is actually a really cool idea that the director should develop on in future. The third act is about a little boy trying to court a little girl who is being forced to star in pornographic films directed by her father.

Now you understand why I was so uneasy about watching this? The premise makes it sound like the most depraved movie of all time, created by an unhealthy mind, for the viewing pleasure/displeasure of sick freaks and masochists. It makes A Serbian Film look like Walt Disney. It might just be the most mean spirited and inherently evil piece of trash ever created in all forms of ''art.'' To be honest it probably is, and I can understand why people would be offended, but to me it was just too ridiculous and confusing to affect me like that. The animation really takes the sting out of it, plus some of the dialogue is quite clearly meant to be taken as dark comedy. The animation itself isn't exactly the quality of Pixar, but it works in its favor. The imagery is surreal, violent and nightmarish. Kinda like if David Lynch was directing a Splatterhouse video game. A nightmare is the best way to describe Where The Dead Go To Die, because despite the creepy visuals, it really makes no sense at all.

This is a sick film, but it had too much taboo breaking shock value to make it effective for me. That being said, it was a cinematic equivalent of a bizarre acid trip and I enjoyed it. The director Jimmy Screamerclauz has stated that he come up with most of his ideas under the influence of drugs and the movie has no intentions of making a point. It's essentially just a surreal, confusing experience that's so over-the-top it's hard to take seriously. I liked the animation style, but it didn't pack a punch at all. Screamerclauz has some great ideas in his twisted mind, and I feel if he worked on creating a consistent narrative he could really make some animated horror masterpieces.

You probably shouldn't watch this. I mean it is really messed up, but coming from a guy who doesn't enjoy Unearthed Films, this wasn't all that bad. I don't like extreme movies that exist purely to make people feel uncomfortable by degrading people, but I liked Where The Dead Go To Die for its absurdity. Don't watch if you're Christian.

7/10

The Ultimate Horror Timeline

Updated: I've been adding a lot to this timeline lately, and it now encompasses 60 franchises. Whoa!

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When you think of horror icons like Freddy, Jason, Michael Myers and so on, you always group them together because they're the most familiar slashers. Yet interestingly enough, you can also go as far as saying they all co-exist in the same universe, despite rarely appearing in films with each other, or at all. That's where the art of referencing comes into play, where you find little hints here and there to connect the movies, and while this is purely speculative, it's never denied (unless specifically noted).

The specific horror franchises in question are Halloween, Friday the 13th, The Evil Dead, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon, and Hatchet. It seems like a lot to include, but the most clearly connected of these are Freddy, Jason, and the Evil Dead.

All three series are linked by Jason Goes To Hell. This film includes the Necronomicon and the Kandarian dagger from the Evil Dead films, as well as Freddy's glove pulling Jason's mask into hell. This was due to New Line (who owns the rights to the Elm Street series) obtaining the rights to the Friday the 13th series at the time. Furthermore, New Line previously had distribution rights to The Evil Dead, though the props were most likely used simply as easter eggs, yet it leads to an almost canon fan speculation of the connections of each series, and ultimately spawned the un-used film treatment for "Freddy vs. Jason vs. Ash", which resulted in a comic.

The others are connected through Behind The Mask, which treats Freddy, Jason, and Michael Myers as real characters with real histories, and even takes a brief tour through the appropriate settings of these franchises. Furthermore, Leslie Vernon is referenced in Hatchet II, connecting it to that franchise as well (along with the Adam Green film "Frozen", which is also directly referenced in Hatchet II). Through Leslie Vernon, all of these film series are connected, or at least implicated with one another.

It isn't an unlikely concept, considering five of six franchises include magic and supernatural elements. The Evil Dead franchise utilizes the supernatural most obviously with the Necronomicon ex-mortis, aka the Book of the Dead. The Elm Street seres utilizes supernatural via the dream demons Freddy Krueger acquired in the flashback scenes of Freddy's Dead that explain his power over dreams. The Friday the 13th series didn't involve any aspects of the supernatural until Part 6 when Jason became undead, but it was most prominent with its supernatural influences by Jason Goes to Hell when the whole plot revolved around Jason's body-jumping abilities and the tie to his bloodline. As of Halloween 6, the franchise inherently involves the supernatural through the curse of Thorn. Hatchet II included supernatural elements regarding the condition of Victor Crowley as an undead character whose soul wanders the bayou.

The horror-verse goes on...

Several years ago, I arranged a chronological timeline for the fictional events that occur within in several of our heroic horror franchises. View the Horror, Film, and Franchise Timeline https://junkepics.com/calendar/timeline/ , covering nearly 60 franchises.

#Horror #List #Slasher #Timeline

Terrorism and The Interview

I happen to love Seth Rogen and James Franco. However, I agree that the film was probably a terrible idea in the first place.

If anyone doesn't know what I'm talking about... North Korea threatened to bomb movie theaters in USA if "The Interview" got a theatrical release. The theatrical release has been canceled, as well as VOD and DVD releases.

I work at a movie theater, so I'm glad I wont get bombed... but I wish I could've seen the movie still. And I hope they don't bomb us when some asshole decides to leak the film anyway...

Thoughts about this whole mess?

#News

The Passions of Carol (1975)

(Note: This review is not entirely finished. I'll be back to edit and add markups and piccies. Just wanted to churn this out to give y'all some trashy festive reading material. Enjoy!)

You better not shout. You better not cry. You better not pout and I'm telling you why: Because a Christmas porno review is cumming to Trash Epics! Put on your Santa hat, pull a few crackers, ram a candy cane up your arse, hang some mistletoe above your crotch and settle in for some seasonal cheer with extra stuffing!

The Passions of Carol is a porno version of A Christmas Carol. It does for the classic Dickens tale what The Passion of the Christ did for the Bible. Kind of. Our main character, Carol Scrooge, runs a girly porn mag. She's mean, she's stuffy and, keeping with tradition, she says "Bah humbug" quite a lot. We're introduced to her when she's berating her editor, Bob Hatchet, for incorporating too many limp dicks in the latest photoshoot. I'm on her side at this point. I mean, limp dicks are handy for pissing with, but useless for anything else. And they're certainly not worth purchasing a magazine to look at. I know how A Christmas Carol goes, and frankly, if Hatchet can't give Scrooge some hard-on, then his crippled kid deserves to starve. Luckily, Scrooge pulls through this boner famine emergency by performing cock-to-mouth resuscitation on a penis model. It was a close call.

The story plays out in the usual style. Marley arrives bound in chains, explains the redemption dealio and then Ms Scrooge throats some ghostly prick for a few minutes. I personally can't recall Alastair Sim fellating anyone, but then again my memory's rubbish. The Ghost of Christmas Past takes her back to the time when she blackmailed 2 college friends into a threesome where she's fucked with a doll's arm. The Ghost of Christmas Present shows her the Hatchet family enjoying their simple pauper pleasures. Finally, The Ghost of Christmas To Come arrives - a Grim Reaper figure who takes her on a tour of dingy porn theatres and street-walking hooker circuits, leading to the expected epiphanal twist.

In many ways, it's exactly what you'd expect a porno Christmas Carol to be. Our Scrooge here may be a stuck-up cunt, but she's certainly not very Scrooge-like with her punani. Needless to say, those looking for a faithful adaptation would be better of sticking with the 1951 version.

But for fans of the genre, this movie plays against type in some interesting ways. For starters, you have Jamie Gillis in the humble everyman Cratchit role. Even at this early stage of his career, Gillis had developed a reputation for playing rapists and sleazeballs. In '75 alone, he played debauched libertines in The Defiance of Good, The Story of Joanna, Oriental Blue and the gay S&M-themed Boy 'Napped, among others. Yet here he's the meek, loving niceguy. The coupling between him and his character's wife is among the most romantic sexual escapades of '70s porn. He's convincing enough that it almost makes me think that, deep down, beneath the sleazy exterior, he may possibly have been a big ol' teddy-bear sweetheart. Then I remember Walking Toilet Bowl and realise he's just a dirty pervert who puts on a good act.

Perhaps even more strange is that this light-hearted morality tale is written and directed by Shaun Costello. Costello has achieved infamy for roughie gems like Forced Entry, Water Power and Daughters of Discipline. So how did this slice of sweetness end up in his filmography? For me it fits because I think he's always had a wicked sense of humour. Forced Entry may be as grimy and gritty as porno comes, but I can't help thinking of it as a dark joke on the porno audience. I picture Costello laughing his ass off at the thought of the raincoat brigade storming out of the theatre with frowning faces and drooping boners, after being confronted with Vietnam War atrocity footage spliced into money shots. The Passions of Carol and its gleeful defiling of a childrens classic suits his persona.

As well as the humour, another Costello trademark out in force here is his use of music. A fine selection of Christmas carols accompanies the peen-in-beav action, but even more audacious is his unauthorised usage of Tubular Bells. Best known as the Exorcist theme tune, it works surprisingly well here. Once we're past the creepy intro and Mike Oldfield starts to get his groove on, the pounding bassline complements the pounding of pelvises quite delightfully.

Of course, some will say that this movie is revolting filth and it misses the true meaning of Christmas. They'd prefer to watch Miracle on 34th Street or It's a Wonderful Life or that one where Dudley fucking Moore dresses up in a fucking elf costume. But in order to apply a "true meaning" to Christmas, we first have to know what the hell Christmas is. Ostensibly about the birth of Christ, its origins date back centuries earlier to the pagan god of light, Mithra, who was celebrated via a week-long feast in the solstice of winter. When Mithraism was brought into Europe, Romans adopted the party tradition to hallow their own sun-god Saturn in the festival known as Saturnalia, which took part on and around December 25th. Festivities involved gift-giving and stuffing your face with food until you couldn't move. Sound familiar? Eventually, in the 4th century AD, Mithraism was eliminated politically and its worshippers eliminated physically by Christian armies.

What does this mean? It means that Christmas exists because Christianity co-opted previously existing traditions by slaughtering all those who practised it in the name of another God. It means that the true meaning of Christmas is... that there is no meaning, neither true nor false. Christmas is whatever the hell you want it to be. Most importantly, it means that this sacred celebration is entirely deserving of a good hard porno rogering.

So I say to Hell with Jesus. Bah humbug to Santa and presents. Fuck all 12 reindeer right in their stupid reindeer asses and spunk a fat jizzload of Christmas spirit all over Rudolph's shiny red nose. There's no more or less appropriate way to celebrate Christmas than by watching Christmas porn. The Passions of Carol ain't anything spectacular, but it did the trick for me.

Thanks for reading and Merry Fucking Christmas!


#Christmas #Jamiegillis #Porn #Shauncostello

Video Games

Trash Epics is making games now. Using the free Unity 3D game engine, @Ren and @Der will be plotting some video games you can play here on the site, for free.

The long fabled Hobo with a Fence RPG will finally exist: a game where you play as a customizable hobo in a 3D physics-based world, fighting monsters, drinking and doing drugs, banging hookers, and getting AIDS.

Anyone interested?

#Game #News

Kill That Bitch (2014)

Dustin Mills is a independent horror filmmaker located in Ohio. So his movies have peaked my interest especially Kill That Bitch. Such a great title for a horror movie,IMO. When I found out Dustin Mills store was having a buy one get one free I decided to get some of his movies. And Kill That Bitch is the first one I watched.

Kill That Bitch or as written on the DVD K.T.B. starts off with a woman with scars on her face reaching for her crying baby. Then it cuts to a naked girl getting a phone call. The first one is from her friend and the second one is a killer in a mask. The killer tortures and kills the girl and then sends a picture of it to her friends. This is clearly an act of revenge for something the girls did, but what is not know. You actually don't have any questions revealed until the end. And then it becomes clear and not in a normal way. This twist I did not see coming at all and that made me love this movie. I absolutely love when you think you know what is going to happen and then you are like where did that come from. Anyways the girls all get killed one by one until the final girl remains. Kind of sounds like a slasher, but it flips and it isn't. I don't want to give too much away, but this movie is great. Oh and almost every girl is nude in this movie. So great acting, good effects, great story, great score, and great everything. This movie is a crazy wild ride. 8.5/10

A trashy plug for Trash Epics...

Ok, so I haven't posted for a while, and I haven't added anything to the trash wiki, but I have been busy making this...



It's a first attempt at pretty much anything outside of following a tutorial in Blender 3D. It's also my first attempt at adding anything to YT - that's how far behind the times I am...!

Took a couple of weeks to get it this far (and even then it didn't quite turn out how I hoped), but I thought I'd better just get it out there.

It's pretty lame, but it's trash, so should fit well here, and hopefully it's not too bad - probably a bit hard to see at that size - better on full screen.

Anyway - there you go @Renzo - you inspired me.

I'll try and get some more meaningful posts up soon...

Jono

#Blender3D #JonoSucks #Trash

Philosophical Insight for All Bleak Souls (part 2)

What is joy? Is joy "God?" No, of course not. But then what is it? Is it a thing? Perhaps. But let's delve further than conjecture and consult the scientists who know everything.

I recently spoke to engineering evolutionary biological guy/science-person, Squeaky McKlean, who said, and I quote, "What is joy? Is joy '˜God?' No, of course not. But then what is it? Is it a thing? Perhaps. But let's delve further than conjecture and consult the scientists who know everything...."

He went on to report "I recently spoke to the engineering evolutionary biological guy/science-person, Squeaky McKlean, who said, and I quote, '˜What is joy? Is Joy "God?" No, of course not. But then what is it? Is it a thing? Perhaps But let's delve further than conjecture and consult the scientists who know everything...."

He then choked to death on a coffee table/slash/the wall of the room which he was chewing on.

I hope (and feel confident that) this post has answered all philosophical questions you may ever had.

Philosophical Insight For Your Benefit (Part 1)

Who here understands life and death? No one. That's why I'm here to explain it to you personally.

First comes life, both cuddly, squishy and sandpapery. All two of those three things at once. Then comes the knowledge that you're not alone, that you're a part of a system of other similar creatures bearing the same physical make-up that, if you inspect it far enough, is the same right down to the cells, chromosomes, genes and anatomical make-up. The only thing making you different from Auntie Fattie is your attitude (ie. your attitude sucks whereas hers is really cool and right-on).

But is attitude enough to make an individual? There are those scientologists who say "perhaps" and then there are other scientologists who say "perhaps... or perhaps not." As an interpreter of modern philosophical, philological, true scientific thought, I can say what they're really trying to say is "Perhaps, or perhaps not." But it's not up to us to judge, now is it? And if I may be blunt, who can own a raindrop? Is the sky a person?

In conclusion, I think I have solved all of the philosophical questions to which all sleaze scroungers seek answers. But to dumb it down, in a simple phrase: Death, life, birth: Oh my and oh me, to whom can we attribute a difference?!

The End!

Dystopia Timeline

I merged my Alien, Predator, RoboCop, and Terminator timelines together, and added a few more to create a timeline of the fictional events in some of our favorite retro post-apocalyptic films.

EDIT: This has been merged/moved here https://junkepics.com/calendar/timeline/

Some of the things these older movies have predicted isn't too far off. Thoughts?