Knuckles, the tv show

I didn't even know this was a thing until a few days ago. Paramount+ put out this spin-off for the Sonic the Hedgehog movies, featuring the return of Idris Elba as Knuckles.

Now, anybody who has ever played the Sonic games knows how they are. You run through levels dodging enemies and collecting rings. So how does that translate to a tv show?

Yeah, you guessed it! This show is all about... bowling! Some inept police officer (Adam Pally) in the smallest town in Montana sets out to win a bowling tournament against his dickhole father (Cary Elwes). Knuckles is also in there sometimes. This show is (not) just like the video games.

Yeah, whatever. I still thought it was funny.

#Review

GHOSTBUSTERS!

It only took me a month to get around to watching Part 4, but it was plenty of fun. We're finally back to busting ghosts in New York City, and our remaining original team has a bigger role this time around. Our characters from the previous movie are still the main focus, but Ray and Ernie have bigger parts. Bill Murray isn't in much, but he's definitely welcome, and I was happy to see William Atherton back as the asshole mayor. He hasn't learned anything over the years.

There's a lot going on in the movie and they have to juggle a lot of characters, including a few new ones. For the most part, they handled it pretty well. I didn't see any Sigourney Weaver and still no Rick Moranis, but at least we have Slimer and the marshmallows. And this movie even has a possessed bag of garbage, which adds to the trash factor.

There are a few headscratching moments, though. For as much fun as it was, there were still some incredibly stupid moments in the film. People know who the Ghostbusters are and they know what they do. Yet they still get arrested by the cops when the police SEE them fighting these goddamn ghosts that possess otherwise inanimate objects, and after everything supernatural that's happened in the past few films, that dipshit mayor is still trying to shut them down (and succeeds). Like, seriously? And even Winston is giving Ray the business, when he knows damn well that Ray doesn't fuck around when it comes to paranormal threats.

Still, plenty of interesting stuff going on and some good laughs throughout. Good times.

#Review

Barcelona cop, reminds me of Hereditary

I can't remember if I have posted here before about this. There was a guy named Josep (that's right, no H) Baque (long deceased), who was a cop in Barcelona in the 20th century. In his spare time, he had a hobby of drawing imaginary creatures that he made up on his own.

Some of his creatures vaguely remind me of the disturbing little dolls made by the girl in Hereditary. Just their general proportions and their colors, I think. Josep Baque drew or painted his creatures, he didn't make little dolls or action figures out of them.

Zed, is he famous in Barcelona? My guess is NO. But, maybe it could be a fun thing to do, to visit his house, someday if you are bored. Maybe he has his fans, somewhere out there. I have no idea if his house is a place of pilgrimage.

Here is a video of his creatures:

Neon Fear: A Friday the 13th Fan Film

I've been seeing this weird shit plastered all over facebook and I really don't know what to think of it.

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/neon-fear-a-friday-the-13th-fan-film

A dystopian future with Jason kill-bots, time-travel back to the 80s, and using real Jason to kill the kill bots? Like seriously, wtf? 😄

Looks like a lot of AI/CGI, but I can't say I'm not intrigued. And this whole fucking mess is made by a woman? And a hot one at that?

I'll probably have to watch this.

Double Dragon (1994)



In the 80s and 90s, there was an emergence of kid-friendly martial arts movies and video games that made every kid want to be a ninja. Karate Kid, Big Trouble in Little China, Showdown in Little Tokyo, Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, 3 Ninjas, you name it. Here is another one based on a video game, turned into a super cheesy action/adventure romp about two brothers in a gang-ridden "New Angeles" trying to stop a typical over-the-top mogul from taking over the city.

Our two leads are Scott Wolf (Billy) and Mark Dacascos (Jimmy), orphan teens living in the dystopian post-earthquake island formerly known as Los Angeles in the year 2007. Similar concept to Escape from LA which was set in 2013, isn't it? So Billy & Jimmy are tasked to protect a magical amulet and keep it out of the hands of the generic villain, because that's an easy enough plot for anyone to follow.

Robert Patrick (Koga) is our smug, bleach-blond villain. He can turn into a somewhat fluid shadow form and imitate others. I bet he's never played a role like that before, am I right?

Alyssa Milano (Marian) is here also, playing a punky gang leader working to keep the streets safe from the various lunatics and henchmen under the employ of our douchebag villain. Suffice to say, both of our lead protagonists like to gawk at her ass, because she's looking pretty fine in this movie. I'd like to watch the extended ending where the double dragons double team her, but that footage has yet to be recovered.

Yeah, it's a total cheesefest, but as a kid, I'm sure I would have loved it. Hell, even as an adult, I found it's retro-futuristic LA ninja-punk vibes to be surprisingly fun either way. And to make this movie legit, it features Al Leong as... you guessed it... a fucking henchman!

I give it 1 out of 2 half-medallions.

#Review

M. Night's new film "Trap"

Looks pretty decent. I haven't seen Hartnett in anything in a while, and he looks like he'll be having some fun playing this character.



I hope it's better than Knock at the Cabin. God, that movie sucked.

New Feature: Lottery

https://trashepics.com/lottery/

Here's another means to win some of those wonderful trash bucks. Pay $1 of your fake moneyz and pick 6 numbers. Each week, you could win more of that stupid fake cash.

Honestly, I don't imagine this will be used much since this place is a goddamn ghost town, but it seemed like a funny idea at the time. Use it or don't. I don't give a fuck.

This will be filed under Junk > Apps.

Virgins, Cougars & Whores, Oh, My!



Remember that guy who called Crispin Glover a "dead fuck" In Friday The 13th Part IV? Lawrence Monoson is his name. A fine little actor. I saw him in this other movie once called The Last American Virgin, which came out a couple years prior. Directed by Boaz Davidson, who is best known for the Lemon Polsicle series. A bunch of Israeli teen sex comedies set in the 1950's. A totally watchable bunch of movies not unlike American Graffiti, or even American Pie at times. In the early 80's, Boaz would come to the states to try his luck with a contemporary, Americanized remake of these movies, and the result would be one of the most fun and all around teen sex comedies of the decade. The Last American Virgin... A Lemon Popsicle story.

imageThe Lemon Popsicle movies always include the same three characters, none of which ever acknowledge the events of any other movie in the series. And in The Last American Virgin, there are three characters which represent the originals: The slick, good looking one who usually turns out to be a dick. The loudmouth fat boy who turns out to be a loyal friend and an all around swell guy, but is mainly meant for comedy relief. And of course the main character, who is usually after something a little more real than just sex. That's where Lawrence Monoson comes in. He plays a kid named Gary. Gary, along with his two best friends, Rick and David, are all about prying the lady's legs apart by any means necessary. On any given Friday night, the game plan remains the same: Get that pussy!

imageOf course all that pussy gettin' usually includes a fair amount of unwanted craziness like getting caught and chased away by angry husbands and parents before they can get all their clothes on, or getting a case of the crabs. It's hard to synpathize with the relentless little fuck boys as they usually bring it all on themselves. Their ambition and determination almost always outweighs their common sense. Soon, something will happen which takes Gary's mind off the game, and ultimately disrupts the harmony within this trio of besties. As Gary notices the new girl in school, he immediately has to kiss his heart goodbye as it now belongs to Karen. Gary is clever enough to get his foot in the door and become somewhat aquainted with Karen, and even get her to like him a little, but not quite clever enough to get her to agree to go out with him. And just like that, it's too late. Gary's smoother friend, Rick, gets the girl instead. You snooze, you lose, little buddy.

imageGary is crushed, and doesn't even attempt to hide his disapproval, while said disapproval seems to go more or less undetected for some reason. We're not sure Rick's intentions are quite as pure as Gary's, but we get to that a little later. However, for now, Gary doesn't seem to be totally giving up on making Karen his girl. Gary makes it a point to peer pressure Rick into continuing on with him and David in their quest for all the pussy, which, in all fairness, doesn't take a hell of a lot of effort. Rick comes off somewhat oblivious to Gary's inability to hide how he feels as he gets visibly upset any time Rick brings up his new girlfriend. That Gary sure does wear his heart on his sleeve. If he's not careful that mentality is going get that little heart of his broken, and maybe even cost him a friend. But first things first... get rid of these damn crabs, then sort everything else out.

Remember that girl who fucked her brother for some reason in Amityville II: The Possession? That was Karen, AKA Gary's would-be love interest. Diane Franklin was pretty good as the all-American teenage girl next door, clueless to Gary's feelings. However, Gary's feelings border on obsession as he continuously loses control of his emotions, making everyone elses cluelessness all the more of a headscratcher. Or maybe everyone else was too self-involved to notice or give a shit. In that case, I guess that was a pretty accurate portrayal of teenagers, to be honest. One thing that sets The Last American Virgin apart from pretty much every other 80's teen sex comedy I've seen is this one has heart. This one has something to say, and ultimately feels a little more real. And one thing this movie seems to be known for, above all, is that genuinely depressing ending that very well might leave you feeling a little bummed out and reminded of that fact that life just ain't fair sometimes. But with all the 80's shennanigans and 80's tunes along the way, the harsh reality check is well worth it. 6/10

New Feature: Inventory

Example:
https://junkepics.com/user/1/inventory/

Users can now own fake items. I've been meaning to do this for a while now, but I forgot about this. For years. It's still pretty unrefined and subject to change, but it has potential for some laughs.

I've taken the liberty of giving you regs some "items", which you can view through a link in your user profile. I'm pretty terrible at gifting stuff, so you get what you get.

I'll update this feature more as needed, ie sell/trade/drop whatever. And if I get this working well, I'll do likewise with people/creatures, so you can pit them against each other, but for now... it's just items.

Ass to ass!

Need I say more?