MaXXXine (2024)

The so-called "finale" of Ti West's 'X' trilogy finds our survivor in Hollywood to make a name for herself. It's hard when you get your start in porn, because no one takes you seriously. Set in the backdrop the Night Stalker killings in the mid-80s, this is a jab at Hollywood. I think the moral of the story is to suck that dick, or you'll never work in this town again!

I was wondering how the story would connect to the first film, and Kevin Bacon is there as the sleazy PI to act as the bridge to that grand ending twist. I found him amusing though. Kevin Bacon recently listed his top-20 horror flicks and put all the X trilogy in there. He must have enjoyed playing this weasel.

Mia Goth is good as ever. It may take a few more viewings for me to fully appreciate, though. I feel like I'm missing something, but I certainly didn't dislike it. I just didn't love it.

#Review

Smile 2 (2024)

Naomi Scott goes insane in this infectious psychdrama sequel. She does a good job with the material, but it's a lot of jump scares and more of the same. Most of the movie is a delusion, and we use that excuse to have a disjointed plot that plunges our doomed protagonist forward in time to speed up the inevitable deadline that is her life.

There are at least a few decently unsettling moments, but they're borderline hilarious. Like the group of smiling folk in her apartment who keep smiling and posing closer and closer? And sometimes when the hero just can't catch a break? I find those moments are the ones to cherish. Laugh at others misfortunes, if it helps make it more enjoyable.

Ray Nicholson was a minor role, mostly in flashbacks, but damn does he resemble his father. His role is definitely a nod to The Shining.

Give me a week and I'll forget most of what happened in this movie. They'll probably make a bunch more of these movies, but should they? Nah.

#Review

Mr Inbetween (2018-2021)

A quick shout-out to this Aussie FX show starring Scott Ryan as Ray Shoesmith, a hitman trying to balance his work life and his home life with his young daughter.

The main actor hasn't done anything outside of this show and the movie it's spun-off from, The Magician, but he's dope. The series showcases his various jobs, as well as him helping his friends out of various jams.

For instance, a prominent side character friend Gary needs Ray to cover for him by telling Gary's Russian mail-order bride that a golden-showers porno dvd she found wasn't Gary's, but Ray's rather. It's a multi-season storyline.

Anyway, it's a good watch like many FX shows. A good dark comedy. Some laughs, some depressing bits, and a lot of crime. 3 seasons, 30 episodes total, 25 minutes long each, easy to binge.

#Review

Terrifier 3

Set 5 years after part 2, Art the Clown comes back from the dead after growing a new head that his mangled victim grew and vomited up for him. Meanwhile, Sienna is trying to move on and move in with some family. Her nerdy brother Steve Smith^Jonathan is also trying to move on and do some schoolin'. Art finds a Santa Claus and, much like Nightmare Before Christmas, he thinks he can do it better, but seriously misunderstands the holiday!

If you saw the others, you know you're in for an endurance contest. This movie is disgusting. That kill in part 2 is probably still the worst, but there are a few that come close. Art likes to torture his victims, who tend to survive brutal maimings only to be tormented to even more demented degrees. Meanwhile in other movies, people can stub their toes and go into a coma.

The lead actress is one fine lady. I'd ask how she's able to survive all this assault, but the movie gives a weird and wacky answer for it.

And Art is funny in how sadistic he is. •slaps her in the back of the head• What a fucking prick. 😄


Only a few people in the theater. Some couple and a few girls who arrived late and left early. They'll probably claim they watched the whole thing, but I know they're liars.

#Review

Hurricane horror

I was trying to think of horror movies set in the midst of massive hurricanes, for no particular reason.

Crawl isn't bad at all. It has Kaya Scodelario and Barry Pepper, stuck in a house in the middle of a huge hurricane, with (the plot thickens!) a bunch of gigantic alligators. Kaya and Barry both took it seriously, and did a solid job. There are also a bunch of extra characters, mostly just to add to the body count.

There should be... maybe a horror comedy, in which they show multiple Weather Channel reporters abruptly getting brutally killed by flying debris, as they stand out in the wind and rain in insanely dangerous conditions. Like, maybe having there be a two-by-four board with a huge, long, thick nail sticking out of it, just flying out of nowhere in the wind and KA-CHUNK impaling the reporter through the head with the nail. That could actually be made to be funny, if they did it enough times in a single movie, sort of like the repetition of Kenny getting killed in early South Park got to be funnier and funnier. Also, it would serve to drive home the point that they just shouldn't be sticking reporters out there in those conditions. It is totally retarded that they do that. They should just stop it.

This reminds me of my old "abrupt beheadings" threads. I haven't done one of those in a long time. Thank you, whoever here first reminded me of the abrupt beheading toward the end of Phenomena! That was a really good one. OUCH.

F13 memorabilia at a silent auction in a mall aquarium. 

This past weekend while vacationing in San Antonio, me and the gal went into the mall on the River Walk, to take a look at the Sea Life aquarium. Oddly, while making our way through, we came across a couple of tables set up with a silent auction. None of the stuff had anything to do with aquatics, it was mostly just signed memorabilia, pertaining to movies or sports. There was just one thing that caught my eye.




A framed Friday the 13th poster and license plate signed by Ari Lehman. It had 0 bids! I thought what the hell and signed myself down for the lowest possible bid. I forgot all about it, but just today I was notified that I won! It will be shipping shortly.

Teacup, on Peacock

Teacup is a new show, I have not seen it. I just wanted to mention that apparently it is based on the novel Stinger, by Robert McCammon. I have rambled on about his books before, I'm pretty sure. I'm a big fan of his book They Thirst, about vampires taking over L.A.

Anyway, I hope they did a good job with it. Had to share.

In a Violent Nature (2024)

This movie was based on a simple idea. What if an undead slasher was told through the perspective of the villain? So that's our movie. We follow some wronged "slow" person who revives when his bling is taken from his grave site. So, he pulls himself out of hell or wherever and goes on a search for his good luck charm.

The curiosity keeps it interesting for a while. I like seeing what he does and where he goes and how he kills. I had read reviews calling it shallow, but it is what it is. A halfwit brute walking through a series of victims.

It doesn't need to be any deeper than that, and I think it works very well as a Jason clone, and the side characters don't matter. They never matter, because they'll get pwned either way. One girl had one of the most wacky & fucked kills I've ever seen. The girl at the cliff.

What I didn't like was the ending. Or lack thereof. We're all waiting for something on that long road... and nothing happens. I guess Johnny Voorhees doesn't teleport. The climax was hidden in there somewhere, I guess. Then again, that whole epilogue might make it brilliant.

Someone had to make a movie based on that simple aforementioned idea, and it was actually pretty great. A little boring at times, but that keeps it real.

Also, his mask was kinda dumb. He should have kept his peripherals open and skipped the mask, but he is retarded, after all. Retarded killers are my favorite kind of retard.

#Review

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The Boogey Man (1980)

Directed by some weird German guy, this movie is all over the place. It feels like it's trying to rip-off a lot of things, but it doesn't know quite which one to focus on. I thought it was Italian at first, but it wasn't dubbed enough.

There's some backstory that traumatizes two kids, who resume the rest of the movie as young adults in the "present". Basically, there's a slasher who appears through reflective surfaces. However, John Carradine advises the heroine on how to progress this story, while at the same time telling her it's all in her head. They put that old fart in there to make it a credible horror film, but it doesn't matter. This film would have been awesome with or without him.

Awesome is a strong word. I was invested enough, not to the characters and plot, but to the vibes and weirdness of it. Like how they keep showing you the mirrors over and over again as if reminding you that the killer is using mirrors to do his thing. In case the viewer didn't catch that the other dozen times it happens in the movie. This movie thinks its audience is dumb, and I am.

This movie is shallow. It thinks it's original, but it's really just... an Amityville clone! That's the twist ending, because it turned out the house was a rip-off of the Amityville, with its glowing eyes. Remember in the first Amityville when he window comes down on the kid's fingers? Well, in this movie, the window comes down on some dickhole kid's neck. That scene right there really brought this movie up from a 2/5 to a 4/5. It added depth and meaningful social commentary.

#Review