The Little Girl Who Lives Down The Lane (1976)

I watched this on Amazon Prime last night. Hadn't seen it in a while. Funny how we're less than 4 minutes into it and already, they're throwing a character at us who aims to stick it to a 13 year old by any means necessary. We don't even know him or the 13 year old yet, or even what this movie is about, and they've already established Martin Sheen as a raging child molester. As well as a rude dickhead. Just sayin'.

But what I REALLY don't get is the unnecessary nudity. Child actress, Jodie Foster, really was 13 during the filming of this movie, yet, it was decided that there must be ass and titties. It wasn't her's we saw, but apparently her 16 year old sister's body. Would love to know how the unavoidable conversaion with her parents went.


Director: Uh... hey, guys. Kinda wanted to pick your brain about something. The script calls for little Jodie's character to show some skin. And, well... I'm not exactly saying she needs to take her clothes off, but it would really help... •nervous laughter•

Mrs. Foster: Wait... what? Are you being serious??

Mr. Foster: Hear him out, dear. We're making a lot of money off this picture!

Director: Look, the script says what the script says, and the script says she's gotta show her breasts, and... well, her little bottom... her, uh, ass.

Mr. & Mrs. Foster: •stares blankly•

Director: Look, we got a long day ahead of us. Surely there must be something we can work out, here, because we need nudity in this movie. Any ideas?

Mr. Foster: Well... Jodie's sister loves getting naked in front of people, and she actually looks a lot like Jodie.

Director: Ohhhhh... I see. A body double. How old is she?

Mr. Foster: 16.

Director: Oh... Well, does she happen to look young for her age?

Mr. Foster: Oh, sure. She has the body of a 14 year old.

Director: Well... I suppose nobody will tell the difference. Ok, sounds good! I'll call her tonight.

Mr. Foster: Uh, I'll ask her tonight and if she says yes, we'll bring her down in the morning.

Director: oh, ok... •nervous laughter•

Mrs. Foster: •Stares blankly•

Five Nights at Freddy's 2023

I never played the games, but I did watch Willy's Wonderland recently. That might have been a more kid appropriate plotline, had they toned down that R-rating just a tad. But since that simple plotted movie already exists, Five Nights needed to be different.

Blumhouse tackled this video game adaption and pushed it pretty hard for its PG-13 rating. We're given a troubled protagonist struggling with an unresolved child kidnapping, custody battles, unemployment, pill addiction... that's a bit much for a kid movie, right? Let alone the implied violence of getting one's head sawed apart, or being gruesomely assimilated into an animatronic... or the actual violence of rotting corpses, cuts, stabbings, and people getting ripped in half. Not bad, Blumhouse. You made me just a little bit unsettled there for a while. Not because I deem it graphic, but because kids are decensitized enough to deem it as casual. If kids can handle this without issue, our old go-to slasher franchises ought to be a piece of cake for them to sit through.

#Review

Words that piss you off

Co-winky-dink
anyhoo
Poop
Booty
coochie
blowjob
Mickey D's
beotch
ho
Blooper
Delish
Panini
Sonofabitches
buff
mani-pedi
baby-daddy
hunky dory
Bonkers
hoot
Gumbo
jelly (jealous)

What words piss you off?

Teeth (2007) (or 2008? I'm confused)

I finally saw this. I don't know why I hadn't gotten to it earlier. Yes I do, of course I do, it's a movie about guys getting their penis bitten off. YEESH.

Anyway. The story is set in... well, it seems to be a public high school, in a very religious part of the US. The general feeling of the community there makes me think of Saved (2004), and also the community in the book My Best Friend's Exorcism. I still haven't seen the film version of that one...

Anyway, in Teeth, the main character is a female junior or senior in high school, named Dawn. She comes across as sort of a mixture of Dakota Johnson and Melissa Joan Hart. Probably mostly Dakota Johnson, but definitely with some MJH mixed in there, both in appearance and personality. Dawn is very religious, and still a virgin. Because she is a virgin, she has never really had to think about, or really even notice, the fact that her private parts have, yes, TEETH.

She had one incident when she was a little girl, when her jerk of a stepbrother got a little too intrusive in her personal space (not exactly in a sexual way, he was just generally being aggressive, and trying to touch her private area after he showed her his). In the incident I'm describing, she bit his finger with her lower teeth. She gave him a damned good bite, he almost lost the tip of his finger. I guess they stitched it back on, after the scene.

Teeth reminds me of Carrie, a bit. Not completely, but there are a couple of scenes that made me think "ohhh yeah, I know where they got this idea from, from Carrie."

The movie... isn't really comedy, and it isn't really horror either. To me, it mostly felt like just a straight up, straightforward depiction of how a girl with this mutation might behave, and might feel, as she was coming to terms with it. Think about that for a minute. It really portrays what a religious, very nice, well-meaning girl might go through, as she realizes that there is something unusual about her anatomy. There is a little comedy toward the end, but not much, and it is usually pretty subtle. Mostly, the actress (Jess Weixler is her name) just takes the role very seriously, and portrays the character very sympathetically.

Over the course of the movie, Dawn has three main, um, "incidents," and one that is not quite as serious, and then another that we don't quite see, but is heavily implied. Dawn become less innocent as the movie goes along, but she is always sympathetic. Many (not all) of the guys in her life are complete assholes, and you want something bad to happen to them. What does happen to a couple of them still seems a bit harsh, though, of course.

So. Yah. I would say that I recommend this, but more just as an interesting indie film than as a comedy or horror. If you expect too much comedy or horror, you will be disappointed. It is interesting to watch though. If anybody has any thoughts on this movie, I'd like to hear them. Kirk out.

Your 'biggest' film you haven't seen

As in the most famous, I guess mine would either be

The Sound of Music
Titannic // though did start watching in some resturant when it came out but gave up mid way


OK from IMDB heres what I have


https://www.imdb.com/search/title/?title_type=feature,tv_movie,video&sort=num_votes,desc&my_ratings=exclude

1. Titanic
2. The Revenant
3. Captain America: Civil War
4. Doctor Strange
5. The Batman
6. Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
7. X-Men: Days of Future Past
8. Silver Linings Playbook
9. 12 Years a Slave
10. Dunkirk

half superhero films. Silver liningas playbook? Never even heard of

for Horror
https://www.imdb.com/search/title/?title_type=feature,tv_movie,video&genres=horror&sort=num_votes,desc&my_ratings=exclude

1. The Mummy
2. Scary Movie 2 // think I saw this though

3. Annabelle
4. The Nun
5. Scream 2022
6. Into the Woods
7. The Predator
8. The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
9. The Hunt
10. The Pale Blue Eye

2023 Christmas Challenge

Since it's so easy to watch Christmas stuff in December (since the networks beat you over the head with it), you might as well get some points for it!

Glorious, worthless bragging rights on this abandoned outhouse in the middle of the internet...


What?
December 1st - 31st.
Watch anything (movies & tv) about Christmas.
Log your viewings.


Points
• Score by runtime.
• Christmas HORROR viewings worth x2 points.
• New Years ANYTHING counts for HALF points.

Reach 25 viewings and you could win some TE Xmas presents.


Mark your SPOTS

The Fate of Burt Gummer

I think the Tremors franchise is great. Tremors (1990), Tremors 2: Aftershocks (1996), Tremors 3: Back to Perfection (2001), and definitely Tremors: The Series (2003)... but not so much Tremors 4: The Legend Begins (2004), or Tremors 5: Bloodlines (2015), or Tremors 6: A Cold Day in Hell (2018), but at least Tremors 7: Shrieker Island (2020) was a little more interesting.

I honestly didn't care for Jamie Kennedy as Burt's son, and I think he looked crappy. That's the best way I can describe him. Burt's son shouldn't be crappy, so they wrote him out. Everybody needs a sidekick for exposition, so we'll give you Jon Heder to react to Burt's survivalist militaristic attitude. Throw in Richard Brake as some jerk mercenary hunting the graboids and getting killed by the shriekers and whatnot, and there's your movie. Mildly amusing at best.


It's a more forgettable entry like the last three, but it is made important by its ending. An ending regarding the fate of one Burt Gummer. Now, I know Universal likes to milk this franchise, while keeping it on the lesser DTV tier, but the series has one constant, and that's Michael Gross.

If Burt Gummer is out of the picture, is the franchise over? Are we headed for the inevitable remake? A spin off with the crappy son and/or Napoleon Dynamite? An actual sequel with Kevin Bacon? Or does Michael Gross come back as a relative of Burt's? Maybe a descendent in some future graboid dystopian earth?

Either way, it's pretty sad to see this franchise fizzle out. I wish Fred Ward and Kevin Bacon could have reteamed with Burt Gummer for one last adventure, but like I said, this series was never a priority for Universal. Burt kept the fire burning though. I read that there are still talks of him returning, but I wont hold my breath. I think this may be it for the original Tremors series. 😥

I'm only 3 years late to this movie, by the way. Some fan I am.

#Review

Payback 1999

Mel Gibson in an urban crime syndicate double-cross flick. This was a cool movie with a great cast. Mel plays Porter the punching bag out to collect his $130,000^$70,000, working his way up the food chain to get it, all while the police and other parties are trying to get their cut of his money. Porter takes a fair amount of abuse, but Max/Riggs/Fatman is a tough guy and can handle it. Maria Bello plays the love interest, and I've always liked her.

Gregg Henry is here too, and I always liked him, ever since Just Before Dawn. A sleazeball here, but amusing. Then you have Freddy Rodriguez, Bill Duke, William Devane, Kris Kristofferson, and Lucy Liu. And they all want to kill Porter.

It's sort of a revenge movie, but it's motivated more by getting even. Financially. There's definitely a lot of great crime tropes here, like the crooked cop, the blackmail, the extortion, and all those wonderful bad things we all love so much.

I think visually, they drained the colors for their urban aesthetic. A bit distracting at first, but I didn't notice it so much after a while.
There are some really fun scenes in this movie, and I'm wondering why I didn't care for it on my first viewing some 15 years ago. My younger self was an embarrassment, because this movie is great. I give it 5 stars! Out of 7.

#Review

Top 100

As I was talking with someone yesterday & he was curious for more macabre suggestions I said I'll give him my top 100 today, So I had a relook and updated my top 100 for the first time in Years. Share yours

Faust (1926)
The Unknown (1927)
Frankenstein (1931)
The Most Dangerous Game (1932)
I Bury the Living (1958)
Psycho (1960)
Taste of Fear (1961)
Carnival of Souls (1962)
Targets (1968)
The Cremator (1969)
Valerie and her week of wonders (1970)
Crowhaven Farm (1970)
Black Noon (1971)
The Blood on Satan's Claw (1971)
Let's Scare Jessica to Death (1971)
The Devils (1971)
Sometimes Aunt Martha does Dreadful Things (1971)
What the Peeper Saw (1972)
The Last House on the Left (1972)
Lemora: A Child's Tale of the Supernatural (1973)
The Vault of Horror (1973)
The Night Strangler (1973)
Love Me Deadly (1973)
The Baby (1973)
From Beyond the Grave (1974)
The Texas Chain Saw Massacre (1974)
Let Sleeping corpses Lie (1974)
House of Whipcord (1974)
Frightmare (1974)
Blood for Dracula (1974)
Black Christmas (1974)
Deep Red (1975)
Who Can Kill a Child? (1976)
The Omen (1976)
Burnt Offerings (1976)
House of Mortal Sin (1976)
House (1977)
Slipping into Darkness (1978)
Halloween (1978)
The Shout (1978)
Alien (1979)
Altered States (1980)
Cannibal Holocaust (1980)
Harlequin (1980)
My Bloody Valentine (1981)
The Evil Dead (1981)
There Was a Little Girl (1981)
The Territory (1981)
Varialoa Vera (1982)
Tenebre (1982)
The Thing (1982)
Night Warning (1982)
Zu mountain warriors (1983)
The Return of the Living Dead (1985)
Medium (1985)
Mr Vampire (1985)
Re-Animator (1985)
Reflections (1987)
Evil Dead II (1987)
Bad Taste (1987)
Psychos in Love (1987)
Sommarens tolv månader (1988)
Vampire's Kiss (1988)
Tetsuo (1989)
Tetsuo II: Body Hammer (1992)
Candyman (1992)
Braindead (1992)
Dellamorte Dellamore (1994)
The Day of the Beast (1995)
Ring (1995)
Habit (1995)
Tokyo Fist (1995)
The Ebola Syndrome (1996)
Thesis (1996)
Cube (1997)
Kolobos (1999)
Spiral (2000)
Soulkeeper (2001)
Malefique (2002)
Irreversible (2002)
Save the Green Planet! (2003)
Open Water (2003)
The Last Horror Movie (2003)
The Descent (2005)
Slither (2006)
Behind the Mask: The Rise of Leslie Vernon (2006)
Demonsamongus (2006)
The Living and the Dead (2006)
Bug (2006)
Eden Lake (2008)
Acolytes (2008)
Perkins' 14 (2009)
Bedevilled (2010)
Wound (2010)
Exorcismus (2010)
YellowBrickRoad (2010)
Oculus (2013)
Housebound (2014)
Fear Town, USA (2014)
Ghosting (2016)

New Feature: Karma

Like on Reddit. It's a way of determining the value of your forum contributions by tallying the reactions to your posts and comments.


If you like a post/comment, that user's karma will increase.
Dislike a post/comment, the user's karma will decrease.


Pretty straight-forward popularity contest here, if there ever was one.

Check out the main user index page, now default sorted by karma:
https://junkepics.com/user/



Other Notes

A user's reactions to his own content will not affect karma, so don't bother liking your own shit.

Disabled accounts do not count toward your total.

Like, Love, Care, Haha, and Wow are each worth +1.
Sad and Angry have no affect.
Dislike is worth -1.