Thanksgiving 2023

We all know the story. It was a Grindhouse trailer that's been in limbo for about 15 years, and just when we had lost all hope... this movie suddenly and actually exists. Thanksgiving has been pretty scarce on horror, so Eli Roth decided to step up and finally give the holiday a worthwhile slasher flick, and he's still got it.

A year after a Black Friday mishap, a target group of the teen variety get picked off in thanksgiving-esque ways. Meanwhile, the police investigate the whodunnit which takes some cues/scenes from the original trailer, but adds a tech angle with social media. I guess slasher flicks have finally mastered how to keep cell phones from ruining the magic of the formula. These days, you simply need to integrate cell phones into the plot, because they're not going anywhere.


Honestly, I never had really high hopes for the movie, so I went in with low expectations. It was fun. I laughed a lot, particularly at the opening Black Friday havoc, because I think of how stupid that shit is. Stupid because people used to get trampled for real, and stupid because it's barely relevant today with online shopping and cheap/free deliveries.

I'm happy that a horror fan like Eli Roth finally made a slasher movie. You would think that would have been a thing years ago, but nope. I'm a box of hair, and I approve of this movie.

#Review

Suspiria Remake

Hey guys I last watched the remake of Suspiria.

I don't know what the general consensus is but I actually thought this was quite good.

They made a pretty interesting decision here since the original Suspiria is pretty well known for Dario Argento's color palette and with this movie they decided to go with a stripped down color style. Probably a good decision in hindsight since any attempt to imitate the original cinematography might have come off as a second best imitation.

Anyway they still manage to do a great job of having fairly shocking and gripping horror scenes and the movie stands on it's own quite well from the original.

They done quite well to shoot the architecture of the dance company in a monolithic and gothic manner.

I would say this and Werner Herzog's Nosferatu The Vampyre are my favorite horror remakes.

Most watched actor?

Who's the actor you've seen the most films of? (i.e. not counting TV episode stuff)

I guess mine is Jackie Chan (though according to IMDB I've only rated 55 films of his, though I do remember at one stage having seen over 100 of his films, though this was in the days before I rated things on IMDB)

Christopher Lee 81 films
John Carradine 71 films
Peter Cushing 57 films

Head of the Family (1996)

Everyone who comes to this board would LOVE this movie. I don't know how to talk about it, exactly. It's sort of like if the characters from Killer Joe, or from Flesh and Bone, were brought into a sci-fi comedy, but it is set in Florida instead of Texas. It might have also borrowed some ideas from Baby Is Three, AKA More Than Human, by Theodore Sturgeon. Also also, it has quite a bit of prolonged, completely gratuitous nudity by Jacqueline Lovell, God bless her.

The dialog is really pretty clever, I thought. If you listen to it, you will frequently be like "wait a sec, this is actually pretty well written. How is that possible, in a ridiculous movie like this?!?" I can't explain it, but it's true.

Anyway, it is on Tubi for free right now, as I just mentioned in the Shout Box. Just a heads up.

Important Poll

When you think of weasels and flesh tearing do you think of the film or the album?

Important Pole

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New Feature: Reporting Users

I've been thinking a lot about Vince's comments and decided to buy a few eggplants. The only way I know how to eat them is cooked & cheesed over pasta, but that's good enough. Does it make me racist to only eat them in Italian foods?


Users may now report other users over stupid little things. There is a button available on a user's info page labeled "⚠️ Report User", working similar to how IMDb's system works:

1.) You select a reason, 2.) You submit the report, and 3.) Moderators ignore the report.

Remember those red warnings about compliance you would get? Those were cool. (And remember posting quotas?!)


It is advised that you use this feature sparingly^frivolously because we don't want to demean the integrity of the system^{it'll be funnier that way}.

T-shirts with Gifs

I was just thinking, I bet these aren't too far off in the future, technologically. Like, a t-shirt that has a moving gif on front, in some way, so it appears to be woven into the fabric of the shirt. They already have flexible phone screens, obviously.

I was thinking that I would totally wear a t-shirt that a gif on the front of Kenny from South Park, in the Major Boobage episode. They had several scenes showing him having a psychedelic experience, floating away to Heavy Metal Land. I would walk around wearing that, it would be awesome. Maybe they will even be able to have t-shirt gifs that have the option of playing sound. I would not walk around with that song from that episode playing all the time, but it would be nice to be able to turn the volume on and off, and up and down.

Here, this is what I'm thinking of. Watch from about :21 to :26, or possibly even from :21 until the end of the clip.

Unhuman 2022

Blumhouse likes to shit out these meta high school horror movies, and this one is a doozy. A group of high schoolers get on the bus for a field trip and find themselves fighting off zombies.

Sounds pretty cool, right? Well, it isn't. It's a pretty generic experience with some pretty lame high school drama interwoven into the plot. We have some BFF girls, some misfits, some jock douchebags, the basic high school starter pack. Maybe it would be better if it was a straight-up zombie flick (likely not), but it isn't quite that.

Halfway through, there's a twist. Things actually get a little more interesting now once we realize it's all an elaborate ruse by the kids that are bullied. However, just as easily as things begin to pick, it all falls apart again really quick. One beef is the inclusion of Drew Scheid, Cameron's annoying friend in Halloween '18 who tried to make it with Allison. This guy just looks weird to me, and I hate him.


So if you want to be surprised, quit reading from here on. SPOILERS...


Okay... so the whole twist is bullshit. Our victimized male protagonist Randall is trying to get revenge against his bullies because they're fucking horrible. His plan is some elaborate date-rape/zombie-survival ploy to win the girls over, but it eventually backfires when the rest of the gang finds out, but you know what? Randall and his stupid fucking friend Drew Sheid are the real heroes. I mean, the first time we see Randall, the girls hit him with their fucking car and send him flying into a pile of garbage. Then the asshole jocks throw a slushy at him. And this guy is in the wrong for trying to punk these bitches? I really wanted him to win against these unlikeable cunts, but of course... everyone kicks his ass and parades around in some stupid girl-power cliche straight out of Death Proof.


This ending sucks so much ass. It's some heavy-handed anti-bullying propaganda that basically condones bullying so long as the person you're bullying tries to get you back. Everyone in this movie is a dick. The "villains" should have won. It's shit like this that gives Blumhouse a bad name. Everything about this movie is a sham. Think April Fools Day. There isn't even a bodycount.

#Review

October Challenge 2023 - RESULTS

That's another October Challenge done and dusted, so let's see who managed to cross the finish line and then some...



Went the extra mile!

Soph - 66 (58)
Ballz - 63 (38)
Box - 62 (47)
ebossert - 60 (17)
jimb - 57 (49)
Trigger - 55 (49)
Troma - 53 (34)
Conditioned - 48 (19)
deferenz 45 (34)

Did what had to be done...

zed - 40 (40)
shroud - 38 (25)
Nicko - 34 (18)
Brett - 31 (17)
markus - 31 (16)

Fell short or simply gave up?

zombie - 22 (16)
Onyx - 7 (3)

Where the •BEEP• were you?

Vincent

It's not about the winning. It's about the taking part but still, a big congratulations to first time (?) winner Sophie, for both the amount of movies watched and FTVs.



Feel free to share your favourite FTV, or your least favourite...

Until next year then...