The Endless (2017)

Anybody catch this one? It's pretty interesting! For a low budget movie, I would say this is quite a respectable effort. The way the brothers interact is especially good. Very very brotherly, pretty much all the time.

I shouldn't say too much about it, or I'll wreck it. I'll put in a link to the wikipedia article about it, but please don't read beyond the first paragraph or so. I'll just say that it made me think of, at different times and in different ways, Believers (2007); Nope; Phantasm, and also Mandy, a little, just because of some of the background imagery; John Dies at the End, for the same reasons as Believers.... and maybe some other movies, who cares. Anyway, it's basically about a cult, or semi-cult-like group of people, and you spend much of the movie trying to figure out exactly what this group of people is all about, and whether they are good or evil.

OK, here's the link. Remember, if you want to really enjoy it, don't read beyond the beginnings of the plot outline. Here, I'll just tell you, if you want to just find it and watch it on your own, all you need to know for googling purposes is that it was produced, directed, and acted in by Justin Benson and Aaron Moorhead. I have no idea if Aaron Moorhead is related to Agnes Moorhead. Anyway, here is the wikipedia article.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Endless_(film)

Knock at the Cabin

M. Night is back, and better than ever! A group of armed assailants intrude upon the cabin of a small family. Now this family is two gay dudes and a little Asian girl, so M. Night is going there. It's all about that inclusion.

So intruders try to convince happy gay family that the world is going to end, but the family refuses to believe it after all the signs and bizarre shit that goes on. Maybe it's a metaphor? Maybe it's bullshit? Well, one thing's for sure. It's not very cool. For an R-rated romp, they try to go that whole less-is-more approach. Bautista is cool. He has weird wrinkles on his head. Skip this movie.

#Review

Clerks III, 2022

It took 12 years for the second movie to come out. Then it took 16 years after that for the third movie to come out. Obviously, it faced a lot of difficulty getting off the ground, but something finally clicked in the 2020s and here we are, almost 30 years into Kevin Smith's filmmaking career. If you didn't already know, this movie stems from a very personal experience from the director, and this whole movie feels very personal.

I never expected the movie to be so sad. Yeah, there are laughs throughout as Randal essentially remakes the first movie in a very meta way. There's some backstory that might break your heart a bit, as well as an ending that makes this trilogy fairly conclusive. Not exactly what I was expecting, but that doesn't make it any less worthwhile.

Movies about making movies are always fun, especially when you showcase the fuckups, which seems to be the story of Randal's^everyone's life here. One of these days, I'm going to get a heart attack and confront my life goals and finally decide to make a movie^{jerk off even more}. Solid end to a fun series.

#Review

Are you a water snob?

I stock water at work sometimes and there's too many different types. Dasani, Pure Life, Ozarka, Aquafina, Fiji, store brand, other store brand, elctrolyte this, Smartwater that... A six-pack of Core costs almost $10 while the 40-pack of store brand is $5.

Smartwater's motto is "Whatever the choice, keep it smart". The smart thing to do is pay a reasonable price for water, damn you!

So do you only drink a specific brand of water? Are you picky about which water tastes better?

Skinamarink

I made the mistake of seeing this at the theater last night. "Experimental horror" bs. This is quite possibly the worst thing I have ever sat through, and I'm pretty open-minded to anything in the horror genre & beyond. But this was complete incoherent crap.
There's no synopsis to give, because there was no plot whatsoever. None. (I paid to see it and wasn't alone, otherwise I would've been done 5 mins in.)

Tales from the Darkside, season 3

I did this for the first two seasons. Then I started on season 3, but lost all my mini-reviews when my computer crapped out. Years later, I found a backup of some of them, so I finally finished this fucking season.



s3e01 - The Circus - directed by Michael Gornick
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716981/

This was an okay start to the season, featuring the weird and creepy William Hickey as a circus owner who had a bizarre assortment of cliche monsters. A reporter goes to the circus to get a feel for what's going on there, and he doesn't believe it at first, but it quickly becomes too obvious that it's legitimate monsters going on. I'm talking vampires, werewolves, and Frankenstein monster shit. The end is slightly amusing, even if it is completely expected.

s3e02 - I Can't Help Saying Goodbye - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716949/

A little suburban girl suddenly and sadly says goodbye to her mother before leaving her in the kitchen, and she dies. This girl says it and she means it! It's an okay episode, but it plays out as you would expect.

s3e03 - The Bitterest Pill - directed by Bryan Michael Stroller
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716979/

An annoying and erratic salesman bothers an irritable dad and a pushover mother about a pill that increases your brain capacity. Dad thinks this guy is full of shit and gets rid of him, leaving a mess of pills that the son has to clean up. However, being a dumb-ass kid means that a pill = candy, and he tries it, and the result is just as the salesman said it would be, but a bit too abrupt for a 30-minute story that spends most of the time dealing with the salesman trying to convince them of the merits.

s3e04 - Florence Bravo - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716943/

After a troubled history of cheating and mental instability, a couple buys a new house to start over. Lori Cardille from Day of the Dead plays the wife, and she's beginning to hear voices from the previous tenant who murdered her no-good cheating husband. Is history about to repeat itself? This is the darkside. What do you think? It's nothing new, but it's a pretty good episode either way.

s3e05 - The Geezenstacks - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716988/

A girl gets a new dollhouse under mysterious circumstances. Dad (Craig Wasson from Dream Warriors and Body Double) is the only one who seems to pick up on the eerie coincidences about the dolls and the real family. A paranoia episode that ends up being justifiably so.

s3e06 - Black Widows - directed by Karl Epstein
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716932/

A reclusive mother with a bizarre appreciation for spiders laments her daughter's new fiance. She doesn't want to lose her daughter, even if it's to a decent man, but the spider meanings take on a whole new meaning in this episode. Pretty amusing episode.

s3e07 - Heretic - directed by Jerry Smith! aka Gerald Cotts
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716947/

This was a good one about a greedy art dealer who receives a rare painting about religious punishment. This is also a karma story about walking in the shoes of those you step on, and it never ends well in the dark side. Featuring Roberts Blossom as the inquisitor who demands confessions while his lackeys inflict punishment.

s3e08 - A Serpent's Tooth - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716922/

A mother finds the means of making her children actually listen to her for a change. An enjoyable cautionary tale on the errors of frivolous wishing.

s3e09 - Baker's Dozen - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716927/

A con-man extorts a voodoo baker lady. She gives him the recipe all right... one he plans to take advantage of in ways you can't imagine! But what is a baker's dozen? There's the twist! Romero wrote the teleplay for this one, and it's got some great moments in it.

s3e10 - Deliver Us from Goodness - directed by Warner Shook
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716934/

A woman is too saintly for her own good, and it simply will not do! She can't be a saint! I suppose it's time to commit some sins to counteract this supreme goodness! Another great episode from the great Warner Shook! His episodes are real standouts.

s3e11 - Seasons of Belief - directed by Michael McDowell
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716972/

This is a Christmas story, and it's strange. Not so much because of the narrative, but rather the fact that old E.G. Marshall played the husband of a woman nearly 40 years younger than himself, and nobody said a thing about the age difference!

When you get beyond that, it's actually a pretty good episode with an abruptly dumb and seriously wtf ending about traumatizing little children for life. A highlight.

s3e12 - Miss May Dusa - directed by Richard Blackburn
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716960/

A blind sax player in the subway meets a lady he's not allowed to look at. I was a little slow at figuring out what the hell the name meant, but it played out interesting enough.

s3e13 - The Milkman Cometh - directed by John Strysik
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716992/

Robert Forster! This one is basically about getting wishes from a mystical milk man/monster thing, and you know how any story with wishes goes. Typically, there's a twist and things don't come out with the desired effect. Damn milkmen, cumming all over the place...

s3e14 - My Ghostwriter - The Vampire - directed by Frank De Palma
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716963/

I remember catching bits of this on tv and not knowing wtf it was until the end credits when I saw Romero's name as exec producer. Ah, the good old days when you could work cliche vampires into a tv episode and it didn't seem dated. In fact, it works just fine here, where a guy blackmails a vampire for good stories, but what do you think happens when you mess with a vampire? Nothing good, that's what!

s3e15 - My Own Place - directed by Theodore Gershuny
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716964/

A guy in the city gets a great deal on an apartment... only there's this obnoxiously tranquil Indian dude who wont fuck off. I can sympathize with the guy for going insane because of him. Then it turns into some social commentary about third-world poverty or some shit...

s3e16 - Red Leader - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716970/

The devil tries to recruit a business man who believes he isn't all that bad. What I remember most about this episode is how the "red leader" looked like such a fucking asshole. Good job to the casting department and the makeup guys for making me hate this guy with just a glance!

s3e17 - Everybody Needs a Little Love - directed by John Harrison
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716940/

Two noir-esque businessmen share a mannequin and it becomes this weird lifestyle with jealousy over an inanimate object. Is she a metaphor for an actual woman, or what?

s3e18 - Auld Acquaintances - directed by Richard Friedman
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716926/

Two bickering old witches nag each other about some powerful artifact.

s3e19 - The Social Climber - directed by Armand Mastroianni
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716999/

This one has something to do with haunted shoes. At this point, they may be losing a little bit of steam with these bogus stories. It's not the worst, but it still is a story about shoes.

s3e20 - The Swap - directed by John Drury
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0717001/

A woman has an agreement to be with an ugly old voodoo creep for his money when he dies, so the woman and her real boy-toy plot to kill the man. There's a swap in there somewhere with the old idea of be careful what you wish for.

s3e21 - Let the Games Begin - directed by John Lewis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716955/

Two entities battle for the soul of some normal jerk and get carried away with each other. Basically a joke of an episode.

s3e22 - The Enormous Radio - directed by Bill Travis
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0716985/

A woman gets an "enormous radio" delivered to her place. Obviously, the thing drives her insane. This seems like a pretty redundant plot device, doesn't it? Some haunted item haunts some nobody.


When you have seasons of 22 or more episodes, you know you're getting some filler in there somewhere. Overall, it's a hit-or-miss season, but it's still a great age for horror. Horror anthologies are great, and I'm glad we had a resurgence in Creepshow (another team-Romero series). Black Mirror is coming back too, if anyone wants an interesting sci-fi anthology.

#Review

Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 3

I was hesitant to give Disney any money, but I needed some exercise today, so I walked to the theater and bit the bullet. Guardians 3 is a decent conclusion this "trilogy". It may be a part 3, but the parts between Vol 2 and Vol 3 have a big impact, so it's hardly a real trilogy, but in that regard, the director can make it feel bigger than it is.

I'm hopeful for James Gunn's DC, and his Marvel efforts have always been an alternative style to the cookie-cutter other entries in the MCU. He picks interesting soundtracks, and I was happy to see Alice Cooper in the mix, and even happier that it wasn't some overplayed drivel like "School's Out" or "No More Mr. Nice Guy". It was a lesser known track from Alice Cooper Goes to Hell, "I'm Always Chasing Rainbows". So good for him calling out to the overlooked things in life.

The movie's main plot is more personal this time around, although they do shoehorn in some free-the-oppressed subplots, but the main plot is Rocket's, for sure. How he came to be, caged, neglected, and more animal cruelty in the mix. Maybe Peta made Gunn an offer he couldn't refuse? It was pretty interesting though, with some surprisingly violent moments sprinkled throughout, especially regarding the irritable High Evolutionary antagonist.

One bit that annoys me is the pacing sometimes. They really really try to milk some of those emotional moments too long. In this and No Way Home. It's like, "Yeah, we get it. It's a sad scene. Can we move on please?" Could've chopped maybe a minute or two off the runtime, but maybe they wanted that even 150 minute length?


Chris Pratt carries it well. He seems like he'd be a cool guy in real life too, especially if Schwarzenegger likes him so much. And on a similar note, Stallone is in the movie, but barely. He should be in every movie ever made. It's also good to see Nathan Fillion in there, as well as a cameo by Michael Rooker and Gregg Henry. Remember him?

Bautista is one of those wrestlers turned actors that I've liked in everything I've seen him in. He's a funny guy, especially when playing such a dumb character.

Groot is there when he's needed, but still just a tree in the end. Vin Diesel probably got paid millions for his intricate dialog in these movies. He's a way to make the team bigger without actually having a character for it.

Zoe Saldana has a nice body, that's for sure. It's fun to watch her gradually come around to Quill all over again, and I'm glad they didn't solidify anything. Leave it ambiguous.

Will Poulter (aka weird eyebrows) as some gold-painted man-child superhero is mildly amusing here. Still a pretty meaningless side character used only to get the ball rolling, but I didn't hate him.

Mantis is a little more fleshed out here than we've seen before. Not as useless this time around.


Finally a piece from Marvel that isn't a let down. Of course, the guy who helmed it is done with them now, so it's goodybe to this chapter of hopeful Marvel storytelling. They had me rolling my eyes when they worked some of that generic Avengers theme into the score, just to remind me that I'm riding the coattails of a convoluted bigger mess of a movie universe. Get that shit out of here.

#Review

The Godfather Series

I've been on an organized crime kick lately. For some random reason, I'm finding mafia stuff quite fascinating, so a few crime movies into this binge and I'm finally revisiting The Godfather series.

I first saw them years ago. These movies were always ranked as some of the all-time best, and yeah... I thought they were good enough. Maybe a tad overrated, but whatever. Now I'm watching them again in my contemporary point of view, after I've dissected all the tropes of the genre, and boom. These movies are fire!

I just put on Part 3 to see how off par is is, according to some. I think the first 2 films are more cohesive because they were made in the same era, so a lot of the best ideas were still at play. The definitive mafia movies (Goodfellas is close).


How do you feel about this series? Are you a mafia movie fan?

Cain and Abel, and characters named Kane

I don't know what section I should post this in...? Box, place this elsewhere if you want, obviously.

Anyway, I was just thinking about how the characters named Kane in Kung Fu, The Ninth Configuration, the Karl Edward Wagner books, and probably lots of other TV shows, books, movies, comics, maybe story-songs, etc are all likely to be derived from, or at least connected to, the story of Cain and Abel. Just the idea of a dangerous dude named Kane who wanders the Earth, getting into adventures. If I have ever thought about this before, I had forgotten it.

Anyway, I just thought this was interesting. Anyone have any thoughts on this???
Here, scroll down a little to see a list of some characters named Kane. You can decide for yourself if any or many of them were inspired by the Cain of the Cain and Abel story.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kane

How fast can you type?

Here's a typing speed test I ripped off for the lulz.

https://trashepics.com/app/typing/

I average around 93 wpm, a couple errors, and 100% accuracy. What about you?