Unwelcome (2022 or 2023, depending on who you ask)

Well, the best way I can describe this movie is Straw Dogs meets Troll 2.

Just after learning they're pregnant, Jamie and Maya suffer a home invasion where they are beat up pretty badly. They decide they must leave London and move to a small Irish town where Jamie just inherited a farm house from his deceased aunt.

Jamie, by the way, is the most pussified character you will ever see. He's constantly getting bullied, he always lets people talk shit to him and his wife, he even dives behind his pregnant wife when a dog barks at them. The man is just pathetic.

His aunt's friend tells them of a bunch of goblins, called the redcaps, who are believed to live in the woods behind their new house. To keep them happy, they must leave some liver out back for them every night. Of course, they think this is nonsense, but try to remember to do it just to keep this crazy lady happy.

Anyway, the house is being fixed up by this family of reprobates, who are doing more harm than good. When one of the sons tries to rape Maya in the woods, the goblins come to the rescue. The remaining family member are sure that Jamie and Maya have something to do with his disappearance, and lay seige to their house. Maya calls on the goblins for help, but of course their help doesn't come cheap or easy.

I really don't know what to make of this movie. Some of it is really well done, and some of it is super hokey. I'm still not sure whether the goblins were meant to be scary or funny. It does have one hell of an ending that left me very satisfied, I'll tell you that. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I'm actually not sure whether to recommend it, half of you would probably hate it. But I still kind of think you should watch it anyway, I'm glad I did.

Eliana Miglio, in Demons (1985)

Eliana Miglio plays the girl in the tent who gets menaced and killed by a demon, in the movie within a movie shown in the cinema, in Demons (1985). She can be seen here, off and on for a little over a minute, starting at 26:55.

My point that I'm trying to make here is the following: she was a babe. A BABE. That is all.

No no no no! There shall be no quarreling, and no dissent of any kind. This is my final word on this topic, and there is no possibility of debate. I am simply correct, and there can be no rational argument of any kind against what I'm saying.

I know, I sometimes try to avoid arguments and confrontation here, but on this point I'm afraid I'm just going to have to go all in, and put my foot down, once and for all. I am right, and anyone who even slightly disagrees with me is absolutely wrong, and will burn in Hell forever for their wrong-headed viewpoint. That's just the way it is. I'm terribly sorry to put you all in this situation, but that's just the way it has to be.

That is all. Kirk out.

The Inspiration for The Omen?

I just read about this on the Wikipedia page for the original Omen. Apparently, in 1974 there was an episode of Kolchak: The Night Stalker, in which a devious person was running for public office, and we gradually learn that he is some kind of agent of Satan. It has scary Rottweilers, people having horrible accidents as soon as they come into any kind of conflict with the devil's pawn.... the whole enchillada. Anyway, apparently Den of Geek noticed the parallels with The Omen. I can't remember ever hearing about this connection in my entire life, but it sounds like it must be one of the main inspirations for The Omen. It had to be. Anyway, the episode was called The Devil's Platform, if you feel like doing some googling of your own. Here are a couple of videos about it:

Your Computer Setup

You're relaxing and you want to stare at some screens. How do you do it? Is everyone on mobile? Are there any dinosaurs in the audience who still sit at a desk and use a desktop or even laptop computer?

I have a moderate size tv, I think around 36". Not mounted, because I don't want to fuck up my walls anymore than they already are. I have a laptop that I never take anywhere. It sits on my desk, so it is essentially a desktop computer. I just upgraded my wired mouse & keyboard for wireless and I feel so liberated. Wires are such a mess. This new keyboard is tiny and slim.

I get mad at myself for loving computers so much, but not even taking advantage of good technology when it's all easily available and cheap even. Like anything bluetooth. Does anybody have their house set up to do stuff? They made horror movies about that already.

My room isn't adequate for a good sound setup either, so no surround sound system here. Maybe bluetooth headphones would be good.

Technology is weird. What say you?

Elizabeth Harvest

I basically can't say anything about this movie without totally wrecking it. I'll just say that it's interesting. Check it out.

Therapy in movies/tv

There I was listening to some old rock songs when youtube hit me with a long ad about therapy. Is this part of the algorithm, specifically targeting me?

JK, I don't give a fuck. I don't need therapy, but I am curious about it for fuck's sake.


A few ramblings...

RZ's Halloween 2 had Laurie traumatized by how shitty the first movie was, so she got Margot Kidder as her therapist. I hated the shit out of Laurie in that movie. All she did was bitch. RZ's psychological efforts do nothing for me. Whoever says this is a good movie needs therapy. And how does Laurie afford therapy if she lives with the Bracketts and works at a record store? Aren't therapists supposed to cost a lot? Is she getting the services pro-bono so the therapist can get famous, much like Malcolm McLoomis does? Also, fuck this movie.


Tony Soprano also spoke to his therapist a lot. It's been a while since I watched that show, but I know they wanted more Goodfellas in the cast, that's for sure. He could afford it easily, supporting the theory that therapy is a rich person's problem.


Also, what the fuck is up with that car door in The Lost Boys? How did he rip it off by getting pulled into the air? Iron fucking grip, that guy... but wouldn't the handle break off before the whole fucking door? YOU KNOW I'M RIGHT.

Crime Challenge 2023 + RESULTS



Welcome to the 2023 Crime Challenge.

You can watch any movie or TV show involving crime. If in doubt, please use IMDb or any other major movie database to check if a movie is tagged with "crime". However, certain superhero or slasher movies will be allowed but crime must be an integral part of the plot i.e. if it's a slasher then the police investigation must be a major feature of the movie (e.g. giallo), if it's a superhero flick/TV show then the superhero must be battling criminal organisations (i.e. Batman, Daredevil). Documentaries on the subject are also allowed.

You will get one point per minute watched.

This challenge runs from 00:00 on June 1st to 23:59 on June 30th.

Please use the shoutbox for any questions, I will not be posting a separate discussion thread.

Make your spot below!

Becoming (2020)

This movie https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Becoming_(2020_horror_film) is really nothing too special, but I am mentioning it just because it is interesting to watch Jason Patric basically channeling his dad, Jason Miller, Father Karras from the Exorcist. There's a scene where Jason Patric yells "You're not my father!" at a demon-possessed guy, and he did it in a VERY similar way to how his dad yelled "You're not my mother!" at the devil in The Exorcist, when the devil was messing with his mind.

He (Jason Patric) also reminded me of Jeff Fahey in Planet Terror. That has nothing to do with anything, particularly, but it just struck me as an odd resemblance.

Other than that, it's pretty much about a 20-or-early-30-something guy getting slowly possessed by a demon, and how his poor girlfriend has to deal with it. They (the couple) kept reminding me of Paul Walker and Laurie Holden. Not that they were ever a couple, as far as I know, but the actors have similar vibes to them.

Had to share.

The Foo Fighters made a horror movie

Studio 666 came out of nowhere, and it disappeared just as fast. Who knew Dave Grohl was such a big fan of The Exorcist? Because who isn't, really? So his effort is a haunted mansion / music studio in California with some rock star horror backstory... featuring Jenna Ortega!. Albeit super briefly. The Foo can't come up with a new album, so they go to this haunted-ass place for inspiration.

Dave is the lead, obviously. Whilst you can tell he isn't an actor, you know he had fun with this, and his acting isn't terrible or anything. The late Taylor Hawkins apparently didn't want to memorize lines, so he improved all of his. I already forgot the rest of the bandmates, because they were lame and not funny. One of the guys had gray hair and looked really old and he definitely couldn't act. He couldn't wipe that stupid look off his face the whole movie. Then the other guy being overtly sexual was definitely unfunny, and then there was another guy or two. I forgot most of the movie, and I definitely zoned out at the end, because it got pretty lame and boring.

I love Dave Grohl, I do. I know he means well, but the story isn't great. This it becomes a movie about the kills. That's cool enough I guess. But with Exorcist inspiration, you'd expect a different result. I didn't hate it though. It does feature a John Carpenter intro score, as well as his classic white Albertus title font, as well as JC himself in a bit part as a sound mixer. The backstory on him scoring a track is pretty cool too. It involves too many brain thoughts and thinking stuffs for me to put to words right now, but this awkward, mildly amusing meta possession horror flick by the Foo Fighters definitely exists. Should you watch it though? Or should you take my word for it?

#Review

Evil Dead Sinks 2023

I didn't want to believe the heckler at the early screenings, but he's the real hero for calling it like it is. This movie is garbage. Right away, you can tell it was more inspired by the 2013 movie than by the real series. Hell, this movie makes the 2013 movie look good, even though it suffers from the same flaws as that turkey, only they took those eye-rolling tropes and turned them up to 11. It's like they didn't learn anything from that movie.

I mentioned in another post about remakes failing so hard that they have to go back to the original to recalibrate. Ash vs. Evil Dead was the perfect recalibration, going back to the right tone, but here, we lose all of that. Here, we aim for straight horror again, and we fail hard. Again.

I'm assuming this movie is set in Michigan due to the inclusion of another cabin in the woods as well as our main location, that of a delinquent high-rise apartment. Wiki says Los Angeles, but I'll debate that. The aesthetic is grim, and by that I mean it's so dark, it's hard to see anything. Our characters are completely forgettable and our deadites are again inspired too much by that J-horror jump scare bullshit. If this is the future of the Evil Dead franchise, I'm out.

What a fucking disappointment. Also, there's a whole parking garage they could have put the oldsmobile in, but nope. I guess Sam Raimi, despite producing this mess, didn't want to include his trademark in a subpar product. Gory? Yes. Fun and scary? No and no. They need to stop giving these movies such big budgets, because that shit ruins the magic. Fuck this movie.

#Review