Summer Camp

It's a great setting for slasher flicks, but a great setting for a comedy too. I haven't seen it utilized much in other genres.

I'm watching Ernest Goes to Camp and it's a great premise: Ernest wants to be a camp counselor. You know things are going to go wrong because he's a fuck up.

What are your favorite summer camp flicks?

Nickelodeon's Orange Years

I just watched a doc on Hulu about Nick from early inception to the 90s. Big trip down memory lane for me. I grew up in a great time for kids tv. Also, the creator lady of Blues Clues is pretty hot.

The worst horror movie of the summer - Brightburn!

Oops. I meant to say "first". 🙄

Goddamn, what a shitty and predictable movie this was. They market this as "From Producer James Gunn, Visionary Director Behind Guardians of the Galaxy", which is a very confusing statement in itself because A.) Like the director of any Marvel movie, he's entirely replaceable, and B.) what do producers do even do? Especially for a small town turkey like this movie, which is anything but visionary?

So much like the origin story of Clark Kent, an infantile Brandon Beyers crashlanded in his spaceship, landing in a little known farming commmunity by the name of "Brightburn". He's raised by a happy married couple, until he turns 12. Then he turns evil, and it plays out exactly as you'd expect.

I thought this movie looked stupid from the get-go. It's very uninspired, and doesn't have much to say. It's a sloppy what-if scenario that wasn't well thought out. Sure, you can see a young superboy kill a few regular people in a gory ways, but then again, you could also be combing your ass hairs, or washing the dishes. Hell, you'd probably be off watching a regular Superman movie, and I hate Superman.

I don't feel too bright after watching this one, so don't let it burn you too.

New Exorcist Trilogy?

Trilogy means they're already anxious to milk the fans for all their money. I think ONE new movie ought to do it, but apparently not. David Gordon Green is making it, which has to be weird to do a Halloween trilogy and then an Exorcist trilogy?

At least Ellen Burstyn will be back, but she's getting up in age. Linda Blair seems like a must, but I haven't seen any confirmation on that.

Does the Exorcist need another movie? Were the prequels as bad as everyone says? Did anybody even watch that damn TV Show?

Jekyll & Hyde Transformations

I'm watching a Jekyll and Hyde plot on Dark Shadows set in a parallel universe (which is fairly fitting for a storyline about alternates), but when clean-shaven Cyrus transforms into the evil John Yaeger, he gains a mustache. When he reverts, the stache disappears.

I saw this in a Ferrigno Hulk movie too. Bixby had a full beard which disappeared when the hulk came out to play. That goddamn hulk doesn't believe in beards, and then the beard manifests back when he reverts to human form.

Steven Hawking would be rolling in his grave^wheelchair if he met the knucklehead who thought up those non-physics.

Leprechaun Returns!

That's right, a new Leprechaun movie, directed by Steve Kostanski of Astron-6 fame, and director of The Void. Forget about that piece of shit Leprechaun: Origins, this is the true return of the series. Unfortunately, Warwick Davis chose not to return, but honestly, the new actor is as good of a replacement as they possibly could have had. While this is no spectacular achievement, it's great fun, and a return to form for the Leprechaun series. If you like the first three movies, then I see no reason why you wouldn't enjoy this one.

Secretariat (2010) 8/10

The story of the greatest race horse of all time, whose records at the Belmont Stakes will probably never even get sniffed.
When most people think of race horses, the ones that come to mind are Man 'on War, Citation, Seattle Slew, and Barbaro (who never got to prove his greatness).
But at the top of the heap is Secretariat. He won the 1973 Belmont Stakes by an astounding thirty-one lengths, and also has the twelve furlong track record by an equally astounding ten seconds. Neither will fall, EVER.
When he died at the age of 19, he had sired over 600 colts. And at his autopsy, it was discovered that his heart was almost double the size of a comparably sized horse.
Really good movie if you are into biographies and/or sports movies.

Midnight (1982)

Based on a novel by writer/director John Russo, Midnight is a grainy forgotten nightmare about a runaway who gets herself in deep with a family of satanists. Sounds pretty cool, right? Well, it isn't that great, but it has enough charm to keep me satisfied.

The prologue establishes our villainous family with a young girl caught in a bear trap. They claim her to be a demon taking the appearance of an innocent girl, much in the vein of Bill Paxton's "Frailty", but they don't keep this theme going very long. They're really just a bunch of assholes, and we'll see that soon enough.

Cut to the "present" with our teenage heroine Nancy on her way to have some fun, only her drunken fool of a stepfather starts making advances on her. This asshole is played by Lawrence Tierney, so he's automatically fun to watch. His build and mannerisms remind me of my grandpa. It also helps that they were both drunken buffoons, but that's besides the point. Ol' stepdad demands hugs and kisses from Nancy, forcing her onto the bed where she gives him a very light tap on the head with a tiny little radio and he's out like disco. Thus begins Nancy's adventure into hell.

Before anything gets too hairy, she hitches a ride with a couple of dudes for some light-hearted fun. One of them likes her, but the other is mad that she's impeding on their bro time, so he's reluctant to keep her around. Part of this is because he's black, and the group faces some racism along the way, so he's only looking out for his best interests, considering she's a minor and all.

After stealing some groceries for the road, the police are after them. Yup, the police are in pursuit of a trio of kids for stealing some food. Kind of weird if you ask me, but whatev.

What's funny about this is they play such an upbeat song throughout the whole movie about midnight and runaways. "You're on your own! You're all alone! You can't go home anymore!"

Well, eventually, the trio runs into a family of psychos and that's where the movie really begins. I was initially drawn to this movie because it features John Amplas from Romero's "Martin". This movie is a product of that Pittsburgh crew, featuring effects by Tom Savini. Normally, that would sound like a great thing, but there aren't many effects in this movie. Savini was in autopilot mode, but it's still better than nothing.

The movie draws inspiration from Texas Chainsaw Massacre, though a lot of this is due to the grainy VHS look. This movie is oft considered a video nasty, even though it's pretty tame, but I really love that ugly aesthetic.

There's not a whole hell of a lot to say about this movie, but I've always thought it was a decent effort, and I wouldn't mind seeing more from John Russo.

Apparently, there's a sequel AND a recent remake, so I'll keep my eyes out for those.

Fun trivia from IMDb:

Was released in some theaters as "Backwoods Massacre".

Despite some similarities to Tobe Hooper's The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974), director/writer John A. Russo said he had never seen the film at the time he wrote and shot Midnight. According to him, Chainsaw was not an influence.

Tom Savini turned down an offer to do the special effects for Friday the 13th Part 2 (1982) and worked on this movie instead. (what a fool!)

The budget of the film was so low it was shot with only a crew of three, including director Russo himself.

Shot years before its eventual release in 1982.

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Brian De Palma movies 

I'm watching The Untouchables and it's great. There's that whole bit with the baby carriage falling down the stairs, the camera angles, the pacing, etc. He always has that one long tense scene in his movies and nobody does that anymore. Where's our new Hitchcock? Where are our masters of suspense?

Of course, I'm referring to a select output of his filmography. I think I quit after Carlito's Way, his last great movie, cuz Mission Impossible and Black Dalia sucked. I still think he's essential to any aspiring film snob.

What's your fave?

Stepfather III (1992)

Oh my... this one was laughably bad. My buddy was ecstatic to show me just about any VHS he had on his 6" TV/VCR combo, so we went with this. The first two movies were all right on account of Terry O'Quinn playing the titular psycho character, but this one doesn't have him. Instead, this one has some other guy who gets plastic surgery to justify the recasting, and that's the only good/gross part of this movie. The rest had me turn into one of those rifftrax assholes who makes fun of the movie the entire time, and I'm not proud of it.

Priscilla Barnes is the new lady of interest, and she has a wheelchair bound son (who's cause of being in a wheelchair made me lol). For some reason, this kid is always hanging out with a priest and he's always trying to solve mysteries with a shitty old 90s computer that he insists on letting his pet turtle walk all over. I wanted to smack this kid senseless.

The movie plays out as you expect, with our antagonist/hero gradually going crazy and killing people that threaten his stupid family existence until the kid, having not used his legs for years, ignores muscle atrophy and musters up the courage to walk and fight back against this subpar stepfather who isn't conscientious at all. He'll kill people basically in public, get blood all over himself, and in the very next scene have no blood on him at all. This neighborhood is oblivious, just like the screenwriters. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even have a scar on his chest from when he got stabbed in the fucking heart at the end of the previous movie. Also, when he bangs women, there's no nudity. It's super gay, just like everything else about this movie.

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