Song Lyrics that Speak to You

As in, "Wow, that is profound! A new life philosophy for me!"

A couple off the top of my head
1) The Eagles - Already Gone: "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains.
And we never even know we have the key."

2) The Grateful Dead - Truckin': "Sometimes your cards ain't worth a dime, if you don't lay'em down."

Anyone ever eat Hummus?

I eat Hummus all the time. One time for my birthday, someone got me Hummus and chips and shit and then someone else made me organic chocolate chip cookies. So of course I thought the chips out and used the Choco Chip Cookies as the hummus shoveller.

#kittens

Dawn of the Dead: The Video Game (or is it?)



In 1986, Ubisoft released their first video game, simply titled Zombi, which was also the European title for George Romero's Dawn of the Dead. The game doesn't exactly follow the movie's plot, because remember, this was 1986, before an actual plot was a priority in video games, but a lot of the same things happen. Four survivors of a zombie apocalypse land on the roof of a zombie-filled mall, where they proceed to do things like steal guns from a gun store, block the mall entrances with trucks, and place the bodies of the zombies inside a walk-in freezer.

The thing is though, this isn't really Dawn of the Dead at all and is really more of a giant rip off. The four characters might somewhat resemble the four main characters in Dawn of the Dead, especially if you're playing the original black and white version of the game, but their names aren't even close to the names of the characters in the movie, instead named after the people who originally developed the game. Alexandre, Sylvie, Yannick, and Patrick... yeah, that's not really even close, is it?




The inside of the mall looks nothing like the mall in Dawn of the Dead either. Now you could just say they couldn't get the rights for any of that, but to that, I would say, it's a giant rip off! Seriously, I'm surprised Romero hasn't sued Ubisoft over this game. The only reasons I can think of that he hasn't are: the plot's different enough, as they're at the mall just looking for gasoline for their helicopter, he doesn't think the game is a big enough deal to bother suing over, or he's simply never even heard about it. The third option wouldn't surprise me.

So now that we've established what a rip off of Dawn of the Dead this game is, let's talk a little about the game itself. You can control all four characters by simply clicking on the icon of the one you want to control. There's even parts where you'll need to constantly switch between two of them to get a task accomplished and to me, considering when the game came out, that's a pretty advanced idea.



The game focuses heavily on point-and-clicking and puzzle solving, though you can fight the zombies too with guns and melee weapons. The guns are the better choice, of course, since it's possible to never have to actually fight a zombie if you can always put them down with a head shot first. If you fuck up the head shot, the zombie will start clawing and growling at you, draining your health, until you do manage to put it down.


You actually have three status bars per character, but I really don't know what they stand for exactly: F, H, and S. Food, health, and stamina? I say food, because you can actually click on food in a couple stores in the game to refill your status bars some. I'm probably way off on what they really stand for though.





Other than losing all of your health, you can also die instantly in a few ways. One is when you're outside moving the trucks in front of the entrances. If you walk past the edge of the mall, you're dead. That might sound like a simple and easy rule to follow, but on a couple sides of the mall, there's no way to know where the edge is other than just figuring it out through trial and error, and it's not exactly easy to tell on the other sides either. You can continue the game with the other characters if you lose one, but before a certain point, I think it'd be impossible to complete the game with any less than two still alive.

One thing I've not been able to figure out in the game is this store with beds. Your characters can lay down in them, but if they do, you might as well just consider them to be dead. They might get up again eventually, but by the time they do, you'll probably have grown bored and quit the game anyway. This might have something to do with your stats, maybe the S, but I've never waited around long enough to find out.


I think my biggest complaint about this game is triggering the final part of the game. If you've seen Dawn of the Dead, you can probably guess what that means: bikers. I was following a pretty vague guide the first time I played and it didn't even give a hint as to how you trigger the final part. Even after I knew, I couldn't get to the final part, so I finally just started the game over entirely and it worked. Despite that, I still don't know precisely how or where it triggers.


Do I recommend this game? Overall, it's really not a bad game. If you're big fan of Dawn of the Dead, I say definitely check it out. Otherwise, I still say check it out if you're curious and bored, but you're not exactly missing anything ground breaking either if you skip it. There's a couple gameplay videos on YouTube too anyway. I used an Amiga emulator and rom myself to play it, which was one of the colorized ported versions from 1990.

Thanks for reading. Until next time.

#DawnOfTheDead #VideoGame #Zombi #Zombie

Kitties Vs. Babies: Who's cuter?

I'm going to have to go with kitties. Was just thinking how gross and loud babies are. I really don't see the appeal. Why they're considered adorable by so many, I'll never understand. If you prefer those things, to each their own, but at least cats are self sufficient. Meanwhile, you got to give up everything, including sleep, so this other thing doesn't die. Sounds gay.

weekend plans?

What are you folks doing?

All my shit is in boxes before our move.

Streaming choices are shitty, I heard Wayward Pines was good. I will do a Bob's Burgers Binge.

#bobsburgers

April Fools, anyone?

Anyone privy to any good jokes? Adult Swim played the Rick & Morty season 3 premiere today, in a loop, and starting from the middle, I think...?

As for the movie, I think the idea is probably great, and the ending is adequate, but I'll be honest... I don't remember any of it. Unmemorable, maybe? Or perhaps it'll only be memorable if I watch it another 5 times, and NOT while intoxicated. I want to give it credit for having Amy Steel and BIFF, though!

Favorite classic Jackie Chan movie?

Master of comedy and martial arts as well as comedic martial arts.

Picking one out of the many movies would have to go with Drunken Master.

Also enjoy Police Story, Wheels On Meals, Half A Loaf of Kung Fu, Snake In Eagle's Shadow and many others. Magnificent Bodyguards is pretty zany and worth checking up on. Don't really like Rush Hour or most of the stuff that came out after that.

Closed Doors Village (2014)

I've been trying to find English Subs for this movie forever. Anyone have it?

IT trailer

Can't post it at work.

I am pleasantly surprised by how good IT looks.

Love the cheesy original, saw it on TV when it first aired.

As a hater of most remakes, they are definately adding to this remake which makes it promising

#it

Shitcom: The History Of Woodchipper Massacre



Can you believe people used to make movies using VHS camcorders? I'm not talking about home movies, here. I'm talking full length features, intended to be picked up by actual companies for actual money. Which implies a fanbase for such a thing actually exists. Crazy, right? Perhaps. And perhaps it's a small fanbase, as most moviegoers can't be bothered with the unknowns and the unusual. However, the 80's gave us a new type of micro-budget Horror. A new low, so to speak. Weird, yet underappreciated little movies which have aged surprisingly well the last three decades, and have also managed to gain cult status among bad movie connoisseurs. Not all of them, of course. Some of them are damn near unwatchable. But movies like sledgehammer, Video Violence and Black Devil Doll From Hell have managed to make their way into the hearts and remain in the memories of us who love nostalgia or complete and utter incompetence.

As the decade continued, the quality, charm and demand for these things slowly dwindled away. Yet, for us who care, there can still be a few decent ones even as far along as the mid-90's. But in 1988, a young guy by the name of Jon McBride tried his hand at micro-budget filmmaking. And the end result was the now-beloved classic gorefest, Cannibal Campout. A fun and cheesy, "hillbillies in the woods" slasher flick, which was and is right up the alley for any S.O.V. enthusiast. Surprisingly, the same can be said for McBride's next effort. You wouldn't think that going by the title, but Woodchipper Massacre isn't really much of a massacre at all. And come to think of it, it's not even really a Horror movie. although, there are deaths. It wasn't anywhere near the original plans, but Woodchipper Massacre is more of a lighthearted comedy which serves as a homage to wholesome, 70's sitcoms such as The Brady Bunch and The Partridge Family. But don't let that scare you off. There's still the woodchipper, after all.

Again. Nothing in this story is of the Horror genre, or even Horror comedy, really. Woodchipper Massacre revolves around a single father of three kids who is going out of town on business for the weekend. Despite one of the "kids" (McBride) being 17, dad calls upon Aunt Tess to look after them. Aunt Tess has no problem helping out, but has no plans of being remotely pleasant, or even speaking without shouting. Which reminds me. Goddamn the noise! It sounds like the audio was turned up too loud, while the smaller kid's voices were already a bit much as it is. It might be a good idea to turn the sound down while watching this one. Anyway, the smaller kids were ugly, but seem nice enough, and willing to put up with their aunt, who is not only loud and unpleasant, but also a controlling religious fanatic. So, no enjoyment will be had, this weekend. Especially during dinner.

All goes smoothly as the siblings do an okay job at putting up with the old bitch until the little ginger kid gets his sweet Rambo knife he ordered in the mail. Aunt Tess does not approve and tries snatching it from him. The little Red kid has about had it with her, and won't let go. A struggle ensues, and you probably know what's about to happen, unless you're an idiot. Yep. Aunt Tess accidentally stabbed herself to death. And as big brother, Jon, enters the room, the siblings stare in shock at what has happened. Little red kid seems only concerned with going to prison, while the sister is more concerned with what people will think, or how it will effect her popularity. Most of the humor is drawn from the fact that the kids don't really give a shit that a human being is dead, but only with not getting in trouble. Basically remaining oblivious of the traumatic side of the whole thing. As they scramble to figure out what to do, it's decided that the only way to get out of this jam is the woodchipper out back. Perhaps an insensitive approach to the whole, thing, but it was an accident, after all. Not so much the next death. Jesus! These kids really don't want to get in trouble, do they?

One would think something like this would have a hard time finding distribution, as some might not quite know what to do with an almost bloodless, shot-on-video sitcom-parody, that's not at all a Horror film. Sounds like something that might take a decade or two to find an audience. But apparently, this movie had no trouble finding distribution or a fanbase right off the bat. And after seeing Cannibal Campout, I'm pretty much on board with anything Jon McBride throws at us. Sadly, he didn't keep on going after Woodchipper Massacre, as the whole process was too big of a pain in the ass. Of course, that may have something to do with the fact that he made this movie all by himself. But along with the pains in the ass, there's also the fact that there was really no payoff for making these movies by the late-80's. But that wouldn't be the end for McBride, as some years later, he resurfaced to join forces with the Polonia brothers to co-direct Feeders, Followed by a handful others. But that's another story. As for Jon McBride's solo-directing career, it was short, but sweet enough to cement his legacy as a key part of the shot-on-video revolution of the 80's. And for that, Woodchipper Massacre will always have a place in the hearts of many. 5/10



#Review