Hardcore Henry (15)

I love this. Has anyone else seen it? Super Gorey and super funny. 9/10

#Gore #Mulletkidforpresiden #Taintyballs

The Anal Birth of Bert (1980something)

Check out this picture -

Hard to tell what's going on, right? That's from a gay porn loop that's come to be known as The Anal Birth of Bert. Porn loops were short movies, usually recorded on 8mm cameras without sound, that would be played in adult theatres and jerkoff booths. When home video came around, and porno quantitatively exploded like a volcano of babysnot from Peter North's dickhole, the old-school porn loops only survived the transition by a few crafty entrepeneurs taping them by pointing their cameras at the screen. Let's face it, noone was gonna put forth the cash to give these dirty stag shorts a nice crisp remaster. In a sense, VHS copies of 8mm porn loops are like the birth of cam rips. Although this process allowed such pornographic goodies to remain existent, it left them somewhat incomprehensible, as seen in the above pic.

This bit of historical trivia might be massively educational and informative, but it won't help at all if you're attempting to derive a little undercarriage enjoyment from these vintage artifacts. As I see it, there's 2 available options if you want to knock one out to The Anal Birth of Bert. You could use your imagination. Or you could rely on the imagination of a depraved pervert. That's where I come in. Just call me Plan B. Lock your doors, switch off your phone and keep the Kleenex on standby, because things are about to get sexy as fuck...



The movie opens on a portly moustachioed bloke, chained up and being anally serviced by a rather slight fellow in a biker jacket. Straight into the action. No character development. We're not shown who's cleaning whose pool and dammit we don't need to know. Because pool-cleaning ain't nowhere near sexy enough for us right now. What we need is blurry, orangey closeups of what I think is a dildo going into an anus. Hotdamn, that's fuckin' sexy.

But then the fuzzy blob on the left of the screen removes the dildo and replaces it with his fist. And why wouldn't he? Nothing increases the delicate sensuality of an anus quite like stretching it out to 17 times its intended width. This is actually a scientific fact and I can prove it with a quick association experiment -

Someone is about to take a dump on your chest. Which would you prefer: A. a thick solid pooploaf; or B. a muddy liquid spray of diarrhoea? Without a doubt, you chose A. The reason for this is that, while diarrhoea tends to squirt through a puckered hole, a healthy, sizeable mud muffin will enlarge the sphincter and give the turd tunnel muscles a vigorous workout. Subconsciously, you are sexually attracted to widened anuses. Unless you chose option B, in which case you're just a gross weirdo.

Anywayz, the fag's faeces factory gets fisted and everyone has a good time. That's as you would expect. I mean, nothing can really go wrong with a hand being rammed up an anus, right? Well, except for this -



Fortunately that doesn't happen here. Quite the opposite actually, a hand ain't enough. When is it ever, amirite? The skinny dude decides to shove his foot up the other guy's shitter, whilst smearing his foot with a thick white paste that looks like cream cheese. Myself, I tend to put cream cheese on smoked salmon sandwiches, rather than use it as lube for a vigorous footfuck session, but hey, that's just a personal preference of mine. Each to their own. Needless to say, the rectal stretching is adequate this time, as observed by all the urgent moaning and pained screams. Rest assured though, our footfucker stops short of putting the heel in. That would just be weird and kinky, and if there's one thing that a tied-up size queen with a lubricated foot in his arsehole won't put up with, it's weird, kinky stuff. Yeah.

Cut to a new scene and the inhumanly elastic anus is being attended to by a dude in a lab coat, while a surrounding group of leather boys yell, "PUSH! PUSH!". Then we get the rather unique sight of a screaming man pushing a plush toy of Bert out of his manpussy. That's right, Bert.



The closing shot is of our protagonist hugging his newborn to his chest and crying; the 10th-gen VHS quality picture rendering everything as abstract blobs of pink undulating and bleeding into each other as the muffled overdriven soundtrack roars like Satan getting a prostate exam. This is no longer a movie and more like a nightmare ripped straight from a madman's cranium. A sexy, sexy nightmare.

I would go into more detail about the finale and sexify it up a bit, but the sexual appeal of shitting out muppets is, shall we say, rather limited. I imagine anyone who's really into anally excreting childrens TV characters has a social life far too active to waste time reading all my rambling crap. That's not to imply that making it this far through a jokey gay porn review on the internet means you don't have any friends. I'm sure you have a booming social life. Just not quite Bert-shitting levels of booming. Hey, I calls 'em as I see 'em.

Some may consider this to be a simple depraved gay porn loop. In fact, almost everyone will see it as such. But I like to think that what we're seeing is the birth of the real Bert, which thus makes this a prequel to Sesame Street. In many ways, this makes sense. Hear me out on this.

It's been admitted that Bert and Ernie are a gay couple, but more specifically and what's gone unacknowledged by the Henson company, is that they have a sub-dom relationship. The Anal Birth of Bert gives us some background information and enriches their characters. The homosexual "mother" of Bert is a submissive. I don't know this for certain, but I'm making an educated guess, because anyone who takes a fist in their ass and it's still not enough is usually a sub. Common sense, really. Hence, Bert grows up calling the shots in the household and develops into a natural dom. He'd give the orders, stamp his feet and always end up getting his own way, which is why he's so bossy to Ernie. And Ernie always putting up with grumpy-bum Bert suggests that he's clearly a sub, just like Bert's dad. See, there's even Freudian shit in there.



The 2 of them bicker onscreen constantly, to the point where it's hard to not see it as a form of foreplay. All that tension between them could never dissipate on its own; it'd need to explode in a sexual frenzy. This is just speculation on my part, but I always figured that as soon as the camera's were off, Bert would yell at everyone to get out of his house, then yank down Ernie's blue-and-white pyjama bottoms, jam the rubber ducky in his mouth and horsewhip his bum until the welts had turned the orange cheeks red, while Ernie resisted in that totally-wanting-it way.

Then Bert would drag Ernie to his knees and unleash a stream of hot piss in his face saying "Take it! Gargle that piss, you fuckin' orange-faced degenerate or I'll let Cookie Monster munch on your balls again!". Ernie would gulp down a mouthful and say "Oh no, please not Cookie Monster on my balls again!", but you know his protests would be fake cause last time Cookie Monster was om-nom-nomming on them sperm-filled globes, Ernie was all like "Yeah! Bite my fuckin' nuts, you savage! Crush them between your powerful jaws! Make it so I'll never cum again! No more creaming for this fag!" and then he jetted a massive load of puppet spunk all over Cookie's googly eyes and blue facial fur.



Once Bert's bladder has been fully emptied, he'd viciously apply clamps to Ernie's nipples, then handcuff him face-first to a massive crucifix, warm piss still dripping from Ernie's chin. Parting Ernie's orange buttcheeks, Bert would spit a loogie into his hand and wipe it on in the awaiting anus, before ramming his rigid muppet cock in up to the hilt.

"Oh boy, Bert! Please don't mercilessly ream my mangina! I can't take it!", Ernie would plead, but Bert would ignore his cries and pound away viciously, growling in Ernie's ear "SHUT UP! You shut the fuck up and take my prick, you snivelling bitch. I'm your God and you worship my cock, you understand?" and Ernie would press his face against the crucifix and moan "Fuck me, God! Fill my unworthy rectum with your holy seed, Lord Bert!", causing Bert's thrusts to build in intensity, reaching feverish levels of fervour as he'd yell "Take it, slut! Take it, slut!" repeatedly in conjunction with every violent smack of his pelvis into Ernie's red raw backside, finally emptying his nuts into the brutalised shitpussy with a shudder throughout his entire body.




(Continued in the following post)

#Mentaltrauma #Muppetshitting #Porn #Sesamestreet

New Feature: User Browsing History

Just a random thing I added. Your user stat page will have a link to your site browsing history, which simply keeps track of which pages you've visited on the site. This doesn't keep track of every page visit, but rather the most recent one.

example link:
http://trashepics.com/user/YourID/history/

Your site browsing history is private, and you can delete items.

Bound to Vengeance



The movie begins with a young woman named Eve. She's lying on a bed chained and on her stomach. Her captor comes to bring her food, but thinks she is dead. But she is just pretending and as soon as he gets close enough she hits him with a brick and then quickly unlocks her chain and chains him up. Then Eve runs out of the house and finds a van, but no keys. So she goes to look for keys to the van, but instead finds a set of keys and pictures of other girls. Then she comes back and asks the guy where are these girls. He tells her if she kills him they will die because they depend on him for food. Now begins Eve's mission to rescue all these girls from different destinations and also get revenge for herself and her friend that died while they were being held captive as sex slaves.

Bound By Vengeance is a compelling really well done film. Like all rape/revenge movies you can't wait to see what the heroine does to get revenge and this one is a little different because it's left a little open ended. Not like all rape/revenge movies the rape is implied and you don't actually ever witness it, but you know it has happened. But with all that said if you are a fan of revenge movies I suggest you check this one out. It's available on demand from Amazon now and will be out from Scream Factory/IFC films on November 10. I rate this one 8/10. Highly recommended.

Sorta New Feature: People Database

I got bored, so I decided to spin off a database of people/bands from the wiki database. There isn't much of a point, but you can rate people 1 to 5, and their dates of birth will show up in the calendar now (I'll add dates of death to the calendar soon too).

Since I'm diving into Unity programming and C#, I figured it'd be good to add some awesome shit to a database that I can pull from for my upcoming games and whatnot.

Also, if you RATE people, then we can form a more dynamic list for The 100 Coolest Dudes in History:
https://trashepics.com/post/33/2/

I'll be adding a bunch of these to the list soon.

In This Thread(ITT): We talk about sexuality

post about your sexuality here

Moonshine Mountain (1964)

The late 50's and early 60's saw an emergence of Exploitation sub genres. Some weirder and more random than others. Many low-budget directors indulged in various types of Exploitation, very few of them being known for one in particular. And while Herschell Gordon Lewis is mostly known for the gore film, he was always one to go back and forth and experiment with many subjects besides graphic violence. Today, we're going to talk about a Hixploitation flick from good 'ol H.G. called Moonshine Mountain.

It's now the mid-60's, and Herschell Lewis has already been there and done that with friend and producer, David F. Friedman, with some roughies, Nudie Cuties and of course, the Gore, which together, they both pioneered. Recently split up with Friedman, Herschell heads down to South Carolina to exploit a subject he seems to be pretty fond of. The South. Not just the South, but hicks, rednecks, country bumpkins, and their way of life, their attitudes, their ignorance, and their moonshine-fueled shenanigans. It's no surprise Herschell would make a movie like this so soon after Two Thousand Maniacs, as it was by far the best and most profitable thing he had been involved with up to this point. And what better way to capitalize on his pride and joy than to make a similar movie without the gore, or anything else that made it worth watching?

Yeah. It feels like Two Thousand Maniacs, at times. But this definitely ain't no Two Thousand Maniacs! And to be blunt. Moonshine Mountain ain't shit. This movie is about a country singer named Doug Martin. A city slicker, who is looking to live out in the sticks for a while, and maybe get to know some of the locals so that some of their hickishness rubs off on him, which might add a little authenticity to his lyrics. You got to admire the man's ambition. After getting knocked out and robbed (for the lack of a better word) by a local idiot, Doug stumbles upon a backwoods clan who don't seem to do much of anything except sing, drink and cut up. And that's pretty much all that goes on in this movie. Everyone is over the top in their Southern ways. A little like Gomer Pyle, but not awesome.

You may recognize the patriarch of this family as the man who played Mayor Buckman from Two Thousand Maniacs. Always a pleasure to see the human version of Foghorn Leghorn in anything. The always likable Jeffrey Allen makes this movie just a little easier to sit through. Another returning actor from previous H. G. Lewis films is Gordon Oas-Heim of Color Me Blood Red Fame. Credited under the name of his role from said movie, Oas-Heim plays the drunken, no good Mayor who is in no way above murder or rape. And hell bent on keeping away Revenuers. If not for him, there really wouldn't be a story at all.

Not so Fun Fact: When Herschell Gordon Lewis saw how many kids were in the audience of the Moonshine Mountain premiere, he rushed into the projection booth and cut out some of the more questionable moments in the movie (including the rape), which have still yet to be restored. I hope it was worth it, Herschell.

I'm not exactly sure what brought on this Hixploitation thing in the first place. Possibly the popularity of The Beverly Hillbillies and Green Acres. I say that mainly because these types of films seem to draw humor from making a joke out of Southerners. Herschell's efforts are no different, whether they were intentional or not. His admiration for the Southern way does shine through, but he does have a way of making them look like a bunch of tards at the same time. A love letter to the hicks or not, still expect the same lame, badly timed jokes you'd see in any of this yankee's other movies. Moonshine Mountain is probably worthless to most, but for a Herschell Gordon Lewis completist ike myself, this here shitty movie is a must. 4/10



#Review

Favourite Double Bills

Sometimes you watch one movie, and then you want to another right after, ya know? What are your favourtie double bills?

A few of mine are:

Escape From New York & The Road Warrior
Halloween (1978) & Halloween II (1981)
Clerks. & Clerks II
Dazed and Confused & Fast Times at Ridgemont High
The Terminator & Terminator 2
Robocop (1987) & The Terminator

And a few triple bills:

The Evil Dead trilogy
A Fistful of Dollars, For a Few Dollars More, & The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
Friday the 13th Parts 4, 5, & 6 (aka "the Tommy Jarvis trilogy")
Halloween, Halloween II, Halloween III
Back to the Future trilogy
Night of the Living Dead (1968), Dawn of the Dead (1978), & Day of the Dead (1985) (although I still love to watch Land of the Dead too)
Original Star Wars trilogy
Indiana Jones trilogy

Good for the soul

Ahh... good to watch this, every now and then. There's a clip of a Day of the Dead cast reunion out there somewhere too. That one is probably even better than this, but, whatever.

New-ish Feature: Sub-Domains

Authorized users can now create sub-domains, which are basically what "zones" used to be, but they have a different url, slightly improved functionality, and are hopefully slightly more convenient. Sub-domains will be limited to the home page only. Example:

https://troma.trashepics.com instead of https://trashepics.com/zone/troma/

For the Troma domain, all posts tagged with "troma" will be displayed, as well as all posts grouped under a movie tagged "troma". This will make it easier to have them appear in the zone/domain. Sub-domains now include a search feature, relevant news, and forum/post display toggles.

I had to re-arrange a lot of shit to make these work, so if I fucked up your zone, yell at me.