Have some FREE Amazon Gift Cards

I've spouted this off to you guys several times, but nobody listens. Seriously... why the fuck don't you guys want free money?! I've gotten hundreds of dollars off of Amazon over the past few years by doing this, and it's completely legal. I've just made the process take a less time out of your day.


Process

1.) Do you have a Facebook account? Don't lie to me! Everybody has a facebook account! And no, you don't need to share it with any of us. You just use it for this rewards program.

2.) Do you know what Bing is? It's basically microsoft's version of Google, only this search engine gives you Amazon gift cards (or whatever else you pick from its list of prizes, but the gift cards are the most versatile). Go to Bing, and link your facebook account to their Bing Rewards program.

Boom. You can get $5 gift cards sent to you every two weeks. Not automatically, because you have to do so many bing searches a day, but it's easy. Normally, searching random things consecutively until you get your max credits for the day could take you about 10 to 20 minutes. However, I built a button (which you'll find here https://trashepics.com/app/bing/ ) that automatically searches a random string of text FOR you. Just press that button 90 times, every day (it takes 2 minutes tops) and you'll be getting your gift cards without any effort. (And make sure you let the window load it's contents too! Don't just go pressing the button as fast as you can!)

Got a cell phone? Well then, you can get your gift cards in just 10 days! However, I don't have any way to speed that up, since you'll need to do those searches on the Bing app, but that only takes about 2 minutes to get in your additional credits anyway.

---

Why am I pushing Amazon gift cards so much? Well we all know this is a site for obscure cult movies, and while you can torrent and youtube a lot of movies these days, sometimes, it's just good to buy them off Amazon. Or rather, get them for free off of Amazon. Of course, you can buy ANYTHING off of Amazon, which is why I advise picking the gift cards over any of their other stupid prizes they offer.

I get anything I want off of Amazon for free. And I'm an idiot. If I can do it, so can you!

Killer Nerd (1991)

Poor Harold. A life long nerd. This guy has no social skills. He's an ugly motherfucker with greasy hair, stupid clothes, an, annoying voice. He's irritating, his peers make fun of him and his only friend is his mother, who he seems to not like all that much. Yeah, Harold Kunkle is a nerd if there ever was such a thing. A frinedless, comic book-collecting virgin for life. But he's still a person with feelings just like everybody else. And just like everybody else, Harold has his breaking point.

Poor awkward bastard wants to be cool so bad. But just doesn't get it. And nobody gets him. It seems as if it's simply not in him to be cool. Is there seriously no hope for Harold? Enter Slick Dick. Possibly Harold's one and only hope for social salvation. Infomercial douche bag, Slick Dick seems to know all the right things to say, and do, and how to dress, and most importantly, how to be confident. Or maybe it's just those Back To The Future Part II Solar Shades he was wearing. Either way, Harold the nerd needs all the advice he can get if he's serious about getting out of this rut and possibly getting his fuck on. Harold is desperate enough to try anything at this point. So he orders Slick Dick's motivational tape. Finally, the secrets of coolness will be revealed. And if Slick Dick turns out to be full of shit... well, then there's always that killing spree Harold has been considering.

Killer Nerd is a comically hopeless tale of one sad, lonely man-child's burning desire to rise above his own reject status, only to be sabotaged by those who hate him simply because he looks diffrent. And the mental breakdown he suffers because of it. Brought to you by our pals at Troma, Killer Nerd is some entertaining Z-grade Horror. Far more than it should be. Also a very satirical tone typical for the 90's. Not so much a good performance by Toby Radloff as much as it just being a case of him being a genuines nerd in real life. Atleast that's what I get from all this. Anyone looking for another performance from the now legendary Radloff, you may want to seek out Townies (1999). Now, that's a real trash epic! And we mustn't forget Bride Of Killer Nerd, which, like this one, is also not as bad as it sounds. And can be found on the same dvd. As you'd expect, this probably won't be getting a 2-disc Tromasterpiece edition dvd/blu-ray any time soon. Just another piece of shit which has its moments. Don't expect a hell of a lot, and you might have a few laughs. 4/10



#Review

Buttcrack (1999)

So, a movie about a killer ass, huh? Well, I'd be lying if I said that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard for a horror movie. But it's certainly up there... Or down there, I guess. Still pretty enjoyable.

Wade is a clueless lardass reject of a human being who spends most of his time playing Atari and being fat and nasty. Wade lives with his so-called friend and college roommate, Brian. Why these guys live out in the middle of nowhere is a mystery, but Brian's not all that happy with this living arrangement. Brian despises Wade for his rudeness, for his body odor, for the way he always barges in on him and his girlfriend when they're trying to be all romantic and shit. But mostly because this waste of space doesn't have the damn common courtesy to pull his pants up now and then.

While he is loud, homophobic and annoying as fuck, Wade is still a nice enough guy. Just a poor choice for a roommate for a guy who's lookin' for a little privacy so he can pop the question to his girl. I suppose Brian could have always taken her out on a date or something, but I'm guessing it was the principle of the whole thing. He SHOULD be allowed a little time away from Wade and Wade's ass in his own home. But it ain't gonna happen. Atleast not while Wade's still kickin'.

Finally, Brian convinces one of his friends to take Wade out for a matinee, just long enough for a quiet afternoon at home with his girlfriend so he can finally pop the question with no interruption. But not long after they leave, Wade gets the idea that Brian's pal is trying to fuck him, so, Wade demands he stop the car, and he just walks his fat ass home, destroying the mood, once again, and he even gets vomited on by Brian's weak-stomached girlfriend.

At this point, Brain's pretty steamed. Almost mad enough to throw a (plugged in) stereo in the bath tub when Wade finally decides to take a bath to get the vomit off. And by almost I mean Wade is now dead from electrocution. Serves his fat ass right for being such a thoughtless, cock blockin' oaf. What Brian doesn't know is that Wade's sister is into voodoo, and somehow she knows exactly what went down. Hell bent on revenge, sister Wade puts a curse on... her dead brother, I guess. Fat Wade is now resurrected as a zombie. Although, he thinks he's still alive, and really doesn't mean any harm. He just wants to come home and play Atari. But the mere sight of his crack melts faces.

An all around terrible yet entertaining performance from Caleb Kreischer as the fat piece of shit that is Wade. Personally, I would have liked this movie better if it remained a "roommate from Hell" comedy, and things had continued until Brian blew his brains out right before the credits, but that's just me. As bad as this movie is, it does have style, and a really enthusiastic feel, as well as a catchy little score to go with it. On top of that, it has the decency to not wear out its welcome, as it's only 68 minutes long. I recommend Buttcrack to anyone with a love/tolerance for low brow humor. If you like a Troma movie or 2, chances are good this one will make you laugh. And ultimately, that's all that matters in Tromaville. Yay for Buttcrack! 5/10



#Review

The Chainsaw Sally Show: Season One (2010)

Here's a very fitting addition to the Troma catalogue. The Chainsaw Sally Show: Season One acts as a sequel to the 2004 cult classic slasher, Chainsaw Sally. A 3 hour plus sequel broken up into 11 episodes, with an optional laugh track, among many other extras. any fans of the gory, tongue-in-cheek original, or April Monique Burril's tits, ass and charismatic personality, should find this first ever B-Horror sitcom to be highly entertaining.

By day, Sally Diamon is a quiet librarian. But a bloodthirsty vigilante by night. Not so much the type of vigilante that goes after other killers, like Dexter. More like anyone who so much as gets on her nerves. Like a healthy person who parks in a handicapped spot. Or a girl scout that dared to sell her the wrong flavor of cookies, who she kidnaps and keeps as a pet for her and her idiot brother's ammusment. But I suppose she is making the world a better place in her own fucked up, Horror lovin' way. Because most of her victims are atleast kinda sorts dickish.

Come to think of it, Sally's a crazy bitch who probably should be on death row. But who cares? because Sally happens to be really, really hot. See?



Despite being a bit obsessed with rules, Sally is actually quite likeable, and does a good job of looking after her her idiot brother, who also shares her love for cold-blooded murder, cannibalism, and fun games such as using corpses an Piñatas. But at times, it almost seems even Sally's bother might be in danger of getting it if he was to get too out of line. Which would be fine by me because that guy sucks. But is a huge improvement over the last guy who played her brother. But that's another story. The poont is, Sally is not to be fucked with.

Truth be told, I'm actually not a huge fan of the work of director, Jimmyo Burril. His amateurish shit really just seems like an excuse for the guy to show off his hot wife, which is fine by me. But just sayin' However, Chainsaw Sally, the character is a diffrent story. She really makes it her own, and makes her love of the Horror genre quite obvious. Plus, she's just genuinely likeable and funny, and makes her husbands's little projects worth watching. April Monique Burrill makes it all okay. Goddamn, she's so hot!

Uncle Lloyd knows what I'm talkin' about! He got this shit real quick and put it all on a 2-disc dvd, and loaded it up with tons of extras. Which is more than I can say for season 2, which I still haven't been able to locate. But most definitely will asap. And anyone who takes my advice and checks out season one, and likes it, keep an eye out for Chainsaw Sally: The Animaed Series, coming in 2015. Hopefully, this isn't a sign that the bloodthirsty goddess hasn't started showing her age. Aw, fuck it! She's still hotter than most every other scream queen out there. Check her out! 6/10



#Review

Sucker The Vampire (1998)

Here's one of the more underseen Troma movies out there. But also a fine example of a film which doesn't quite live up to its premise. And the premise being "Vampire catches AIDS". A hard premise to screw up. Not to say Sucker screws it up, exactly. But I expected something more than this when I first saw it in 1998. The idea of a vampire contracting the aids virus sounded a bit more taboo way back then, so, of course I had certain expactations for this film that weren't exactly met. But have recently given it a rewatch. And despite still being a tad underwhelming, it really is a fun little film.

Sucker: The Vampire focuses on the growing friendship of a vampire and his awkward henchman. A friendless loser, and raging Necrophiliac named Reed, who vaguely resembles a werewolf but isn't one. Just a tool, really. He seems to want to be Anthony's buddy pretty bad, but of course the brooding creature of the night isn't interested. He just needs him to dispose of the corpses of the hot young ladies that he sucks dry on a nightly basis. which is the perfect job for Reed, being that he gets to stick it to them good before sending them to their final resting place.

Once Anthony catches the aids and seeks advice from his dimwitted henchman, Reed is there for his master like a real friend should be. Although, he's a bit concerned thathe may also have aids, now, due to all the corpse fucking he does, which leads to an awkward little scene between the two where Anthony gets all huffy and self righteous when he learns of his henchman's fetish. But slowly, they form a warm friendship as Anthony lets his guard down along with his immune system. Bonding over aids, so to speak. And Reed proves to be a true friend to Anthony until the bitter end.

One of the many overlooked Troma movies to come out of the 90's, Sucker is a pretty cool Horror comedy. Although, it could have stood to be a little less silly and a little more surreal which is what I expected for some reason. The premise alone is funny enough without so many attempts at dumb shit. However, this movie's attempt at making AIDS funny without making fun of those who have AIDS is accomplished rather well. Sucker is nothing mindblowing, but for those Troma fans who think they've seen it all, here's a little gem you might have missed. 4/10




#Review

Favorite Sleepaway Camp

When it comes to camp slashers, there's one camp that everyone automatically thinks of... Camp Crystal Lake. However, fans of the genre know to dig a little deeper, and spend a summer in Camp Arawak, aka Sleepaway Camp!

The series consists of the original 1983 film Sleepaway Camp, two back-to-back sequels Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers (1988) / Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland (1989), a shitty incomplete sequel Sleepaway Camp IV: The Survivor (1992), and a return to form sequel in 2008 Return to Sleepaway Camp. Rumors have been circulating for years of a new sequel, "Sleepaway Camp Reunion", however there is no news to report.

Now what exactly makes Sleepaway Camp so great? Well, just watch the first one, and by the time it ends... you'll know. 😉

Reviews with Ballz: Cold in July

It's been a while,Trash Epics. But Ballz is back (at least for the duration of this post) and he has a new review for you, along with a slightly changed format. The other night, I had the pleasure of finally seeing Jim Mickle's Cold in July after waiting for what feels like such a long time now and was that wait worth it? Yes, I'd say the wait was well worth it.

Starring Michael C. Hall (Dexter, Six Feet Under) and the always enjoyable Don Johnson (Machete, Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man, Miami Vice), along with some other people, it's the story of a man trying to do what's best for his family while also trying to uncover the truth behind the situation he finds himself forced into.

And now, it's time for another... Reviews with Ballz!

---

The movie starts out with family man Richard Dane (Hall) asleep in bed with his wife when they're awakened by sounds coming from within the house. He gets out of bed to investigate only to discover an intruder, who he proceeds to shoot and kill. The police are called and after they're at the Dane's house for a while, Richard is taken to the station to take care of the usual stuff that comes with blowing away a burglar. It's all pretty straight forward and later that same night, he's allowed to return home to his family.


Once he's back at his house, he helps his wife clean up the blood left behind by the burglar. Now, during this, I could only think of Dexter. Dexter was an expert at cleaning up blood and, also, while I'm not sure where the movie takes place exactly, it's definitely in the Southern US. And where did Dexter take place? Florida. Richard was a pretty good shot with that gun too. Sure, it could have been a lucky shot and Dexter was more of a stabber than a shooter, but I'm certain he could have used a gun pretty well if he'd needed to. Could this movie be Dexter's life after Dexter? Probably not actually, since this is based on a novel from 1989, but can you really blame me for thinking such things?

Anyway, a short while later, Richard has an encounter with the burglar's father. Some unfriendly words are exchanged and this is where the movie really starts to pick up. I won't reveal more of the movie after that point, as I think it's one of those movies that's definitely best seen instead of read about in some asshole's review. I feel that even reading IMDb's basic storyline description takes away from what the movie builds up in the beginning. It's one I definitely plan to buy at some point and I do highly recommend checking it out for yourself.

My Rating: 4/5

#ColdInJuly #DonJohnson #JimMickle #MichaelCHall #Review #ReviewsWithBallz

Teenape Vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse (2012)

I had heard about this one for a long time. An LBP masterpiece backed by Troma that was meant to be "The ultimate LBP/Teenape film", but somehow, for some reason, ended up being a film which both Chris Seaver and Lloyd Kaufman would rather us all not see and just forget about. The only words to come to mind after reading this is WHY, WHY and WHY???

OK. So, Everything I always heard about this for the years that it wasn't released is that it didn't end up as much of an LBP film as they intended. Not even a regular one, much less the ultimate one. Apparently, Uncle Lloyd had too much of a say in what went on during production, or something and it lacked the usual LBP magic. Yeah? Big deal. Kaufman is awesome, so, who cares? The film still features the long awaited return of Teenape, right? Tons of returning characters. Right? stupid, outrageous humor. Right? So, it couldn't possibly be so bad that it's not even worth releasing... Right?? Wrong!

After 4 years of jack shit, Teenape Vs. The Monster Nazi Apocalypse would finally be released on a Troma DVD with 2 other movies. One called Attack Of The Tromaggot, and the other called The Secret Of The Magic Mushrooms. Which gives a good indication of how important it was to Troma to get this one out there. Last I heard, Seaver & Troma both didn't want it to see the light of day, but the fans finally got their wish.

After 4 years of reading about this movie and slowly getting my hopes down, and even losing interest in the idea of seeing this movie. I recently decided too buy the Troma triple feature which included this once lost LBP anti-masterpiece. Cuz, let's be honest. It was gonna happen sooner or later, and like I said. I just had to see for myself.

So, in this ultimate LBP disappointment, we begin in 1945 with one of the most intelligence insulting stories Seaver has ever thrown at us. So far, we're off to a good start. The Paranormal Investigation Agency (PIA), which includes LBP favorite Leo De Champ, along with Marge, Thunder Ambrosia, Deathbone, & a returning Mr. Bonejack, all on a mission to Destroy Hitler (played by the legendry Josh Suire). A successful mission, as Hitler is indeed killed. However, Hitler's right hand henchwoman retained some of his DNA, and has vowed to bring him back to life to finish what he started. 65 years later, the surviving members of the PIA must once again deal with this trouble maker. But unlike last time, they got Teenape on their side. Which may or may not be a good thing...

Well, that was just sad! It's like this big story with a much bigger budget than normal and tons of returning characters. Reading about this unfortunate movie, it really does sound like the ultimate Seaver epic. But the humor was toned WAY down. The wacky randomness was simply not there. Not even a trace of it. And it seemed as if the actors just didn't wanna be there and were merely spitting out the lines they were being paid (?) to say. I can't believe this film was written and directed by Chris Seaver. But I can now see why he wouldn't want anyone to see it. Cuz it does sound like something worth getting excited about if you're into LBP. But it would turn out to be nothing but a disappointment. This movie simply has no soul. Teenape isn't even an ass hole. I can imagine Troma ruined this film the same way Hollywood is gonna ruin the Toxic Avenger remake. I guess that's justice for ya.

On the introduction, Kaufman doesn't even get the damn title right. He refers to it as "Teenape Meets The Nazi Moster Holocaust", which should give you guys an indication as to what he thinks of it. Not a completely worthless movie, but if you've never seen a Chris Seaver flick, do not let this one be your first. Let it be your last, if anything. 3/10

https://media.aintitcool.com/coolproduction/ckeditor_assets/pictures/8866/original/kaufman0120.jpg?1346442203

#Review

Jessicka Rabid (2010)

This movie's about a bunch of incestuous, white trash cousins, all shackin' up together, with the half-retarded mute (?), Jessicka as their neglected, big-breasted pet. At first, it seems as if she's a victim, being held there against her will, but they actually take her places, sometimes, and sorta acknowledge her as a member of the family. Mostly by trying to molest her or fuck her in the mouth.

Yet, there's also the parts where they cage her up, simply cuz it's more convenient. Now that I think about it, she's definitely a victim, too, considering all the rapings and beatings. I mean they hose her down, from time to time, & they give her plenty of dogfood & whatnot, so, it's not like she's got it THAT bad. But being that Jessica's too slow to know good treatment from bad, she's oblivious to any treatment that might not go over well with a non-retard. But ain't it funny how a little rabies can change everything?

This one of my favorite post-2000 Troma movies. They done good this time. There's not a dull moment to be found in this tasty little sleaze-fest. The first thing I noticed was the quality of the film. The movie is shot grainy, fuzzy, purposefully out of focus in parts. It's got the old school look down better than alot of films like this, which compliments the tone of the movie very much. Jessicka Rabid is as good of a modern old school B-Horror throwback as I've seen.



Not a lot of the circumstances are explained, and the movie never tries too hard to be something special. And in doing so, it actually succeeds. This is a mean-spirited film, with little to no retribution in sight. With just enough subtle dark humor thrown in to make it enjoyable, yet never self parodying. Not to mention, plenty of gore, depravity & incest, which I always love. Starring the legendary Trent Haaga. So, any Haaga freaks will definitely be diggin' this one. And keep in mind, sometimes Troma manages to come through. And this is absolutely one of those times. So, do yourself a favor and check this little beauty out. 6/10

#Review

The south will rise again...

Redneck Zombies. Not only does it have the most amazing title ever, but it also happens to be a masterpiece in general. Shot on video (which was a big deal in the advent of vhs and video cameras), this low budget sleazy, cheesy gorefest is equally gross, hilarious, disturbing, crappy, and awesome, all at the same time. It's rare for a movie to accomplish something so perfectly bad that it's awesome, but when Full Moon and Troma both put their name on it, then you know you have the recipe for a true trash epic.

I'm surprised this movie wasn't ripped off a ga-jillion times already. Today, zombies are so common in pop culture, awful shows with titles such as "The Walking Dead" are popular as fuck. Fuck that show! But zombies are still an obvious choice. And rednecks? Well, rednecks make for some damn fine movies, all the goddamn time! You have movies like Deliverance, Sothern Comfort, Two Thousand Maniacs, and so many others that set such high standards for what a good redneck film ought to have, but our fair Pericles Lewnes somehow figured out how to balance everything perfectly, and include as many redneck cliches as possible. Plus, he acts like a fruitcake throughout the whole movie, which ups the trashiness of the film, and we all know that trash is good! (Right?)